Loyalties

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Summary: Picks up immediately after "The Long Hot Summer"

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Disclaimers in Part 1. (Oh wait this is Part 1 - They're not mine, blah,
blah, blah)

Feedback: Always cool.

***Warning!!! Please follow the rating system.***

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Chapter 1

I think I might have stared at the door for an hour. No it was probably only
ten minutes but it felt like an hour.

I did the right thing.

I shouldn't be seen with her outside of work. That's what Toby said. He
heard from a guy who knew one of the lawyers on the Special Prosecutor's
team. They were coming after me... and my mistress.

Mistress. How ridiculous was that. Could I even have a mistress if I was
single? I laughed when Toby told me. I told him he was being absurd. I said
there was nothing going on between us, that there never had been anything
between us other than... friendship.

I left out the part about sleeping next to her practically every night last
summer then again this past Christmas each time waking up with an erection
and an almost overwhelming need to be inside of her just so that I could be
connected to her.

What Toby didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

Then he looked at me with that typical blank Toby expression and told me to
be careful.

Fucking careful. I've known Donna for almost four years and now I have to be
careful because some Nazi Republican Prosecutor has it in his head that
she's my lover. And even if she was, what the hell did two single people
carrying on an affair have to do with the President's MS?

It didn't matter. I could rant all I want but I knew that it didn't matter.
Politics is perception. If people think I'm having a clandestine affair,
then in their minds I become sneaky. If I'm sneaky that means that the
President must be sneaky too. The last thing we wanted was for the President
to look sneaky.

It was all so much bullshit. If only he'd told us before the election, I
could have fixed this. I could have made it all right. Now I had to be
careful and it was his fault.

So Donna comes over with chicken and I boot her out without even an
explanation. I think she knew. I think she's known for a while that I've
been trying to push her away.

If she's not standing next to me, she can't get hurt. But if I told her
that's why I was doing this, I know her, she would find a way to stand
closer. Donna is very loyal.

I look around the place for something to throw or hit. We were so close. Six
weeks ago I was planning on taking her to dinner and telling her that I had
waited almost a year to get over this... this thing... that I had for her and it
still hadn't gone away.

It's not like I thought about it daily, but there were times when I was with
her that it was all I could think about. One morning I woke up on the couch
in the office downstairs and saw her on the opposite couch, her back towards
me.

I got up, walked over to her like some kind of zombie, sat on the edge of
the couch and started stroking her hair because I couldn't stop myself. She
woke up and turned to me with this question in her eyes and I just shook my
head. I got up and left and I think she knew.

I hope she knows. I hope she knows I didn't tell her to leave because I
didn't want her to stay. Then I thought about why she came over in the first
place. I had a calendar posted on my fridge. I checked the date. It wasn't
lost on me. I'm an anniversary kind of a guy. I cursed fluently.

Ring. Ring.

I reached for the phone.

"Donna?" I don't know why I thought it was her. I don't know why she would
call me after I kicked her out. I guess I just wanted it to be her.

"No."

I sighed. "What's up Sam?"

"I was calling to let you know the President bumped up the departure time
for tomorrow. You need to be there at six."

"Right."

"You want to talk about it?" I guess my tone was less than pleasant.

"No."

"Why did you think I was Donna?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Josh..." I knew he was getting ready to say something that I didn't want to
hear. Sam had a real hard time breaking bad news to people. "We're starting
to get worried again... about you."

Oh great. This is just what I needed. "We?"

"CJ, Toby."

Figures. They were worried about my mental state because they didn't get it.
They hadn't seen the PTSD coming until it was too late. And now they didn't
understand that my frustration, my pent up anger, my total disappointment
had nothing to do with panic attacks or getting shot and had everything to
do with the situation we were stuck in.

"I'm fine Sam. I'm just...pissed."

"I know. We're all feeling it. But we're going to get through this Josh."

"Sure." I wished I actually believed me.

"Toby told me about the Donna thing. It's just a way for them to get at us.
Pull our strings a little bit. Nothing will come of it."

"I know." I didn't know. What if they put me on a stand and asked me
questions. What if they asked me if I slept with her?

No. They wouldn't ask that. They would be more careful. Wouldn't they? They
would ask if I had sexual relations with her. Then they would define sexual
relations until everyone in the room was blushing.

I have never had sexual relations with that woman.

And of course everyone would believe me. I mean it's not like anyone has
ever lied about this kind of thing in politics before. Nahhhh.

"Sam," I started feeling like I needed to warn him. There were questions
they might ask, questions that might cause us problems. "There are some
things..."

"Not over the phone, Josh."

This alarmed me. "You think the phone is bugged."

"How about we meet. The usual place?"

Geez now we were talking in code. "Sam I think you're being a little
paranoid..."

"The usual place."

"Okay." I knew where this was, Bullfeathers right by the Capitol building.
Of course it was also the usual place for most Congressmen. Probably not
where we wanted to have this conversation. "Wait. Sam. Make it the other
place." The other place was a dive off of Dupont Circle. It's the kind of
place you go when you don't want to be seen.

"The other place? We have another place?"

"Yeah. You know. The other place. The place we go when we don't want to see
anyone."

"That's the place I meant."

"Oh. I thought you meant the place we go when we want to see people."

"Wait. Wait. Are you talking about the place that we went..."

"Yeah that night we went with Toby..."

"Okay now we sound like we're going to a gay bar."

"We're not gay!" I shouted into the phone. Just in case.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that," Sam added just in case. After
all we were Democrats.

"Ten minutes," I told him.

"Right."


"I've slept with Donna."

"You've slept with Donna!" Sam shouted.

"Okay just in case Nazi Republican spies figured out where we were meeting.
They now know why we are meeting. But at least they no longer think we're
gay."

Sam lowered his voice. "How could you not tell me that you finally had sex
with Donna? I've been waiting like... forever ...for this."

"I didn't have sex with her."

"But you just said...oh. Oh God. Is this from the shooting? You mean you
can't...anymore...oh God."

I wanted to smack his head. "No. I mean, no that's not it. What I said was
that I slept with Donna. We didn't have sex. We slept. Last summer. I used
to get these ...dreams whatever. She helped me get back to sleep. It was all
very innocent."

"So you mean you two never..."

"No."

"Really?"

"Yes, really! I was recovering from a gunshot wound to the chest Sam. It's
not like either one of us were feeling very sexy at the time." That wasn't
necessarily true, but he was making me feel like shmuck for not making a
move when I had the chance.

"Okay. So why are we talking about this?"

"What if they ask me if I've slept with her? How do I answer that?"

"With the truth."

You know there were times when Sam could be amazingly simple. Sometimes that
was a great quality. And sometimes, like tonight, it sucked. "Sam..." I
growled.

"What? You slept with her. It was innocent. Nothing happened."

"They're not going to believe that."

"They're not going to believe that you haven't slept with her, and when I
say slept I do mean in the Biblical sense of the word, no matter what you
say. You know that and I know that."

"But why me and Donna? Why not Toby and Ginger?"

"You really don't want me to answer that do you?"

"But nothing has ever happened," I try to emphasis. "We've never done
anything so why does everyone assume..."

"She lived with you for three months Josh. You send her flowers and talk
about your anniversary. Not six months ago you told me that you purposefully
sabotage her relationships. Why do you think everyone thinks you're sleeping
together?"

There wasn't really anything to say to that.

"The question," he continued, "is why are you not sleeping with her?"

"Don't start with me, Sam."

"I'm serious. I'm not saying there wouldn't be ramifications. I'm not even
saying it's the best idea. But Josh you and Donna... you have this thing.
You've always had it. In fact, she's the longest running relationship you've
ever had. Now maybe you're really bad at sex and that's why you can't keep
anyone in your life more than a year or two, but I think you should give
this thing with Donna a chance."

"Did you just accuse me of being bad at sex?" Because that sounded a hell of
a lot like a challenge and I never walk away from a challenge. Of course in
this case proving my sexual prowess to Sam was really not an option.

"Focus Josh."

Maybe I could get some old girl friends to call him.

"Josh. We were talking about Donna."

"Right. You say go for it. We can't mention the name of a bar over the phone
but now is the time for me to make my move."

That's when Sam got this look on his face. This really defeated look. I knew
this look. It was the same one he had when he came out of Leo's office that
night he was told.

"Josh, I'm saying either way, I don't think it's going to matter in the
end."

I wasn't ready to except that kind of defeat. Not yet. I still had some
fight left in me. The question was what to fight for. "Tonight's our
anniversary."

"I thought April was your anniversary."

"The anniversary of the first day she came to live with me. Last summer."

"Yeah, no reason to think there is anything going on between you two."

"She brought me chicken," I brooded. She knew fajitas were my favorite.

"For a present? Kind of a strange one don't you think?"

"For dinner. Donna and I used to make dinner together back then."

"You cooked?"

"Yeah. It was... fun."

Sam nodded. "It was fun because it was Donna. Can you see you and Mandy
making dinner together?"

Mandy didn't cook. Truth was I didn't cook before Donna. If Mandy and I had
ever tried to cook together it would have ended up being a competition.
Everything between us was always a competition. Then it would have ended up
being a fight. We did a lot of that too. Donna and I? Not so much fighting.
Not real fighting. Not nasty fighting. Mandy and I used to get nasty.

Mandy I was allowed to date. Donna I was not. Sometimes life really sucked.

"I'm going." I threw some bills down on the table and stood to leave.

"Yeah."

"I'll see at the airport tomorrow."

"Right. This will be good. Being in New Hampshire. It will be good for all
of us."

"If anyone anywhere still thinks anything good about him, it will be there."

"Hey."

"Hi."

"What are you doing?"

"Having another beer. Eating Oreo cookies. Why are you calling?"

Good question. There was some static over the phone and I pulled my ear away
for a second.

"Josh are you on the cell?"

"Yeah."

"Where are you calling from?"

"My front stoop."

"You couldn't use the portable?"

No need to go into my recently developed paranoia thanks to Sam. "It didn't
reach." I hoped she wouldn't comment on the ridiculousness of that
statement.

"Josh what's going on?"

"Oh didn't they tell you? You see the President concealed this disease..."

"I got that part. New Hampshire will be good for him."

"Tell me again why you're not going."

"Somebody has to run your office."

"Yeah. Okay. I'll call from the road."

I heard her snort. "Really? You'll call? And check in endlessly, like every
twenty minutes, because that's not like you at all."

"Funny." Although I didn't have the energy to smile let alone laugh.
"Donna."

"Yes?"

"I wanted you to know ... that I remembered. Tonight, I mean. I just ... didn't
want to remember."

"Oh. Okay. I guess that makes sense. I mean it's not like it was a real
happy time for you."

It was the best and worst time of my whole life.

"Anyway I'll call from the road."

"Okay."

"What are you going to do now?"

"Have another beer. Eat more cookies."

"Don't drink too much, you've got to run my office tomorrow."

"Yes, sir, boss."

"Don't call me boss," I said suddenly. "Please don't ever call me that
again."

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Chapter 2

"Hi Donna."

I glanced up from my salad and saltines and saw Ainsley. "Hey."

"You look a little peaked."

"Hangover."

"Been there."

This had me raising my eyebrows.

"I have been known to indulge in a glass or two of wine. Sometimes to
my detriment."

"Sam said you drank Pink Squirrels."

"Sam was supposed to have expunged that fact as well as the incident
surrounding it from his memory. I will have to talk to him about that
upon his return. Can I sit?"

"Sure." I looked at her plate and saw that she had chosen the lunch
special. Turkey with gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, peas and side
order of what appeared to be corn bread. And a can of Fresca. I
thought I might puke.

"So I imagine the office is quiet with Josh gone."

As quiet as it could be with the endless phone calls from
congressmen, staffers, reporters, and lawyers all wanting time to
question Josh about what he knew when. Not to mention Josh calling
every half hour to curse the fact that congressmen, staffers,
reporters and lawyers were calling even more frequently then he was.

"As quiet as it can be."

"You know Donna, I'm really sorry about everything that's happened. I
know a lot of people think because I'm a Republican that somehow I'm
enjoying this. I'm not."

"How could anyone enjoy the fact that a man, a man like President
Bartlet, is sick with this disease? How could anyone enjoy that?"

She nodded but we both knew that there were people out there who did.
Sick demented people who were reveling in President Bartlet's
condition. As a rule I'm a non-violent sort of person, except when it
comes to Josh of course, but I wanted to hit those people with
something hard. Like a bat.

"How about we talk about something else? Something feminine and
ridiculous?"

The suggestion appealed to me. It had been so long since I had
thought about anything else, anything besides what was happening, how
it was affecting Josh, and me, and everyone around us that I couldn't
remember a time when I wasn't thinking about it. Something ridiculous
sounded perfect. "I scheduled a pedicure for Saturday morning and I
plan on having my toe nails painted purple."

Ainsley smiled. "I'm actually considering dying my hair red."

"It would look good," I lied.

We both laughed and it felt good. "Thanks."

"Sure. Okay, I have another crazy suggestion. Why don't you get away
from this place for a while, Donna. Do something fun for yourself. Go
on a date."

"A date?" I wasn't sure what that was anymore. "Wait. I seem to
recall dating. That's when a boy and a girl get together and do
things right? Like dinner or dancing." Or in my case when you bring
chicken to his apartment only so he can toss you out on your ear and
say enigmatic things like don't call me boss anymore. But I was
pretty sure that's not what Ainsley had in mind.

"That's right. And sometimes at the end of the evening the boy walks
you to your door and gives you a very nice kiss."

"Kiss? I seem to recall kissing..."

We laughed again.

"I don't know anyone I want to date," I told Ainsley. That was
another lie.

"I know someone."

Oh great. Blind date. Loved those. Because they always worked out so
well. I shook my head. "I don't think so."

"Why not. He's cute and he's got a nice smile. He's very smart. I
went to law school with him and he's just relocated to the area. We
were always just friends, no spark, but I told him I would keep my
eye out for him. I think he would like you. And I think you need a
distraction."

A distraction. A date. With a lawyer. Josh would hate it.

No, stop that. I couldn't base my life around what Josh Lyman would
or would not think about my choices. There was nothing between us.
Nothing that he was willing to act on anyway. For a while, I thought
things might be changing. I remembered those stupid flowers he sent
me and the beer thing. And of course me all stupid and "Oh I wouldn't
stop for red lights because I love you so much, blah, blah, blah."
The doof had just stood there like a deer caught in the headlights.
Really, who was the dumbkiss in that situation.

Wait it was Josh, right. Not me. Yeah, it was definitely Josh.

Then everything changed. He found out about the President. He lied to
me. He's been working with Joey Lucas for the last few weeks like she
holds the answer to the universe and he turned down chicken. He used
to love my chicken fajitas.

"Okay. I'll do it," I said in the manner of soldier who has just
volunteered for a suicide mission.

"Great. I'll call him. I really think you two will hit it off."


