Title: Hiding Author: coffeeplease Rating: ADULT Category: Romance Spoiler Info: Everything up to In God We Trust Disclaimer: WB, NBC, John Wells, Aaron Sorkin.... owners. I just lease and try not to stain the carpet. Lawsuits don't look good on me. E-mail address for feedback: jamhandy1@yahoo.com Archiving permission: Sure, just tell me first Notes: My first attempt at smut, but I don't think it's really that smutty! Feedback is better than coffee, perhaps better than sex, although it's a close call. Please let me know what you think! They were still hiding. Still hiding, although there was nothing anyone could say now, no fingers they could point. They weren't boss and assistant anymore. They didn't work for the same man. They weren't doing anything wrong. It didn't feel wrong. Nothing felt wrong with her lips on his neck or his hand on her thigh. It was right and delicious and the room always spun. The bed usually moved a few inches. Sometimes the wall shook. The first time was the night of a thousand emotions. The night of the day two brothers in arms fought, scratched at each other's scabs and left the other to bleed. Donna hadn't expected to offer comfort. She was weary; she didn't know if she had any comfort left to give. But comfort came and it was wild. It tasted like beer and soft soap. She scratched at Josh, too, but it was a different kind of scratch as she kept coming and coming and coming. Above her, Josh's mouth had formed a perfect round circle. He searched for her eyes, grasping her head with both of his hands as he collapsed on top of her. "I missed you so much." That was all they needed to say to each other. She showed up at his door, not knowing if she was welcome. She turned out to be more than welcome. She was missed, craved, needed, wanted, loved. How could she have known? He told her between small tears and light gasps that he couldn't have ever told her. He was weak. She was the one who had strength. There was no way of knowing what the future would hold, she thought as she held him in the night. Insecurity flooded her every thought. He would shut down and misdirect. He would repudiate and deny. He would run away, not because he was weak but because he disliked complication. She justified his future rejection in her head. She was sure it would come. But it never did. The morning came and his hands were inside of her. Then he was inside of her, pushing in and pulling out slowly. She framed his face with her hands and let him take her, moving her hips slightly. The kept their eyes locked. He whimpered that he loved her, had always loved her. They lost the ability to form words. He said he would call and he did. Nine times the next day. Twice, he was reduced to leaving a message and he sounded stilted, scared and yet painfully sweet. Yeah, yeah, so he really missed her and loved her and she should think about working for Santos and he couldn't stop himself from calling. Then he called her again. They were leaving town. He was about to get on the plane. He couldn't stand the thought. ************************************************** A week later they were together in Maine. They didn't make it to the bed. The wall by the hotel door, the floor in front of the television ... He had rug burn on his backside and it felt incredible. They laid together in bed and debated Russell versus Santos until he had fully recovered. They made love on the bathroom counter. She had wanted to brush her teeth. She fell asleep in his arms and he was afraid. He knew her heart, he knew her bones and he knew how fast she could fly if she wanted to. Once she had flown from Wisconsin to Nashua without stopping to rest her wings. Years later, he blinked once and the next day her desk was cleared out and a stranger was in her chair. The world had not ended, true, but it had taken special pleasure to torture him. Flog him with his greatest mistake: he tried to keep a free bird in a cage. Clich‚ or not, he liked to think she had flown back. But maybe she saw differently. Maybe during those few times her eyes left his during lovemaking she was picturing Colin or Jack instead of him. Maybe he was just a penis to her, a body to hold. In the years between Nashua and Gaza, he had come to know his and Donna's mutual lust well. It still felt forbidden, even though it was not. They were still hiding. The rest of Maine was a blur of Santos stickers, Russell cutouts and each other's bodies. There wasn't a surface in Josh's hotel room that hadn't seen sweat or semen. There were times it was animalistic. She left scratches on his back. There were other times when it was slow and sweet. One time they debated nationalized health care during it and laughed at their own oddness. They left Maine and went their separate ways for a bit. The first morning she made sure a large cup of coffee was waiting for him in his office. Ronna giggled, making Josh flinch, even though there was no need to hide. The next morning there was a coffee mug and the third morning there was a coffee maker. Josh couldn't help the size of his smile and it went with him the entire day. He sent her roses, twelve dozen, every morning as well as a chicken stuffed animal, a hotel key card from Iowa, a Mamas and the Papas CD and the sequel to Heimlich Beckengruber on The Art and Artistry of Alpine Skiing, Heimlich Beckengruber on The Art and Artistry of Himalayan Skiing. He had bought it years ago, the Christmas she went away with Jack Reece. He had also bought two tickets to Hawaii and a DVD player. He wanted to see her face when he gave them to her. Maybe he should have been paying more attention to the campaign. His thoughts were on her lips, her hair and then Santos' education plan. He could multitask. He didn't want her to forget. As if forgetting was ever possible, but Josh didn't know if it was a mind, body, spirit or heart she wanted. All four of his, she already had. ************************************************** They were back in Washington and he suggested they sneak into the White House and make love in his old office. It was forbidden, wrong and the new tenant might not appreciate the romance. They did it anyway, calling in a favor from Charlie, making sure Cliff was still on the Hill... after, her legs shook and she prayed she hadn't screamed. Cheekily, she suggested they try her old desk. He laughed throatily. The previous day, Cliff had asked her out and Donna didn't know what to respond with. If she had said she was seeing someone, Cliff would have asked who. She wouldn't have felt comfortable saying. There was no reason to hide anymore, but that's what they were doing. She didn't know why. She was glad she had brushed him off, now that her legs were splayed on his desk and another man, the previous owner of the desk, had his head between them. It would have been a very uncomfortable meal. "I had sex in your office with Josh Lyman, whom I was picturing all three minutes we were having sex five years