Title: Off The Record

Authors: Jennifer (grandamje@aol.com), Cathy (cam7192003@yahoo.com), 
& Anne Marie (annemflynn@yahoo.com)

Disclaimer: Not ours, at least not yet- we're working on it!! No
copyright infringement intended.

Timeline: Bartlet for America I campaign, Bartlet Administration

Authors: Jennifer Erland, Cathy Miller and Anne Marie Flynn (in that
order). This particular Chapter is written by me - Jennifer

Rating: We'll do a chapter by chapter rating so this one is PG

Feedback: We would LOVE it! Feedback will be shared with all three
authors.

A/N 1: So we decided to do another Round Robin fic. This is NOT a
finished piece yet but we're getting there. We'll post on Fridays and
will each get the same amount of shots to keep this train on the
tracks. This is a bit of a different take on how Josh and Donna met
and work together. We hope you will enjoy! All Aboard!

A/N 2: The chapters will alternate between Present Time and
Flashback. This chapter is Present Time.

Josh POV

I can't do this. She can't ask me to. I'm not a strong enough man to
deal with all of this and try to run the country at the same time.

<><><><><><><>

Donna POV

I hear his words and they just make me want to scream. But that might
draw attention to us from the press corp.

"Donna, I can't, I can't for the life of me understand why you think
something can work."

"Damnit Joshua, I am so frustrated with you."

<><><><><><>

Josh POV

With me?

Really?

"Frustrated with *me*?"

It is always good to confirm these things and from the look on
Donna's face she's definitely frustrated with me, coming up on pissed
off too.

"Ok, so you're frustrated. What in God's name do you think I am?"

<><><><><><><><>

Donna POV

"I keep hearing about this education you have, Harvard, Yale, and a
Fulbright Scholar. Yet, I don't see it. I don't see how between our
intelligence and our combined brain power we can't figure out a way
around the issues."

Crap.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

"It's never going to happen is it?"

><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

She walks away without waiting to hear my answer. I don't know if
it's ever going to happen, but I know I desperately want it to. I
desperately want to be able to have it happen.

I watch her walk away and begin working on something. She is, without
a shadow of a doubt, unlike any woman I've ever known.

Donna inspires me to be a different man, to remember that politics,
while a huge part of my life, is not my only life. The banter and the
flirting make us who we are.

<><><><><><><><>

Donna POV

I've been away from him for too long. I miss his presence. Everyone
jokes about his ego, but the `everyone' is right, his ego is huge.
Maybe it comes from being oh so damn good at the job he does. He's
certainly earned the ego.

But what I really miss is the way he fills up a room. Josh walks in
and it is as if the room instantly transfers from Black and White to
a fifty inch plasma tv with such brilliant colors you can't remember
a time when you didn't have it, and if perchance you do remember the
time, you don't want to.

When I am walking next to him, his hand softly rests at the small
of my back, guiding me, leading me, escorting me from place to place
in such a way most would see it as gentlemanly. I know the truth.

I know it's the closest he's going to be able to get to actually
touching me in public. Josh can't hold my hand and he can't wrap his
arm around me. There is a need for secrecy because of who we are.

I hate that need.

<><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

Donna and I haven't finished this argument by a long shot. It's a
recurring one. She's not frustrated with me she's frustrated with the
situation we find ourselves in.

I watch her work as I walk through the Newseum and listen to the
President speak. Some days, on the tough days, I think I can give
this all up and she and I can be happy. Then I remember why I'm here
and it's not about the easy days. It's about the tough days. It's
about the fight for the greater good.

But being happy shouldn't be a fight. So how come I feel like I'm
constantly fighting to be happy?

I may not be standing next to her but I know where she is, I know her
every move. She has me entranced. It's been that way since she first
walked into my office.

That night at the bar scared me. It scared me to think that I could
let myself be hurt by her so easily and so quickly. Sam would say
that men in our position can't be hurt; we don't put ourselves in the
position to be hurt. I'd disagree.

When I gave my heart to one Donnatella Moss, I handed over the rights
to being hurt.

<><><><><><><>

Donna POV

Josh moves through this place with a fluidity that is rarely seen in
politics. His steps are not calculated. Simply, he owns the space; he
owns the rooms he is in. Josh is the center of attention at least
with the women and probably with the men too because they feel
threatened by him. Threatened politically and threatened personally.
He can have any woman in the room and maybe even some of the men too.

It is, in no uncertain terms, erotic to watch him work. To see the
passion that just flows from his body, the way he puts himself, all
of himself, into the actions of politics is mesmerizing. His arms,
hands and body move of their own accord and compliment whatever point
he is trying to make. His energy and stamina are the thing of legends
as he bounces on his feet, unable to control himself from moving. The
way he paces is rhythmic. His eyes glancing around, taking in
everything but focusing solely on the one person in front of him makes
you wonder how you can breathe without him watching you.

I turn to walk into the lobby, needing some air when I feel him
watching me.

<><><><><><>

Josh POV

Where the hell is she going now? It's not time for us to leave. Soon,
but not yet.

I hate these events when I can see her but I can't touch her. I can't
banter with her and we definitely can't spend much time together.

As I walk near the stairs I look up as Toby calls my name. I see the
signal and breathe a sigh of relief. I move to tell Leo and hope to
get this evening wrapped up.

From the corner of my eye I see Donna, there is so much I want to say
to her, and so much I can't.

I make the signal and Leo looks at me, dumbfounded. I explain it's
the signal for the thing and we talk for a minute before we continue
on with our tasks for the town hall.

<><><><><><><>

Donna POV

I'm watching Josh from the lobby, I see him make the sign to Leo and
I know the shuttle is safe. I offer a silent prayer of thanks.

I lean against the wall, closing my eyes and taking a few deep
breaths. I find myself unable to control my anger at this situation
Josh and I are in. I'm not sure how long I'm leaning here when I
sense Josh's presence.

Slowly I open my eyes and watch him watch me.

"Josh?"

<><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

She's stressed just the tone of her voice tells me that.

"You ok?"

I take in the sight of Donna trying to grasp hold of her emotions.
They run rampant across her face, her jaw tightens and her eyes
blaze. This is one of my favorite looks on her. Defiant Donna.

"I'm far from ok and I'd presume you are far from ok!"

She screams at me in a whisper. I decide the lobby, in view of the
senior staff, the press corps and those in attendance for tonight's
town hall meeting don't need to see this spat so I drag her into a
dimly lit alcove off the lobby.

"I'm about as far from ok as I can be, but Donna we're working
tonight. We need to do the job first."

I watch as her eyes grow bright with tears she's fighting against
letting fall.

<><><><><><><><>

Donna POV

Damnit Donna crying is not an option now.

"How can you do this? How can you imagine that this can only be about
work when we know it's not, it's not even close Josh. This is so much
more. We haven't even begun and you're telling me we're over? I
refuse to believe it."

I watch him again and I see the fight return to his eyes. His words
echo the emotions in his eyes.