*****

"What do you mean you're not going to meet me at the plane on Friday?"

"I'm not going to meet you at the plane on Friday."

"What do you mean you're not going to ..."

"Josh, you haven't lost your ability to speak and understand English
right? I know that people in New Hampshire have those funny accents,
but it's not like I'm speaking Greek. I'm not going to meet you at
the plane. It doesn't get in until after nine. I'll see you Saturday
morning." Right after my pedicure. No need to tell him that though.

"But Donna I'm going to need to ... catch up."

"Which we will do Saturday morning. I have plans." That was a slip. I
didn't want to tell him about my plans. It was only Wednesday. Now
that he knew that I had plans he would begin to plot. I could almost
hear the gears of his mind spinning.

"Plans? You mean a date?"

In for a penny. "Yes, a date. Ainsley set me up with a friend." And
there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. I was not in any way
shape or form betraying, Josh. In fact, I was helping him. I was
moving on with my life and he would see that and he would know that
he didn't have to worry about hurting my feelings just because he
didn't feel the same way about me that I felt about him. He should be
thrilled with this idea.

"You're going on a date!"

Okay maybe thrilled was overstating things a bit.

"Yes."

"Ainsley did this. I'll kill her."

"Yes. It's a set up, Josh. Not treason."

"Donna, do you know what we're in the middle of here? We've got
polling problems, we've got Senate Hearings, we've got a Special
Prosecutor breathing down our necks and you're going on a date!"

"I didn't say I was going on a date at three in the afternoon, Josh.
I'm meeting him Friday at eight after work hours, and I'm willing to
spend all day Saturday with you catching up and doing what needs to
be done."

"Oh and I'm supposed to be grateful that you've managed to fit me
into your busy social calendar."

There it was. It was that tone again. It was the same one he used on
me the last time I had a date and he began to accuse me of all sorts
of horrible things. I could almost feel him gearing up and I decided
to stop him before he could get started.

"Joshua Lyman do not start with me. You know I have been working just
as hard as you have. You know I would do anything, anything to help
President Bartlet. But I need this. I'm sorry that the idea of me
trying to establish some type of existence outside of work offends
you so much, but you're just going to have to accept it. I'll call
you on Saturday."

"Don't bother. After all you might have a late night. Just ... get
there when you get there."

Round one. The guilt trip. Wasn't going to work. Not this
time. "Fine."

"I'll just figure out what I need on my own."

"Okay."

"Fine."

"Fine." I'm not going to cave. I'm not going to cave.

"I know this may break into your free time, but could I ask for a
briefing memo on the new energy proposal."

"No problem."

"Tonight. I want to work on our counter."

"Fine." I looked at my watch. It was after nine. The type of
briefing he was talking about would take hours. Round two.
Punishment. "No problem."

"A comprehensive memo, Donna. Not some general overview."

"Got it." You lily-livered no good rotten mud eating bastard. I hung
up the phone first and realized it was the first time I had done
that. The first time I hung up on him first. Oh yeah, I was
definitely moving in the right direction.

******


"Tonight?"

"Yes Donna. Oh wait. I'm sorry. You're tying to establish a life
outside of work. I bet this would interfere with that."

I had worked until three in the morning last night on the energy
briefing. It had required several drafts before Josh gave his
approval. No surprise there. Now it was after ten. I had my coat on
and was ready to leave. I told myself not to answer the phone. I
looked around his office. It wasn't possible that he had a hidden
camera or anything like that.

"It's not a problem."

"Because if it's a problem..."

"I said it's not a problem. I'll get you what you need."

"The impact of drilling on ..."

"Wildlife in Alaska. Yes, I know."

"And I'm going to need a complete and thorough..."

"Yes, Josh. Trust me I understand loud and clear."

We had officially moved on to round three: sabotage. He'd keep me
working until late in the morning. By tomorrow, if I'm lucky, I will
have had exactly four hours of sleep in the last forty-eight hours.
My blind date would no doubt think he was on a date with a zombie. A
zombie with dark circles under her eyes.

I should just tell him no. But that would be giving in to him. And
for whatever reason I felt as if I needed to prove something to him.
I could do this. I would do this. Sleep or no sleep.

"Fine. You'll have it in a few hours."

"I'll want to review it."

"Of course you will. You might need to make a few changes."

I could hear him hesitate. "Only if they're necessary."

Yes, because making me correct my spelling of the word they're, I
spelled it there instead of they're, had been a critical adjustment
at two thirty last night. "Absolutely. It's not like you would just
keep me here for the sake of keeping me here. I mean that would be
ridiculous and childish."

"Sure."

"You're a professional, Josh. You take both your work and my work
seriously. To send me on bogus errands or waste my time on
meaningless reports would be both demeaning and frankly irresponsible
of you. I just don't believe you would do that at this critical time
when every moment counts."

Two could play at the guilt game. Take that Deputy Lyman.

"Yep. That's me. Professional. So you'll fax me the first draft?"

I don't get it. His guilt trips always worked on me.

"Sure."

*******

What time was it? Six. Okay. Okay. I could do this. I managed to get
out of the office. I had Ginger pick up my phone for the last hour.
Josh had called twice. Hehehe.

He thought he could out smart me. But oh no. I have risen to the
occasion. And I was operating on less than three hours of sleep in
two days. Beating Josh at his own game was one thing, doing it half
delirious, why that was something altogether special.

So now I was just going to take a quick power nap. Then I would be
ready for tonight. We were meeting at the bar in the Willard. Very
high class. I think I already liked...

Oh my God. I couldn't remember his name.

Didn't matter. I would remember it. I just needed a power nap. Thirty
minutes and I would be as sharp as a new penny. No that was wrong. I
would be sharp as a knife. Although that didn't seem like a good
thing for a date. Didn't matter.

I staggered back to my bed and fell face down. I set the alarm right?
I hope so because right now I was too tired to even ....

******

"Donna?"

"Goway," I mumbled.

"I thought you had a date tonight."

I lifted my head. Karin was standing in the doorway of my bedroom. In
front of her was the clock on my bedstand that read eight thirty. Oh
shit!

I jolted out of bed. "Ohshitohshitohshit." I raced for my closet and
pulled out the first thing a hanger would let go of. It was my green
dress. No that wouldn't do. I pulled out the second thing a hanger
would let go of. This one was black. Oh good. It would match my dark
circles.

"What time were you supposed to meet him?"

"Eight."

"Forget it, Donna. He's gone by now."

"No. He's there. He has to be there. I have to go on this date."

"Okay. Later."

She didn't get it. And that was okay because I didn't have time to
explain it to her. This date was very important. Phenomenally
important. This was my first step in actually, truly, really, getting
over Josh. I could not miss it. I wouldn't miss it.

*****

The bar was empty except for two men. I flipped my hair over my
shoulder and checked my watch. It was ten after nine. I wouldn't
think about the state my make up must be in having put it on in a
cab. I was just going to go with it.

I sat on the bar stool and tried not to stare at either gentleman.
One looked to be in his fifties. Okay not him. The other was the
right age and had a nice smile. It was him. It had to be him. He
waited. That was two pluses. The Willard and the waiting. Now, I
just needed to introduce myself to...

Oh no. I still didn't remember his name. What had Ainsley said?
Ralph? Rob? Richard?

"Hi. You're Donna Moss aren't you?"

"Yes," I smiled brightly. Make that three pluses. The Willard, the
waiting, and a great memory. "This is going to sound really
horrible, but I don't... I can't remember... your name."

This seemed to surprise him. "I wouldn't think that you did."

Okay. Not to sure what that meant.

"It's just that things have been crazy at the office and I ..."

"No problem. My name's Cliff."

"Cliff." Of course. Cliff. That's what she said, wasn't it? "And
you're a lawyer."

He nodded but he had a strange look on his face when he did. "Yes. I
am a lawyer."

"I don't have a problem with lawyers," I blurted out. That wasn't
very smooth. You know maybe there was a reason I didn't date
much. "What I meant to say is that I know that not all lawyers are
bad."

He sat down on the stool next to me, seemingly satisfied with my
answer. "That's good to know. Real good to know. Can I buy you a
drink?"

"Sure. A whiskey sour."

"That's my favorite too."

Oh yeah. This was going to work. This was going to be absolutely
perfect.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Chapter 3

"Josh, she's gone. Accept it."

Oh yeah. Those were the words I wanted to hear right now. "Thanks,
Sam for your candor and bluntness. Hey do you think I'm losing my
hair in the back of my head?"

"So she left on time on a Friday. What's the big deal?"

I didn't tell him about the date. I didn't want to hear, I told you,
you should have gone for it. It was bad enough to think it. It would
be worse to hear it. I snapped the phone shut and told myself I
wasn't going to think about it.

"Where the hell is the President anyway?"

"He's coming."

"Well, shouldn't he be here by now. I mean aren't we worried that he
might have been taken hostage or something."

"Nobody's worried about that, Josh."

CJ was inside the terminal flirting with some Air Force Captain. Toby
was sleeping in a chair. Sam and I were out on the tarmac because he
said I was jumpy and the fresh air would calm me. And it might have
if I hadn't called the office again only to have Donna not pick up. I
checked my watch. It was barely after six. She must be pretty damn
excited about this date to leave so early. Nope, I'm not going to
think about it.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," I muttered unable to conceal the absolute disgust that I
was feeling right now. I mean who was this guy. Another ... what was
his name Tad? Terence?

"Donna's on a date, isn't she? That's why you're all wigged out."

"First off, I am not wigged out, okay. Forty year old men do not get
wigged out." Todd. That was his name. The insurance guy. I wonder
what this guy did.

Sam shook his head. "Told you, you should have gone for it."

"And that is exactly why I didn't tell you."

"So who is he?"

"I don't know. Why don't you ask Ainsley?"

"Ainsley?"

"Yes, that little Republican ray of sunshine you brought into all of
our lives. Apparently, she's seen fit to add to her list of official
duties at the White House."

"She set Donna up. On a blind date?"

"Yes."

"Then there you go."

"What do you mean?"

"Josh, it's a blind date. Blind dates never work out."

That's right. I had a blind date once. It was awful. I
surreptitiously used my cell phone under the table to dial my pager
number and beep me the hell out of there. Maybe Donna was doing that
right now. Maybe I should stay off my cell in case she needed to call
so I could get her out of it.

"You're right," I exclaimed. "It's a blind date. Blind dates are
always bad dates."

"Not all blind dates. I did have this one friend..." Sam started to
chuckle. "Let's just say Cindy Crawford was involved."

For a really bright guy he could be an idiot sometimes.

"So what did you do?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know. The sabotage. What dastardly form did it take this time?
Although it must have been difficult with you up here and her down
there."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"See. Right there. You did that high voice thing again. It really
gives you away every time."

I know. I wonder if I could see a speech therapist about that.

"I may or may not have kept her up late a few nights in a row working
on something for me... that was completely legitimate."

"You're evil."

"I know. It's a quality I'm not really proud of. But hey get this. I
tell her she's got to stay late and do this stupid memo for me and
you know what card she pulls?"

"What?"

"The guilt card."

"Donna tried guilt? With you?"

Hearing him say it made me laugh all over again. "I know."

"What was she thinking? Doesn't she know you're a heartless bastard
who's completely impervious to guilt?"

"Must have slipped her mind." I heard a noise and turned to see the
President's entourage arrive. "Finally."

The Secret Service jumped out of the first SUV, then Leo, followed by
the President, exited the limo.

"Sam, Josh, I feel great."

"That's excellent, Mr. President," Sam told him falling in step with
Leo.

I knew this trip would put the glimmer back in his eyes. I hadn't
realized how much I missed it. How much I needed it. It reminded me
of what separated him from the rest of the throng.

He put his arm around me and together we walked to the metal stairs
that led to Air Force One. "I feel young again. Reborn. My heart is
overflowing right now, Josh. Overflowing."

"That's good, Mr. President."

"You know the heart is an amazing organ, Josh."

Uh oh. I knew where this was going.

"I don't suppose you can tell me how many chambers the heart has?"

Yep, we were taking a little trip down trivia lane. I swear I got
stuck with trivia duty more than anyone. "Four, sir?"

"That's right. And did you know that the phrase God Bless You was
originally coined because it was believed that when you sneezed it
was the only time other than death that your heart stopped."

"I did not know that, sir." And I did not care.

We reached the top of the landing and the President turned and
watched the others make their way to the plane.

"Yes, it's an amazing thing Josh. The heart can swell and shrink with
just a few words. It can hold more love than an ocean. It can break
and heal almost like magic. I remember thinking when they told me you
had been shot, that I hoped the bullet hadn't hit your heart. You've
got an amazing heart, Son."

"Uh, thanks. I guess." Not too sure what was happening here. I was
about to ask him if he'd been dipping into his back medication again.

"Because the other thing the heart has this amazing capacity for is...
forgiveness. Coming home, back to the people I first served, I've
never seen it demonstrated so clearly."

He was right. It was in the faces of the crowds he spoke to. He told
them he didn't tell the truth. He told them he kept things from them
on purpose. But they forgave him anyway. Now I understood what the
President wanted to know.

"Yes, sir. Everyone forgives you."

"Everyone?"

"Everyone, sir."

"That's good. That's good. Now let's put this bird in the air and
point her back to DC. I've got some work I have to do."

"Yes, sir."

"There's going to be no holding back now, Josh. There's no reason
too. The world knows all of my dirty little secrets."

"All of them?" I teased.

"Well not the fact that from time to time I occasionally like to wear
the First Lady's underwear."

"Oh my God."

"I'm kidding Joshua. Lighten up."

Sure. Easy for him to say. He didn't have to live with that visual
for the rest of the flight home.

*****

"Rise and shine."

"You sound chipper." The pit in my stomach that was Donna's date just
increased tenfold. I had managed to block the entire incident from my
subconscious for a whole three hours so that I could sleep. Now it
was morning and I was on the phone with Donna. And instead of
sounding depressed and sullen because once again the love gods had
failed her, she sounded... chipper.

Chipper was not good.

"I am."

Definitely not good.

"So what time do you want me in this morning?"

Let's see. I needed to shower, dress, stick large needles in my eyes
to remove the image of her in bed with another man, say, "Two hours."

"Fine."

"Unless you can't make it. Unless two hours won't be enough time to
get whoever the hell made you so damn chipper out of your apartment.
Tell me, Donna because I'm curious, if a date spends the night does
he get breakfast?" Whoa. I didn't just say that did I?

There was a significant pause on the other end of the phone line that
led me to believe that I did. I should say I'm sorry.

"You're tired. You're cranky. You've had a long trip. I know because
it was equally long for me and I wasn't even there. So I'll let that
comment pass. But, Josh, if you ever say anything like that to me
again..."

"I won't. I ... I won't. I'll see you in two hours."

"Good bye."