ago. The cleaning supplies are in a closet in the basement, near Ainsley's old office. Sorry if you thought we would be sleeping together again, I don't think your predecessor would approve." Romantic, naughty and they were begging to get caught. What would Leo or C.J. have said had they walked in on some inopportune moment? Donna knew what Toby would have done; simply turn and walk away and never mention it again. It was wrong, almost even more so now that they didn't work in the building. It was the sexiest thing she had ever done. Never before had it been like this. She was hungry for him when he was across the country. She was ravenous when he was across the room. Three, four times a night; he was in his mid-forties, wasn't this suppose to be impossible? He was a gunshot victim. Shouldn't he be lying down on his back instead of pushing her up against a door? When she looked at him, impressed but quizzical after a fifth time one night in D.C., he told her that it wasn't him and it wasn't her. It was them and he could go all night. ************************************************** He had surprised her with the Hawaii tickets in Cleveland. They would go after the election, of course. A week to decompress and then he would take her and watch her get in and out of her bikini and drink Mai-Tais with her. He looked forward to the day when they would stop hiding. He had no idea why they were hiding. They never talked about it. She was definitely his girlfriend, but he never called her that. Ronna, Matt Santos, Helen... they all knew there was someone. He didn't try and hide that he was in love. He didn't think that he could. The spring in his step, the permanent dimples and the good mood were all beyond his control. The Hoynes story broke when Josh was in California. He read the newspaper and saw Donna Moss and sex scandal in the same sentence. This was why they hid. Nobody would understand. Everybody would assume. Lies would be told and he wouldn't be able to control it. Wouldn't be able to control his anger, either. He was angry now. He suffered for years because he never wanted "Donna Moss" and "sex scandal" in the same paragraph. Years of hiding everything, not only because he was never sure how she felt, but because it would ruin her in one swoop. One reporter catching one kiss... she would never work in Washington again. This wasn't the same. He knew this. No one was accusing Donna Moss of being wanton or sleeping with the wrong person. Josh knew they would never be able to guess how wanton she actually was. How every time they discovered something new in themselves and in each other. He wasn't the wrong person. She had told him in Cleveland. How much she loved him, needed him and that she would be with him forever, if he wanted. If. He was beyond if. Left it behind a few minutes after he gave her his badge in Nashua. Barreled past it when he saw her at his hospital bedside and couldn't even remember "if" when he was at her hospital bedside. There was no "if." He wanted forever and he wanted to stop hiding. But he needed to protect her. It was a skill he knew well. It was the only way he had been able to show his love for seven years. ************************************************** It was a warm night in New Jersey. The polls had closed. There were no winners yet. Protocol maintained that the campaign staffs stayed with their respective candidates. All night, if necessary. It was a warm night and the ring was burning a hole in Josh Lyman's pocket. He wondered if it was too soon. If it wasn't still too close to call. If another month in hiding, another two months... but he wanted Matt Santos to know who it was that made his campaign manager so happy. He wanted the world to know. She felt oblivious to the tension in the Russell camp. Her disillusion with Russell grew and grew, but she was not a quitter. In the past, this had been to her detriment. She could only imagine where she and Josh would be today if she had quit years ago. Married, probably. It was both comforting and depressing. He would text message her at midnight and she locked herself in the bathroom to respond. He had to see her. It didn't matter that they were still waiting for the results. He was going to tell Matt he wasn't feeling well. She should come to the room in twenty minutes. She already had the keycard. Will nodded when Donna told him the crabcakes hadn't agreed with her. She had been in the bathroom a good ten minutes. Her skin was flushed. Flew out of the room that had begun to seem like a cage and nearly ran to the elevator, only to find Josh Lyman getting on the same elevator. He smiled at her as the doors closed. Their lips were fused together a moment later. Subconsciously, she was still waiting for rejection. Still believed that it was yet to come. She no longer doubted his love. She had never doubted her own. But he couldn't keep her a priority forever. Politics would come between them. Not candidates or races or issues; that united them, even if they were on different sides. No, she knew the mistress she was competing with. His love for politics knew no bounds. Someday it would be a choice. And like Amy and Mandy before her, Donna would have to deal with second place at the pageant. This much she believed, even though part of her knew it was a lie. The confident part screamed that this was different, special. She knew he was consumed by her. He pressed the ring into her palm, too frightened and weak to say the actual words. There was a possibility she'd say no. If she did, he would be haunted forever by it. She rolled the ring around in her fingers a few times, breaking their kiss to look down at it. The elevator doors opened. They both stepped out. Insecurity played with both of their insides. The crabcakes really weren't agreeing with Donna. Josh was terrified, seeing ghosts of his future without her hanging around the hallway. There is such a thing as true love, Josh prayed. And she has to know that this is it. Donna looked into his eyes. What strange people they both were. Driven by a world that insisted they hide and now he was tearing down the walls. He was ripping them down with both hands. She had dreamed of this moment in a more romantic setting, but it didn't really matter. She nodded. There was never any doubt, any "if" in her mind. She put the ring on her finger and smiled as she admired the diamond. It only took him a few seconds to push her against the wall, kissing her passionately, publicly. When they finally made it to his room, she swiped the keycard quickly. They didn't make it to the bed. Against the door, her insides shaking as he touched her sweetly and slowly. He moaned when her lips found his Adam's apple. When he finally pushed himself inside her, they both couldn't help but come quickly. She clawed at his suit coat. He squeezed her thighs. He was hard again in an instant and they kept going on the floor. No one could tell them it was wrong again.