"We aren't over, we're just delayed."

"Delayed?"

<><><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

"Delayed, for the time being. Till we either find new jobs or find
our way around the ones we have now."

She looks at me and nearly kills me when a single tear escapes her
eyes, slowly trailing down her cheek. I reach out to wipe it away.
Her words make me want to cry.

"I don't know if I can wait that long Josh. I don't know if I can
delay this thing between us. I don't know if I can live with myself
if I try to."

She's angry again and as she turns to the right to walk away from me,
I desperately reach out and grab her left hand. I pull her back to
me, wrapping our joined hands around my waist to my back, my left
hand on the wall next to her head and my face millimeters from hers.
I step closer, boxing her against the wall with my body, fitting my
chest to her chest and my hips to her hips. I stifle the groan at the
back of my throat that threatens to give away how desperate I am to
be in this position with her while wearing much less clothing.

I tilt my head and whisper to her,

"I can't live with myself if we don't try" and with that I capture
her lips in one of the deepest, most passionate kisses we've ever
engaged in. We've had slip ups before, but not like this. This is
deliberate, calculated and executed flawlessly.

I feel the exact moment she gives in to the kiss and the emotions. It
is when she squeezes the hand that holds hers against my back and at
the same time I feel her run her leg up mine. Anyone watching us
would wonder if she's climbing up my body and just exactly what we're
doing. I release her hand and wrap my arm around her pulling her
flush against me and then I lean us against the wall, my knuckles
scraping against the cement.

<><><><><><><><><>

Donna POV

Wha?

Huh?

Um...

Oh yeah, kissing Josh.

OH. MY. GOD!

AAANNNDDD... now I'm not kissing him.

He pulled back, smirk firmly in place. Then I hear him in a husky
whispered tone,

"We'll figure it out. That kiss tells me and hopefully you also, we
have no choice but to."

With that I watch him walk towards the door, the senior staff just
left and he's about to walk out when he turns to face me.

He smiles at me, his eyes soft and longing. He moves through the door
and as I gaze at the back of his head, I shake myself from my reverie
and move towards the door as well.

<><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

Where the hell did everyone go? How did I end up separated from them
for only a minute or two...

What in the hell is that noise?

Shit... that's gunfire. I speed up my walking in the attempt to find
everyone.

<><><><><><><><>

Donna POV

As I cross through the door, I hear the most horrific sounds and see
everyone scrambling. The press corps races off to the side as I watch
windows shatter before my eyes. I see the secret service throwing
people down and for a half a minute I am frozen. One thought passes
through my mind,

Josh...

<><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

This isn't good, God this isn't good. I have never felt pain like
this in my life. I can't really breathe and I can't scream. Where is
everyone?

She's never going to know.

She's never going to know.

Please God let her be safe.

Toby.

Toby's here. He's screaming at me,

"Josh!"

I try to open my eyes. He's screaming for help as he kneels next to
me. I have to know.

"Donna..."

<><><><><><><><>

Toby POV

He's laying on the ground, half dying and he's asking about DONNA?

"She's fine I think, she's not with us right now. Don't worry about
Donna right now."

He looks at me and without uttering another word I realize he needs
an answer. I don't think I want to know how deep he is into
this `thing' with Donna, but he's laying here bleeding out so I look
around and see her by the doors to the Newseum. She looks stunned and
terrified but seems unharmed. I look at Josh and relay that info,

"She's by the door to the Newseum. Secret Service won't let her any
further than the awning of the building. It seems they are physically
holding her back."

He closes his eyes and seems to settle down knowing Donna is safe and
won't be allowed into the open air.

Joshua, when you recover from this I'm going to kick your ass all the
way back to Connecticut.

<><><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

She's safe...

She's safe...

I'm just going to close my eyes for a minute...

<><><><><><><><><>

Donna POV

These damn secret service agents keep telling me they won't let me
through. I have to get to Josh.

"I have to get to Josh. Please please let me go. I just heard you say
the shooters are down. There's no danger. Please let me go."

The agent holds me back. There are tears streaming down my face.

"You don't understand..."

"Ma'am I can't let you go. You need to stay back here. You're badge
doesn't authorize you..."

"MY BADGE? MY FUCKING BADGE DOESN'T AUTHORIZE ME TO BE WITH JOSH?"

I rip the laminated tags over my head and fling them to the ground,
taking the agent by surprise. Using that surprise to my advantage I
break out into a dead run towards where Josh is laying on the ground
with Toby kneeling next to him.

I blow past Sam and I know he's stunned, but nothing, now that I'm
free from the binds of the agents is keeping me from Josh.

Hold on Josh, I'm coming...

<><><><><><><>

Toby POV

Donna is running towards us. I should tell Josh.

"Josh! Open your eyes, Donna is running over to us, hang on Josh, and
open your damn eyes."

As Donna approaches I shift out of her way. As she flings herself on
the ground, I can almost hear her knees scrape against the concrete.
She cradles Josh's head in her lap.

I am stunned at the look of utter devastation on her face.

<><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

She's here.

She shouldn't see this.

"Donna" I don't know if I said her name or thought it. I need to
close my eyes...

<><><><><><><><><>

Donna POV

I'm holding his head in my lap and I see the blood pouring through
the gaps in his fingers. He's trying to hold his blood in, he's
trying to hold on to his life and it's seeping through his fingers.

I cover his hands with my own, desperate to help him, silent prayers
flit through my brain as I watch him fade in and out. From my side,
Sam appears and gently replaces my tags around my neck, pulling my
hair out of the lanyard but holding it back so it doesn't flop in my
face as I bend over Josh's prone form.

Josh shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be suffering like this. Where
the hell is help? Why aren't they coming!

Joshua you don't get to die on me tonight. You promised me we'd find
a way. You promised me and you don't break your promises.

You can read my mind, I know you can. Read this loud and clear.

No dying tonight Joshua.



Title: Off The Record

Authors: Jennifer, Cathy, & Anne Marie

Timeline: AU story that ping pongs between flashbacks and the days of
Rosslyn

Rating: PG for a little language

Feedback: ALMOST better than Obama polling 17 points over McSame here in
MN!

*Flashback to Bartlet for America; right after the Democratic
Convention*

Josh's POV:

"Can you believe this shit?" I demand.

"No." Sam replies.

"This is the second time this week. We're trying to build post-
convention momentum and he skewers us again? This is simply
unbelievable!"

"Unbelievable." Sam repeats with a flat tone which made me stop my
tirade to turn around and face my friend.

"You have no idea what I'm talking about do you?" Sam shakes his head
no. "And yet you just keep responding as if you do?"

"Yeah...it's always worked before." Sam explains.

"This new columnist the Times hired has skewered us for the second
time in one week!" I feel my blood pressure rising just thinking
about it. "How are we supposed to stay on message and show party
unity when this damn columnist keeps hammering on process stories?!"

"Calm down." Sam advises me. "What did they write?"

I pull the column I cut out of the paper from my pocket and begin
reading it to Sam. "He titled it, `A House Divided'."