She hung up the phone and I tossed the portable across the room. I
heard it crash and break against the wall. It was supposed to make me
feel better. It didn't work.

I rolled over in bed and shoved my face into the pillow. This wasn't
happening to me. I wasn't becoming some warped love-sick pathetic
loser. I am Josh Lyman. I went to Harvard and Yale. I'm the Deputy
Chief of Staff to the President of the United States. And I'm lying
in bed going slowly mad because my assistant went out on a date last
night?

I don't think so.

"Fine." I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. I pulled
out my toothbrush and smeared some paste on it. If she wanted to
date, let her. It was crazy to think that there could ever be
anything between us. I was her boss. She was my assistant. That was
the end of the story. My problem is I tend to get a little too close
to the people I work with. Look at my relationship with Mandy. In
fact, if I thought about it, I probably had the same feelings for CJ.
We were close. Weren't we?

Donna. CJ. Donna. CJ.

Donna. Donna who held my head up when I got drunk and puked in her
bathroom. Donna who makes sure my tie is always straight before I go
on TV. Donna who calls me every morning even on Sunday's just to tell
me my day off schedule. Football at one. Second football game at
four. Pizza at six. Donna who makes really good chicken fajitas.
Donna who held me together mentally and physically for three months
when I absolutely needed someone.

Donna.

*****

"So what's his name?" She was sitting across from me reading some
notes regarding an upcoming bill, a bill which I had no idea what it
was about by the way, and she had this horrid little smile on her
face. I knew that smile. That smile said "Ha, ha, ha, Josh. I had a
date and it was good. I don't need you. I never needed you. You're
going to die a lonely and pathetic old man. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
nah."

She looked up from her notes. "I'm not going to tell you."

"You're not going to tell me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you're just going to find something to make fun of and
frankly, I don't want to hear it."

"No I'm not." Oh yeah I was. "Seriously, Donna what's his name?"

"No, Josh. I'm not telling you."

"It's a weird name isn't it?"

"It is not a weird name. It is a perfectly normal name."

"Is it Ashley?"

"No."

"Is it Melvin?"

"No."

"Is it Percival?"

"Josh. I'm not going to tell you. Now can we get back to work?"

"Why do you have another date?"

"As a matter of fact..."

"Two! Two dates in two days!"

"Yes."

I snorted. I chuckled. I guffawed I was dying inside. "What loser
asks a girl out twice in two days?"

Again. The wrong thing to say. Her face stiffened up and her chin
lifted about six feet off the ground.

"A loser who's not afraid to let me know that he likes me and that he
likes spending time with me. I could spend my life with a loser like
that."

I'm not sure. But I think my heart just broke. I hope the President
was right about it's magical healing abilities.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Chapter 4

"Hey, Donna."

"Hi, Ainsley." I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Josh was
occupied in his office. It was Monday, which was a typically busy day
for him, but he'd been popping his head out on a regular basis every
time my phone rang. He was fast becoming obsession man.
Unfortunately, I would have been lying if I said I wasn't a little
flattered. "Listen, I really want to thank you for the other night."

Ainsley looked at me sort of funny. "You want to thank me?"

"Yes, Friday was... great." It was. He was nice. He listened to me. He
seemed really interested in me. It was the best date I could imagine
after having not dated for so long. He wasn't Josh. But, in some ways
that was a good thing.

"Donna I came up here to ask you what happened. Randall said you
never showed up. I told him you must have gotten tied up at work."

"Randall?"

"Randall," Ainsley repeated. "The guy I set you up with. Randall the
guy I went to law school with."

A funny feeling settled in my stomach but I shook it off. "You mean
Cliff."

"Cliff?"

"Cliff Haskell. You set me up with Cliff Haskell. I know. Because his
name is Cliff and he said, he absolutely said, that he knew you."

Her jaw dropped and her eyes grew concerned. The knot in my stomach
grew, but I continued to ignore it. Nothing was wrong. Nothing had
happened. I went out on a date. A friend of Ainsley's and his name
was Cliff.

"Donna, you met Cliff Haskell on Friday?"

"I was late. I needed a nap and I didn't get there until after nine.
But he waited."

Ainsley was shaking her head. She probably would have been surprised
to know that I wanted to slap her hard enough to make her stop
shaking her head.

"Randall called me on Saturday. He left before nine. He said you
never showed."

I had to take a nap. Josh kept me up late and I was tired, but he
waited. No he didn't wait. He left. Cliff waited. So who was
Cliff? "Who is Cliff?" I asked.

She sighed. I could tell that she didn't want to tell me, but she
didn't have a choice. I needed to know the answer. "I do know Cliff
Haskell."

"That's good. Then you can tell me who he is."

"Donna, Cliff is..."

"Tell me."

"Cliff is a lawyer with the GOP. Currently, he is working for Croft."

"Croft?"

"Yes."

"You're telling me Cliff is a lawyer on the Special Prosecutor's
team. You're telling me Cliff is one of the Republican lawyers after
the President."

"We know each other from some party functions."

It's hard to say what I felt. It's harder to say what I was thinking
at that moment. The best I could come up with was Linda Evans in
Dynasty. Like her I was the innocent blonde dupe to whom bad things
just happened. She never seemed in control either and then she ended
up rolling on the ground with Joan Collins having her hair pulled
out. I wondered how Ainsley would react if I began to rip her hair
out. There was one thing I knew for sure.

"I have to tell Josh."

Ainsley grabbed my arm. "Donna. Maybe you shouldn't."

Shouldn't wasn't an option. "I have to tell Josh," I repeated.

"Donna," she tugged on my arm and again tried to warn me. "What did
you say to him? I mean, did you say anything to him?"

I don't know. It was a date. I said lots of things. I'm rather
loquacious. But as soon as Ainsley said the name Randall and I
suddenly remembered that was the name I had forgotten on Friday
everything thing had gone blank. I couldn't remember a word of our
conversation.

I left her and walked into Josh's office. He was studying the memo I
gave him on a new House education bill. He pretended not to see me.
He'd been doing that since Saturday when I told him I could spend my
life with someone as nice as Cliff. It was over the top. I knew it at
the time, but I wanted to make a point. I made it. The look he gave
me was at first vulnerable, then a second later it was closed. It
felt like someone had dropped a brick wall down between us. It was a
painful separation, but I thought the pain was good. I thought the
pain would in someway free me.

"I have to talk to you."

He glanced up with a bored expression on his face. I wanted to hit
him too. I was discovering all sorts of violent tendencies within
myself.

"What?"

"The man that I went out with on Friday wasn't the man I was supposed
to meet. His name is Cliff Haskell."

"Cliff? Haskell?" Josh snorted. "So he's a cross between Sam Malone's
mailman and Leave it to Beaver's best friend. Congratulations Donna I
think you've found a guy with the dorkiest name in DC."

"He's a lawyer on Croft's team."

This took a while to process. I could tell he was coming up with more
jokes involving the name Cliff so his mind was very busy. When he
finally realized what I told him, he said. "Shut the door."

I did and turned around to face him. It would be too easy to run. Too
easy to pretend like I hadn't done anything wrong.

"You're telling me Ainsley set you up with..."

"No. No, it wasn't Ainsley. She wanted to set me up with Randall, but
I worked too late on the drilling thing and I needed to sleep. And I
woke up late and didn't get to the Willard until after nine and by
then Randall was gone. Of course he would be gone. What man would
wait that long for some woman he didn't even know to show up?"

"If it was you coming, I would have waited all night."

I shook my head. He just said that because he wanted to me to feel
bad. Josh's specialty was guilt. He knew he was going to be able to
make me feel really guilty about this and he was just adding to it. I
couldn't take anything he said to heart.

"Well, he didn't. He was gone and Cliff was there."

"Did you recognize him?"

"No."

"Did he tell you..."

"No." I didn't want think about how he had tricked me. I couldn't
dwell on that now. I needed to deal with Josh at the moment and that
was more than enough. Cliff would come later.

"So you're telling me you didn't know who he was."

"No. I thought... I believed he was my blind date. He didn't give me
any reason to believe otherwise."

"He lied to you."

I wanted to deny it, but it was impossible given the facts. "Yes."

"He tricked you."

Sure rub it in. Why not? "Yes."

"Did you say anything?"

I don't know. I couldn't think. What did I say? Did I give away
something I shouldn't have? Did I betray someone? Did I betray
Josh? "I don't know. I can't... I don't think so."

"You need to leave."

The White House? Your life? It was sort of a toss up as to what he
meant.

"You need to go home and write down everything you can think of.
Every word you might have said, every question he might have asked. I
don't care how personal it is. I want every word."

"Okay."

"Okay. You can go now."

I nodded trying to register the fact that he wanted me to leave. He'd
said it twice. So fine. I would go. He wanted me to leave, so I would
do what he wanted and go.

I wasn't going anywhere. "Leo wants to see you."

Josh nodded. He stared at me for a moment then left through the side
door. I wanted to cry. But I wouldn't. Instead I sat down at his
computer. It would be best if no one actually saw me typing this out.

*****

Two hours later everything I could remember from our two dates was
staring back at me from the screen. It was all right there and it was
so painfully obvious that I wanted to pound my fists against the
monitor.

So what kind of boss is Josh like?

In some ways he's an amazing boss. He's passionate and committed to
the work. He loves this country and the people in it almost as much
as the President I think. Other times, he's a pain in the ass.

If Josh didn't know how I felt about him before, he would certainly
figure it out after he read this. I spent both nights talking mostly
about him. And here I thought I was having a good date. I thought I
was leaving him behind. He might as well have been sitting in my lap.

No wonder Cliff wanted to see me again on Saturday. I was a gold mine
of information on one Josh Lyman. And I had no problem talking about
him. Extensively.

"What are you still doing here?"

I startled at the sound of his voice. "I ..." I pointed to the
monitor. "I saved it and made a back up copy." I popped the disk out
of the computer and handed it to him. "I would appreciate it if you
didn't print it. It's bad enough... I wouldn't want someone to
accidentally pick it up."

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."

"You keep trying to get rid of me," I tried to joke but the words got
stuck in my throat.

"I would think you would be anxious to leave."

I was. I wanted to run home and hide under my covers and pretend none
of this ever happened. Maybe bring some ice cream and Jack Daniels
with me under the covers. But one of the things I learned in life was
that getting drunk and eating ice cream only solved half of my
problems. The other ones required confrontation.

"Can we talk about this?"

"I really don't want to talk about this, Donna." He still had the
disk in his hand and was tapping it against this palm. Suddenly, he
tossed it across the room and then he headed for the door. I tried to
block him but he was moving pretty fast.

"So you're mad at me," I said trailing him at a pretty fast clip the
through the halls of the West Wing. He headed for the stairs and I
had to hold on to the railing to keep from tripping in my heels.

"I'm not mad, Donna."

"Yes, you are. I can tell. Your jaw clenches up and your eyes get
squinty. You've got very squinty eyes now Josh. Super squinty."

He stopped abruptly and I almost ran into him. "I'm not mad at you.
I'm mad at him."

"Oh. Okay. Because you really have no reason to be mad at me."

"No reason?"

"Absolutely." I followed him to the mess. He had opened the
refrigerator and appeared to be committing the contents of it to
memory. "I didn't do anything wrong, Josh."

"You went out on a date with the enemy Donna."

"But I didn't know he was the enemy at the time."

"Did he ask a lot of questions?" He pulled out a bottle of iced tea
and slammed the refrigerator door shut.

"It was a date, Josh! He asked a lot of questions about me, my life,
my work. I didn't think anything of it."

"Fine, then I guess you didn't do anything wrong." He was twisting
the top, but it wouldn't come off.

"But you don't believe that. I can tell. It's not going to work this
time Josh."

"What's not going to work?"

"This. What you're doing. You're trying to make me feel guilty. Only
I won't because I didn't do anything wrong. I'm allowed to date. I'm
allowed to have a life."

"That's right, Donna. The world is crashing down around our heads, so
now is a good time to... what did you call it, establish an existence
outside of work? Well, congratulations it worked. In fact, if Leo
gets wind of this there might not be any work left for you."

That was shocking. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. I can't think right now. Damn it, why can't I
open this bottle."

I took the bottle from him and twisted the top off.

"I loosened it," he mumbled.

"Josh, I didn't say anything about the President's condition..."

"That doesn't matter. That's not what he was after," he shouted. "You
were duped Donna. He played you like a cheap violin."

I slapped him across the face. It was as much a shock to me as it was
to him. I didn't even realize I was going to do it, then the next
thing I know my hand stung from making contact with this face.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean... I didn't think..."

He put the bottle down and moved toward me. There was a look in his
eye and if I didn't know Josh better than any human on the planet I
might have been afraid he was going to retaliate.

Instead he kissed me. It was almost as shocking as a slap across the
face. One minute he was yelling at me then the next he was kissing
me. I felt his lips, then his tongue push into my mouth. At first I
couldn't think. I couldn't comprehend what was happening. Then
suddenly my arms were around him and I was kissing him back.

Oh my God. I was kissing Josh and it was like an explosion of
feeling. I couldn't remember a time when I put as much of myself, as
much of my heart into a kiss. I didn't know how long this was going
to last and I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted him to know
what how hard it had been to try and walk away from him. I wanted him
to know how much I loved him. How long I had loved him. I wanted...

"Uh oh. Sorry, I was just..."

Josh immediately pulled back from me at the sound of the voice behind
him. I glanced over his shoulder and saw Danny standing by the
entranceway with a stupid sheepish expression on his face.

It was too much. Now was the time to bolt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Chapter 5

"Danny."

"Josh."

"Danny."

"Josh."

"Okay we could play this game all night."

"I'd rather not."

"I suppose you saw everything."

"I didn't see anything. Really."

I released the breath I had been holding. "Because that is not
something that has ever happened before and I would just as soon not
make a big deal of it."

"Never happened?"'

"Never."

"Huh."

"You don't believe me." That hurt. It was perfectly understandable,
but it hurt nonetheless.

"Not really my business. You know that's not my kind of story."

"Yeah. Thanks."

"But Josh, you should know, the vultures are circling."

"Yeah. I know."

"Maybe now is not the best time to slam your assistant up against the
wall and suck her tonsils out."

"I thought you said you didn't see anything."

"I lied."

I walked away but didn't return to my office immediately. I needed to
think. I needed to adjust to the fact that I had kissed Donna. I
don't know how it happened. One minute she hit me, and the next thing
I knew I was ...sucking her tonsils out.

God it felt good. I can't remember a kiss ever being that... wow. It
was more than kissing it was... wow. Did she kiss me back? I couldn't
really remember. I think I felt her arms around me but I wasn't sure.
Sad to say but at the time I really didn't care. I had this awful
need to consume her.

I wandered the halls for what I hoped was a long enough time for
Donna to pack up and go home. I wasn't ready to face her yet. I was
afraid I might kiss her again. Only the next time I didn't think I
would stop with kissing. The next time I might... wow.

