Title: Choices Author: Cathy Miller (cam7192003@yahoo.com) Rating: PG Category: Angst, romance Spoilers: Through Birnam Wood Disclaimer: I do not own or make money from the West Wing or it's characters. I'm just having a little non-profit fun. Feedback: Live for it! Chapter 1 "I've been trying to reach you for hours." an anxious Sam Seaborn exclaimed over the cell phone line. "Sorry, I've been in the surgery waiting room and I had to shut off my cell." Sam could hear the weariness in Josh's voice, but he thought there was some relief too. "Why was she in surgery again? Is everything okay?" "It looks like it is now." Josh told him. "She developed a pulmonary embolism." "Oh God, Josh." Sam was one of the few people who knew the significance of that complication to Josh. It's what had killed Josh's father. "Yeah, I know. She had a lot of blood loss and oxygen loss so they thought there might be neurological damage, but she woke up a little while ago and talked with me so I think she's going to be okay." "Thank God. Josh, I can't even tell you- When I saw the news footage and heard Andi and Donna were there...I'm just glad you went to be with her. I bet that meant the world to her." Sam opined. "She's had plenty of visitors." There was an edge to his voice that troubled Sam from thousands of miles away. "Some Irish photojournalist she met in Gaza followed her here. Then her Mom flew in today. She doesn't need me here. It's probably a good thing too, since Leo is harping on me to get back to D.C." "Josh, that's not the same, they're not the same. When you love someone, you want them there with you when times are tough." "Are you talking about her Mom or the Irish bastard?" Josh asked for clarification. "I'm talking about you, idiot. You don't drop your entire life and rush to someone's bedside in a foreign country unless you love them. It's about time you did something about it." "What the hell? Did something about what? Are you drinking over there? I came because it's Donna. She'd do the same for me; she did in fact. Don't make this into something more than it is." "Josh,,,are you telling me you flew to Germany at the drop of a hat to be with Donna while she's going through this crisis, and you DIDN'T tell her how you feel about her?" Sam is incredulous now. "I understand you're the King of denial, but even you have to see...Josh tell me you told her you love her." He sputters indignantly. "Sam you're way out of line. I care about Donna, of course I do, but love is something completely different. We don't have that kind of relationship; as evidenced by Danny Boy sitting at her side." "The only reason you don't have that kind of relationship, is because you refused to step over the line from friends to the next level. You have been in love with each other for years and you must be the only one on the planet who doesn't know it." "I'm hanging up now, Sam. I'll tell Donna you called about her." "Tell her. Just say it once, out loud, to her. It will change your life, Josh." Sam is so earnest Josh almost believes him, but then he remembers how she looked at Colin Ayres after surgery. He saw how enraptured Colin was with Donna. Colin, too, had refused to leave the hospital at all while Donna was in danger. This wasn't some casual acquaintance from Gaza, they had been lovers. There was a body language, an intimacy two people gave off once they'd had sex, and it was coming off Donna and Colin in waves. Josh had literally had to leave the room to keep from being sick at the sight of them together. "Bye Sam. I'll check in with you on my way back to D.C." Josh quickly hung up the phone and walked slowly back toward Donna's room. He slowed long enough to call Margaret and ask her to make flight arrangements for him. It wasn't what he wanted to do, but given the circumstances here, he had no choice. Three was most definitely a crowd. When he neared Donna's room, he heard her talking to Ayres. "No, I can't eat anything, thanks." She told him. "There must be something I can do." Colin insisted. "Just being here is enough. I can't believe you came all this way." "Of course I came. Donna, when I saw...there was nothing I could do. They wouldn't let anyone near the vehicle. I had to come." "You didn't have to," Josh could hear the tears in her voice. "but you did anyway. I never thanked you for everything in Gaza." "Actually, I think you did." Ayres quipped. "And as soon as you're feeling better, you can thank me again." Josh couldn't stomach anymore and turned away from Donna's room. Halfway down the hall, he ran into Donna's mom. "Josh. I thought you were going to go get some sleep." "Turns out I got a call from the White House. I need to fly back tonight." "Donna must be so disappointed." Mrs. Moss replied. "I know how much it meant to her not only that you came, but that you stayed until she was out of surgery. She told me how you calmed her down before they operated." "I haven't told her yet. I...I just got the call." Josh stammered. "Then come in and say goodbye." She insisted as she led him into her room. When they walked in, Colin's head rested on top of Donna's and he was whispering something to her. Mrs. Moss cleared her throat and the two of them broke apart. "Hi. " Donna says looking up through her lashes. She finally gets the courage to meet Josh's eyes and is shocked by the complete lack of emotion there. She couldn't read anything in his expression; and Josh had a terrible poker face. It had only been a few hours ago when she'd opened her eyes after her surgery and felt so overwhelmed that he was still by her side. When she had looked at him then, she had seen so much in his face. For the first time, she saw the love she had suspected was there, but he'd never allowed her to see before. Her heart had been filled with so much that she wanted to tell him, but her body and her voice couldn't shake off the effects of surgery in order to follow through. Later, she had told herself, I'll be able to tell him later. When she woke again, he had been gone and Colin was by her side, leaving her to wonder if she had dreamed the whole thing. "I just came to say goodbye." Josh tells them. "I thought you were staying." Donna asked stricken and panicked by the thought of him leaving her. "Something's come up and Leo told me to get back or else." There was no way he was giving any particulars in front of Ayres. For all he knew the guy was a member of the IRA. Besides, the vaguer he kept the details, the fewer questions he'd have to answer. "I'll just step out a moment." Colin offers. "I'm sure you have top secret White House business to discuss." He winks at Donna and shakes Josh's hand. "It was good to meet you Josh." "Yeah." Josh mumbles in return. Mrs. Moss followed Colin into the hallway. "Do you really have to go?" Donna could feel the tears well up in her eyes and hated that she couldn't control them. "They're gearing up for a summit at Camp David. I've already been gone too long. I'm surprised I still have a job." He makes a lame attempt at a joke. "You're going to be fine. And you've got Ayres taking good care of you." But he's not the one I want taking care of me, she thought desperately. Say something, Josh, she begged in her mind. Tell me I wasn't imagining what I saw in you earlier. A minute passes, and then another and not a word passes his lips. He's looking at her intently, but she can't discern what that means. "Yeah, I'm pretty lucky." She finally whispers. Josh reads that as sincere and his heart bleeds a little more. "Have a safe flight. Thank everyone for the cards and flowers for me." "I will...Oh, and I talked to Sam. He said to tell you he's thinking about you and he's glad you're doing better." "That's very sweet. I miss Sam." She admits. "Me too." He tells her. "Listen, get some rest and do what the doctors tell you, okay? I'll see you when you get back to D.C." he leans down and kisses her forehead lingering a little too long for it to be strictly platonic, but not long enough for it to be anything else. "Bye." He left without another word, and without looking back. As soon as he cleared the door, Donna burst into tears. She was sobbing into her blanket when her mother reappeared. "Donna? Honey, what is it? Are you in pain?" Donna only cried harder because she was in the worst kind of pain and her morphine drip couldn't touch it. "Sweetheart, talk to me; you're scaring me." "He's leaving, Mom." "Donna, he has to go. Aren't you the one who's always telling me how important his job is? How much the President and Leo depend on him?" Donna tries to get herself under control and nods. "He wouldn't leave you if he didn't have to, Donna. I saw him when I first got here; he was a wreck. Leo told me he took the first flight out of D.C. and didn't even stop to pack anything." "He just felt obligated. He's always getting me out of messes. Or maybe it was just guilt. He thinks everything is his fault." "Donna, what are you talking about?" "It doesn't matter. He's gone now, so it doesn't matter." Donna leaned into her mother and let her mother comfort her. Even as her Mom stroked her head and whispered reassurances to her, Donna wished the arms and voice belonged to someone else. Josh got on the plane buzzed from the drinks he had at the airport bar. As soon as they took off he intended to have another. The great thing about long international flights, he mused, was there was plenty of time to get drunk and then sober up before he got to the White House. And since Donna was miles away, there was no one to annoy him with warnings about his `sensitive system'. Yeah, it's a win/win he thought as the plane lifted off from the runway...a win/win. Title: Choices Author: Cathy Miller (cam7192003@yahoo.com) Rating: PG Category: Angst, romance Spoilers: Through Birnam Wood Disclaimer: I do not own or make money from the West Wing or it's characters. I'm just having a little non-profit fun. Feedback: Live for it! Chapter 2 A slightly rumpled and hung over Josh Lyman hurried into Leo McGarry's office after receiving a summons from Margaret. The White house was in turmoil after the bombing in Gaza, and it didn't appear to have calmed any during Josh's absence. Margaret gave him a `go head' nod as he passed by desk. He gave a perfunctory knock on the half-closed door and sat himself in the visitors chair in front of Leo's desk while Leo finished a phone call. "I know what he said, Gordon, but I want to have options ready in case he changes his mind. Things are happening fast over here and I want to be prepared is all, okay?...Good, thanks." Leo looks over at Josh and takes in his Deputy's appearance. "How you doing kid?" "Fine...good." "Really? Cause I gotta say you look like shit." Leo is shaking his head. "I need your head in the game now Josh. If it's not, tell me now." "No, I'm all in. Where do you need me?" "In a couple hours, I need you on the hill, helping Congressional Democrats come to Jesus on the Camp David thing." He pauses and looks at Josh again as he shuffles some papers while he gathers his thoughts. "Also, I have some news you're not going to be thrilled about so I want you to prepare yourself. Don't fly off the handle with it, okay?" "What?" there was a world of trepidation in that one word. "We are going to have to make some administrative changes. Starting with the position of legislative liaison." Leo pauses to take a breath. "The President asked Cliff Calley." "No way." Josh says flatly. "Yeah, and...we're going to have to transfer Donna when she gets back." Leo decided