"You're carrying it around with you?" Sam asks.

"It bugged me." I reply and continue reading. "A week out of the
Democratic convention there is already a visible divide between the
Bartlet camp and the Hoynes camp. It's hard to understand why anyone
in the Bartlet camp thought it would be a good idea to offer the 2nd
spot to John Hoynes who was the front runner and presumed Democratic
nominee. Senator Hoynes took several hard blows throughout this
campaign, starting with the defection of his Chief of Staff Joshua
Lyman." I let out a huff of breath before I continue.

"The only possible explanation is that Leo McGarry and Josh Lyman
felt they needed John Hoynes, and the electoral votes from Texas that
come with him, in order to win in November. That move put Governor
Bartlet in a weakened position right out of the gate at a time when
he should be enjoying a post convention bump. While Leo McGarry
hasn't been as actively engaged in D.C. politics of late, surely
Joshua Lyman, who knew John Hoynes better than any other political
operative, should have known what a strategic error it was to put
Senator Hoynes on the ticket."

"Ah, so it's not so much the Governor he was skewering as, well,
you." Sam concludes.

"We need Hoynes on the ticket." I remind him.

"Right. Which is, I believe, what this columnist was pointing out."
Sam agrees.

"Do you want me to read the rest of this or not?" I ask.

"Not." Sam answers quickly. "Take my advice. Forget this columnist.
Keep your head in the game."

"That's what I should do." I agree.

"But you're not going to, are you?" Sam asks.

"Not a chance."
*******************************
Donna's POV:

I walk into Bartlet headquarters and I almost get plowed down by
someone running through the lobby carrying a stack of boxes. There
are 10, maybe 15 people milling around that seem to be waiting for
something or someone. I look around for the receptionist and spot a
harried young woman manning the front desk and several phone lines.

"Bartlet for America...Sure, I just talked to you...I disconnected
you?...I'm so sorry. Let me try to connect you again...It's my first
day answering phones and it's crazy busy here, you know?" The
distraught woman pushed a button and crossed her fingers. That didn't
look promising to Donna.

"Excuse me." I say quietly and her head pops up to mine. "I need to
speak to Josh Lyman."

"Sorry, Mr. Lyman isn't here right now. Did you have an appointment?"

An appointment; what a great idea. "We've been playing phone tag, but
the message I got was to meet him here at 1:00." I lie with a
straight face. I took drama for awhile in college before I settled on
journalism.

"Oh, and it's already 10 after 1." She appears really distressed now.
She leans in toward me conspiratorially. "Mr. Lyman is ALWAYS late."

"Maybe I could speak with his assistant?" I suggest.

This statement is met with a full out belly laugh. "He doesn't have
an assistant."

"The senior political director for the Democratic nominee doesn't
have an assistant?" She must have that wrong. This isn't exactly the
brightest bulb on the tree.

"Not at the moment. He kind of goes through them quickly. I think the
record for Mr. Lyman's assistant is 3 days, but I could be off on
that."

"I see." I reply, even though I don't. "Well, if you'll just direct
me to his office, I'll wait for him there."

"Oh, sure. It's through these doors, it's the fifth door on the
left...
or is it the sixth? You can't miss it; it looks like a bomb went off
inside." She ends our conversation abruptly when she attempts to
answer the phone lines ringing again.

I wander inside and, just as the woman predicted, I have no problem
finding Joshua Lyman's office. I see a station with coffee brewing
and help myself to a cup. I just finish pouring when I hear a bang
and who should come through the door but Josh Lyman himself. A red
headed woman is following closely behind him.

"Leo asked me to ask you to take a couple interviews off his plate."
The woman was telling him.

"No! Absolutely no press, Margaret. They are all bottom feeding
sharks waiting to take a big bite out of me this week and in order to
survive I am staying as far away as possible from those opportunistic
bastards."

"So, that's a no?" Margaret concludes.

"A definite no. No. Press." Josh affirms.

"Fine, but Leo was serious about hiring a new assistant. He's got a
pool of prospective applicants and he wants you to hire one of them
today. Also, he said he's got $50 bucks riding on the fact you can
keep this next one a week and if you cause him to lose the $50, he's
taking it out of your...what did he call it?...oh, yeah, you're sorry
ass."

"Thanks Margaret." Josh rolls his eyes and walks away from her. When
he gets to his door, he looks at me and does a double take. He
flashes a grin at me and the most adorable dimples pop out on his
face. "Can I help you?"

"Uh...the receptionist sent me back to your office." Okay, the dimples
distracted me for a second. Plus, he just got done yelling that he
wouldn't have anything to do with the press.

"Oh." He says like he's disappointed. "Well, come on in. Grab me a
cup too, would you?" he asks since I'm still standing by the coffee.

"Are you kidding me?" I ask.

"Kidding you?" he repeats. "Why would I be kidding you? It's just a
cup of coffee and you're standing right next to it."

"Is your arm broken?" I shoot back.

"Excuse me?" He sends me a puzzled look.

"I can't think of another reason you'd expect me to get you coffee
just because I'm wearing a skirt. I didn't think Democrats were so
sexist." I see his eyes briefly check out said skirt and the legs
beneath it before they jerk back up to mine.

"We're not- I'm not! I just-"

"If you ARE incapacitated in some way, I'll be glad to get you some
coffee. Otherwise, you should walk the arduous 5 feet to the coffee
machine and pour your own damn cup. Come on over, I'll talk you
through it step by step." I smile condescendingly.

"I think I remember the steps." He looks at me strangely as he
approaches the coffee machine like he's waiting for me to pull out an
automatic weapon or something.

"What's your name?" he asks while he pours.

"Donna." I reply quickly.

"Just Donna?" he quirks an eyebrow at me. God, he is cute.

"Donnatella, actually." I elaborate and immediately want to kick
myself. I hate being called Donnatella, and nobody gets away with it
but my mother.

"Donnatella." He repeats and it rolls very nicely off his
tongue. "Come in and have a seat." He gestures for me to enter his
office, but once inside, I see there is not a single flat surface,
including the floor, that isn't covered in papers of some kind.

"Where exactly?" I deadpan.

"Sorry, it's a little messy." He apologizes and clears off the papers
from one of the seats.

"A little?" I laugh. "If you manage to get the Governor elected, he
can declare this a Federal Disaster area."

"You have a unique interview style, Donnatella; insulting your
potential boss."

"I'm not sure this is a job I'd want."

"Why not?"

"I already have a pretty good job." Donna admitted.

"Then what are you doing here?" he asks all exasperated, and runs his
hands through his hair; leaving it standing on end.

"Trying to figure out what makes you tick." Again, I'm completely
honest here.

Now he leans forward. "Politics makes me tick. What is this about?"

"I'm a big fan. I saw an opportunity to meet you and I took it."

He's still looking a little wary, but like every other human being
with a Y chromosome, he's very susceptible to flattery.

"Who are you?" he asks again.

"I'm Donna. Have you had lunch yet? We could grab a bite." I suggest.