When I made it to the office I saw that the computer was still on.
She usually turned it off for me before she left at night because the
least amount of contact I had with the thing the better. I sat down
in front of it and saw her typed words.

Part of me wanted to delete the damn thing, but the other part, the
political animal inside of me, needed to know what she said. I
started to read it thinking that I was going to hate every word. By
the end, I was smiling.

****

"Hey."

"You're calling me?"

"Yeah."

"Are you crazy?"

"Why?"

"Uh hello. It's bad enough that we're going to have to deal with this
tomorrow. You couldn't wait a few hours."

"I just read the thing."

"Oh great."

I was smiling again. "You're crazy about me."

"No I'm not."

"Sure you are. It's all right there. Josh this, Josh that. No wonder
guys never call you back for a second date. You spend the whole time
talking about me."

"I hate you."

"No you don't." If it was possible I think I smiled harder.

"Josh, it's late and my ice cream is melting. We'll talk about this
tomorrow."

"Okay, I just want to hear you admit it first."

"Admit what?"

"That you're crazy about me."

"No."

"No you won't admit it or no you're not crazy about me."

"No and no."

"Yes you are."

"I'm going to bed now, Josh."

Whoa. Flash to Donna naked in bed. God I can't wait to see her naked
in bed. Naked in my bed. No, wait, in a hot red teddy in my bed. No,
I think I liked her better naked. And that's where this was heading.
There was no getting around it anymore. Screw the consequences. I
would find away to make this okay, but there was no doubt that I was
going to make love to one Donnatella Moss.

"Josh I'm hanging up the phone."

"Okay just tell me if you liked it."

"It?"

"You know. I can't say it because Sam thinks all our phone lines
might be tapped."

"Are you serious?"

"No, Sam's just being paranoid. So did you like it?"

She said nothing but I could practically hear her blushing. Oh yeah.
She liked it.

"Josh we'll talk about this in the morning."

"Okay. Go to sleep Donnatella. Tomorrow is going to change
everything." Normally the idea of change was a frightening one for
me. I wasn't a big fan of it. Never have been, but this was
different. This was going to be a good change. Sure it might end with
me or Donna or both of us getting fired and becoming the source of a
nationwide sex scandal. But on the upside I was going to see Donna
naked.

***

"How you doin?" Donna walked into my office with a bunch of folders.
I never knew what half those folders were for but she always seemed
to have a pile in her hand. She glared at me then proceeded to the
filing cabinet.

"Don't be slick with me."

"Can't help it. You know you're crazy about me."

"You know if you keep saying that I'm going to hit you again."

"Yeah, about that, that hurt."

She was blushing and I couldn't help but think that it made her eyes
bluer. I was such a goner.

"I'm sorry. I've never hit anyone before. But I had all this anger
and ... well with you being you... it just sort of came out. I suppose
we're going to talk about the rest of it now."

"What's to talk about?"

"Josh, you ... you ... you know."

"Yeah. It was really good."

"I guess."

"You guess?"

"Okay it was good."

"Good?"

"Amazing. Phenomenal. The greatest thing that ever happened in my
life. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Pretty much."

"Well, we need to talk.

"Why? I say we leave here, I've got a meeting with the new campaign
guy, can tell you already I don't like him, at six then after that
we'll go back to my place and do it."

"Do it?"

"I've been waiting a long time Donna. I mean a long time. In fact so
long I can pretty much guarantee you, you won't be seeing fire works
the first time, but by the third or fourth round I should be back in
the saddle... so to speak."

"You're an idiot."

"What? Donna you're crazy about me and I ..." Wait not ready to bring
the L-word yet. Not sure if I was in L. If not, it was a close thing.
And if tonight went the way I suspected it was going to go, then it
definitely could be. I would have to see.

"Yes?"

"I'm... I mean... you know... also and we should ... because we both really...
and that kiss was like ... wow. So we should do it."

"You're an idiot."

"You know you want me."

"Josh! We can't. There could be ramifications. You could get fired. I
could... wait am I already fired? You said you read the thing. Did I
say anything? Anything bad."

"No. You did say that I'm passionate and brilliant and funny."

"Did I also say that you're an idiot? Because you are."

"You refer to me quite often as a pain in the ass."

"Well that's true."

"Hey, Josh." Sam poked his head in the office. "He's here."

"Thanks."

"Who's here? I don't have anyone on your schedule."

"No I arranged this all by myself."

"Hi Donna."

"Cliff."

I can't even believe she went out on a second date with this guy. I
mean what a loser. Okay maybe he was slightly good looking, but I bet
he wasn't passionate, funny and brilliant. What he was, was a cooked
goose.

"That'll be all Donna, if you could shut the door on your way out."

She turned to me. "Josh."

"It's going to be fine. Go please."

"Josh now is really not the time..."

"That's right. Run along. Maybe you could go get me some coffee."

"I'm not too sure what this is about," Cliff the inert finally said.
Loser.

"Oh I think you know exactly what this is about... Clifford."

"Oh my God," Donna whimpered. "You're not going to hit him are you?"

"No I like to leave the hitting to you."

"Donna what's this about? If this about me not telling you who I was...
I just assumed you knew."

Donna turned on him then. This ought to be good. "You are a snake and
liar," she said simply.

She walked past him and quietly closed the door behind her. Cool,
calm and collected. No emotion there. She saved all her emotion for
me. I liked that.

"Have a seat Clifford. Let's chat."

"I really don't think you're in any position ..."

"Oh, I'm in just the right position. I promise you."

"I know what's going on between you two," he threw that out like an
accusation.

"You don't know shit, Clifford. But I know plenty about you. I know
how you were originally expelled from Harvard for was it cheating or
plagerism? I always forget his... no wait I think it was cheating. I
know that it took you six times to pass the Bar Exam."

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Nothing, it just made me laugh when I read it. Oh yeah and there was
that little matter of a DWI that your father had hushed up for you.
You actually hit someone didn't you?"

Cliff just glared at me.

"For obvious reasons Croft is not one of my favorite people right
now, but I know one thing for sure, he is as clean as a whistle. Real
conservative guy. Very straight laced. You've met him right. Does he
know about the DWI and the payoff?"

Cliff continued to glare.

"I didn't think so. What about the fact that you're currently
sleeping with Congressman Henley's wife?"

"How could you possibly know..." He stood up abruptly then sat down
again. "What do you want?"

I laughed. It was my, oh you silly child laugh you really don't know
who you're messing with do you, chuckle. "You picked on the wrong
guy, Cliff. But more importantly you picked on the wrong woman. I
hear a murmur in your camp about any alleged improprieties between my
assistant and me, and the Post prints the story of your life. I even
have a named picked out for the article, Portrait of a Scumbag."

"Is that all?"

"I think that about covers it."

"Just for the sake of curiosity, you two are having an affair aren't
you?"

"I don't give a crap about your curiosity."

With that he left and immediately Donna came scampering in. "What
happened?"

"I crushed him."

"His face was awfully red." I could see her trying not to smile. I
mean it wasn't really funny. It could have been a disaster.

Okay maybe it was a little funny. "What can I say, you're about to
get involved with a very powerful man."

"I didn't agree to any ... involvement yet."

"Yeah, okay, like you're going to say no."

"Josh..."

"So you'll come over tonight." I was feeling much safer regarding the
two of us being seen together.

"Josh I don't think..."

"We could make chicken."

I could see her caving. "Fine. But we're just going to talk and cook."

"Right. Cook and talk." And have lots and lots of sex. I kept that
thought to myself for now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Chapter 6b

"Chicken."

It was the only word I was able to form before he pinned me against
the door. I had two bags of groceries in either hand that I somehow
managed to hold on to while he plummeted into my mouth. I felt like I
just stepped off the earth into a vortex. Everything around me went
black and all I could do was focus on the feeling of his lips against
mine, his tongue as it pushed inside, his taste. Man he tasted good.
Scotch and heat. Then he was pressing his body into mine and I felt
his chest against my breasts and his erection against my belly.

I think I whimpered. I wasn't a whimperer by nature, but this... this
definitely called for some whimpering. This was Josh. Josh Lyman had
me pinned against his door and was attempting to swallow me I think.
And I wanted him to. I wanted to get inside him and crawl up and stay
there.

In a way it was scary. I never wanted any one like I wanted him. But
at the same time I had wanted him for so long and hadn't had him that
to finally have him now was... scary. And weird.

"Sorry," he said backing away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ... you
know. Right away."

"You meant to wait."

"Yeah until after the chicken."

"Okay." I mean come on it's not like I didn't know what was going to
happen when he asked me to come over. I was in fact wearing my sexy,
I'm-going-to-get-me-some, underwear. Even though I had never actually
gotten some in said underwear. I figured tonight was a good night to
break them in since it was a reasonably good assumption that I was in
fact going to get me some. Then I could henceforth refer to them as
my I'm-going-to-get-me-some panties and I wouldn't be lying to
myself.

Way too long to be thinking about panties.

"What are you thinking about?"

Oops. He caught me. "Why do you ask?"

"Because you've got this dear in the headlight thing going on. I
shouldn't have kissed you."

"No."

"No?"

"No, I mean no you shouldn't have not kissed me."

"So yes I should have kissed you?"

"Yes."

He seemed relieved.

"It's just weird."

"Weird?"

Probably not the best adjective, but it was the only one I could come
up with to describe this situation.

"Yes, Josh. Weird."

"Are you saying I kiss weird, because I gotta tell you Donna a lot of
women have complimented my technique over the years. In fact if there
was an award..."

"Oh please. Now is not the time for Josh Lyman, the Master Maker
Outer."

"Maker Outer?"

"My mind is a little frazzled," I defended myself.

"You know why that is, don't you?" he asked smugly. "My kissing
technique."

I glared at him and headed for the kitchen where I dropped the bags
on the counter. "Don't you think this is weird? I mean you just
kissed me."

"So. I kissed you last night."

"Yes, and that was weird."

"Okay Donna you're going to have to find another word. You're giving
me a complex."

"Josh. You know what I mean. We've known each other how long?"

"Four years this February."

"And in that time up until yesterday, how many times have you kissed
me?"

"None."

"See. We go years... no kissing. Then suddenly... bang we're kissing.
It's weird."

"Donna, there is no suddenly about this. This started... you know."

I think I knew, but I wanted him to say it. "When?"

"Last summer."

"Last summer you wanted to kiss me?"

"Last summer I wanted to fuck you."

"Josh!"

"It's true. I saw your boobs and it pretty much put me over the edge."

"They are rather impressive. I mean not big impressive, but more
perky impressive."

"Hey, I've got an idea. Let me see them again."

"Why?"

"You know maybe it will work like a bump on the head. I see them once
and I want to have sex with you, I see them again and I don't."

"You don't really think that will work."

"No I was just trying to get you to take off your shirt." He smiled
and I couldn't help but smile back.

"You're such a goof ball." He joined me in the kitchen at that point
and I felt butterflies flutter in my stomach. This was ridiculous.
There was nothing to be nervous about. This was Josh. And I lo---
whoa. Not ready to go there yet. I promised myself I wouldn't go
there again until I was sure that the guy I was with got there first.
I looked at him and he was poking through the bags searching I know
for tortillas. I thought, too late.

"So does this mean no more kissing?"

"This means we're going to cook and talk like we said we were going
to do."

"Cook and talk. I can do that."

This should be interesting. I started to unload the bags and get out
the utensils I would need. I handed Josh a knife and told him to
start on the green pepper.

"So, last summer... I wanted to fuck you too."

"Ow!"

I knew talking and cooking wouldn't work. I took the knife from his
hand and checked his finger. A surface wound.

"Donna you just said the "F" word."

"Only because you said it." The truth was I rarely cursed, usually
only under my breath, thanks to my mother's insistence that a lady
never swears. But I didn't want to say "make love" because he didn't
say it. So I thought I would give the "F" word a try. Apparently
without much success.

"Don't say it again. The next time I might lose a finger."

"Kay." I put his hand under some cold water.

"So you did too?"

"Yes."

"When you saw my boys right?"

"No."

He looked crushed and it made me smile.

"When?"

"I don't know." The minute he handed me his campaign badge. I got
over it when I met Mandy, but have steadily regressed since their
break up. When I knew. When I really knew was when he opened his eyes
that first time in the hospital. I was struck with this overwhelming
sense of relief, because I had been living with the fear that I would
never see his eyes again. And when I did I knew I lo-- whatever. I
certainly knew I wanted to sleep with him, in his bed, my head over
his heart, listening to it beat, knowing he was alive and safe under
my watch.

"Think."

"I am. It was sort of gradual."

"You gradually wanted me. What the hell does that mean?"

"First I thought about what it would be like to kiss you."

"Pretty good, huh?"

"Josh. You're ego is showing."

"So what was next?"

"Then I thought about what it might be like to sleep next to you."

"You did that."

"I know."

"And you liked it."

"I did." I really did. I really really really did. I had, I thought,
been successfully putting him behind me when the whole incident
happened over Christmas. One night back sleeping next to him and I
was lost. I found a security with him I never remember feeling with
any other boyfriend. Part of me was happy to be held and the other
part was happy to hold.

"I liked it too," he admitted with a shrug.

"I know."

"It's good to know I'm not the only one with a healthy ego."

"It's not ego, it's fact. You're a cuddler."

"Can we not spread that around? I've got a reputation."

"Which brings me to my next topic." I had cleaned the chicken, a job
Josh always refused on the grounds that touching raw meat was gross,
and added the strips to my secret marinade which was the powder mix
and a bottle of beer. Corona. "If... and this is a big if... we decide to
you know..."

"Have sex."

"Yes. Then how are we going to do it?"

I realized my mistake as soon as the words were out of my mouth.
Instantly Josh was moving into my space. His head dipped and he
placed a kiss right below my ear. I think my spine liquefied. Didn't
realize it could do that.

"Well," he murmured into my ear.

"You know what I meant."

"Uh huh. Wash your hands Donna."

"Why?" I gulped although I knew very well why.

"Because we've cooked and we've talked."

"Yes but we haven't eaten."

"Oh I plan on eating." He backed off from my neck much to my
disappointment and took hold of my shoulders. "Donna?"

He really didn't need to say more. I knew what he was asking. I knew
what I wanted. I just wish I could see as far as tomorrow and the
next day. He was still my boss. I was still his assistant. I had no
idea how anyone would take this, especially now with everything that
was going on, with the rumors that were being spread about us, rumors
that were about to be true. If I ever did anything that caused Josh
to be fired it would kill me. If he did anything to cause me to be
fired I would kill him. It was sort of a lose lose situation. The
only thing we gained was ... each other.

"What if..."

"No," he said somewhat sharply. "Were not going to play this game."
He ran his fingers through his hair and now it was sticking up all
over the place. I wanted to smooth it down, but I was afraid to reach
for him. "This is bullshit, Donna."