he might as well get it all over with at once. "Leo, you've got to be kidding! Cliff AND Donna? Anything else? Do I still have my job?" "The President picked Calley, Josh, it wasn't me. Although even you have to admit he turned out to be pretty decent for a Republican." "Decent Republican is an oxymoron Leo, and let's step back to Donna for a second. Why is she being transferred? Don't you think it's going to look awfully bad for the White House to demote the sole surviving member of the bombing in Gaza?" "She's not being demoted and I think it'll look worse for the White House when CJ is answering questions in the room about why the Deputy Chief of Staff flew to Germany with only the clothes on his back to the bedside of his senior assistant." "I had a backpack too." Josh grouses. "Josh..." "It's bullshit, Leo." "Josh, I swear, you might as well have taken an ad out in the Post. Are you really going to sit there and tell me the nature of your relationship with Donna hasn't changed?" "Yes, I really am. I care about Donna; of course I do. She almost died! I went to see her and stay with her just like she did with me when I was in the hospital. I didn't want her to be alone in a foreign country bleeding to death. There's nothing else going on. Hell, her boyfriend from Gaza was there." "That doesn't change how it looks, or ...how things might change." Leo held up his hand to forestall Josh's objections. "It's done Josh. Don't bother. Besides, have you thought about where Donna is going to be at physically when she gets back? Are you even sure she wants to come back?' "Of course she wants..." Josh thinks a moment. "She never said she wasn't coming back." He insists. "Then let's assume she is. She's going to have months of physical therapy ahead of her. She'll be in a wheelchair, then crutches for a long time. How is she supposed to keep up with you when she's dealing with all that?" "Where are you moving her?" Josh asks resignedly. "She's senior assistant to the Deputy Chief of Staff. Where can you move her without it being a demotion?" "She's not being demoted, Josh. She's going to be special assistant to the Chief of Staff. That way we can tailor her hours and restrict her to the higher level work that she excels at. Toby asked if she can do some research for him when she gets back. I could use her on the education bill; stuff like that. There's even a pay raise for her." Leo assures him. Josh gives a sarcastic laugh. "She'll love that. All she had to do to get promoted was get blown up. Oh, and have me go to see her in the hospital." "FLY to a hospital in GERMANY to see her, Josh. That's no small thing for the Deputy Chief of Staff to do in the middle of an international crisis." "You told me I could go!" Josh practically shouts at him. "I did and I still think it was the right thing to do, but don't diminish the import of the act; to Donna, to the White House, or the press. Can we move on, now?" He asks and Josh nods resignedly. Calley will be contacting you with a list of appointments for the day." Leo stops as Josh starts banging his head against the back of the chair. "Margaret switched things up so Ginger is going to be staffing you. Everyone agreed it would be an easier adjustment until you find a permanent replacement for Donna." Josh closed his eyes at the words `permanent replacement'. "We've got a lot of work to do, Josh, and this thing in the Middle East is going to get worse before it gets better, I promise you. We've got senior staff in 30 minutes and the President is going to want you to weigh in on our options. We have to get him to a place where he's comfortable ordering a military strike in retaliation for the bombing." "Don't worry, I'm in a place to order a military strike in retaliation for the bombing. Anything else?" Josh asks as he stands to leave. "Go do a job...And Josh? This is going to be an adjustment for all of us. The more positive a spin you put on this for Donna, the easier it will be for her when she comes back. No guilt trips or asking her to stay late to help you. Understand?" Josh salutes and walks back to his office where Ginger is trying to make sense of Donna's system. "What do you need first?" she asks him. "Some whiskey and something to hurt Republicans with." Josh deadpans. "No problem, Toby's got whiskey and a bat in his office; I'll get them. Here's your phone sheet, or sheets, more accurately. A lot of speculation about who you're pitching to the D triple C on the open Congressional seats." Ginger says quietly. "You mean the seats that are open because two Congressmen were killed in a bombing?" Josh's pitch grew louder and his tone became more menacing. "Yes?" Ginger responded hesitantly, edging toward the door. "Take every last one of those cretins's off my call sheet, Ginger, Every last one. I'm not going to even dignify their morbid questions with a response." Josh is yelling now. "Got it." Ginger answered and quickly shut the door behind them. Josh picked up the nearest briefing book and chucked it at the door in anger. A moment later the door opens to admit Toby. "Welcome back. Having a bad day?" he inquires softly. Josh just laughs and drops into his chair. "How's Donna?" "Recovering. How's Andi?" "She was pretty shaken up and very happy to be home with Huck and Molly. All things considered, very, very lucky." He watches Josh for awhile. "What sent the book flying, Calley's new job or Donna's new job?" "They were just pre-cursors. It was the call sheet listing Congressional inquiries about the two open seats we suddenly have." The disdain in Josh's voice was palpable. "Yeah, I got a couple of those calls while you were gone." Toby noted. "I just yelled at them and hung up...didn't actually throw anything though." "Did you need something Toby? I've only got a few minutes before senior staff." "No, Ginger just said you needed my whiskey and my bat, so I thought I'd bring them over." Toby looked at his friend and didn't like what he saw. "It's going to get better, Josh." "Right, sure." he agrees before screaming out his now open door. "Donn- Ginger!" Ginger pokes her head inside. "Let Mr. Calley know that the Deputy Chief of Staff wants to see him after senior staff." "Where?" she asks still standing in the hallway. He looks at her like she's retarded. "My office. And get Sanderson on the phone will you? He's first on my list of people to kick into next week." Senior staff went longer than anticipated, so Cliff had been waiting more than 30 minutes for Josh to return. After 20, he picked up the phone on Josh's desk and tried to get a little work done from there. That's how Josh found him when he finally returned from staff; pacing behind Josh's desk with the phone at his ear. "I'm a lawyer not a politician, Lyman will never go for it...I'm saying there's a compromise to be made, but majority or not, this administration isn't going to roll over and beg for you." When Josh clears his throat, Cliff looks up. "Talk to your caucus and come up with something I can work with or don't bother calling back." Cliff says and quickly hangs up the phone. "Sorry about that. I was waiting awhile and wanted to get some calls done." Josh moves around his desk in silence and sit in his chair. "How is Donna doing?" "As well as can be expected. I thought we should take this opportunity to discuss how you're going to do your job under my direction." Cliff just barely refrained from rolling is eyes at the power play going on here. "I'm not interested in a pissing match with you Josh. I don't imagine you're any happier with the current circumstances than most of my Republican colleagues, but the President personally called me into the Oval Office and asked me to serve, so what do you say we skip this portion of the show, and move onto the trade bill." Silence reigns for a good two minutes before Josh breaks it. "It was a decent thing you did; for Leo and for Donna. Maybe we can work together, but I swear Calley, if you cross us, if you cross me, just one time, the consequences are going to be career ending." Josh finally states. "Who were you on the phone with?" "Jacobs. He's going to be calling back in about an hour with a compromise for the trade bill." "He's an asshole." Josh states starting to go through his files. "He's an asshole with 8 votes in his pocket. If we play good cop/bad cop well enough, we'll get your trade bill passed by the end of the week." "Good enough. I need you to catch me up on the current temperature of the Speaker before I leave for the Hill. The President isn't ready to order a strike yet. How much trouble is Haffley going to be until he is ready?" "A little bit. You need to have CJ get in front of it." Cliff stated simply. "She's going to need that flak jacket for a few days." Josh replied and cracked a smile. "Tell me about the numbers in the house for a resolution." Josh sat back and listened as Cliff caught him up on recent events and most played sound bites. Maybe Cliff was a decent guy, and he did have a sharp political mind, but Josh still didn't trust him. The worst part was that the lack of trust had less to do with him being a Republican than it had to do with Calley having read Donna's diary. Just what did Calley know about Donna that Josh wasn't privy to? He hated the idea that the man sitting across from him knew the intimate thoughts and feelings of Donnatellla Moss while he was left guessing about them. Josh drew himself back to the present and tuned into what Cliff was saying. It was going to be a long day, Title: Choices Author: Cathy Miller (cam7192003@yahoo.com) Rating: PG Category: Angst, romance Spoilers: Through Birnam Wood Disclaimer: I do not own or make money from the West Wing or it's characters. I'm just having a little non-profit fun. Feedback: Live for it! A/N: Big thanks to Amy for the plot idea and her willingness to edit for me! Chapter 3 It has been 6 long weeks since Josh had left her in Germany, but to Donna it felt like 6 years. As if she wasn't nervous and anxious enough about returning to work, she had received a call from Margaret asking her to report to Leo when she got in. If she was honest with herself, she would admit most of her nervousness revolved around working with Josh today. Since he left Germany he had been diligent about emailing her about what was happening at work, but imparted little, if any, personal news or information. They felt like duty emails. That feeling didn't dissipate when she returned to the District. He met her and her mother at the airport and brought them to her apartment which he had stocked with food. He called or visited daily, but the conversations were distant and stilted. Donna sunk deeper and deeper into depression with each passing day as she realized things were probably never going to be the same between them. After Josh left Germany, she had done some deep soul searching. Even though she had never anticipated continuing anything with Colin after she left Gaza, she found herself in the position of explaining that to Colin. Many times, she tried to work that fact into an email or phone call she had with Josh, but she always ended up chickening out. What if she had been wrong about her perceptions of Josh's feelings when he first arrived in Germany? She had been on heavy duty drugs. But Donna experienced too many hours sitting in a hospital bed to think and she arrived at a conclusion. She had to lay it on the line with Josh and let the chips fall where they may. They had spent too many years- years for God's sake- dancing around this...whatever