"And you're not looking for a job here?" he confirms.

"No, just information. I took a lot of Government classes in
college.." I flirt a little and he responds predictably.

"And that was when; last semester?" He leans back in his chair and
his eyes take on a predatory gleam again.

"Are you asking me how old I am, Mr. Lyman? I'm pretty sure that's
illegal to ask an applicant."

"It's Josh, and you just said you're not here for a job."

"You didn't know that until now. Do you really expect your assistant
to fetch you coffee? No wonder they don't last more than a couple
days." I point out.

"The last one lasted 3 days and - who the hell are you?" he raised
his voice in frustration.

"Don't shout." I remind him. "Although I understand your bad mood, I
heard you've had a bit of a day." He looks flummoxed for a minute,
but recovers quickly. He has a pretty good poker face at the moment,
but my source told me he went 15 rounds with Hoynes earlier.

"Today wasn't anything unusual." He maintains. "Other than a
beautiful woman showing up in my office for a job interview when she
already has a job."

Okay, the beautiful woman comment got me a bit. "That's not what I
heard. Why is Hoynes giving you such a hard time? Is it payback for
leaving his office to run the Governor?"

"Who are you?" he repeats yet again as he sits back in his chair and
takes another swallow of coffee.

"Do you always interview this way? Are we playing twenty questions
now?"

"Would it get me some answers?"

"How good are you at asking questions?"

"Pretty damn good." He replies.

"Really? I hears that smart ass answers were more your specialty."

"Are you a Republican?"

"Registered Independent."

"Ah, even better; a fence sitter."

"A fence sitter?" I chuckle and sip my own coffee.

"Someone who can't be bothered to make a commitment to either party
and then tries to play it off as idealistic. As least the Republicans
know what the hell they stand for. It's all shit, but they reliably
stick to their shit come hell or high water. Independents swing all
over the place and don't have loyalty to anything or anybody."

"Staying Independent makes it easier for me to jump out of the
Democratic party boat when they start to shoot themselves in the foot
which inevitably happens about now in the election cycle. What's the
saying? `Never underestimate the ability of the Democratic party to
snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory'?"

"At least we have lively debate, the Republicans are positively
robotic, with the same talking points coming out of each of their
mouths."

"They are consistent." I point out.

"Consistently wrong, sure." Josh leaned in toward me. "Governor
Bartlet is going to change how things are done in Washington, and I'm
going to help him do it."

"If you can get him elected. The dissension in the ranks is a problem
for you."

"I've got news for you Donnatella, there is always dissention in the
ranks. We'll get through it."

"John Hoynes doesn't seem to be a fan of yours, or Governor
Bartlet's."

"This is about the damn column in the Times isn't it? Leave it to a
damn columnist to reduce an honest to God candidate with intelligence
and ethics into a process story. This D. Moss character is full of
shit, and he should spend a little more time around campaigns so he
can speak more authoritatively about how they work." Whoa! That got a
bit of a reaction.

"She." I correct him.

"Excuse me?"

"She. D. Moss is a she, not a he."

Josh's POV:

I'm getting that sinking feeling again. You know the one you get when
you realize you've stepped into the political equivalent of
quicksand?

"D. Moss is a woman?" I squeak out and she nods with a smirk on her
face. "And you know that because..." I take a fortifying swallow of
coffee.

"I'm Donnatella Moss." She tells me matter of factly while I spit out
my coffee. "Do you need a napkin?"

"This is off the record. All of this is off the record. You never
identified yourself as a reporter." I rattle off quickly.

"I know." She tells me calmly. "This isn't a sting. I wanted a chance
to talk to you and I didn't think you'd meet with me if I told you I
worked for the Times."

"Damn right." I get up out of my chair. She stops me with a light
hand on my arm.

"I'm sorry, I should have identified myself when I first came in, but
I wanted to talk to you." I sit back down slowly.

"You last two columns sucked." I tell her.

"Were there any factual mistakes?" she counters.

"It's not the facts I was objecting to, it was the conjecture." I
explain. "Hoynes isn't pissed that I jumped ship, he's pissed that he
didn't listen to me in the first place and that's part of why I
jumped ship." I clamp my mouth shut again. "It doesn't matter. The
point is, that you don't get the nuances of a Presidential campaign."

"Then explain it to me. Help me understand what you mean." She
challenges me. "Off the record; my word."

"Like that means something." I scoff, but I'm still considering it.
What concerns me is that I don't think my motives here are pure.
Yeah, maybe it would help the campaign, but what really intrigues me
is this woman. "IF I did this, anything I told you would be off the
record until after the election."

"That sounds fair." She agrees far too readily.

"You don't want a Presidential election scoop?" I probe a bit.

"Sure I do, but I have other sources for that."

"What other sources?"

"Sources that tell me Hoynes smashed a mug during your meeting
today." She offers. Shit.

"You want to write a book." I deduce.

"It's always been a goal of mine. I'm very focused on my goals,
Joshua." I consider this a minute, in a purely professional manner...
mostly. What harm could come from it? I can handle one young
reporter. I'm a seasoned political operative.
*****************************
Donna's POV:

I'm beginning to feel like a mistress. He meets me in clandestine
places, flirts with me, throws pretty compliments my way, but he
always goes back to Bartlet at the end of the evening.

There's no doubt that the man is brilliant, but it's a Wiley E.
Coyote type of brilliance. When he hits all cylinders, it's jackpot
time, but when he misses, the equivalent of a Republican Roadrunner
dumps a 1 ton anvil on top of his head. It's a bit of a hire wire
act. Actually, that's a good analogy for our relationship too. Can I
call this a relationship? We've seen each other several times now and
I feel like we're teetering on the edge of something more personal,
but then he remembers my vocation and he quickly backs away. At the
moment though, he's in the bantering mood; which is my personal
favorite.

"You're toying with me now." I tell him.

"Oh, Donnatella, we both know that's not true." He replies smiling.

"He can't be that involved in the details of his own Presidential
campaign. He has to delegate at this point." I insist.

"Right. Explain that to him." Josh takes another sip of beer. "He
gets input and advice from his team, but the outcome and how it's
executed? That's all him."

"Hmmm. Just how much input and advice does he take from Mandy
Hampton?" I ask the question I've been dying to ask for the last two
weeks.

"Mandy is strictly on media; not policy." He goes to take another
swallow of beer and looks disappointed when he comes up empty.
Without a moment of hesitation, he picks up my bottle and takes a
swig from it. I decide to ignore it.

"But a media strategist would have to work pretty closely with the
senior staff wouldn't they?" I try again. He leans closer so that
we're almost nose to nose.

"What is it you want to know, Ms. Moss?" he whispers.

I shift my gaze away from his intense expression and in an attempt at
distraction, I pick up a French fry from his plate and pop it into my
mouth. His attention doesn't veer from me for a second, but a smirk
forms on his mouth as if he knows the reason for my delay.

"Are you involved with Mandy Hampton?" I blurt out.