"You lost me."

"We've waited. I've waited. Have you been waiting?"

"Waiting...."

"Donna." He was growling now.

"Okay, I've been waiting. But Josh I can wait... some more." Maybe just
until we were out of the woods.

"How long?"

"A few years?" I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head.
He reminded me of a cartoon character. So much so that I couldn't
stop myself from giggling. And that's when I knew, us not sleeping
together was just a technicality. The damage was already done.
Whether we did or we didn't wasn't going to change how I felt and it
was going to change what was to come in the weeks and months ahead.

I remember the feeling I had when I got in my car after leaving Dr.
Freeride with plans to drive to New Hampshire. I had this terrible
anxiety about what was going to happen next. About how my life was
going to change. But there was also excitement. I was taking a huge
turn in my life and I decided I wanted to greet that turn rather than
be afraid of it. I felt the same way now.

"Maybe not years."

"Oh thank god!"

I washed my hands off and turned back to him. "Maybe only ...hours."

"Hours? I mentioned the part about me needing some warm up hits
before I was really ready to take my turn at bat, right?

"Minutes?"

"We'll see." He grabbed my hand and led me back to his bedroom. Looks
like it was going to be seconds.

*****

His bedroom hadn't changed since Christmas, and it reminded me that
he needed a new comforter for his bed. I have told him this on many
occasions. The one he had now was brown and although it was masculine
it was a dull color for the room.

Maybe something in a Hunter green.

"Donna."

"Yes."

"You're thinking about the comforter."

"It's ugly."

"Donna could you please not think about the comforter, and instead,
oh I don't know... get naked."

"You want me naked right now, you don't want to you know peel away
the layers piece by piece."

He cupped my face in his hands. "I promise, promise that next time
we'll do this soft and slow and romantic like, but this time..."

"I should just lose the clothes."

"Right."

I pulled off my sweater while he watched me. I hesitated a bit with
my jeans, but he was looking at me like I was ... wow. I don't think
anyone ever looked at me like that. I don't think anyone ever wanted
me like he did. It made me feel really sexy. And then suddenly I
wanted to take off my jeans. I wanted to see how he would look when
all I wore was a silk bra and a lace thong. And there was the added
advantage of finally getting to take the thong off. I'm-going-to-get-
me-some panties came at a price.

"Oh man. Oh god. You're... oh geez. Donna tell me you don't wear those
... all the time."

"What if I did?"

He reached out and grabbed me about the waist bring him closer
against his body. "For one, the country will suffer."

"Sucks for the country."

He laughed and looked down at my body again, making it tingle just
with his eyes. His hand soon followed cupping first my one perky
breast, then the other. With both hands he reached behind my back
and undid my bra. He pulled it down slowly and then touched me again
this time his skin on mine. I thought I might explode.

"Josh."

"Yeah."

"Maybe you could ... lose your clothes too."

"Sort of busy here, Donna." He was pinching my nipples with just
enough pressure to make me squeak, then make me moan when this thumb
rubbed over my now very hard little nubs. I looked down at myself and
thought they were bigger and tighter than I ever remember seeing
them. Wow.

I watched as his hands ran down the front of my stomach, his fingers
caressing my skin along the way. Then he tugged at my panties. I
heard a tear and then poof they were gone.

I met his eyes wondering if he meant to do that thinking that if he
did it would be the sexiest thing any man had ever done to me, but he
wore this sort of sheepish expression and I thought that that look
was even sexier.

"Sorry. They were kind of frail."

"It's okay. But Josh?"

"Yeah."

"I'm standing here naked."

"Yeah," he sighed. "You look really good. Naked I mean. Not that you
don't always look good, but naked... wow. You're like off the charts
naked."

"Thanks. But maybe you could ... get naked too."

"Oh yeah. Sure." He was still staring at me.

"Now Josh!"

"Right." He pulled off the sweatshirt he was wearing and I went to
work on his button fly's which were considering more difficult to
manage what with the big bulge in front. The really big bulge. Hmmm.
It's not like I hadn't seen the whole package. And at times felt the
whole package, but as I undid his jeans and pushed them down his
thighs taking his boxers with them I was now seeing the whole big
package.

"You're staring," he said kicking off his jeans and removing his
socks. Now all he wore was a T-shirt that didn't cover much of
anything.

"It's been a while," I said. "It takes time to readjust."

"To seeing a naked man?"

"Yeah, you're all out there and thrusting and everything. Very male.
Very aggressive. It makes me feel..."

He smiled. "All girly and fragile."

"Yes," I said shyly knowing that I wasn't expressing myself very well.

He kissed me. Sweetly. Then kissed me again. Then again. Then my arms
were around his waist and he was moving us back to the bed. He fell
first and I followed him, our mouths still fused in a kiss that
didn't want to end.

I started to push up his shirt but he grabbed my wrist. "Wait. You
haven't seen it in ... awhile. It's ... I mean it's not...."

"I saw it Christmas Eve."

He looked at me. "I was wearing a T-shirt when we went to bed."

"I know. I peaked underneath it after you were asleep."

"Donna!"

"Josh, I wanted to see it, and now aren't you glad I did." I pulled
his shirt completely off and over his head. "See, no awkwardness."

I could see him considering this so I took matters into my own hands
and began to kiss a trail down his chest, stopping to flicker my
tongue over his nipples, loving the way he jumped a little under my
touch.

Then I decided I really wanted to make him jump. I reached my hand
down and caressed his cock, intentionally keeping my strokes light. I
heard him groan and it made me smile. I heard him whisper my name and
I could feel a response deep in my belly.

"Donna, stop. I can't. I'm too..."

I felt a drop of come dampen my palm. It sort of fascinated me. I've
never actually seen a man come all the way and thought maybe Josh
would let me watch him...

Suddenly his hands were around my waist and he was flipping me on my
back. Maybe next time. His mouth descended on mine and I could tell
there was an urgency in his kiss. I felt him move between my thighs
and felt the first plunge of his finger inside me. I thought it
wasn't enough. It wasn't nearly enough. Then his mouth left mine and
I felt his lips on my neck, on my chest, then hovering over my
breast. I arched my back just enough so that I could feel the brush
of lips against my nipple. Then he was sucking it into his mouth and
I could feel a second finger enter me.

"I'm sorry. I can't wait. I have to..."

His voice trailed off, but it didn't matter. I knew what he needed
and I needed it too. "It's okay," I tried to tell him, but I already
felt him pushing inside me. Sex, no matter what anybody said, was
always part pain and part pleasure. If you were lucky it was more
pleasure than pain. But lets face it, it was all about penetration.
Trying to fit something bigger into something that was smaller and
hoping that the something smaller accommodated the something bigger.

It had been so long, so I knew that it would be difficult but it
seemed as if my body had been waiting to accept him. I felt my
muscles give and felt him sink into me. I felt more than dampness
between my thighs and thought that when he pulled himself free he
would be covered in ... me. I don't know why, but the thought was
painfully erotic.

I closed my eyes and thought of all the times I had wanted this. I
thought of him in the hospital, him lying down in the backseat of my
car, him in his bed trying to hold back the pain. I remember thinking
if I could just pull him inside me I could make it better. And it was
better, better for both of us. I never realized how difficult it had
been to stay apart from him now that we were together. Connected.

I wrapped my thighs around his hips and he groaned again, lowering
his head to my breasts. "Donna, god. Please don't...."

"It's okay, Josh. You don't have to hold back."

He raised his head and his eyes met mine. I smiled then his hips
moved and my head fell back on the pillow and my eyes closed. I
wanted to watch his face, but the stars exploding behind my eyes
wouldn't let me. I felt his hips thrusting against me, moving him
deeper and harder inside me and I wanted more. I wanted all of him.

His hand moved between our bodies and I felt this thumb brush against
my clit and then it was over. My body arched like a bow and the
pleasure slammed into me.

I felt him stiffen, heard my name and thought this is what we were
meant to do. It wouldn't have been so perfect if we hadn't been meant
to do just this.

His body collapsed on mine. I could feel his cheek against my breast
panting out warm breaths of air. I circled his thighs with my legs
and his shoulders with my arms. God I felt good. He was still inside
me and wiggled me hips a bit to keep him there. It felt different. I
couldn't put my finger on it because my mind was about as sharp as
jello, but there was definitely something different about what we
just did. It seemed... more intimate somehow.

I felt his lips nuzzle my now softened nipple. Instantly it began to
tighten which caused my inner muscles to tighten which caused him to
groan again, then miraculously he was thrusting again, slowly this
time, but he was definitely all there.

"Really?"

"I know," he chuckled and looked almost embarrassed. "I haven't been
able to do this since high school."

I cupped his face in my hands kissing his eyes and his nose trying
this time to watch his face. But it was starting again, and this time
it was deeper. I could feel him growing inside me changing his angle
so that his penis was rubbing my walls in a way that had me thrashing
my hips against him so that I could take him deeper. This time when I
came it was like nothing I had ever felt before. My body seemed to
explode from deep inside spreading slowly throughout the rest of my
body.

"Josh!"

"God I know. Donna." He thrust again, then again, then he was
groaning my name and I felt him start to shake above me.

This time when he collapsed I felt him slip from my body leaving a
damp trail between my legs. I thought about how I was going to
maneuver myself so that he would have to sleep in the wet spot....

Oh my God.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Chapter 7

"Josh."

I tried to say what, but it came out more like a grunt. My body was
delightfully sated and resting on what was a very comfortable pillow,
in other words Donna.

"Josh, I'm not on the pill."

So? My mind was fuzzy and I felt so good she could have said Leo's
standing in the doorway and it wouldn't have mattered.

"Josh we didn't use anything."

Not possible. I wasn't sixteen, although that second time I felt like
I was sixteen again. Oh look, I had just enough energy to smile
smugly. Anyway there was no way I didn't use protection. I wasn't an
idiot.

I shifted my body ever so slightly, loving the feel of a slick and
naked Donna underneath me when it suddenly occurred to me that I felt
no need to get up and use the facilities to discard...what I normally
discarded after sex.

Okay, so maybe I was an idiot.

"Oh my God."

"It's okay. I think. It's the wrong time."

I lifted myself on to my forearms. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. I just finished... you know. So now is probably the wrong time."

"Oh. That's good," I said stiffly. Although I don't really know what
I felt. I still felt really really good which was probably affecting
my ability to think rationally. But there was a sort of ... I don't
know was it anticipation? I decided to let it go for now.

"I can't believe I didn't stop you."

I rolled to my side but reached out so that I was still touching her
thigh. I needed to be connected. I wasn't ready to think about that
either. "I can't believe I didn't... No, nope, I I can believe it. I
wasn't really thinking straight."

"Me either. It's been a while."

"I could tell."

"Because I was bad?" I heard doubt in her voice and was amazed by it.

"How could you think that was bad?"

"I don't. I mean I didn't. But you said..."

"Donna I could tell because you were really...you know... I could just
tell. The way a man tells."

"Men can tell?"

"It's a skill."

"Oh. So what happens now?"

"Well here's the thing, I'm thinking maybe we should do it one more
time."

"Josh!"

"What? We've already let the horse out of the barn for tonight. And
I'm just beginning to realize why it felt extra good. We were so
close. I mean I've never not worn a condom before."

"Me either. I mean not had the guy wear..."

"Okay, Donna as far as I'm concerned you were virgin tonight. I
really don't need to hear about the others."

She rolled to her side so she could see my face. "But it's okay for
you to talk about other women."

"Yes, I'm the guy. I'm sensing you don't understand the nuances of
the guy rules."

"Maybe because the guy rules don't make sense."

"It's possible."

"I should get up."

"No, stay. Just lie with me for a little while. Naked."

I turned my head and she smiled. God she was pretty. I don't know
that I ever realized how simply pretty she was.

"If I get up, I can finish making you dinner."

"Wow. Sex and fajitas in the same night. It must be my birthday."

She leaned over and gave me a peck on the lips, which seemed entirely
too natural, then got up and headed for the bathroom. I treated
myself to a view of her sleek back and buttocks until she closed the
door behind her.

I was right about what I said before. I had never been that close to
anyone during sex. And it wasn't just the fact that I didn't wear a
condom, it was more than that. I had never let myself go like that
before. I had no choice either.

I thought about the next time. I thought about having to wear a
barrier between us and I didn't like it. It seemed wrong somehow.
What were the consequences again? Oh yeah a baby.

Maybe a boy. I would use a J for my sister Joanie and an N for my
dad. Maybe Jake. Jake Nathan Lyman. Jake Lyman. Sounded like a ball
player to me. Or a president. Professional ball player or president.
Yeah no pressure on that kid.

Donna came out of the bathroom. Her face was still a little flushed.
She looked like a woman who had been well loved. I smiled again and
felt my body tighten. No way. Three times in an hour. She would have
to start calling me Superman.

Not that she might not be already.

"I'm wearing your shirt and I'm stealing a pair of boxers because you
broke my underwear."

Yeah that was fun. "You don't have to."

"Josh I can't cook naked."

"I guess. Sex, fajitas and naked cooking. It's probably a little too
much to ask for one night."

She laughed quietly as she pulled the shirt over her head. It fell
down to her thighs. "So what do you think of the name Jake?"

"Jake?"

"Yeah, Jake Lyman. For a boy."

She froze and just stared at me. I couldn't really tell what she was
thinking.

"I need a drink."

She walked out of the bedroom. I picked up a pair of sweatpants off
the floor, pulled them on and followed her.

"Maybe you shouldn't be drinking right now."

"Josh, I'm not pregnant. And even if it turns out... well, I can't get
pregnant in ten minutes."

She opened the fridge and pulled out a Corona that I kept on hand.
She immediately found my opener in the drawer next to my silverware
and popped the cap. I wondered if I should be freaked out by the fact
that she knew her way around my kitchen better than I did. She took a
big swig and handed me the bottle.

I was pleased that she was going to share. After all little Jake was
going to need every advantage if he was going to be President.

"What are we going to do?"

"About the fajitas?"

"Josh!"

"What? We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"Really?"

"Sure. Besides you said it was the wrong time."

"And you said you like the name Jake for a boy."

"I was just..." I don't know what I was doing. And I was clearly
freaking her out so it was probably best to drop it. "Hey look at the
upside. Now that we're sleeping together I'll know when you have your
... girl time. I'll know why you're cranky in the office."

"I do not get cranky."

"You do so get cranky. And you eat chocolate."

"Well duh."

"Anyway it's a good thing."

"So we're... sleeping together."

"No, now we're making fajitas."

"Josh."

I knew what she was going for. "Yeah. We are. Weird huh?"

"I told you it was weird."

"No you said my kissing was weird."

"I did not."

I handed her back the beer but she pushed it back towards me. Guess
she was worried about little Jake after all. "It will just take us a
while to get used to it. You'll see."