is was between them. When she returned to D.C, however, the combination of her Mother's presence and Josh's distant attitude kept her silent. She resolved that this would be settled when they got back to work at the White House. There would be opportunities aplenty when they were holed up in his office about some bill or another. They would be working late at night, the bull pen would be empty save for them, and then Donna could tell him how much it meant to her that he flew to Germany to be with her. She could tell him that Colin didn't mean anything to her and he - Josh- meant everything to her. Then he would finally tell her how much she meant to him and they could figure out where to go from there. It all sounded very good to her...while it was in the near future. But now she was actually back at work and she had to follow through...right after she saw Leo. Although she left a message for Josh telling him what time she would be dropped off at work, it was Margaret that greeted her at the gate, wheeled her into the White House and Leo's office. Leo stood up when she was wheeled in and came around his desk to give her a hug. "Man, are you a sight for sore eyes! How are you feeling? Are you sure you're ready to get back to work? No one would bat an eye if you decided you needed more time at home." "The doctor cleared me for half days and I'm anxious to get back to work." "Okay, but just know that if it gets to be too much at any time your first priority is your health so you go home. We've arranged things so most your work now can be done from home now if need be." "Thanks Leo, but just how am I supposed to clear Josh's calls and appointments from home? I can do my job; half days for now and full days when the doctor okays it." "Yeah, about that," Leo began and sat next to Donna in the visitor's chair. "We decided to make some administrative changes around here while you were gone." Donna looked confused so he continued. "We thought you outgrew your position a while ago, but we could never get Josh to agree to promote you out of his office and to be honest, we didn't think he could function without you. We finally found another assistant he seems to be able to live with so we get to finally give you the title, and salary, more befitting to the work you're responsible for around here." "Josh found another assistant?' Donna focused on the part of Leo's speech that was still ringing in her ears. It was a sign of how distracted she was by that statement, that she didn't even take in the fact that she was finally getting her raise. "It was more like we found several assistants for him and he didn't fire ONE of them before lunch. She's made it for 3 weeks now, so we're optimistic." Leo smiled, but Donna felt sick. "I don't work for Josh anymore?" "Your new title is special assistant to the Chief of Staff, but I'd like you to continue to do what you do best; research and briefing only now you'll do it for all the senior staff and report directly to me. No more screening calls, no more scheduling appointments, and no more sending apology baskets to the latest victim of Lyman charm." "But I- My desk...I mean where will I work?" "In the office next to Toby." Leo told her. "But that's Sam's office." "No, it's your office. Margaret and Ginger are going to help get you set up today and Toby already has an assignment for you. Congratulations." Leo said sincerely. "You've earned it, Donna. You've been an invaluable member of this team and we're glad to have you back where you belong." Only she wasn't going to be where she belonged, thought Donna as Leo called for Margaret to come and ferry her to her new office. No wonder Josh had been so distant. He knew she wasn't coming back to his office; had in fact arranged for her not to come back to his office. Now it all made sense; his change in attitude, his refusal to bring any work to her apartment, and his absence when she arrived this morning. He didn't even want to see her anymore. Was it guilt? Everyone knows Josh has an overdeveloped sense of guilt. Did he blame himself for Gaza? Did seeing her, in a wheelchair no less, make him feel worse? So much worse that he chose not to see her at all anymore? After he left Germany, she thought maybe he'd misread Colin's presence there. Okay, not misread exactly, but misinterpreted what his presence meant to her; which was very little. Then she dismissed the idea. Hadn't she told him she was as surprised as anyone to see him again? Hadn't she asked for Josh, not Colin, when she was scared spit less before surgery? No, it had to be something else, she decided as Margaret wheeled her to her new office. Maybe he saw something more in her eyes for him than he felt for her and was trying to save her the embarrassment of working with him when he didn't feel the same way she did. Several people welcomed her back and congratulated her on her new job, but she couldn't do anything more than nod and smile. None of them were Josh. He was nowhere to be found. When she got to Sam's- her office- Ginger met her there and gave her the work Toby wanted her to start on after she got her bearings. Donna couldn't take anymore. She thanked the women for their help and assured them she was ready to get to work. She asked Ginger to flip the shades shut on her way out, ostensibly to stop people from staring at her on her first day back. Ginger smiled in understanding and did as she asked before shutting the office door and leaving Donna to her work. Donna waited a full 60 seconds to be sure no one popped back in before she allowed herself the luxury of laying her head down and crying. Toby was not an expert on women. He would be the first to admit it, but having been unhappily married he did know the sound of a woman crying when he heard it. He had been taking a nap on his couch after an all night session with the President on a new speech they were working on when he first heard the sound. At first he thought he was dreaming, but as he shook himself awake, he realized it was coming from next door. Donna. It had to be Donna. He slowly sat up and cautiously peered through the window connecting their offices. Donna was crying softly into her arms. He was torn between going to her, which he desperately did not want to do, and ignoring her, which his conscience would not allow him to do. He settled on a moral compromise. He called CJ. Five minutes later, there was a knock on Donna's door. Donna had managed to pull herself together by delving into work, but her eyes were red rimmed and puffy. Luckily, she had a debilitating injury she could blame it on. She called for whomever it was to `come in' and became wary when she saw it was CJ. She and CJ had been very close for many years, but their conversation during the shutdown had put a very bad taste in Donna's mouth. She also didn't want to deal with the person who told her she should forget Josh and have a one night stand in Gaza. Look how well that turned out. Not only didn't she have Josh in her life personally, but she didn't even have him in her life professionally anymore. "Donna, hi; we're so glad to have you back." It sounded lame even to CJ's own ears. She had told Toby she wasn't the person for this job, but he had insisted that Donna needed another woman. "Thanks, CJ. IT's good to be back." Donna lied. "Was there something you needed?" Ouch. Score one for Donna, thought CJ. "Only to see if you're doing okay; if you need anything." "Oh, I thought since I've been reassigned to research for the senior staff you might have a project for me." Score two, CJ acknowledged. "No, I was just concerned about how you were doing on your first day back." CJ kept her gaze on Donna's. "You look like you're upset." "Of course I'm upset, it's the first day I'm attempting no major pain killers. I wanted to be sharp today so I could keep up with Josh, but it turns out I needn't have bothered. So you see, I'm in some serious pain but it looks like it will be with me for awhile so I need to work through it." Set and match. CJ decided to back off for now. "I'm sorry you're having such pain. If there's anything I can do, just call okay?" "Thanks, CJ but you've already done more than enough for me." CJ's face registered the shock at this most pointed barb before she simply nodded and left. Donna felt a moment of guilt over purposefully hurting her friend, but then she felt the anger boil up inside her. Anger at CJ's unsolicited and destructive advice, anger at Josh's absence and cowardice at not even facing her to tell her he'd transferred her, and anger at herself for allowing those two other people manipulate her so easily. She pushed it all aside and went back to work. When Josh got back to the White House, a little before noon, he found his pace picking up the closer he got to his office. Yes, he knew she wouldn't be THERE, but she would be close; closer than she'd been for months. He was still pissed about Leo sending him to work on the Hill that morning, keeping him from being there when Donna arrived. On the other hand, he didn't think he could be the one to tell her that she'd been transferred either. That's why he hadn't brought it up in any of their calls or emails. Deep down he knew Leo was probably right. Whether or not anything had actually changed between them, he knew that had Colin not been there, he would have said and done things that would have changed things irrevocably between them. So now he hurried to her new office, like an addict desperate for a fix (only his fix was seeing her smile and enjoying some of her banter). He skidded to a halt right outside her closed door, took a deep breath and knocked. No response. He opened the door slowly and was bitterly disappointed to find it empty. Had she already gone for the day? It wasn't even noon. Yeah, but she was only working half days to start. Shit. Ginger walked in and looked surprised to see him there. "Oh, hey, Josh. Just delivering more flowers and phone messages for our local heroine." she told him. "You wouldn't believe all the media requests she's had this morning." "Media requests? As in requests for interviews about when she was almost killed? Do me a favor, Ginger and keep those off her desk, okay?" Ginger looked a little apprehensive, but agreed to his request and took several of the phone messages back. Once she left, Josh noticed all of the flowers that adorned her office. At first, he was just interested in who had been kind enough to send her flowers and wondering how he had been so stupid not to send her his own bouquet. `Because Donna has always been the one to take care of those details for me' he admitted to himself. The only time he remembered to send her flowers was on their Anniversary, and that was more to get a rise form her than to express affection or thoughtfulness of any kind. Then he saw a card that brought his blood pressure up. Wishing you well on your first day back, Colin. Son of a bitch. Not only did he not think to send flowers but the Irish bastard did. Now he had to read the rest of the cards to see if he sent anything else. That's when the second blow landed. The bouquet of lilies had a card from Calley. Donna, best wishes from your favorite Republican, Cliff. Favorite Republican? `Give me a break' though Josh. Apparently, good old Cliff isn't aware that Donna collects Republicans like philatelists collect stamps. That's it, he decides. He is not going to be shown up by an Irishman and a Republican. He can go to Donna's now and personally deliver some flowers to her. Better