"Of course I am. We're running a Presidential campaign together." He
shoots back.

"Such a politician's answer."

"I'm a politician." He finally leans back from me and plays with his
fork. "It's sort of been an off again on again thing."

"So are you off or on at the moment?"

"Is this for your paper or your book?" he asks.

"Neither." I answer when I get a spurt of courage. That got his
attention.

"Donna..." he begins and I almost get sick at the thought that he's
letting me down gently. In the real world, all this banter and
flirting would be leading to something, but as Josh has just reminded
me, he's a politician. So, I put on a blas� face and utter the first
lie that comes to me.

"It's for a friend of mine who's interested in you. I tried to tell
her what an insufferable, conceited, political player you are; but
there's no accounting for that girl's taste." I watch him carefully
to see if he's buying it and I think he is; remember...drama major?

"Thanks for the referral but I don't have much free time working on a
Presidential campaign." He replies, but he doesn't look at me. "It's
getting late. I should head back." He throws a few bills on the table
and we both get up from the booth we'd shared. At each of
our `meetings' Josh has always walked slightly behind me, with his
hand at the small of my back. This time, he walks ahead of me and is
careful to avoid any contact with me at all.

Shit. Did I read this wrong? Did I preemptively hurt him, to avoid
having him hurt me, when he wasn't actually going to hurt me after
all? What do I do now?

He holds the door to the caf� open for me, but he avoids my gaze.

"Do you want to share a cab?" I offer.

"I think I'll just walk, thanks." He gives me a grim smile. "I'll
talk to you later, Donna."

He turns to go and after a few steps my stomach revolts. "Joshua?
Wait a second!"

He turns quizzically, but doesn't move any closer to me so I'm forced
to go to him.

"There is no friend." I admit and his eyebrows knit together in
confusion. "I...I lied about having a friend who was interested in
you."

Now he takes a step closer. "Why?" he demands quietly.

"I was afraid I read the signals wrong and I didn't want to hear you
say I read the signals wrong, so I made up a story to save face, but
now I think I hurt you and I didn't mean for that to happen at all."
I pause for a breath. "I'm sorry."

He takes another step closer to me on the nearly deserted street and
I hold my breath. "You didn't read the signals wrong." He says simply
and presses his lips to mine. I grab onto his arms to avoid melting
into a puddle; he's very good at the kissing. "Donnatella." I love
the sound of my full name coming from his lips as they move across my
face.

When he pulls back, several minutes later, we're both panting for
breath. "What I was going to say, back at the caf�, was that it might
not be a good idea to get involved given the jobs we both have. Now,
I don't care so much about that."

I nod my agreement. "We'll figure it out."

"We'll have to figure it out separately for awhile. I'm on the debate
prep team. We're leaving for Manchester tomorrow for some intense
sessions. Leo's worried about our numbers in the Southeast so we're
revamping some of our answers for the debate. I don't even know where
I'll be after that."

"I understand." I assure him. "It's going to be crazy for you for the
next few months." I note that his trust in me has already increased.
He no longer says things like, `this is completely off the record
now' when we're talking about the campaign.

"I'll call you from New Hampshire?" he turns the statement into a
question with the tone of his voice.

"I'd like that." I tell him. He waves his hand in the air, and like
magic, a cab appears. He opens the door for me, but before I get in,
he gives me one last kiss.

"Goodnight, Donnatella."
**************************
Josh's POV:

It's day 3 in Manchester and normally I'd be ready to slit a wrist
after enduring hours of endless trivia quizzes by the Governor, but
I'm floating instead. At every break I call Donna. Sometimes, I have
to leave a message but usually she picks up and just hearing her
voice makes me high. She offers her opinions, mocks mine, and teases
me about my inability to keep an assistant.

I'm starving, so I go down to get some breakfast. I figure I can grab
a bagel and some coffee and still have a few minutes to call her and
say `Good morning'. I get my provisions and I'm heading outside to
make my call when I literally run into Leo.

"Have you seen the Times?" He barks at me.

"What is it?"

"There's a front page story about the Governor's numbers in the
southeast and how that region might cost him the election."

"Isn't that exactly why we're here? To revamp some answers so they'll
play better there?"

"Yeah, it is." Leo agrees.

"Then what's the problem?"

"The problem is that's what the Times printed. Specifically, they
wrote that due to my critical concern about our numbers there, we're
holed up in New Hampshire to revamp our answers so they'll play
better there." Leo explains. "Josh, we've got a leak."

Oh. Shit.

*************************************
Donna's POV:

I haven't heard from Josh all day; which is very unusual. I left my
first message at noon and just asked him to call back. My second
message was around 5. It went like this; (beep) Josh, I know the last
time we spoke you were threatening to kill yourself if the Governor
subjected you to one more lecture about some trivia, but now I
haven't heard from you all day, and I'm afraid you may have done
something rash. Call me and let me know you're still among the living.

I'm waiting at home for his return call like some lovesick teenager,
when I get a call from a colleague at the paper asking if I knew of
any reaction from the Bartlet camp about Ted's revelation this
morning. When I ask what the revelation was, I'm told it was an
inside source that went on record with Ted saying that Leo McGarry
was worried about their numbers in the southeast and had the senior
staff holed up in Manchester to skew their answers for the next
debate so they will play better in that region. My heart sinks. Now I
understand why Josh isn't calling. He thinks I'm the one who gave Ted
the information. Shit.

**************************
Josh's POV:

I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. The stress from the campaign
would be enough to cause this condition, but I'd be lying if I didn't
say that it was directly related to this mess with Donna. Her first
couple messages were light and funny, but after that they sounded
worried and then they stopped altogether; when she figured out I knew
about her leaking the information to her colleague.

The cab dropped me off in front of my brownstone and all I want to do
is fall into unconsciousness on or near my bed. I drag my bag up the
stairs, digging in my pocket for my keys, when I see a pair of shoes
on the floor in front of me; female shoes that contain incredible
female feet that are attached to long legs. My eyes continue on their
journey upward until they meet the very worried eyes of Donnatella
Moss.

"I didn't leak it Josh. It wasn't me; I swear to you it wasn't me."
She says quietly. I don't know how to respond; so I don't respond at
all. "You've told me lots of things over the past couple months. I
haven't shared any of it with anyone. I don't work that way;
professionally or personally."

"Come inside, Donnatella." I finally manage and unlock the door for
both of us to enter.

"I'm not lying to you, Josh. I didn't leak it." She repeats and God
help me, I believe her.

I nod my head in acceptance and her shoulders literally sag with
relief. "Sit down." I indicate the couch and I only pause to drop my
bag before sitting with her.

"This isn't going to work Donna."

"I thought you believed me." she sounds hurt.

"I do, but as long as you've got the job you do and I have the job I
do, it can't work." It gives me no pleasure to be saying this, but
it's the truth.

"This will look like nothing if you win the election." She mutters.

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"My editor told me I'm going to be offered a spot in the White House
Press Corps after the election. Nancy is retiring."

