Catalyst
by: Ang (slayergrrl_99ca@yahoo.ca)

Character: Josh/Donna/Amy
Rating: YTEEN
Spoilers: USPL, I think. Probably just DIW though. I'm really not
sure, definitely anything with Amy
Summary: Amy causes a reaction.
Notes: Okay, so for all you J/D fans, I know you hate Amy. But
personally, aside from the initial shock of the whole 'josh
ensorcelled' thing, I think she really does have a lot of potential as
a character. Don't get me wrong, there's no way she should be the one
getting the Josh-lovin, but hey, she's been really well put together.
Plus, you know, she fits in with the rest of the cast not-too-bad if
you don't count the whole 'book-writing' thing in DIW I hope you guys
all like the perspective.

He won't wake up. He's shaking, and moaning, and whatever he's
dreaming about it's killing him. I don't know what to do for this. I
don't want to call her. Calling her means that there's something I
can't do for him. Something that I'll never be able to do for him.
It's admitting I was wrong about him that night. He's not hit-and-run.
He can't be because of her.

He thrashes again and I pick up the phone, noting clinically that
she's a one-button speed dial. CJ and his mother are the other two.

I'm two buttons. It's a small thing, but still serves as a reminder
that I'll never be her.

She picks up after only one ring. "What?" she asks plaintively.

I suppose she thinks its him, calling her about work. "Donna?" I ask carefully.

"Amy?"

I can hear the panic in her voice. "I can't wake him up. He's having
some kind of nightmare and he won't wake up."

"I'm on my way. Get two aspirin and a tall plastic glass of water, and
then sit next to him to reassure him. Talk softly; remind him he's in
his apartment. Don't worry too much, he's going to be okay." She hangs
up, and I walk to his kitchen. Grabbing the aspirin and water, I
return to his room and place the items on the night table.

"Josh? It's Amy. We're in your apartment. It's okay Josh." I try only
to watch him thrash again.

I hope she hurries. I don't know how much more of this he can take.

It's not long before she arrives, and I am surprised when I hear her
soft footsteps on his floor. "How..."

"Not now." She responds, sitting next to Josh. I can't help but notice
she sits on his side of the bed. I don't know why I didn't think of
that. "Josh." She says softly, placing her hand on his face. He calms
visibly at her touch. "Joshua it's me. We're okay. We're all okay. But
I need you to wake up for me, because if you don't I'm going to end up
doing even more of your work tomorrow than I usually do." She fingers
the hair at the base of his neck softly.

His eyes open slowly and I can see the relief in his eyes at her
presence. "Hey." He whispers, moving his hand up to take hers.

I feel like a voyeur as she smiles at him. It's a soft smile of relief
that he's okay this time. He woke up. "Hey." She says to him. "Bad?"

He nods slowly. "You're here."

"Of course I'm here. Where else would I be?"

As he crinkles his face I realize that's all he needed to hear.
Whatever it was that qualified her as 'his assistant' that night when
I asked him about her ... he's over it. She's here, and he knows that
she chose him. "Not here?" he queries.

"You don't have to worry about that anymore." She glances at me and I
hand her the pills and water.

"I'm not taking those." He tells her firmly, and I move to take them
back from her. She makes no move to return them.

"Joshua, we both know that you are going to take these pills. Why do
you even bother to fight it anymore?"

"No more pills."

She simply extends her hands to hold out the pills and water and they
stare at each other. I glance at his face and realize he has no
intention of losing this contest. He's Josh Lyman. He always gets
exactly what he wants. I'm amazed that she's even bothering until I
see her face. She doesn't care that he's Josh Lyman. To her, he's
Joshua. He will take the pills simply because she has told him he's
going to. In this relationship, Josh is not the one in control.

I thought I had the control in my relationship with him. I never
really did. Tahiti? I was all set to go. I could have insisted that we
go. But I didn't, because I didn't want to push him. I didn't want him
to resent me for making him miss out on work. I wanted the control
because I was sure he was hit-and-run. I didn't want that with him.

Watching them, I can see that he's never been hit-and-run. Not even
with me, really. He never intended to hurt me. He did, but to his
credit, he doesn't even know it yet.

I've been a distraction. A distraction from whatever it is that
happened between them.

I refocus on her and see the steel still in her gaze. She won't give
in. His health, his life, it's too important to her.

It's depressing at first, until I see the pain behind the steel.
Neither of them will ever act on this unspoken connection they have.
They're too afraid of the stigma. I glance at him and see the same
pain. She's not forcing this on him because she can; she's doing it
because it's the only way she feels she can show him.

I've never had that. I've spent so much time circling the Beltway for
movers-and-shakers that I haven't taken the time to stop and notice
whether or not I could actually have that. I suppose that I could.
I've never looked.

Not that they were looking for it. From what I understand, she walked
into his life off the street. Maybe that's what I should do. Maybe I
should just let life happen.

He takes the pills from her almost spitefully and looking at his eyes
I can see he wishes he could take them without fighting her. I see her
barrier nearly fall and my heart breaks.

Not because I lost him. I don't really think I ever had him. I feel my
heart shatter at the utter beauty of the instinctual relationship they
share. "Happy?" he asks as he swallows dramatically.

"Did you actually swallow them?"

He grimaces, and takes the water from her again. I don't know what
happened between them, but for some reason, they've both shied away
from this. She hurt him more than he'll ever admit to her freely. I
watch as he shows her his mouth and she nods swiftly, knowing he'll be
fine. She draws up her armour again and sits up straighter. "Good. I'm
going home."