yet, pizza. Donna likes pizza way more than flowers. He'll bring some over for lunch. "Ginger? When did Donna go home? Do you know if she had lunch before she left?" Josh asks. "She had some lunch at her desk." Ginger informs him. "But she didn't go home. She had PT at noon." "Are you sure?" he asks again. "She didn't mention having PT today." "I'm very sure. I heard her give Cliff directions to her physical therapist as they left." She assures him. "Cliff took her to her physical therapy?" he asks disbelieving. "He came by to bring her some flowers and she was on her way out to PT. He asked her where it was and then offered to drop her off. She seemed pretty tired, Josh." "Yeah, I know the feeling." He replied and walked back to his own office where his new assistant, Barb was waiting for him with messages and a brief on several candidates the D triple C wanted him to look at. Barb was professional, funny, and even brought him coffee, but she never did make any note cards for him. He really missed illegible note cards. Title: Choices Author: Cathy Miller (cam7192003@yahoo.com) Rating: PG Category: Angst, romance Spoilers: Through Birnam Wood Disclaimer: I do not own or make money from the West Wing or it's characters. I'm just having a little non-profit fun. Feedback: Live for it! Chapter 4 The 2nd day after Donna's return to work didn't start out much different than the first except that it was Ed who met her at the gate and brought her to her office. He wanted to talk about her project for Toby and see if they could incorporate some of her research into the President's nest speech. He was so animated about the topic that he didn't notice Josh had moved into their path until he almost hit him with the wheelchair. The tension was thick, but Ed was clueless as to its cause. Donna and Josh were never tense and awkward around each other. "Hey Ed, why don't you let me take Donna from here?" Josh suggested. "That's okay, Josh, I'm supposed to get some research from her for-" "She just walked in- came in the door. You can get it later. I'll take her from here." Josh insisted. Ed relented and Josh walked around to take control of the wheelchair. "How did therapy go yesterday?" he asks quietly. "I think my therapist is Satan disguised as a 25 year old woman. I hurt everywhere." Donna admitted and Josh chuckled. "I remember the feeling. Only Satan was parading around as a 25 year old guy when he was working me over. If it's too much Donna, there's no shame in taking a little more time at home." That got Donna's hackles up. "Is that what you did Josh? Took a little more time? I can handle my new job just fine." They arrived in Donna's office and Josh shut the door behind them. "I'm really sorry I wasn't here yesterday, Donna. Leo sent me to the Hill and by the time I got back Calley had already taken you to PT." Josh threw that tidbit in there, hoping she would make some comment about how it didn't mean anything and that Cliff simply dropped her off and left, but she ignored it completely. "My doctor only approved half days. I told you that in my email. Besides, with my new job, I can do a lot of work from home." "Don't forget the raise. I've had to endure a lot of complaints about a lack of a raise over the years, so let's not forget that point." He tried to joke. "Money isn't everything, Josh. I'd better get started. Was there anything else?" "No, I just...just wanted to say welcome back...from me. Lots of other people already welcomed you back, but..." he gestured to all the cards and flowers in her office. "Anyway, I wanted to say I'm sorry I didn't get to see you yesterday." A knock sounded at the door and it opened to admit Josh's new assistant, Barb. "Sorry to interrupt, but Ed told me you were here. The speaker is on the phone for you, and you have staff in 20 minutes. Here is your briefing memo and your call sheet." She told him as she handed him some papers and a cup of coffee. "Uh, Donna, this is Barb Meyers, my new assistant. Barb, this is Donna." Josh introduced them. "It's nice to meet you, Donna." Barb moved forward to shake her hand. "Congratulations on your promotion. You left some pretty big shoes to fill." "Thanks. It's nice to meet you, too." Donna said flatly. "Josh, the speaker?" Barb reminded him. "I'll be right there." Josh shut the door behind her. "She brings you coffee. Very nice. No wonder this one lasted longer than any of the others." Donna commented. "Yeah I guess we both got what we wanted, right? You get more responsibilities and a raise and I get an assistant who brings me coffee." The joke fell flat as Donna's face looked stricken. "I'd better go take this call. Let me know if you need anything." Josh offered as he left. "Donna Moss." Donna answered the phone a little distracted as she was trying to put some numbers together for Leo. "This is the spirit that haunts your office. Leave at once or you will be forever plagued by flying pink balls hitting your window and wall." "Sam!" Donna exclaimed, sincerely delighted to hear from him. "I already took the ball away from Toby, don't worry." "He let you take...No. Way. What kind of spell do you have over the men in the West Wing that allows you to control them like that?" he laughed. "Josh, Toby, Ed, Larry, even Leo! They all do as you command." "Not even close. It's so good to hear your voice. How are you?" "I'm very glad my friend is home safe and recovering okay. You know, California is renowned for its' recuperative powers." "Also known for smog and skin cancer." Donna replied. "Fair point, but I'm sure you could spend a couple weeks here without undue risk." "Maybe so, but I just got back to work a few days ago, so I think I better stick around for awhile or I might lose this beautiful office space." "Toby told me about the promotion. Congratulations. You've earned it, Donna." "Thanks. Toby told you?" "Yeah, we talk every once in awhile and he mentioned how you were already on top of the new job. Josh must be sedated someplace, huh?" "Actually, he seems to have adjusted with no problem. His new assistant brings him coffee." That sounded brittle, even to herself. Donna winced. "Unless the coffee is spiked with psychotropic drugs, it's not going to help Josh get through his day without you. He was so lost while you were in Gaza, Donna. I thought he'd have a breakdown. And that was before the...well, before. This can't be easy for him." "Not easy for him? It was his idea, Sam; his and Leo's. I came back to work and just got shuffled off to- I'm sorry. I guess I'm still a little overemotional these days. I'm very grateful for the opportunity and there's a nice raise along with an office that has great karma." Sam was quiet while Donna went off on her rant. None of this sounded right. His first clue was that it had been Toby who gave him the news about Donna, not Josh. Josh would have fought the mere idea of a transfer and he certainly never would have suggested it. He needed to talk to Josh. "Don't worry about it, Donna. I'm sure you've got a lot on your plate right now. How are you doing physically?" "It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. Physical Therapy sucks." Donna told him. "I bet it does. I'll let you get back to work. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and proud of you." "Thanks Sam and thanks for the flowers you sent too. They brightened up my day. Talk to you soon?" "Count on it...and if you wanted to send me that pink ball of Toby's.." he trailed off as Donna chuckled. "Bye Donna." MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM There was a flurry of activity out in the bull pen and Donna looked out to see what the commotion was. Ginger was crying and telling Toby something as Josh came around the corner. He looked shell shocked. He walked straight to Donna and sat down in front of her. "Josh?" she asked softly. "Leo had a massive heart attack. Margaret found him in his office a little while ago. The ambulance just took him to GW." Donna reached over and put her hand on his. "Is he...will he be alright?" "We don't know yet. Donna, I just can't take...I knew he was under too much stress trying to hold the peace treaty together and fighting with the President. I was just too wrapped up in my own problems to do anything about it. Pretty typical of me, isn't it?" He dropped his head into his hands and scrubbed his face. "Josh, you're always there for your friends. Leo would be the first one to tell you that." After hesitating, she ran her fingers through his hair in comfort. When he lifted his head she could see the tears in his eyes and it brought tears to hers. "What can I do to help?" "Nothing. We just have to wait." The President and First Lady have already gone to the hospital. They promised to call when they have any news." Barb appeared in the doorway. "Josh, Margaret just called. She wants to know if you can take Leo's meeting with the leadership or if she should cancel it. She sounds pretty broken up." "You should take the meeting." Donna advised him. "He told me it was pretty time sensitive. I've got the notes I made for him, you can take them." Josh's lips twitched. "Then you're going to have to come too and translate them for me. Reading distinctive penmanship has never been my strong suit." "That could be arranged." Donna's heart began to swell. "Tell Margaret that Donna and I will take the meeting." Josh told Barb without looking away from Donna. "Got it." Barb answered and hurried to call Margaret. MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM The meeting ran smoothly, although Donna knew Josh well enough to realize he was distracted by thoughts of Leo. Cliff, who was also in attendance, marveled at how seamlessly they worked together. Josh had a call from Dr. Bartlet as the meeting was breaking up. "Go ahead and take it." Cliff offered. "Donna and I can finish things up here." Josh hesitated just a second, but then left to take the call. When he returned to the conference room, the leadership had left. Cliff and Donna were huddled together at one end of the table heatedly discussing one of the points from the meeting. "That's why you guys will never get this thing passed." Cliff was arguing. "Your myopic point of view simply won't allow for the fact that reasonable people can disagree on this issue." "First of all, the leadership is hardly an example of any kind of reasonable people. Secondly, you're on our team now, so what's with the `you guys' crap?" Donna let him have it. "I'm just saying...Josh. What's the word on Leo?" Cliff inquired. "He's out of surgery and they're taking him off bypass in a bit. They think everything went alright, although it took a lot longer than they anticipated." "Good. He's made it through the first hurdle. He's going to be okay, Joshua." Donna told Josh. Cliff felt like he was intruding as we watched these two interact. It was like he had left the room. After a minute of charged silence, he interrupted them. "We were just debating the merits of the leadership's counterproposal." Cliff explains. "Yeah, I heard." Josh replied. It had bothered him more than he cared to admit that Donna and Cliff were bantering over the proposal. Bantering was `their' thing. He was trying so hard to keep his distance from her, to give her a wide berth. But what did he do as soon as he heard about Leo? He went to Donna. He had to see Donna. Donna gave him comfort and brought him peace. "Wait four or five hours then accept it." Josh instructed. Donna's eyebrows rose in surprise. "But what about-" Donna