"And you're going to take it?" I'm floored.

"Why wouldn't I? It's what I've been working towards for years."

"I thought you wanted to write a book!"

"I do. Where did you think I was going to get the material for a book
on Presidential politics?" she counters.

"I was thinking maybe, after the election, there'd be enough
professional distance between us that we could try this again. It
would be impossible to do that if you're in the press corps!" My
frustration and helplessness in this situation is adding more stress
to an already stressful conversation.

"What if we set up ground rules? We wouldn't talk about work." Donna
offers.

"You can't talk about your work and I can't talk about mine? Where
does that leave us? Silent dinners and dates to the movies?"

"I don't want to give up on this, Joshua."

"Neither do I, but it can't happen if you take the position at the
White House and we win the election. You need to rethink this."

"I do? I need to rethink this?" Donna gets to her feet in mounting
anger. "Why aren't you the one to rethink taking a position at the
White House?"

"Because I left my job to get the Governor elected President and this
is what I've been working towards my whole life."
"So I should cave on my promotion because we MIGHT have a personal
relationship worth pursuing? What makes your career ambitions are
more important than mine?"

"I didn't say that." I hold out my hands, palms out, in a calming
gesture. "Why are you getting so angry right now?" she shakes her
head. "Sit down and talk to me Donna."

"When I first went to college, I met a guy and thought we were in
love. He was going to medical school but needed help with the
expenses. He convinced me that his potential career as a doctor was
more important and more lucrative than my potential career as a
journalist. He decided that I would drop out and pay for his tuition
and our living expenses until he finished medical school. Then once
he was employed, I would go back to school and finish getting my
degree."

"When did you find out Dr. Freeride was cheating on you?" I ask
quietly.

"Dr. Freeride?" she repeats and I shrug. "I found out about 8 months
after I'd dropped out of school. I lost two semesters by the time I
wised up. I made a promise to myself that I would never let my
ambitions come second to a man I was involved with again."

"I'm sorry." I tell her. "I'm sorry he was such a jerk. I'm sorry he
used you. You didn't deserve that. But this isn't the same situation,
Donna."

"It feels like it is." She murmured.

"Look, we're both exhausted and emotionally wiped. Let's table this
for now and see how we both feel in a few days. Maybe then things
will look clearer to both of us." I suggest.

"I don't see what's going to change in that time." Donna replies.

"Maybe the Governor will tank in the debate and I won't have a White
House job to accept or reject." I offer.

"You really think so?" she asks skeptically.

"No..." I reply with a half smile.

"Me either." Donna admits. "Goodnight, Joshua. Get some sleep, you
look like hell." And with a short kiss on my lips she lets herself
out. The kiss makes me depressed because I figure it could very well
be the last one she ever gives me.

TBC



Title: Off The Record (3/?)

Disclaimer: Not ours, no copyright infringement intended. Hey, maybe
we can start a pool and all go in together to buy them. We could ask
those Nigerian people with all the money for help...oh wait, they're
going to jail now. Damn...

Authors: Jennifer Erland, Cathy Miller, Anne Marie Flynn (this time,
it's my turn)

Rating: Um...I think I'm going to say R because there's potty language

Timing: This kinda jumps around between Bartlet for America and runs
through Noel.

Category: Alternate Universe, Angst and Romance

Feedback: Oh yeah! You keep talking to us, and we'll keep posting

A/N: So, we're doing another round robin, and we're having a lot of
fun. By now, you've seen that it's an alternate universe piece. This
has been a lot of fun to explore. I hope you're enjoying it. We're
almost done writing it, so unless we get inspired to tear off in a
totally different direction in what's supposed to be the end (which I
suppose is totally not out of the realm of possibility for us), there
should be no waiting for you for the posts. Happy Friday!

Rosslyn, Virginia
Eight minutes after the shooting

~DONNA'S POV~

Josh's head is in my lap. He seems so dazed and confused. His eyes
drift shut and then open instantly when we all yell at him. CJ, Toby,
and Sam, are all cluttered around us. Where the HELL is a paramedic!?

There's lights, and sirens, and yelling, and people running
frantically. I have no idea if we're even out of danger. I have no
idea if the secret service got all the shooters. I know they got some
of them. I don't have time to think about danger.

Josh is lying here on the pavement, growing weaker...dying.

My hand is clenched over his over the bullet wound, like I'm trying
to hold his life in his body, our fingers entwined. Toby has taken
his jacket off and has pressed it over our hands, as well. CJ's
crying and screaming for a paramedic.

I don't know how much time is going by, but it seems like we're here
for hours. The senior staff are pretty important people. How is it no
one's looking for them? Each second that goes by, is a second he
grows closer to death. He's pale, so very pale, and so very scared.

He ain't the only one.

"Donna." he says softly, like the very act of talking is draining his
energy. I lean over until I'm right in his face. He's got to be able
to feel my breath on his face, if he can feel anything at all right
now other than fear.

"I'm right here." I say softly. "I'm right here with you."

"I'm so sorry." he says and suddenly, there's an amazing clarity in
his eyes. "I should have said screw it. I was a coward."

"No." I say shaking my head and making no attempt at hiding my
tears. "You're not, Josh. You're so brave."

He reaches a blood covered hand up to my cheek. "Sorry." he says
quietly, as he his eyes drift shut.

"Don't you dare!" I shout, bouncing my knee. His eyes fly open with a
groan and a flinch. "Don't you dare say goodbye! This is not goodbye.
Do you hear me? We're not done yet, Josh. You're going to make it,
and when you do, you're going to listen to everything I have to say.
Because I have a lot to talk to you about, Josh. I have so much to
tell you."

I am not, I am absolutely NOT losing the only man I've ever really
loved. I don't care how stubborn we've been. I don't care what his
occasionally deluded, but brilliant, mind thinks about a member of
the senior staff being romantically involved with a member of the
press. I know that the senior staff has given me suspicious looks.
They like me enough, like they like Danny, but they're always
suspicious. And whenever I've got a lead on something, I can see
behind CJ's eyes that she thinks Josh gave it to me. That's never
been the case, but they don't completely trust us.

Up until this moment, that's stopped us. I won't let it happen
anymore. He looks up at me now with love, fear, and regret in his
eyes. The regret I can do something about.

I lean down and whisper in his ear. "You have to fight for me, Josh.
You have to fight. I want to be with you. I don't want to be with
anyone else, and I don't want you to be with anyone but me. So,
fight, Josh. Fight." Then I press a kiss to his forehead and lean
back up. There's an ever so slight nod to his head and I feel a
little lighter.

Medics fall to our sides and hastily move us out of the way. The four
of us stand back as the medics quickly go to work on Josh. Finally,
he's getting help. Tears are streaming down mine and CJ's faces, Toby
and Sam look utterly terrified, and Josh is speaking completely
incoherently. Each bit more he fades is a bit more my heart hardens.

They move him quickly to a stretcher and run him to a waiting
ambulance, loading him swiftly into the back. The medic hits the back
door of the ambulance twice, calls out "GW!" and it takes off.