"Okay." She was grilling the chicken so I finished up on the pepper
and started on the onion. I tried not to think about how right this
all felt. Donna back in my kitchen only this time wearing my T-shirt
a boxers with nothing on underneath. Possibly pregnant with my son.

"Ow!"

"What?" she asked. "I didn't curse."

"No. I know. The knife just slipped."

"So I guess we're for the whole clandestine love affair thing."

"For now. I put some pressure on old Cliff baby to keep his mouth
shut, and oh by the way ... what were you thinking? Cliff?"

"Turns out I was supposed to be meeting a Randall."

"And that's a whole lot better."

She held a knife in a threatening manner. "Don't mess with me Josh.
I'm armed and I might possibly be pregnant."

We looked at each other then. The knife dropped from her hands and
clattered to the floor. We stared at it then at each other again. I
finally decided what I was feeling. Excitement. I was excited by the
idea and for no earthly reason.

I held open my arms. "Come here."

She threw herself around me and held tight. "What are we going to do?"

Get married. Raise Jake. Maybe give him a brother or a sister. I
didn't think she was ready for this. Frankly, I was amazed that I was
handling things so well. I think this was definite proof that I was
growing. I should call my mother.

"We're going to be fine."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely."

"You're amazingly calm about this. You do realize the worst case
scenario involves an actual baby."

"Would that really be the worst case?" See that, I am like Mr. Mature
man. I had no idea where this was coming from.

"You are Josh Lyman, right?"

"I know. Pretty damn amazing. Look for now we're going to eat then
I'm going to try to talk you into round three..."

"Not without protection."

"If we have too. Then we're going to go to sleep..."

"Can't."

"Sure you can. You close your eyes, sigh my name and drift off into
peaceful dreamland worn out by a night of some fierce Lyman lovin'."

"Okay at least now I know you are in fact Josh Lyman. I have to go
home. Clearly you don't understand the rules regarding a clandestine
love affair."

"Been in a lot of those have you?"

"Rule number one, don't get caught. That means we're going to have to
be sneaky."

"I can do sneaky," I assured her.

"That's a given. I'm the one who will have to struggle."

This from the woman who could gather information like a regular Mata
Hari.

She continued. "But so far I've outlined a beginning strategy."

"After we were done making love right? I mean you weren't thinking
about this during because that would be very wrong."

Undaunted she held up a finger. "First, no stay-overs."

"Nooo," I whined. One of things I had been waiting for during all my
waiting was the chance to sleep with her again. She was right. I was
a cuddler.

"Second, no physical contact anywhere near the White House."

"No hand holding?"

"No."

"No kissing?"

"Obviously."

"No feverish sex on my office desk after hours?"

"Josh."

"Well, I mean really Donna what's the point of banging your assistant
if you can't do her on the desk."

She was glaring again.

"Not funny?"

"Not even remotely."

"So no physical contact, which will look strange because you're
always touching me..."

"I do not. You touch me."

"Whatever. And no stay overs. What do I get?"

"Dinner limited to no more than three times a week. Possibly a little
dessert... if you know what I mean."

"Is this you being sneaky? Because if so then I've got to say, we
need to work on it."

"Do you want the dessert or not?" she pouted.

I kissed her bottom lip. Then I kissed her top one. Then I hugged her
again because that felt good and I feel could plump breasts against
my chest. "I want the dessert."

"That's more like it."

"I'm going to make this work, Donna."

She pulled back a little and looked at me. I knew that look. It was
the same look she gave me when I told her I was going to reshape the
face of Democracy. There was doubt, but there was also hope that I
would succeed.

"Okay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Chapter 8

"Dick says..."

"I hate Dick."

"Josh you don't hate Dick," I reminded him. Or at least tried to.

"Yes, I do."

"Why do you hate Dick?" Sam asked helping himself to another slice of
pizza. It was Friday and we had decided to take work back to Josh's
place. Sam unfortunately not realizing that our plan was to have mad
passionate sex opted to join us.

At least I hope he knew that wasn't our plan.

The truth was I shouldn't be here anyway. Josh and I had already
exceeded our three night maximum. But it was very difficult to say no
to him when he gave me the look. It was also becoming harder and
harder to get up and leave afterward. It felt wrong. Shady even. Like
we were two people committing adultery. Only we weren't.

"He hates Dick because he thinks he can do a better job," I explained.

"Josh thinks he can do a better job than everyone at everything,
that's not new."

"Right," he chimed him. "But I don't hate everyone. I only hate Dick."

"Yes, but you hate Dick because he's heading up the campaign which
happens to be one of your favorite jobs," I told him.

He thought about that. "You're right."

Like there was any doubt.

"It's getting late. I think I'm going to head home." He was never
going to get this. My attempt here was to convince Sam that it was so
late that it was time for me to leave which meant it was also time
for Sam to leave so I could then double back and get a dose of some
Lyman Lovin, a term I cannot believe I had stooped to using, before
going home for real.

An astute Josh would understand my subtle message and would encourage
us both to be on our way.

"No you can't leave. It's still early. But Sam if you're tired you
can go."

That he was a success in politics, a business, which necessitated
subtly and careful maneuvering, absolutely amazed me.

"I'm not tired. We can still work."

Great. "Well, I'm going home."

"But?" Josh looked at me like a puppy who had been kicked.

"Why don't you go call me a cab? In the kitchen," I said my eyes
willing him to do what I asked.

He went into the kitchen. Good boy.

"I should put away the pizza," I said calmly scooping the box off of
Josh's coffee table. Sam seemed absorbed in some memo.

"I thought you were staying," he whispered even as he picked up the
phone.

"We have to get rid of Sam. We'll leave together then I'll double
back."

"Hey Donna, could you grab me a beer," Sam called out.

I closed my eyes and struggled for patience. "It's all gone," I
shouted back.

"No it isn't. There were like five bottles left. On the side drawer."

Damn Sam's near perfect memory.

"This sucks," Josh whispered.

I wasn't sure if he meant the situation, or our relationship... I was
hoping the former.

"Hey, I know. I'll open the bedroom window. Just double back and come
in through there. I'll work on getting Sam out of here."

"Okay." But I was pouting. I could feel my bottom lip all puffed out.
I know Josh thought that sometimes I did it on purpose, but the truth
was sometimes my lip simply had a life of it's own. This was one of
those times.

"Donna... don't... come on. We can do this."

"Okay." I walked back out into the living room.

"Where's my beer?"

"Josh has it. I'm going to wait outside. My cab should be here soon."
Sam accepted my lie with a nod. And suddenly I felt guilty. I hated
lying in general but I really I hated lying to Sam who always seemed
so innocent. Of course he accepted what I said. He had no reason to
question me. He didn't know I was a liar and a sneak.

I left and walked around the building taking my time. I knew how long
it took Sam to drink a beer so I had a good twenty minute wait before
Josh could try to shoo him out the door. I thought about what I was
doing and I just shook my head.

I mean what was I doing? I was a grown single woman trying to have a
relationship with a single man. But instead of being inside with my
lover, I was wandering the streets of DC waiting until I could crawl
back through a window like some oversexed teenager. Yes, he was my
boss, but this was not an exploitive relationship. I had not been
harassed. It just happened. Slowly, over a period of time, after we
had come to know each other in ways that few people can understand.

So the answer to my own question is that I was doing whatever it took
to be with Josh. The next question: Was it worth it?

It sort of made things simple when I put it in that perspective. I
glanced down at my watch. It had been more than twenty minutes. I
followed the alley that ran along the back of the buildings and
stopped at the gate that led to Josh's backyard. I remember lying out
in the sun last summer thinking about how glad I was to have five
minutes away from Josh. Now I was struggling to get five minutes
alone with him. Irony. You had to love it.

I opened the gate and winced when it squeaked. Suddenly I was thrust
back to my childhood when I used to play Charlie's Angels. I always
had to be the blond but my favorite was Kate Jackson. She was the
smart one. She would have had no problem sneaking into a back yard
and stealthily climbing into a window. Although she would be doing it
to catch the bad guys not to get a quickie from her boyfriend.

Not quite as noble. But an adventure nonetheless.

I walked up to the window that I knew led to Josh's bedroom. He had
indeed left it open. The problem was it was a little higher off the
ground then I remember. I was tall, but this was going to be a
challenge. I looked around for something to stand on. Nothing. Then I
remembered passing an empty recycle bucket outside the gate.

Once again I stealthily proceeded back against the lawn, got the
bucket and returned to the window. I was getting pretty good at the
stealth thing. Maybe after Josh and I got caught and I was fired then
driven from my country in disgrace as a result of a national sex
scandal, I could get work as a cat burglar in Paris.

It was good to have options.

Gingerly, I tested my weight on the bucket. It seemed to hold despite
the third slice of pizza I had. But it was veggie pizza. Those
calories didn't count nearly as much as meat pizza.

I thrust my arms through the window and did this little hopping
motion to vault myself through the window, but in the process toppled
over the bucket. At this point I discovered I had very little upper
body strength. There was no way I was going to be able to lift myself
up enough to get my chest through the window. All I could do was hope
to hold on until Josh found me.

Not going to happen.

"Yikes!!"

I felt my ankle twist on the bucket on the way down, then felt my
butt hit the ground. It took a minute for me to get my breath back
and by the time I had I heard the backdoor to the building opening.
Uh oh.

"Donna! Josh, it's Donna."

He tried to look surprised and failed. "Donna. Oh. My. What are you
doing here?"

News flash, Josh was never going to win an acting award.

Think, Moss. Think. What would Sabrina do in a situation like
this? "I thought I saw someone trying to sneak into Josh's apartment."

"Really?" Sam moved towards me and bent down to help me up. I winced
and Josh immediately got underneath my other arm.

"Yeah," I said balancing my weight on one foot while Josh and Sam
practically carried me up the stairs back to Josh's apartment. "I saw
this guy... I think he was a photographer, sneaking around the
building. So I followed him. Then I saw him trying to sneak into
Josh's window."

"You saw a photographer trying to sneak into Josh's bedroom."

"Yes." It sounded better in my head. "So I wanted to see what he was
doing?"

"Are you saying there is a photographer in Josh's bedroom?"

"Because that wouldn't make any sense at all Donna," Josh said
glaring at me. "Considering I was just in my bedroom opening the
window to let some fresh air into the apartment.

Got it. "Uh no. I said he was trying to sneak in. But I scared him
away. But after he was gone, I decided to see what it was he was
trying to take a picture of."

"Why would a reporter want a picture of Josh's bedroom?"

"That's exactly what I wanted to know."

They carried me back inside Josh's apartment and dropped me on the
couch.

"I'll get some ice," Sam said.

"I'll get a towel." Josh just shook his head.

Okay, so it wasn't the greatest end all be all story ever, but I was
in pain!

Sam came back with a Glad bag full of ice and carefully took my shoe
off. I winced again and realized that I really had twisted it. But it
didn't look crooked so I concluded that it wasn't broken.

"Wait, wrap the ice in the towel first." Josh handed Sam the towel
and he carefully wrapped up my ankle in the ice.

"Maybe we should take you to the hospital for X-rays."

"No. I'm pretty sure it's just twisted."

Sam stared at me then. "So this photographer..."

"Was trying to sneak into the apartment," I told him.

"I didn't hear anything, Josh. Did you?"

"Hey, now that I think about it I did hear something. Like a clicking
sound I think."

"So you think he may have actually taken some pictures of Josh's
bedroom."

I nodded slowly.

"And you expect me to believe this."

I nodded slowly again.

"Okay. Enough said. Josh you think you can take over from here?"

"Yeah."

"She might need an ace bandage or something."

"I got it."

"And she probably shouldn't be moved. Maybe it would best if she
stayed over."

"You think?" Josh asked. "I mean if you say so. Then, yeah... she can
sleep on the couch or something. Right Donna?"

"Yeah. The couch is fine. I actually like this couch. Very comfy."

Sam smiled. "I'll see you guys tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I've got the thing on Monday I need to be ready for," Josh
said faking a yawn. I guess he was trying to convince Sam he was too
tired to have sex with his assistant. Good plan, Josh.

Josh showed Sam to do the door and I tried to see if my ankle was
swollen. Josh came back a second later.

"A photographer? In the window?"

"Well you couldn't have done any better!"

"Why did you even try when you saw the window was that high off the
ground?"

"Because!" I shouted pounding my fists against the couch. "Because I
wanted to have five damn minutes alone with you! Because I wanted to
make love to you! Because I..." I stopped myself short.

"You what?"

I didn't want to tell him. Telling him would make things more
complicated than they already were. As it stood now we were just
having an affair. If we decided it wasn't going to work out then we
would break it off and no one would get hurt. If I told him how I
felt and then we had to break it off someone would get hurt. Namely
me.

"You're right, Josh. This sucks." My lip was out again in full force.
I just knew it.

Carefully, he lifted my legs then sat on the couch and rested my
ankle on a pillow in his lap.

"I know," he said quietly, not looking at me. Suddenly I felt my
stomach clench and my heart begin to race. I knew what he was
thinking and I was afraid he was going to say it. Out loud. I wanted
to be the one to say it first.

"You're thinking this might be a mistake."

He turned to me then, his eyes wide. "No. Is that what you were
thinking?"

"No. That's not what you were thinking?"

"No."

"What were you thinking?"

He got this guilty look on his face. "What the best position to have
sex in would be since your ankle is hurt."

Is there any wonder why I was crazy about him? "Josh! This is
serious. Sam probably knows now."

"Sam doesn't want to know. Trust me. He'll play dumb. The truth was I
was thinking about telling him soon anyway. We're going to need
allies."

Leave it to Josh to strategize our relationship like a war. Again, I
asked myself, was it worth it?

"Hey at least you get to stay over tonight. We can cuddle for like
hours."

Yeah, it was worth it. "Okay, but no sex."

"Why?"

"Because I'm wounded Josh. You can't have sex with a woman when she's
wounded."

He shuffled closer to me careful not to jostle my ankle. "Even if I'm
careful?"

"No, Josh."

He leaned in and kissed me. It was a sweet kiss. A kiss that told me
it didn't matter if we had sex or not because he was just happy to be
with me. Unfortunately, it only made me want him more.

"Well," a sighed as our lips played with one another. "Maybe if we're
real careful."

"No," he said pulling back. "You're hurt. We're going to get you
changed and wrap up your ankle and tuck you into bed."

"Okay." Tucking sounded nice. "And I'll need ice cream."

"For your ankle?"

"No for me. When I'm hurt I like ice cream." And like the veggie
pizza phenomena, calories eaten while injured also did not count.

"I don't have..."

"In the freezer behind the frozen spinach."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I put it there. I bought it for you. Double chocolate
brownie. I'm generous like that."

"But you hid it behind the spinach. You know I don't touch vegetables
unless I have too."

"Really?" Okay so I knew. But a girl needed her stash.