started. "Cliff's right. Well, not right about the proposal itself," he qualified. "but right in that it's the best we're going to get at present. We don't have the votes and we're not going to be able to wrangle them while we're peacekeeping in Gaza." "That's bullshit Josh." "That's politics Donnatella. You don't have a sense of the impact all this has had on the administration yet." "I have the perfect sense of the impact this has had. My life has been impacted more than anyone else's here, more than the administration, and certainly more than you. The Josh I knew would have fought this tooth and nail. What happened to that guy, Joshua?" "Donna, he just means we can't get the votes, not that-" Cliff began. "I can explain myself, thanks. Not that I have to. Even with your title bump, Donna, I'm still several notches above your pay grade and I've had a hell of a lot more experience in this game than you." "That's what I mean. That's what I'm talking about. When did this become a game to you, Josh?" Donna demanded. "It used to be about principles for you. When exactly did that change?" "I don't know for sure Donna, but if I had to hazard a guess I'd say about the time that I was over the Atlantic returning from Germany!" Donna and Cliff both gasped. "What I meant-" "I know what you meant. I think you're right. That's why you didn't have the guts to tell me you'd transferred me, that's why you've distanced yourself from me, and that's why you won't fight this proposal. You really ought to just quit if you don't have the stomach for it anymore." "Maybe you're right, but in the meantime I'm still your boss and you WILL do what I say. Work out the details with Cliff and accept the offer before 6. Got it?" "With Cliff?" "Don't tell me you have a problem working together." Josh said as he walked over to her and stared down at her angrily. "See, that's the trouble with sleeping with someone you have to work with." Donna reached up and slapped his face; her face burning with embarrassment and anger. She clumsily wheeled herself out of the room. "Well that was just ugly." Cliff offered. "Thanks for the analysis." Josh sneered. "I realize you're having a bad day, but taking it out on Donna-" "Bad day? Try a bad series of months." Josh ran his hands through his hair making it stick up all over. "For her too. You need to go talk to her; apologize, maybe grovel a little...or a lot." "Thanks for the advice, Cliff. It helps to have your insight from having read all of her private thoughts and feelings, doesn't it? I think it's got to make your current relationship more difficult, though. Dating someone after you've read their diary has to be awkward at times." Cliff processed that comment before coming back with a pithy reply; "You're an idiot." He got to the door where Donna had exited, but turned back to Josh before he left. "It was all about you, you know; why she perjured herself? She was trying to protect you and your PTSD diagnosis. She was terrified it would get out because of her and your career would be over. Every freakin' page from New Hampshire to the White House and beyond was all about you. You're an idiot." He repeated. "That was before I sent her to Gaza; before a lot of things." Josh said quietly thinking of Colin in Gaza and Cliff now, thinking of her transfer and the growing distance between them. "An idiot." Cliff repeated once again and left Josh alone in the room. MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM "Donna, I'm going to the place down the street. I thought I could bring you back one of those salads you like and we could have dinner together." CJ offered. Donna thought about it. "Okay, one of their salads sounds good." Donna accepted the olive branch. "Great. Look, Donna, I'm really sorry about what I said before, during the lockdown. It wasn't my place to interfere like that." "No, it wasn't, but I know you were only trying to help me. I think it would be best if we both forget all about it. I'd like to just forget all about it. Besides, you were right to a certain extent. I needed to make a life for myself beyond Josh Lyman... Can we eat soon?" a smile broke out on CJ's face. "Coming right up. Did you hear Leo's off bypass? The President said he'll be able to talk to him later tonight." "That's wonderful news. I think the White House has had enough medical emergencies to last for a long time." "You said it, sister. I'll be right back with our meal." MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM Things were unusually subdued when Donna came in the next morning. She was a little later than usual, she had some trouble getting ready that morning, but she noticed that Josh's door was closed as she passed through the bull pen. When she threw a questioning glance toward Barb, she shuddered. "I wouldn't advise going in there, right now." She said in a confidential whisper. "Apparently they announced CJ accepted the position as the new Chief of Staff at senior staff this morning." The shock must have shown on Donna's face. "I know. Everyone is pretty surprised. Josh slammed the door closed behind him when he got back from staff and has been holed up in there ever since." Donna struggled with the decision about whether or not to knock when Jim Dawson called her name. Senator Dawson was the new minority leader and had always been very helpful to her and Josh. "Donna, it's so good to see you! Josh told me you were back. The place just wasn't the same without you." "Thanks Senator. What brings you this way so early this morning?" "I've come to see the man." He answered gesturing to Josh's door. "I'm not sure this is a good time, Senator." Donna hesitated. "I'm sure this is the perfect time." he responded and his eyes met Donna's. `He's going to offer him a job' Donna thought, panicked by the idea. `He's going to offer Josh a job and between being passed over for Chief of Staff and the things I said to him yesterday, why wouldn't he take it?' "I'll let him know you're here, Senator." Barb told him. A moment later Barb waved him in and they heard Josh's somber greeting before the door closed. Title: Choices Author: Cathy Miller (cam7192003@yahoo.com) Rating: PG Category: Angst, romance Spoilers: Through Birnam Wood Disclaimer: I do not own or make money from the West Wing or it's characters. I'm just having a little non-profit fun. Feedback: Live for it! Chapter 5 Josh paced outside Leo's room until the doctor was finished and waved him in. Josh did NOT want to be there, but no matter how disappointed and angry he was he couldn't disregard a direct order to meet with his former boss and mentor. He had been humiliated yesterday when the President announced CJ had accepted the COS position. Did the President have so little confidence in him? Did Leo? He took a deep breath and walked quietly into Leo's room. He looked so old and pale with all of the wires and tubes hooked up to him. Josh was just considering leaving and coming back later, when Leo opened his eyes and called to him. "Josh..." "Hey boss. You gave us quite a scare. Aren't you the one who is always lecturing me about balance?" Leo smiled a bit. "Do as I say not as I do." He managed. "Don't worry about work, okay? We've got things covered there." Josh choked out. "I need to talk to you about that. I want to explain why-" "You should just rest, Leo. I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself." "I told the President to appoint CJ. It was me, not him." Josh felt his chest explode. He nodded like he understood, but he didn't. It felt like the ultimate betrayal in a week full of betrayals. "It's time for you to move on, Josh. You're heart isn't in this anymore. You have some difficult choices to make shortly and I didn't want them to be clouded by the Chief of Staff position." "Leo..." "You'd feel pressured to take it and then guilt would keep you there. Have you talked to Donna, yet?" Josh blinked at the change of subject. "It's not a coincidence that you've lost some of your drive at work since you got back from Germany, Josh." "Leo, she...I...it's all off since Germany. Everything. I don't have a clue how to reach her anymore." "Reaching her would involve talking to her, son. I don't think you've done that for some time." "This guy, Colin Ayres, was with her in Germany." "Was he with her or visiting her?" "I'm not having this discussion with you, Leo." "You're not having this discussion with anyone, Josh. You're avoiding Sam's calls, you don't talk to Toby or CJ, and the one person you've always confided in, Donna, you've cut off completely." "You're the one who transferred her!" Josh objected. "That was supposed to make it easier for you to get closer, not drive each other way." "I guess someone didn't get the memo then, did they?" Josh replied angrily, then stopped abruptly when he remembered how sick Leo was. "Sorry, boss. I'm just having a bit of a day." "Margaret said Dawson came to see you yesterday." "God, does that woman have me under surveillance or something?" "I wouldn't be surprised. He offer you Chief of Staff?" Josh just nodded. "He's a good man. You could take him far." "Maybe, but he's not my guy." Josh stayed silent as he saw Leo's eyes drift shut. "Talk to Donna, Josh. It'll be easier to make a choice when you talk to Donna." MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM "You did good work on the thing." Toby told Donna without looking up at her. "You should go home if you're tired" "I'm always tired. CJ said you needed help prepping for your afternoon briefing." "Because I tanked so badly at my morning briefing?" "She never used the word `tanked'." Donna smirked. "And since you didn't mention any secret plan to fight inflation, you're still up one on Josh." "Thanks... Look, I know things have been tough this week. Are you doing okay with everything?" "I'm hanging in there, Toby. I just thought things would be different when I got back here, you know?" "I can imagine you did. You should talk to him, Donna." She shook her head sadly. "I think we've past that point, Toby. He told me what he wanted when he transferred me out of his office. Let's work on your briefing." MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM Josh walked back into the West Wing with a renewed sense of purpose. He would find Donna and ask her to have lunch with him. It was a start. But when he got to her office, it was empty. He knocked on Toby's door. "Have you seen Donna?' he asked Toby. "She went down to CJ's office. Oh- and what the hell are you doing taking a meeting with Dawson? We need you here. You can't go running off to play Chief of Staff for him just because you got passed up for it here. That, by the way, was a monumental mistake, if you ask me; which no one did." "Thank you, Toby for your touching concern. You really know how to boost me up when the world is crashing down around me." "Not that it is any of my concern, but your world is crashing in more ways than one...why are you looking for Donna?" "I thought we'd have lunch." "Maybe that's not a good idea right now." "What are you talking about?" "She's having a rough time with re-entry right now, and I don't think she needs you blowing hot and cold is all I'm saying." "Blowing hot and cold? Is that what you think I'm doing?" "I have no idea what it is you're doing, but I'm tired of watching you do whatever it is to Donna. You should just back off and leave her alone." "Don't you think I've tried? Do you have any idea what it did to me to finally admit to myself what she means to me when I flew to Germany