"Why?" he's panicked, and I decide then to leave.

"Amy's here. You'll be just fine Joshua."

"Actually, I'm going to be heading home myself. I just have to talk
with Josh quickly first."

I realize that he's only now noticing I'm here next to him and he
feels bad. Her eyebrows scrunch in confusion, but I don't offer an
explanation. I'll talk to her when I'm done with Josh.

"Oh. Then I'll just grab a few things from the closet for the couch."
She stands and touches Josh's face lightly before leaving. He watches
her leave, and then turns to me.

"I'm sorry about well, not uhhh just now."

"Don't worry about it. I don't plan to. Josh, what I'm about to tell
you, it's because I care. I care about your future. Josh, I have to
end this, and I have to do it tonight."

"If this is about the nightmare, I can explain that."

"It's not about the nightmare Josh. There are three reasons that
people come into our lives. For a reason, for a season, and for a
lifetime. I'm not a lifetime for you Josh, and you're not one for me.
We're not even a season. You've taught me a very important lesson
tonight, and I think that's why you came into my life again. I believe
I came back into your life to point you at one of your lifetime
people."

"What are you talking about Amy?"

"Josh, Donna is the centre of your world. She has been since she
walked into your office in New Hampshire 4 = years ago."

"She's just my ..."

"Trust me Josh, it's not worth it to finish that sentence. She'll
never just be your assistant. She's so much more than that. She's your
rock, and whether you believe this or not, you're hers. Whatever
happened between you, it doesn't matter. It's not worth losing out on
the lifetime of wonderful moments you could have with her if you just
let it go."

"That doesn't change the fact that ..."

"Josh, believe me when I tell you, no one is going to care."

"I can't ..."

"You have to. Josh, you have to tell her or you'll lose her forever."

He closes his eyes.

"I mean it Josh. No one is going to care. It might even help you. Even
if it doesn't help you, it's not worth it to let her slip through your
fingers." I stand, and leave the room.

Donna is coming down the hall, and I see her stiffen at my presence.
"Can I talk to you before you go in there?" I ask.

She nods carefully, and follows me into his living room. We sit, and I
look at her with a smile. "I know you hate me."

Her eyes widen in surprise. "I don't hate you."

"Yes, you do. You were just getting things back in line with him when
he started to come after me, weren't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Donna, I broke up with Josh just now."

"Now?"

"There is a reason, but I'll get to that in a minute. I was just
telling Josh about relationships, and now I'm going to give you the
same advice I gave him. Donna, you have to tell him."

She moves to leave, and I grab her arm.

"Please hear me out."

Slowly, she turns to me. "What could I possibly want to hear from a
person who just told me to come on to my boss?"

"He's more than that Donna. He's more than your boss. He's the one
Donna. He's Prince Charming."

She lets out a half giggle and sits next to me. "Josh?" she tilts her
head at me and it occurs that maybe we could be friends. "Josh is no
Prince Charming Amy. Never has been."

"You're right. Josh Lyman is no Prince Charming. But I think that
Joshua Lyman is. Donna, tonight the two of you opened my eyes to
something I never thought could exist. I never believed in fairy
tales, they were always way to perfect. Horrible, awful things
happened to good people and a fairy godmother saves them? That's
preposterous. But then tonight I realized that in it's own twisted
way, this world really does weave fairy tales for those of us who need
them. Josh is your fairy tale Donna."

"And I suppose you're about to tell me that I should go in there and
live happily ever after?" she spits out.

"Yeah. I am. Donna, your world revolves around him, it's very obvious.
What's not so obvious to you apparently is that his world revolves
around you. Donna, you're everything to him. You have been since New
Hampshire."

"Okay, in New Hampshire, Josh was dating Mandy."

"And Mandy left because of you."

"Mandy left because she prefers the campaign trail. She likes to fight
to get someone a seat, the stuff afterwards bores her."

"Mandy has spent the last 2 = years as the Deputy Chief of Staff for
Senator Kelley."

Donna stares at me incredulously.

"Donna, Mandy left because of you. Joey Lucas never went out with Josh
because of you. Josh asked me out because he needed to be distracted
from how much whatever happened between the two of you hurt him."

She averts her gaze. "He's the Deputy Chief of Staff and I'm just his ..."

"No one is going to care. I need you to trust me on that. Donna,
people meet for a lot of reasons. I don't know whether or not you and
I are going to be friends after this, I'd like to think we will,
because I think I can learn a lot from the way you embrace life, but I
can feel it at the very core of me, I dated Josh in order for this
night to happen. I spent this time with him in order to bring the two
of you back together. I'm no fairy godmother, but I'm here to give you
your fairy tale."

"I don't think I can do this."

"Yes, you can. Donna, when you put hydrogen gas and oxygen gas in the
same tube, all you get is a mixture of the two gases, but if you pass
a current through them, they react, and you get water. The current is
called a catalyst. That's what I am. That's why I'm here; it's why I
came back into his life. You have to tell him."

She nods, and crosses the room to his door. I see her enter and can't
resist. I cross to the door to watch my reaction occur. He is sitting
up, resting his shoulders on the headboard. She sits next to him and
takes his hand, placing their joined hands on his chest. He pulls her
to him tightly, and notices me in the door. He smiles, and refocuses
his attention on her. He whispers something softly, and she tightens
her arms around him. I smile, and walk away. I don't really need to
see anymore. My reaction was a success; I can feel it.

I smile to myself as I let myself out of his building to walk the
street to my townhouse.

~End~