He lifted my legs up and got up off the couch. "Okay, ice cream and
tucking and an ace bandage. I can do this."

That remained to be seen. But he was going to try and that was really
all that mattered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Chapter 9

"Joshhhh"

Oh yeah. There it was. I could feel her muscles clamping around my
cock and I had to struggle to hold on. I dug my fingers into her ass
and hoped I wasn't leaving marks. It really was a very pretty ass.

I opened my eyes and saw her face flushed from pleasure, her mouth
emitting this pleasure squeaking noise that I got off on, and her
neck was arched so I could see the red marks I had made there with my
mouth. I looked down at her breast and saw that her nipples were
still hard and straining. I moved my hands from her hips up so I that
I could cup her breasts and pull a little on her nipples.

She jumped in my lap at my touch. "Josh! I can't."

"One more time." I loved making Donna come. It was my new goal in
life. As many times as possible every time we were together. My
justification was that since our time was always limited I wanted to
pack as much pleasure as I could into each time. The fact that we
found time to do this almost every day didn't seem to matter.

She sank down on me again, wiggling so that instead of on her knees
she was on literally impaled on me, her legs wrapped tight around my
butt. Then she started to use this gentle rocking motion to suck me
deeper into her body. God it felt good. I loved being inside Donna. I
loved...

"Ahhhhh!" she cried out.

Oh yeah. I was the man. I wrapped my arms around her back and flipped
her onto her back.

She looked up at me at first in shock at having been tossed on her
back, then giggled. And here I was trying to ravage her. Obviously
not too successfully if she was still giggling. I pulled my hips back
until we were almost separated then thrust back deep inside. "Josh!"

I growled and proceeded to nibble on her ear lobe, while my hips
continued to thrust almost against my will. I could feel that
familiar tug low in my belly and I knew I couldn't hold on forever,
but I loved the thrusting. There was something so primal about it.
They way I penetrated her. The way she accepted me inside. And it
seemed like every time we did this I went deeper. One day I was
convinced I would lose myself completely inside of her. Actually,
that wasn't the worst idea I ever had.

I felt myself coming and bent down to take her mouth thrusting my
tongue deep while she tightened herself around me. I moaned inside of
her while I let myself go.

I pulled away a little so I could rest my head on her breasts. I
liked to watch them heave with her pants.

"I've got to get up." I could already feel the condom slipping.

"Noooo," she whined.

"Got to," I said disengaging myself. I walked over the bathroom and
considered throwing it in the trash, but instead flushed it.

Donna and I had this grand scheme to get a hotel room this Friday
after last Friday's window fiasco. We each went back to our places,
then drove out to this Best Western in Herndon, Virginia where we
would could have sex and sleep together. A rare treat for us.

But suddenly I found myself paranoid that we had been followed. That
the cleaning crew was just waiting until the next morning when they
could count the condoms and find out exactly how many times I had
debauched my assistant.

I made my way back to the bed. Donna lifted the covers for me.

"I'm sorry you still have to use...you know," she said shyly. "But the
doctor said I had to wait and see that I was definitely not... you
know, before I could go on the pill."

We hadn't talked about the possibility of her being pregnant. After I
freaked her out with my naming convention and sudden maturity, we had
by tacit agreement decided to drop it. And I hadn't thought about it.
Much.

"It's okay. I don't mind," I said reaching for her under the
blankets. We were spoon sleepers and Donna liked to sleep on her
right side. I remembered this from last summer, but it was much more
fun now because we were naked.

I reached behind me first and opened the drawer in the bedstand. I
pulled out a box and brought it in front of her face.

"What's this?"

"A present."

"Get out!" She hopped up on the bed. "Why did you get me a present?"

I don't know. I was walking home last week and this jewelry store was
having a midnight sale. It was one of the few nights that Donna and I
hadn't spent together and as ridiculous as it seemed I missed her. I,
of course, had no intention of telling her this. I didn't want her to
think I was some kind of sap. But I had seen this in the window and
thought she might like it.

"What is it?" she asked excitedly.

"You know if you open it, you'll probably find that out."

For a moment she just stared at the box. Then at me. Then at the
box. "You know, you don't have to get me presents."

"This from the woman who insists I take her to Maui."

"That's different."

"How?"

"I really deserve to go to Maui. I work very hard, Josh."

"This isn't because you work hard."

"Then what is for?"

"Just cause." I could see her eyes well up. "Ah, geez Donna ... don't
cry..."

"But that's so sweet. You're so sweet."

I smiled, probably smugly. "I know. So are you going to open it or
what?"

She opened it and I heard her breath catch. I guess that was a good
thing. She pulled out the gold charm bracelet carefully as if it
would shatter like delicate glass.

"See look," I said sitting up behind her taking the bracelet and
fastening it around her wrist. "It's got a book, and a pair of skis
and a sun and a moon, and look see this...it's a little coffee cup. I'm
not sure you're familiar with what that looks like, but..."

She turned then and held on to me. I wanted to tell her I couldn't
breath, but despite the lack of oxygen it felt good to hug her.

"It's sort of silly," I said.

"It's ... it's... it's perfect," she stuttered. "Thank you."

"Okay."

We settled back down on the bed and I knew she was staring at her
wrist. Oh yeah. I was so the man.

"Hmmm," she sighed in contentment rubbing her butt against me.

"I know," I interpreted. I felt good too. And in the morning, when I
woke up, she would still be in my arms. That would feel good
too. "Can I just say, this idea of the hotel room, brilliant."

"Gee that's unusual," she murmured. "You thinking one of your ideas
is brilliant."

"Actually, I think they're all brilliant, but only some of them
really are. This one... brilliant."

"I wouldn't go as far as brilliant."

"But Donna we just had great sex, and now we're going to get to
sleep, really sleep together with no late night exit strategies and
no bodily injuries."

"Yes, but we're in a Best Western. To be truly brilliant we needed to
stay at the Willard Much nicer."

"Right. The best place to conduct a clandestine affair is in the
heart of the most prominent hotel in DC."

"I'm just saying..."

I snorted. She wasn't making any sense. Probably worn out from all
those orgasms and overwhelmed with her new bracelet.

"Cliff took me to the Willard."

Cliff. "You're kidding me. You didn't just mention his name."

"Sure he was a sleazy lawyer out to seduce me and pump me for
information, but he had really good taste, Josh."

I bent down and nipped her ear lobe.

"Ow!" she giggled. "Okay, okay, you've got good taste too. I mean
they did leave a mint on the pillow here."

This time I used my teeth on her neck. I knew if I hit the right spot
with my teeth I could make her whole body quiver. Which it did. It
was starting to give me ideas. I pulled her hips a little more snugly
against my own.

"Don't get any ideas. I'm going to sleep."

"I'll be careful not to wake you."

"Josh!"

I laughed and closed my eyes. I thought about how good I felt, how
calm and relaxed. I thought about how happy I was and struggled to
think of time when I had ever felt this good about life.

And there was no reason for it. The President had an up hill battle
to climb and there was a very good chance he would lose. I was
engaged in an affair that might possibly cost me my job. And I hadn't
had a victory on the hill in ages.

But I was getting sex on a regular basis. And tomorrow morning Donna
would still be here. Life definitely had its trade offs.


"What are you doing?"

"Putting on my disguise."

Donna was currently tucking most of her hair into a Mets baseball
cap. She had on a black raincoat that covered her head to foot and
was now reaching for some big ass round sunglasses.

"Hey Jackie O, no one is out there in the bushes."

"Let's hope not," she said.

"Well I'm not putting on some dumbass costume."

"Just as well. You could never hide your hair."

"What's wrong with my hair?"

"Nothing it's just... obvious."

"I have obvious hair?" I didn't know why, but I felt insulted.

She walked over to me and kissed me, but her glasses hit my
nose. "You have great hair. Wonderful hair."

"Obvious hair."

"Yes that too. But it's okay because I've got a disguise. So even if
they catch you they'll never know who I am."

Right, I mused. No one would ever guess that the young tall thin
woman with a long blond ponytail coming out of the Mets cap and
leaving a hotel room with me hand in hand would be Donna. What was I
worried about?

We had the audacity to hold hands in the elevator and all the way out
through the lobby. When we walked outside I let her go and watched as
she walked to her car. I saw an elderly couple with their arms around
each other having their picture taken by one of the cleaning ladies.
Tourists, I thought, and smiled at how happy they seemed. I wondered
how long they had been married.

Then I headed to my car and didn't think about it again until two
days later when CJ walked into my office and slapped the newspaper on
my desk.


"What in the hell is this, Josh?"

"A copy of the National Tattle Tail." Oh my God. Oh my God.

"And do you recognize the person in the picture in the far corner of
the paper?"

"No?" It was always best to start out with an all out denial.

"Josh! That's you! You and some mystery woman."

I looked at the picture. It was right at the point were I let Donna's
hand go before she headed to her car. You really couldn't see her
face behind the dark glasses. And it seems that CJ hadn't put it
together so far.

The caption read, "Wounded Deputy Chief of Staff Seeks Solace in Arms
of Mystery Lover."

"What crap! I'm not still wounded. When are these people going to get
over it?"

"Oh look, Josh is focusing in on absolutely the wrong thing! Go
figure."

"CJ, it's a rag paper. What are you getting so upset about?"

"Who is she?"

I opened then closed my mouth.

"Okay," she said taking a deep breath. "Just tell me she isn't
married."

"She isn't married."

This seemed to satisfy her. "So why were in a hotel in Virginia? Why
is she wearing sunglasses that cover her face?"

"Uh..." no real good answer for that one.

CJ waited. "Josh is this going to be a thing?"

"No." I hoped not. "It's a stupid picture in a rag magazine. No one
is going to pick this up."

"Josh you understand that I need to know first..."

"Yes, CJ. I know. This is not a thing. This is two single people
taking a break and spending the night together. That's all."

"You swear."

"Yes."

She stared at me hard, then again at the picture. It was black and
white and pretty poor quality. I was amazed that anyone could tell it
was me. Then I realized that Donna was right. I did have obvious
hair.

"It's not Joey Lucas."

I looked up at her. Hey that would be a good out...

"This woman's too tall. Joey's not that tall."

"Joey's pretty tall."

"No she isn't Josh. And that's not her hair," she said studying the
picture.

"CJ just let it go. I promise you there won't be any more pictures.
Does everyone know about this?"

"I haven't said anything to anyone yet."

"Good. Let's keep it that way."

"Josh I have to tell Leo."

"Why?"

"Because it might be a thing."

"I just said it's not a thing."

"But I don't believe you."

"That's cruel CJ."

"That's fact Josh."

"Josh, you have staff in ...Oh, hey CJ. I didn't know you were in
here."

"Did you see this Donna?"

"See what?" CJ handed the paper to Donna.

I tried to communicate psychically with her not to react. No need.
Donna was after all a lot sneakier then I gave her credit for.

"Why Josh you dirty dog! Who is she?"

CJ studied Donna. "You don't know?"

"No. She's not married is she?"

"No," I croaked out. Okay this game was way beyond my skills. I
contemplated what the odds were of me being swallowed whole by the
floor.

"Maybe she's famous. Is she famous? I bet it's Daryl Hannah."

CJ turned back to me. "Is it Daryl Hannah?"

"No!" Right? I didn't want to implicate Daryl Hannah in some
potential sexgate. I didn't know the woman personally, but she seemed
nice in Splash. "Can we just drop it?"

"Fine," CJ said. She took the paper. "Staff in ten, Josh."

"Yeah." She was gone and Donna and I stood looking at each other.

"Is it Carmen Diaz?"

"Donna this isn't funny."

"Josh, just relax. You can't tell it's me. And it's a stupid little
rag. Play the mystery woman angle and eventually everyone will drop
it."

"You think?"

"No. This is probably the beginning of the end, but we shouldn't go
down without a fight. You should go now." She held out a folder for
me.

"You're the Rock of Gibraltar, you know that Donna."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Chapter 10

I stood behind Josh and tried to pay attention to what Leo was
saying. He was giving us all a pep talk on the upcoming Senate
Hearings and preparing us all how to handle the media. Hard to get
pepped up about that.

CJ was sitting across from Josh and I could see her eyes locked on
him. Occasionally she would shift them to me. Once I could see there
was a question in her eyes and I simply shrugged.

Then her eyes narrowed back to Josh.

"Hey, you got that thing?" he asked me.

He wanted the memo on the new energy bill. Already, he'd moved beyond
Leo's talk to his next item of the day. He was meeting with Senator
Haskell for lunch about an incentive package aimed at the automotive
industry in an attempt to conserve energy.

I handed him the memo subtly because I didn't want Leo to think we
weren't listening. Even though we weren't listening. Josh, God Bless
him, had at least moved on to real work. I on the other hand was
focused on the picture. I had studied it from every angle and there
was no way, absolutely no way anyone could tell it was me. I think.

I mean Danny might put two and two together, but I didn't think he
would write about it. And there was the Sam factor. As convincing as
I was last week I really don't believe he bought the invisible
photographer in the bedroom story. That Saturday I heard him ask
Josh, if he was nervous about having his bedroom being featured in
next month's issue of Architectural Digest. There was definite
sarcasm in the question. Sam wasn't known for his sarcasm. Still, I
didn't necessarily think he would blow the whistle on us either.

I glanced at him slyly but he actually seemed to be listening to Leo.
Figures.

"And that's it folks. Don't screw this up."

Leo really knew how to rally a group.

"Okay, I'm leaving. I've got to meet..."

"Haskell. I know. Remember to be nice and respectful. He's the
Senator who thinks you're lippy."

"Lippy?"

"You know what I mean."

He nodded because he did. "I'll be back before five." He leaned into
me then and for an instant I had this overwhelming fear that he was
going to kiss me. In the Roosevelt Room! With all these people!
Instinctively I shoved him away. Naturally, because I'm graced with
just this kind of luck he tripped over Larry behind him and ended up
sprawled on his ass.

The people milling out of the room stopped.

"Not that we all haven't at one point wanted to put Josh on his ass,
Donna, but what did he do this time?" Leo asked.

"Bug," I said. "Big one. I think I killed it." I heard Sam snickering
as he walked by us.

Josh got up with a scowl on his face. As we made our way back to the
office he asked, "What the hell do you think you were doing?"

"I thought you were going to kiss me," I whispered.

"In the Roosevelt Room!"

"Well, you were leaning in. You were definitely doing the lean in
Josh."

"I was doing the lean in to get past you not to kiss you."

"Sometimes that's hard to distinguish."

"This is great, Donna," he snapped. "We sort of need to keep a low
profile right now."

We walked into his office and I nudged the door partially closed. "It
was just a stupid reaction Josh. I panicked. Excuse me. Remember this
is my first experience with a clandestine affair too!"

He looked at me then, his expression grim. "The hotel was probably a
bad idea."