only to find her cuddled up with that damn photojournalist? Do you think it's easy to sit back and watch her get close to Calley again? Do you think there is a single day that passes what I don't miss her like hell?" "I honestly don't know, Josh, and neither does she. You know why? Because you never open your mouth and tell anyone. You could have lost her in Gaza, Josh, it was a very close thing." "I did lose her in Gaza, Toby. Now it's too late." "That's not true. You did not lose her and it's not too late. When you were shot, she moved heaven and earth to get you through that. Hell, we all did. I held the blood in your body with my hands while we waited for the ambulance. You got a second chance, Josh, and what did you do with it?" "So was I supposed to compromise my position? Donna's? The administrations? For something I'm not even sure about?" "It's called taking a risk. Isn't it about time you took one? She's sitting in that office, day after day thinking you transferred her away from you because you don't want her around anymore and you, I don't know exactly what the hell you're thinking, but I could make an educated guess that it has something to do with guilt." "Damn Toby, why don't you tell me how you really feel." "That is the problem, Josh!" Toby roared, for once too angry to second guess his practiced disinterest in the situation. "I never told you that I knew how you felt! Since the day I held you, bleeding, and you kept asking for Donna, Josh, I knew. And I said nothing because I thought it wasn't my place, and you - being the brilliant political master mind that you are- would figure it out." Toby stopped, spent. Quiet ensued for a moment. Then Josh asked tentatively, "What are you talking about?" Toby sighs, leans back on his desk with his head down for a moment, trying to decide how to proceed. "I knew you didn't remember." He looks up at Josh, tilts his head and continues. "When we were waiting for the paramedics, and I was trying to ...keep you from bleeding, which was... impossible. You were out of it, looking around, and I told you to lie still. But you kept looking so I grabbed your hand to stop you. And you just stared up at me, and asked for Donna. I'm watching you, the life is pouring out of you, and you just wanted Donna. That's when I knew how you felt about her." Josh just stares at him. "That doesn't mean what you think. That was years ago. I was out of it- you said so yourself. It doesn't mean what you think." Toby closed his eyes, back at Roslyn for a moment, then opens them again and this time looks straight at Josh. "The life was pouring out of you, Josh. It meant then what it means now. You love her." Toby quietly shuffles behind his desk and sat; pondering the note cards Donna made for him. "I just can't watch the two of you do this anymore; especially now that it's right next door to me. It's distracting. Now get out of my office. I have actual work to do writing something that doesn't involve hearts and angst, thank the Lord on High, who, by the way, is tempted to kick your sorry as for wasting this shot at a life." Josh starts to leave. "Wait! Can you read this?" he hands Josh one of Donna's note cards. "It says, `look at crime stats in red folder'." Josh translates for him. "Are you sure?" he asks dubiously. "Trust me." "I'd rather not." he says dryly. "Toby...thanks." Josh tells him sincerely. "Josh, come quick, it's Donna." Carol starts dragging him out of the room before the words are out of her mouth, Toby gets up to follow them. "Something happened during her meeting with CJ. She's not responding to anybody." The trio make it in record time to the Chief of Staff's office where they find Donna catatonic. CJ is calling her name repeatedly but as Carol told them, Donna is not responding in any way. Her eyes have glazed over and she's staring in the direction of the bank of televisions along the wall. They are replaying footage of the bombing complete with close up pictures of Donna bleeding to death inside the SUV. "Turn off the TV's." Josh commands and CJ jumps to turn them off. "Donna? Donna, it's Josh. Can you hear me?" Tears start to flow down her face. Josh brushes them away while he strokes her face. "Donna, you are not there anymore. You're safe in the White House now. Look at me Donna." Still nothing but the silent tears. "Carol, tell Barb to get the number for Stanley Keyworth out of my rolodex. I need him right away." Josh returns his attention to Donna. "Donna, I'm going to move you to my office now. Everything's going to be fine." Josh pushed the wheelchair quickly across the West Wing to his office and shut the door behind them. He sat next to her and took her hands in his, rubbing them. "I can't get out of the car." She whispers. "There's a fire and I can't get out of the car." "You got out of the car, Donnatella. You're home safe now." "Everybody died but me. Why didn't I die, too?" she speaks so softly Josh can hardly hear her. "I should have died too." "It would have destroyed me if I lost you." At his words, she starts sobbing. Josh holds her as best he can while she's in a wheelchair. The intercom sounds and Barb informs him Stanley Keyworth is on line 2 for him. He let go of Donna just long enough to pick up the phone and then comes back to her. "Stanley, how'd you like to have another White House Tour?,,, I thought this time Donna could show you around. When can you get here? That would be fabulous, Stanley. Call me with the details and I'll have a car waiting for you at the airport. Thanks so much, Stanley." "Good news, Donnatella, help is on the way." Josh opens his office door and begins to maneuver her wheelchair towards her office. "We'll get your stuff out of your office and take you home." "No, I'm not going home now. I still have work here to do. CJ needs this done before I go today." "CJ will understand, Donna. You need to go home now. Stanley will meet us there as soon as possible." "If you insist I need to see Stanley then he's going to have see me here in my office, where I will be working." "Donna, you need help. Stanley's good; he can help you get through this." "Get through what? A little anxiety attack? It's not like I put my hand through a window or anything." Josh ignores the dig at him and continues to pack up Donna's things. "I'm not going home until 1. I'm cleared to work until 1. Stop touching my stuff, Joshua, you're messing up my system. Josh drops several briefing books on her desk that she'll want to take home with her. The noise startles her and she starts shaking again. "God, I'm sorry, Donna. It was just your briefing books." Josh shakes his head at his stupidity. In his haste to get Donna home, he forgot what it felt like after an episode; every light, every sound, and every vibration startled and scared him. He took a second to put himself back in that place to help Donna. "Please believe me when I tell you that was not a little anxiety attack. You're going to be shaky and sensitive to light and sound the rest of the day; maybe for several days. You need to go home now where we can control the environment a little better. You have always been there for me when I needed help...please let me help you this once, today. You can kick me to the curb after you're settled at home and Stanley arrives." Donna starts crying again, but nods her head yes. Josh closes his eyes in relief and finishes packing her things. Barb's knock at the door makes Donna jump, but she manages to control the shaking. "You've got the economic advisors in ten." Barb tells him trying to avoid looking at Donna. News travels fast in the West Wing. "Cancel it. Ask Toby to take the meeting with Lambert and Stone at 2, and cancel or reschedule the rest of my day. I can be reached by cell phone if it's urgent, but I'm out for the rest of the day." "Define `urgent'." Barb asks for clarification. "You can define it yourself. I'll let you know if you get it wrong." Josh gives her a half smile. "I trust you." He picks up his backpack and Donna's bag and maneuvers the wheelchair out of her office. Title: Choices Author: Cathy Miller (cam7192003@yahoo.com) Rating: PG Category: Angst, romance Spoilers: Through Birnam Wood Disclaimer: I do not own or make money from the West Wing or it's characters. I'm just having a little non-profit fun. Feedback: Live for it! Chapter 6A "Hello Donna. It's good to see you again." says Stanley Keyworth as he joins Donna in her living room. Donna gives him an insincere smile and a nod, but no words. "She just woke up." Josh explains. "I gave her something to help her sleep for awhile and-" "Yeah, thanks Josh. I think Donna and I can take it from here." Stanley interrupts him. Josh looks from Donna who looks suddenly anxious, back to Stanley. "I thought I'd hang out in the other room in case...in case." He finishes lamely. "I thought you'd hang out at the coffee shop down the street in case." Stanley smirked at him. "I'm guessing Donna could dig up your cell phone number if we need you." "I'm guessing she could too...Thanks for coming Stanley." Josh picked up his jacket and hesitantly walked out. "How'd you get here so fast? Does the White House have you on retainer?" "As a matter of fact they do, although I'm thinking of increasing it these days. I was in New York consulting with a colleague, so it was a relatively short trip." "I guess I should be flattered. Not many doctors make house calls these days." Donna began nervously. "You don't need to be nervous, Donna. We're just going to talk awhile. Tell me what you're thinking right now." "I'm thinking I'd like Josh to come back." Stanley just smiles and waits for her to continue. "I don't know what happened to me today and it scared me. Josh knew though. Josh knew." "Josh has had more than a little experience with what you're going through." Stanley commented. "You were lucky he was around today. I heard you're not working with him anymore." "No. No, I'm not." "That surprised me. When did that change?" "When I came back from medical leave...It's a promotion, really. I get to do more research, which I love, and I don't have to arrange for apology baskets for Josh anymore." "Sounds pretty good. How is Josh adjusting to working with a new assistant?" "Oh, fine, I think. Barb is very nice. She seems to keep him on schedule; she even brings him coffee." "Keeps him on schedule and brings him coffee? He must be in heaven." "I guess so." Donna fidgeted with the edge of the afghan on her lap. "Aren't you going to ask me about what happened today?" "I was going to ask you how you liked Germany." Stanley replied. "I wasn't exactly a tourist." "No, you certainly weren't. The hospital you were at there has an international reputation for excellence. Did they take good care of you?" Yes. Everybody did." Again, Donna looked down at her blanket. "Everybody? Who is everybody?" "All the nurses and doctors of course. My Mom came. Josh came. And Colin came." "How did Josh manage to fly to Germany when all hell was breaking loose at the White House?" "I'm not sure. He just...came." "Hmmm. Who is Colin?" "He's...someone I met in Gaza. He's a photojournalist. He showed me around Gaza. He came to see me in Germany. That's all." "That's all? Sounds like quite a bit. That must've pissed Josh off." "Why would that piss Josh off?" Donna asked genuinely puzzled. "Why do think it would piss Josh off?" "Are you going to do that whole answer a question with a question routine?" "What do you think?" Donna smiled as Stanley hoped she would. "So everybody took good care of you