We all watch the ambulance for a moment, and then CJ turns to
me. "Sorry, Donna, no press." She says almost coldly.

No press? NO PRESS! His blood is on my clothes, God dammit, and all
over my hands, and probably on my face, and you've got the audacity
to tell ME no press!

"Do you not have EYES in your head, CJ!?" I scream. Toby, Sam, and CJ
all look at me with surprise. "No Press? You think that's what it's
about? You call yourselves his friend, but if he so much as smiles at
me, you suspect him of a leak. If I walk within ten feet of him, you
hurry one of us away. Not everything is about the White House! Not
everything is about a story! Look at me! Look at my hands, CJ! I'm
not injured. This isn't MY blood. The rest of the press corps ran for
cover. I ran for him!"

"Donna," Sam says steadily with a gentle hand on my elbow. "calm
down. People are looking at you."

"I. Don't. Care. Sam." I punch out.

I turn my attention back to CJ. "No press?" I hiss again. "He called
for me on that pavement, CJ. He asked for me. You think it was to
give me a fucking exclusive? I'm not press, CJ. I'm the woman he
loves. And I will be there for him, with or without your permission
or your support. No press? No. No YOU."

I spin around and storm away from them. I came on the press bus,
which seems to be... I look to the direction that it was parked in.
Okay. So, it's got bullet holes and broken glass in it. I think I'll
be needing another mode of transportation.

"Donna!" Danny calls running over. "Come share a cab with me. I'll
get you back to the White House."

I slowly turn in his direction, mouth agape, and I almost laugh out
loud. His eyes widen when he takes in my appearance. "Oh my God! Are
you all right? Are you hit!?"

"It's not my blood." I say. I don't recognize the voice coming out of
me. It's coming from a woman with a dying heart. "It's Josh's."

"Josh's!? Josh Lyman? Josh was hit?" Danny asked frantically. "Was
anyone else? Was CJ?"

I want to laugh again. I'm so disgusted. Danny's got a desperate look
in his eyes. I know it because it's probably the same look reflecting
out of mine. We're in the same boat, he and I; both hopelessly in
love with members of the senior staff, doomed to love from afar.
Well, one of is, and it's not me. I know CJ's got feelings for him,
too. I can see it when she talks to him, and argues with him. But
her `no press' comment a little while ago tells me unequivocally that
she's closed the door on that possibility. Has she even looked for
Danny? Has she even given him a passing thought?

"She's all right." I say tonelessly. "Sam, Toby and CJ are all all
right. Only Josh was..."

"Come on." he says guiding me. "Once we're out of this perimeter,
we'll be able to get a cab. I'll take you home. You can get changed."

"I'm not ready to get changed." I reply.

"Donna, you can't stay in those clothes. You've got to get that blood
off you." Danny insists.

"I don't want it off me." I reply. "Danny, as long as I've got Josh's
blood on me, I have a chance to get in to see him."

"Donna," Danny says gently, as if trying to reason with a four year
old holding a bomb. "You're a reporter. You aren't getting anywhere
near the injured Deputy Chief of Staff."

"You want to make a bet, Danny?"

TBC


Title: Off The Record (4/?)

Disclaimer: Not ours, not *yet* - I have faith my friends and I can
rectify that situation! No copyright infringement intended.

Timeline: Bartlet for America I campaign, Bartlet Administration
through Noel episode

Authors: Jennifer Erland, Cathy Miller and Anne Marie Flynn (in that
order). This particular chapter is one of mine - Jennifer

Rating: We'll do a chapter by chapter rating so this one is PG

Feedback: We would LOVE it! Feedback will be shared with all three
authors.

A/N 1: We decided that since tomorrow is July 4th we'd post early
this week. I hope everyone who celebrates America's Independence Day
has a wonderful time!

A/N 2: As always, while the chapter is re-read multiple times it is
still un-beta'd. The chapters will alternate between Present Time and
Flashback. This chapter is a Flashback.

Josh POV

I can't believe he did this. If anyone was going to do it though, it
would be Sam.

Sam, Sam, Sam.

He's been my best friend for a million years and I love him like a
brother but how the hell can he accidentally sleep with a prostitute.

Call girl.

Sorry.

Call girl... and a highly paid one at that.

His career could be over. Probably should be over, but then again, in
politics, people have overcome more.

It's just that she showed up on the arm of a major contributor at the
State Dinner and Sam, being Sam, flipped out.

I mean REALLY flipped out. You actually want to know how badly?

He offered Laurie, the highly paid call girl, ten grand not to go
home with the contributor. I don't know if he's trying to reform
Laurie or if he's trying to lock her up in a gilded cage until he can
figure out a way to fix whatever he perceives as being wrong with
her.

Damn...

I want to talk to someone about this but I can't. No one can get wind
of this or it could be a huge thing.

We've got enough huge things going on right now. To name but a few
and really this list is in no particular order:

Cubans trying to get to the US shores looking for a better life than
Castro is giving them in vessels that aren't more than a floating
trash bag.

My issues with Mary Marsh and the Christian Right. Which when you
think about it, is neither Christian nor right in the way they
perform, preach and persecute anyone who doesn't fall in line with
their vision of morality.

The teamsters are striking and Leo's put them in a room.

Mandy is going to be working for us again. Yeah that should make for
good dinner theater.

An FBI Hostage Negotiator has been shot and is in critical condition.

If the powers that be from the great unknown were looking to make
things worse, there is a hurricane that shifted course and is headed
right for where we evacuated our carriers.

And to really cap things off, Lillienfield knows that Leo was popping
pills and washing them down with scotch when he was Secretary of
Labor.

God how I need to talk to someone.

<><><><><><><><><><>

Donna POV

I stand outside his door and I know, without a shadow of a doubt I
should not be here. Something just tells me he needs someone to smile
at him and make him forget the world he is trying to exist in.

Now granted I can't make him forget in some ways that would also make
me forget I'm still a reporter, but for now I'll do what I can.

I knock, quietly, in case he is sleeping. I hear a glass clink down
onto a table, the ice making a rattling noise from a distance.
The slow, soft sound of footsteps tells me Josh is both up and
drinking.

The door opens and I see Josh quickly compose himself when he sees me
standing outside his door. His voice is rough, laced with conflicting
emotions and it tells me just how far at the end of his rope he truly
is.

"Donna, you shouldn't be here."

<><><><><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

Please, not tonight, any night but tonight. I know I just said I
need to talk to someone and that was quickly followed by the knock on
the door but please don't make me have to hide this from her or turn
her away. I can't handle that tonight. So I tell her,

"Donna, you shouldn't be here."

"I know, but I know you too and I know you need to talk to someone
right now. I can be that person for you Josh. I'm not here as a
reporter Josh, I'm here as me, Donna Moss. Nothing will go any
further than me. You have my word."

Her word. Ironic that she used that phrase.

It is her words that, if she knows what is mashing about in my head,
could single handedly work towards bringing down this administration.