I thought about how it felt to wake up in his arms. We lingered for a
while, then we made love slowly, thoughtfully, like we had all the
time in the world. I made coffee and together we drank it in bed and
watched Saturday morning cartoons. He made a big deal out of me
bringing him a cup. I made him go out and track down a muffin for me.

It had been a great morning. Now it was a bad idea.

I slumped into the visitor chair. "You're going to be late for
Haskell."

"Donna..."

"No. I don't want to talk about it. Just go."

I heard him leave and at the same time felt tears well up. This
wasn't going to work. We couldn't be together and pretend to the
world that we weren't. We just weren't that kind of people. And I
apparently I was a dreadful liar.

The only thing to do was to call it off. Neither one of us had used
the "L" word so in theory neither of our hearts should be broken.
Yeah right. I have since discovered that not saying it didn't mean
not feeling it. I have loved Josh for so long that I didn't know how
not to love him. I thought about the summer we spent together after
he was shot and wished, almost desperately, that we could go back
there. There it was okay for us to be together. There we could cook
together, and live together and sleep together and nobody blinked an
eye.

So we would just break it off and go back to the way things were last
year. We had feelings for each other then, but we didn't act on them.
We could do the same thing again. Couldn't we?

The terrible part about being a bad liar was that I was an even worse
liar when it came to lying to myself. I pulled myself out of the
chair and made my way back to my desk. Fortunately, at a place like
this there was always enough work to keep a mind busy.

*****

"Hey Donna."

"Hey Sam." I was pitching forking a big bowl of lettuce. An action
that anyone could see was a direct signal to keep away. Except for
Sam. He sat down across from me with this stupid goofy grin on his
face. Great, just what I needed.

"So you saw the picture."

"Yep. I saw it."

"Who do you think it might be?"

"I think it's a super model. Don't you think she looks like a super
model?"

"Really? You know what I think?"

"No. But I bet you're going to tell me."

His smiled widened. "I think she's a prostitute."

"A prostitute." I contemplated the amount of damage I could do to his
face with my fork.

"Yeah. I mean I know you guys, you and Josh in particular, gave me a
tremendous amount of grief regarding my prostitute friend."

"Did we?" I got it. This is was pay back time.

"Yes, you did. Wouldn't it be ironic if Josh actually made the same
mistake?"

"Wouldn't it."

"Which is why he might want to hide the fact that he's actually
sleeping with a ..."

I could only imagine the fire shooting out of my eyes. Sam started to
squirm and I think he got the message that this was not the time for
teasing.

"Anyway that's just my theory." He left in a hurry. Sam was nothing
if not a smart boy.

****

After running around all day trying to keep as busy as humanly
possible to stop thinking about Josh and the fact that I was going to
have to break up with him...

God. Break up with him. It sounded like something a seventh grader
might do. As if it could be that simple. As if a few words could
somehow stop this emotional train that Josh and I were on. Had been
on since the day we met, and had picked up speed since the shooting
and had almost come off the track when I went out with Cliff...Okay
enough of the train metaphor.

It was simple. He was my world. A world that was quickly going to
have to some to an end.

"Donna, CJ is looking for you."

Ginger buzzed by me and I nodded. I knew what was coming.

I walked to her office and found Josh already inside again with a
grim expression on his face. CJ was leaning on her desk.

"Shut the door, Donna."

I did and turned around. I thought about confessing. I wondered if
Josh had or if CJ had figured it out. I reached for my wrist and felt
the weight of my bracelet surrounding it. For a moment it bolstered
my courage.

"Is this about the picture? Because I think I know who it is. At
first I thought it might be Jennifer Anniston, but then I thought no
it couldn't be, she's with Brad Pitt. I mean really Josh is okay, but
he's no Brad Pitt."

"Donna," CJ began.

"Then I had the super model theory. This person was actually quite
tall, which is sort of surprising because Josh usually goes for short
women."

"I do not."

"Yes you do," I countered. "Mandy was short. Joey was short. It makes
you think you're taller than you really are."

I could see him considering this.

"Donna," CJ said again this time a little more forcefully.

But I charged ahead anyway. "Then I remembered that Josh had this
thing for that tennis player. What's her name?"

"Anna Kournikova?"

"That's the one."

"Yeah, she's really hot," he admitted.

"Okay will you two give it up. I know."

"She knows," Josh told me.

"I guessed as much. How?"

"Your bracelet."

I immediately grabbed my wrist. CJ handed me the paper again and
showed me the area she had circled. You could just make out, as our
hands were separating, the charms that hung from my wrist.

"Give it to me," Josh said.

I grabbed my wrist and held it against my heart. "But Josh..."

"Donna. What if someone else sees it?"

I took it off and handed it back to him. I might as well have been
handing him my heart.

"So what happens now?" Not that it mattered. I felt empty inside.

"Well the first thing we need to do..." CJ began.

"It doesn't matter," I said stopping her. I didn't want to hear a
blow by blow of how we were going to cover this up, or unveil it, or
how we would go about resigning, or any of it. "Josh and I already
know we have to end it."

"We do?"

I didn't look at him. I couldn't. "I think the best thing to do is to
wait for a period of time and then I'll leave."

"Donna, I don't think..."

"Leave?"

"Yes, Josh. This was a stupid mistake and we both know it!"

His face changed then. He wore an expression I hadn't seen since... But
I couldn't stop. This wasn't going to be pleasant but it had to be
done. He needed to keep his job. President Bartlet needed Josh to
keep his job and I needed to go away.

"We both know we shouldn't have..." I turned to CJ. "I tried to... I mean
the summer after he was shot we spent so much time together... but I
said that our feelings really didn't mean anything, it was just a
reaction to the situation. But it got worse or better. I'm not sure.
I tried to date. Remember, CJ I tried. I tried not to let this
happen. I knew this would be a mistake..."

I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the drops hit my cheeks. I
rubbed my face and shook my head, trying to get a grip of myself and
the situation. I didn't look Josh. I couldn't look at Josh.

"It's after five. I'm going to leave now. I'll tell Ginger I don't
feel well. I'll call out sick for the next few days, enough time to
see if it's going to be picked up or not. Then I'll turn in my
resignation. I'll tell people I couldn't handle the...I'll tell Leo I
couldn't cope with the President's illness. That it was too much.
That I ..." I closed my mouth. They got the idea.

"Donna don't do this," Josh said carefully.

He was angry. He thought he could fix everything. He couldn't. "We
should have known, Josh. It was a mistake. We should have known."

I turned and hoped my knees, which had magically turned to jelly,
held up just enough to get me to my car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Chapter 11

A mistake. A stupid mistake. I was head over heels in love and Donna
thought it was as stupid mistake. I could deal with this. I could
handle this. I just needed to wait until the pain subsided.

"She didn't mean it Josh."

I looked at CJ and suddenly was angry. Angry that she'd ever shown me
the damn picture in the first place. Angry... as if she had taken the
damn picture herself.

"Whoa, back off Lover Boy."

"I didn't say anything."

"Your eyes did. I didn't make this happen."

I ran my hand through my hair trying to think about what happened
next. I was still stuck on the idea that Donna was actually
considering leaving.

"Just tell me that this is important, Josh. That it is not some
office romance...okay, okay. I get the picture."

At least my eyeball death rays were working at full force. A silver
lining to every cloud.

"This happened last summer?"

I nodded.

"So you guys have been hiding this for a year? I'm impressed."

I needed to sit. The pain was receding but a shaky empty feeling was
starting to settle in. I knew this feeling. I had felt it before.
Only I couldn't remember exactly when.
"No I ... we've only been involved for a few weeks. Almost a month."

Oh God. A month. I needed to know if she ... I mean she couldn't leave
if she was...She wouldn't do that. She couldn't do that.

CJ must have seen the sudden panic in my face. She sat down next to
me. "You're really scared she's going to leave."

"A hellooooo? Didn't Donna stand right here and tell us she was
leaving."

"She's hurt. She's upset. She's worried. She's not leaving."

I looked at her then. "How do you know that? Did you pick up on some
weird woman vibe?"

"Okay, let's put aside the fact that you think women can somehow
communicate telepathically. I know this because of the way she looked
at you when you asked for the bracelet back. She would have rather
given you a finger. She's in love with you Josh."

I looked down at my fist. I was clutching the damn bracelet so tight
I was going to have indents in my hand. I shouldn't have made her
take it off.

"And you're in love with her. This is great."

"CJ this is hardly great. Donna's gone. There's a damn picture. The
last thing we need in the middle of all this is another scandal."

"You're wrong Josh. Do you remember last October, Donna had that
party for you..."

"Yeah you wore a toga."

"Right. Donna said everyone had to ... whatever. The point is I knew
then that something was going on. You kept saying how you couldn't
wait to get rid of her, but it was there in your eyes the way you
watched her and followed her every move. I though great, they're
going to do it and someone is going to find out and it's going to be
a thing."

"Donna said that our attraction was based on circumstances."

"She was wrong."

I knew that. I so knew that.

"You two have been ... you two since you met. Her taking care of you
that summer just solidified something that was already there. She was
so strong for you Josh. I don't think I knew that about Donna, how
strong she was. Did Toby tell you what her first question was when he
told her about the President."

"No."

"She asked if he was in any pain. What was your first question?"

"How could he not tell me?"

"Mine too. We were worried about the impact, the scandal, the
administration, our necks. Donna was worried that he might be in
pain."

"What's your point?"

"I should have told you to go for it with her back then. I should
have told you how happy I was for you that you had found someone as
great as Donna to love. Instead I was worried about what the press
would think."

"And you were right. This is going to be a thing."

"Yes, a great thing. When I first saw that picture Josh, I thought
here we go again. I had images of me in yet another press conference
answering another invasive question desperately trying to explain the
actions of the people I care about and believe in. But now I can say
that the woman in that picture is Donna Moss. You all know Donna, she
was the one who denied you all access to Josh a year ago. They met on
the campaign and became close friends. During his recovery she stayed
with him and got him back on his feet. Literally. That friendship
grew into something else. They were reluctant to become involved
romantically because of their working relationship but in the end
love won out. This isn't a scandal Josh. This is a great story. It's
about two people finding happiness, and frankly right now we could
use a little happiness around here. Let me tell it just that way."

"You think?"

"I do. Now go get her."

"Kay." I got up from the couch and headed for the door. "Oh and CJ I
might have told one or two Congressional staffers that the woman in
the picture was Daryl Hannah. You can deny that now."

"You're mental giant, Josh. Now go."

*****

I knocked on her apartment door and thought I was going to be sick. I
remember back to time when the thought of her leaving would send me
into a panic and I was dismayed to learn that that particular fear
had not subsided. She couldn't leave me. I needed to tell her things.
I never told her I loved her. I never told her that she is the best
part of my day. I never told her that I'm a selfish bastard and have
always put myself first, but the for the first time in my life I
cared more about her than I did about me.

Wow. I really was growing.

The door opened. "Hey Mr. Lyman."

"Karin when are you going to start calling me Josh."

"I don't know, it just seems weird. I mean you're like ... important."
Karin was Donna's roommate. Her younger roommate. She was just
finishing up grad school and for whatever reason any time I was in
her presence I felt ancient. "And you're like practically the same
age as my father."

Maybe that's why.

"Donna is in the bathroom. She's crying and stuff. I need to get to
work but I didn't want to leave her."

"It's okay. I'll take it from here."

Karin nodded and buzzed by me out the door. I walked to the fridge
first and extracted a pint of ice cream. I figured the situation
called for it. Then I knocked on the bathroom door.

"Donna, come out here."

"No. Go away."

"I have ice cream."

A pause.

"Go away."

Oh yeah. This was serious. "Donna you're not leaving and our
relationship is not a stupid mistake." It was time to get right to
the heart of things. "Now open the damn door and lets talk about
this."

The door opened and I put the ice cream on the vanity. She was
sitting on the lid of the toilet her eyes a shade of red I've never
seen before with tears streaming down her face. In her hand she held
a long white stick. It looked like a...

I knelt down in front of her and wrapped my arms around her. "Ahhh
Donna. Don't cry. It's going to be okay. In fact it's going to be
better than that. I want a baby."

She only cried harder.

"Now I got the impression you weren't crazy about the name Jake, but
we can work on that..."

"Noooo," she sobbed pulling away from me. "I'm not crying because I'm
pregnant. I'm crying because I'm not."

"Oh." I pulled some toilet paper off the roll and tried to wipe her
face. "Okay, well, maybe next time."

"Josh!"

"What? There is going to be next time. And next time and next time."

"But..."

"No buts. Come on," I said standing and tugging her along with me. I
pulled her out into the living room and settled into an overstuffed
chair holding her in my lap. Her head immediately rested against my
shoulder.

"First, I talked to CJ. She doesn't think it's going to be a problem.
She thinks people will understand and be happy for us."

"Really?"

"I know. It's hard to imagine anyone being happy for me, but
apparently everyone really likes you."

"Not so surprising. I'm a people person."

I smiled and now knew for certain that I wasn't going to lose
her. "I'm sorry you're not pregnant."

"It's stupid. I know. It would have been bad timing and ... but I just
... I thought if I could at least have part of you then everything
would be okay."

"Well now you get to have the whole me. Aren't you lucky. And you
know what else?"

"What?"

"You love me."

"I know," she sniffled.

"You never said it."

"You never said it either," she returned.

"I felt it. I feel it now."

"I felt it last summer. Then I tried to stop it."

"Yeah, like that was going to work," I snorted.

She lifted her head. "I love you."

"I love you too."

I had never said it quite like that. I had never said those words and
meant them as much as I meant them with Donna. It scared the ever-
living crap out of me.

She was watching my face. "You're completely freaked out right now
aren't you?"

"No." Even I didn't believe me. Okay maybe I had a little more
growing to do.

She smiled and leaned in to kiss me. "It's okay."

I sighed in relief but then wanted to make sure she understood. "I
mean I do...you know."

"I know."

"Okay. Well, now that everything is settled we should get back to
work. We've got to tell Leo. He's not going to be happy, but I'll
convince him it will be fine. I mean Leo's the kind of guy who can
get behind love, right?"

Donna shook her head.

"You know you could try to be a little supportive here."

"It will be fine."

"That's the spirit." I kissed her this time and lingered a bit. I
thought now that the cat was out of the bag she could spend the night
at my place all the time. It would be like last summer only with sex.
Life was good.

"Josh, what would you have done if CJ hadn't said it was okay?"

I didn't even have to think about it. "I would have followed you.
Where ever you went."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we can stay. I want to do the
right thing for President Bartlet, but things are different now
Donna."

"How?"

"I'm loyal to you first."

She started to well up again. "Ahh geez Donna, don't cry. You're
turning into a regular water works factory over here."

"It's just that you keep saying such sweet things."

What could I say? I was a sweet guy.

"And Josh...."

"Yes Donna." She probably wanted to tell me how much she loved me
again.

"I want my bracelet back."



THE END.