in Germany. What was it like to come back to D.C.?" "Strange. My Mom stayed for a couple weeks until I could function on my own. She was a little smothering and I had no job to go to. I was pretty bored." "Nobody from the White House came to see you?" "Once in awhile. They're all pretty busy. I asked Josh for some work to do from here, but he just wanted me to rest." "I would think you'd have had enough rest by then." No response from Donna. "What was your first day back at the White House like?" "Tiring, but good. It started out with the Leo telling me the good news about my promotion and then I dove right in to a research project for Toby." "Leo told you? On your first day back? Didn't Josh say anything to you when you got back to D.C.?" "I guess he wanted it to be a surprise. What has this got to do with what happened today?" "I don't know that it has anything to do with what happened today; I'm just getting caught up with your life. I'm still stuck on Leo telling you this wonderful news. Where was Josh?" "He had to go up to the Hill for some meetings. It wasn't his fault, Leo sent him." "Why are you getting so defensive, Donna?" "I'm not. I'm just explaining. Josh would have been there if he could. He wanted to be there. He told me so the next day." "You didn't see him until the next day? You didn't see Josh AT ALL on your first day back at the White House? Was he sedated on the Hill or something?" "He was just busy that day. And I didn't even stay a full day. I left a little before noon. He couldn't help it." Donna was getting more and more agitated. "Let me get this straight. He managed to fly to Germany at a moments notice when there was a crisis in the Middle East involving US casualties but your first day back he was too busy with meetings a couple miles away to come see you?" "It wasn't like that! Stop painting him like he was- It wasn't like that!' "What was it like then?" Stanley prods. "He was upset. It upsets him to see me now, so he stays away, but it isn't like he does it on purpose. He isn't trying to hurt me." "And yet he does. Every day. Why do you think it upsets him to see you?" "I didn't say- He feels guilty about sending me to Gaza. He thinks everything is his fault to begin with and then when he decided I would go on the CODEL and I was almost killed, he figured it was his fault." "I don't think so." Stanley disagreed and Donna blinked in surprise. "That just doesn't make sense, Donna. If he was so guilty about Gaza, if it was so painful to see, he would never have gone to Germany. So what's changed since then?" "Nothing. Nothing had changed since then." "That's not true. Your job has changed, your relationship with Josh has changed, your physical abilities have changed..." Stanley trailed off as tears gathered in Donna's eyes and spilled over onto her face. "But that's not my fault. None of it was my fault!" Donna screamed. "Everyone is punishing me and none of it is my fault." "What's not your fault Donna?" "It's not my fault that there was a bombing in Gaza. It's not my fault that Josh doesn't want to see my anymore. It's not my fault that everyone died in that car!" "Everybody except you." Stanley corrected softly. "Everybody except me." Donna repeated crying. "The Senators died, Admiral Fitzwallace died. All these people die every day in Gaza... I saw this picture today on the news. I think Colin took it after the bomb went off. I was upside down in the SUV and blood was running down my face. It looked like I was dead. I should have been dead." "Survivors' guilt isn't anything unusual, Donna. Most people who have been through what you have would feel the same way." "It wasn't guilt, Stanley, and it wasn't an anxiety attack like I told Josh either. I swear I was back in that SUV, only I was awake. I could smell the gas and feel the heat from the fire, but I couldn't move. I just stared into Admiral Fitzwallace's eyes and cried for help. I don't even know how long I was out of it. One minute I was in the explosion and the next I was in Josh's office. I don't even remember how I got there." "Josh came." Stanley stated. "How did he know you needed help?" "Someone must have called him. I know he went to see Leo in the hospital earlier. I don't know when he got back, but I'm glad he did. He knew what to do. He even knew how I was feeling and what might set me off again." "Sounds like he's a pretty good friend." "He just feels guilty. Josh feels responsible for people, so he takes care of them." "I got the impression that you took pretty good care of each other." "We used to." Donna looked at Stanley sadly. "Things used to be different at work too." "Why did you accept the new position if it wasn't what you wanted, Donna?" "It was, I mean is, what I want. It's more responsibility, better pay, certainly better hours." "But no Josh." Stanley reiterated. "No working with Josh anymore. You had job offers before this, Josh told me you have. Why haven't you ever taken one of them?" "Why do you keep harping on this thing with Josh? I didn't take them because...I didn't take them. It wasn't the right time; the right job, that's all." "You didn't take them because Josh didn't want you to go. Isn't that right?" "That was part of it." "Part of it? Donna, please. You would've jumped through rings of fire for him." "I still would." Donna insisted. "Except he's not asking you to anymore, is he?" Stanley continued to press. "He's cut you off personally, he's cut you off professionally. Hell, he even had Leo tell you about being transferred. Couldn't even be bothered to do that himself, could he?" "I told you, it upsets him to see me." "He's punishing you." "For what?" Donna cried. "What did I do? Why is he punishing me? Because I wanted more from my job? Because of Colin? I didn't ask for Colin before I had my surgery, I asked for him. I needed him." "You still need him." "I'll always need him. He just doesn't need me anymore. Barb even brings him coffee!" "I'm sure that has some sort of significance to you, but I'm not sure what-" "If it's not my fault, then why am I being punished?!" Donna demanded. "I don't think you're being punished Donna. I think it FEELS like you're being punished. And you're certainly punishing yourself. Why did you survive and no one else did? I don't have an answer for that and neither do you, but you can create one, Donna. You can give meaning to their sacrifice and your survival. Today wasn't the first time you were trapped in the SUV staring at Admiral Fitzwallace, was it?" Donna shook her head no. "This was just the first time you were around other people when it happened." Donna whispered `Yes'. Stanley poured her some water from the pitcher on the table and encouraged her to take a sip. "It's going to get better, Donnatella." Donna's head snapped up at the use of her full name. "Josh tells me things." He explained. "You're going to need help to get through this. It was no small thing that you experienced, stop pretending you can handle it by yourself." "I don't know what else to do. I feel so awful inside, so alone. I'm tired of feeling like this." "I know. It's going to be that way until you start talking to people; including the therapist I'm going to set you up with. Will you do that?" "How do I start?" Donna asked meekly. "Well if I were you, I would start with Josh." Stanley told her. MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMMWMWMWMWMWMMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM Josh knocked twice before letting himself back into Donna's apartment. He'd been surprised a few minutes earlier when the caller on the other end of the phone had been Stanley, not Donna, telling him it was okay to return to the apartment. Stanley had stayed nearly two hours and Josh found himself getting increasingly anxious with every minute that passed. So when he was finally given permission to return, he sprinted to the apartment. Stanley didn't share anything with Josh about what they discussed, he would never break Donna's confidence, but Stanley did warn Josh that Donna was very tired and pretty emotional. Stanley suggested he check in with Donna periodically to make sure she was okay. It wasn't a suggestion Josh needed to have brought up to him. Josh had made a trip back to his apartment to get some things he'd need to stay overnight. He had no intention of leaving Donna alone this evening. "Donna?" Josh called into a darkened apartment. It was early evening and Donna hadn't turned on any lights yet. As his eyes adjusted to the dark room he noticed Donna's silhouette on the couch. He called her name again as he walked toward her, not wanting to startle her with his presence. "I'm here. I'm just really tired." Donna explained. "I thought I could order us some Chinese. We could eat it while I yell at Haffley on Larry King." Josh offered. "That would be nice." Josh ordered from their favorite place and served it to Donna in the living room in front of the TV. The combination of their `normal' routine and a very quiet Donnatella gave Josh a bad feeling. He wanted her to bombard him with useless trivia about Larry King or better yet, television in general. He kept throwing glances at her until she finally blew up at him. "Would you stop looking at me like that? I'm not going to fall apart again, okay? Maybe you should go." "I'm not going anywhere. I'm spending the night right here, but I'll try to avoid looking at you if that helps." "I don't remember asking you to stay." "You did it with your eyes. I could always read your eyes." "I think you might need glasses, then." "No, I might be a little out of practice, but it's a skill I couldn't ever lose." Donna looked away when Josh told her that and she felt the tears welling up in her eyes again. "Why did you ask Leo to transfer me?" Josh did a double take at her quiet question. "I didn't." "Josh..." "I swear Donna, I didn't. It was Leo's idea. I just didn't have the ability to fight it much after my rather impulsive trip to Germany. Leo was afraid of the speculation it would cause with the Republicans and the press. He was concerned that it would hurt you, me, and the President; although not necessarily in that order." "But you've been avoiding me. I've hardly seen you or talked to you since I got home." "I thought that's what you wanted. I thought you wanted things- I was just trying to give you some space. You'd been through so much and in Germany...there was Colin and I- "Josh, I didn't want Colin. I just wanted you." She hesitantly moved forward and when Josh didn't turn away, she gently kissed his lips. "Just you." She moved toward him again. "Donna wait. This isn't a good idea." Donna looked at him with a puzzled frown. "You're mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. You had a two hour session with Stanley; that's really intense stuff. You aren't in a good position to make choices like this right now." Donna looked away from him, embarrassed. "Right. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm going to go to bed now. You should go home, Josh." "I don't think you should be alone tonight, Donnatella." Donna flinched when he called her by her full name. "I don't think you should be here tonight, Joshua." She maneuvered herself into her chair and made a hasty, if inelegant, exit to her room. With humiliation burning on her face, Donna got her sweats on and got into bed, praying that Josh wouldn't invade her sanctuary. How could she face him again at work tomorrow? Please God, let him leave tonight and never mention her kissing him again. Let him just chalk it up to PTSD. She listened intently, and she could clearly hear him cleaning up the dishes, then unzip his backpack. Damn, he was staying. She couldn't very well get him to leave without going out to face him again, and THAT was something she would avoid at all costs. Fine then; let him sleep on her couch if it assuaged his guilt. Lord knows he'd done it many times before; though he'd always been drunk on those previous occasions. She was going to go to sleep and ignore the man in her living room. Tomorrow she'd figure out what she was going to do next. By 2 AM, Josh was no closer to sleep than he'd been when Donna left him sitting on the living room couch hours earlier. He quietly moved to Donna's bedroom door and opened it just a crack. She was sound asleep, lying on her side facing the door. The light from the hallway illuminated her blonde hair and `alabaster' skin. She was so lovely; she literally took his breath away. He'd been petrified earlier in CJ's office. Thank God Stanley had been able to come. Yes, Donna had experienced quite a day. That's why he hadn't let her kiss him again. He didn't want to her to confuse the emotional roller coaster she'd been all day with whatever feelings she may or may not have for him. After all these years, and all this misdirection and confusion, he would be damned if he was going to set himself up for more. Tomorrow they would talk and make some choices. Tomorrow, when some of the emotional charge of the day had worn off. Title: Choices Author: Cathy Miller (cam7192003@yahoo.com) Rating: PG Category: Angst, romance Spoilers: Through Birnam Wood Disclaimer: I do not own or make money from the West Wing or it's characters. I'm just having a little non-profit fun. Feedback: Live for it! A/N: Last chapter folks! Hope you liked it. HUGE thanks to Amy S. for her wonderful job editing and for feeding me lines when I got stuck or started meandering too much! Chapter 6B Donna woke amazingly refreshed and relaxed when her alarm went off at 7. She stretched slowly, knowing she didn't need to be at work for another hour. There were definitely perks since she longer worked directly for Josh, she thought. Josh! Oh, Lord. Was he still here? Not unless he overslept. Senior Staff would be starting right now. She cocked her head to the side and listened for any kind of sound coming from the rest of the apartment. Silence. Good, he was gone. She was glad he was gone. Really, really glad. Now she could get ready for work in peace and put on a professional demeanor before she had to face Josh Lyman again. Although honestly, that probably wouldn't be an issue. He usually avoided her just fine on his own. Today she would bury herself in work and pretend Josh Lyman didn't exist. She would never make a fool of herself for him again. MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM Josh left senior staff with determination in his step. Donna should be there any minute and he was going to ask her to lunch, someplace away from the White House, and they were going to talk; about where they had been and where they were going. They both had some choices to make, both professionally and personally and they were going to start making them today. He stopped in the bull pen to get his messages from Barb and glanced at the television. Congressman Santos was talking about a health care bill he was co-sponsoring, with a Republican no less, and Josh found himself shaking his head sadly. Santos had flat out refused to run for re-election when Josh had personally asked him to reconsider. Just listening to Santos depressed him now. He got pulled away from the set by an unexpected phone call from Senator Dawson who wanted to know if Josh had made a decision yet. Josh asked for more time and the Senator reluctantly agreed. Josh couldn't get off the phone fast enough. Now that he'd made a decision, he was anxious to find Donna. When he got to her office, Bonnie told him she was taking a meeting with Toby in the Roosevelt room. He passed by the clear windows of the Roosevelt room several times but couldn't get her attention and didn't want to interrupt. As the meeting was breaking up, Toby leaned over to Donna. "I think there's a Deputy Chief of Staff looking for you." "You think?" Donna tried not to let Toby see how Josh's obvious pacing affected her. "He's just babysitting; making sure I don't have another nutty in the office that he has to rescue me from." "I'm just saying you might want to talk him down off the ledge before security takes him away." "It's not my job to take care of Josh Lyman anymore, Toby. I'll put these notes together and work with Ed and Larry on new language for you to look at." Donna dumped her notes in the bag she'd attached to the side of her wheelchair and maneuvered herself out of the room. She'd barely cleared the door when Josh came by making another pass past the room. He caught sight of Donna and called her name. Donna pretended not to hear him and kept rolling along the corridor. "Donna, wait up. Damn, you're getting fast in this thing. Here, let me push." "No thanks, the exercise is good for me." "How are you feeling today?" "Great. Fine. You were right, I was pretty overwrought yesterday. Talking to Stanley and a good night's sleep made all the difference. I'm a new woman today." Donna was careful not to meet his eyes and kept moving toward her office. "Overwought?" Josh laughed. "What, are you in Pride and Prejudice now?" "I should never have talked you into watching that movie with me." Donna muttered. "You're the only person on the planet who could've talked me into watching that movie, Donna." "Whatever. I'm fine now, so you can go about your business. I promise you won't have to come to my rescue again today." "I wasn't thinking so much about rescuing as I was thinking about eating." "What?" "Lunch. I thought we could have lunch; somewhere off campus where we won't get interrupted every 5 seconds." "No thanks, Josh." Josh blinked in surprise and pulled her chair to a stop, standing in front of her. "Donnatella Moss is turning down free lunch away from the White House? I no longer believe you're feeling alright today." Josh teased. "Please stop, Josh. I can't...I need to get back to work." Josh didn't move a muscle. He just stared at her. "I can't get to my office when you're standing in front of me." "I thought we could talk over lunch. I don't want to leave things the way they ended last night." He said in a lowered voice. "I wanted a chance to explain things." `Ah', thought Donna, `that's why he wants to leave the building for lunch. If we're out of the office, away from our colleagues and friends, he can explain all the reasons he can't return my feelings. Keep everything nice and clean so he can still hit me up for late night work when he needs me.' "It's really not necessary Josh. I understood things last night." When he still didn't move, she sighed and did a 180 in the chair and reversed direction. The hell with her office, she would settle for anywhere away from Josh Lyman right now. "Hold on, Donna. I think you misunderstood me." Josh was following her around the bull pen now as she continued forward, hurrying to nowhere. "I really don't want to do this anymore, Josh." She called back to him. "Do what anymore? Race around the West Wing?" "I won't let myself get sucked into thinking you care about me and get dumped on my ass for my trouble. I have made a decision; I am moving on with my life. I am concentrating on my career; and if a nice guy who doesn't know anything about politics should cross my path I may consider dating him. But I am no longer dating anyone who works in politics and I am certainly no longer interested in you, so you can just relax and go about your business as usual." Josh stopped following right behind her and stood stock still as she gave her little speech. When she no longer sensed his presence behind her, her Josh radar was still exceptional, she half turned to see where he was. She saw him standing in the middle of the corridor about 10 feet behind her, with a smirk on his face. "I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear that, Donna." He said without moving any closer. "But if a choice has to be made, it has to be made. I'll go give the President my letter of resignation right now." "Excuse me?" "You said you won't date anyone who works in politics so I'll have to quit my job. I'm not really sure if I have any qualifications for a job outside politics, though, so you may have to support us for awhile." Josh took two steps closer, but still stayed a distance from her. "Stop teasing, Josh. It's childish and it's mean." Donna was angry and her words came out clipped and cold. Several heads turned their way. "I've never been more serious in my life. I'm in love with you Donnatella, and if I have to quit my job to be with you, then that's a small enough price to pay." Now every head in the place was watching and listening to the drama unfolding in front of them. "Josh..." "I've been in love with you for a long time and just never had the guts to tell you. All the way to Germany, during every moment of that very long 10 hour flight, I promised any god that would listen to me that I would tell you how I felt when I saw you again if they would just make sure you were alright." "Why didn't you?" Donna asked softly, afraid if she spoke too loud this whole conversation might disappear like a mirage before her very eyes. "At first you were so sick and out of it. Then when you were halfway lucid, Ayres was there acting all possessive. I thought I waited too long and it was too late. Is it too late, Donna?" Donna shook her head no. "I've been doing all of the talking here, Donna, and that isn't normal for you and me." Josh looked to his left and then his right, noting all the people. "We seem to have attracted a bit of an audience here too, so if you could say something and, you know, save me from looking like an idiot here, I'd appreciate it." Josh took the last few steps to her and knelt in front of the wheelchair. "Donna?" "I love you, too." She said simply. Josh's grin broke out so she could see the dimples she loved so very much. She placed her hands on his face right next to them. "I think you said something about lunch?" "Yeah, I did." He agreed. "Maybe we could do brunch instead?" Donna suggested. "I can re-arrange things and clear him until 10." Barb called out from behind them. "Did I mention I love your new assistant?" Donna asked him. "She's pretty great; she brings me coffee you know." He teased. "But it's my former assistant that I love." He leaned forward and kissed her right there in the bull pen. It was that more than anything he said that convinced Donna he was serious. Josh had very strict rules about behavior in the White House, and right now he was breaking all of them. He would never do that unless he really loved her. Catcalls sounded around them and dollar bills exchanged hands as the `Josh and Donna' wager was finally settled. Donna dipped her red face down in embarrassment, but she couldn't wipe the smile from it. "Let's go to brunch. I've been doing some thinking about making some changes in my life." He told her as he moved behind her to push her back down the hallway. "I've got some pretty big decisions to make and I always make better choices after I've talked to you about them." "Alright, but I'm not supporting you, so you had better think about some alternative skill sets, Joshua." "Oh I am, Donnatella, I am." He told her smiling. The end.