I step aside and motion for her to enter. Leaving her outside is both
unwise and rude given she's a member of the White House Press Corps
and given how I was raised by my good Jewish mother.

Once she is inside my place and the door is locked, I lean back
against the door and watch as she takes off her coat. She looks
beautiful but what I'm focused on is her eyes.

I want to see something that tells me she's not going to betray me.
Something that speaks to me without uttering a word to let me know
she won't let me down by handing over confidential information.

Basically I need to know if I'm dealing with Donna Moss my friend and
woman I care about so deeply it hurts or if I'm dealing with Donna
Moss, member of the White House Press Corps and ace reporter who will
do what she needs to do to get ahead and get the story above the
fold.

Because when you think about it, I'd be the perfect person to get the
story from.

<><><><><><><><<><><><>

Donna POV

He's trying to figure out if he can trust me tonight. It's the same
way every time we're in situations like this. I need him to know he
can trust me the way I need him to and more importantly the way I
want him to be able to.

So I let him look at me, I look him in the eyes and hope he can see
my soul laid bare for his judgment. After a minute or so, I can't
physically stand there and watch him decide if I'm trustworthy. I
want us to move past this, at least for tonight, when I know he needs
me so much.

I walk over to him and I wrap my arms around him, molding myself to
him in an intimate embrace. He is rigid in my arms until finally his
resolve crumbles and he bands his arms around me, drops his head to
my shoulder and whispers,

<><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

"How did you know I needed you?"

How did she know? I need to know what the tip off was, because if she
knew other people might have as well and I can't be that obvious.

"I keep telling you Joshua, I'm tuned to you."

I can't help but smile at that. Donna truly is tuned to me. I stand
up straight and see her soft smile and my heart feels lighter yet
tighter at the same time. The tightness worries me. How simply this
woman could ruin everything and how quickly I've fallen for her only
serves to frighten me.

"Tell me what's wrong Joshua."

"Where do I start?"

"Anywhere you want to and we'll work our way around from there. But
first, come and sit with me."

Donna kicks her heels off as she takes my hand to lead me to the
couch and she is now ever so slightly shorter than me. I like how
that feels. I like how it feels to be taller, stronger and more
protective of her.

I'd never tell her that because she'd kick my ass. We sit on the
couch and she leans back against me. I wrap my arms around her,
giving up the fight and the pretense that we can sit at opposite ends
of the couch and just chat. Donna and I are deeper than that.

<><><><><><><><>

Donna POV

So I took over the evening. I took over the direction of the evening
I should say. Once Josh and I are sitting on the couch, me leaning
against him with his arms around me, slowly he begins to tell me
things.

"Sam accidentally slept with a prostitute. Call girl actually and
what could be considered a high priced one. She's a law school
student by day. He wants to see her as a friend. But really he wants
to reform her."

Josh pauses until I look up at him and then he continues,

"She was at the State Dinner as the date of this contributor who gave
a boatload of money. Sam offered her ten grand not to go home with
the contributor."

I'm taken aback for a moment but I quickly find my footing,

"He wants to protect her Josh. He wants to know she's not sleeping
with random men for rent money. On one level it's admirable, though
he could find a less disrespectful way of going about it all.
Offering her cash, I can't imagine hearing those words from a man's
mouth. She probably felt terrible, which Sam didn't fully understand
because he was so blinded by his need to do what he felt was noble."

<><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

"I think he really could fall for her Donna. I think he wants to
believe that he can fix her and then he can fall for her. I'd be
surprised if he hasn't fallen for her already. I love Sam; I love him
like a brother Donna. But Sam and only Sam could accidentally sleep
with a call girl."

It's almost funny; it would be funny if it weren't for the fact that
it's my best friend and a senior adviser to the President of the
United States.

I take a deep breath before continuing,

"Do you know the name Lillienfield?"

I watch as she thinks for a second and says,

"He and Claypool play dirty politics to try to bring down elected
officials right?"

Man she is good.

"Yes, well Lillienfield has information about Leo. Highly damaging
information about Leo, his personal life and his addiction."

<><><><><><><>

Donna POV

I'm failing to see why this has Josh upset. The entire beltway knows
Leo is an alcoholic. What I see clearly is Josh's devastation at
something greater than the general knowledge that Leo is an
alcoholic.

"Josh, Leo's alcoholism is the absolute worst kept secret in the
beltway. You have to know that."

Suddenly and without warning he jumps up which causes me to almost
topple to the floor. He realizes what he's done a bit late but has
the decency to look sheepishly at me before he continues,

"Don't you get it Donna? It wasn't just about the booze."

I watch him and the pieces fall into place. Leo's issues go deeper
than just the liquor and while it's going to hit the administration
hard it's going to hit Josh even harder on a personal level.

<><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

How can I tell her? How can I trust her with the words I desperately
don't want to say?

I watch her watching me and I know she suspects something deeper. I
realize this is a key trust issue for us. Can I share with her what
could bring down Leo, my mentor, the old friend my father entrusted
my career to and the man whom I owe everything to? With a deep breath
I continue,

"Leo has other addictions besides the bottle Donna."

<><><><><><><>

Donna POV

"Alright, so what else has him hooked?"

He stares at my blunt question. Let me remind him of something,

"Josh not that I should have to tell you this, but it's all between
us. My editor won't hear about this from me."

After taking a deep breath he sits back beside me and without looking
at me whispers,

"He spent time in Sierra Tucson for an addiction to pills as well as
alcohol."

I watch him not fully grasping it. Ok so there were pills in
addition to alcohol, that's not a far stretch. Once an addict always
an addict, no matter what the addiction. I must give Josh a strange
look because he stands again, meets my gaze and says to me,

"Six years ago Leo McGarry was in Sierra Tucson for the treatment of
alcohol and pills."

I'm missing something. With pure anguish in his voice he repeats part
of his statement,

"Six years ago."

Mentally I count backwards,

"Josh! Leo was Secretary of Labor six years go. Leo was popping pills
while heading up the Labor Department?"

<><><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

Donna is, without a doubt, stunned silent. I'm not used to seeing her
like this. I wish the reasons why she's so quiet weren't true.

I wonder silently how Donna will use this information. I want to
desperately believe that she won't take this back to her editor as
she's told me she won't, but since Lillienfield is going to make
everything public knowledge anyway, in the end, it probably doesn't
matter.

Sitting back down next to her, I wrap myself around her. I am
emotionally spent. I need to take comfort from her physical presence.
I can't lose myself in her but I need to take comfort from his
untenable situation somehow.

I've just handed Donna the means by which to not only obtain her
Pulitzer, but to help start crushing the Bartlet administration and
my political career.

God I hope loving her is worth it.

<><><><><><><><><><>

Donna POV

I can't believe he just told me this all. I understand completely the
stress and the agony he's going through. I also understand why he was
so worried about telling me.

This could chip away at everything he's worked so hard for,
everything he's dedicated himself to.

Yes, it could very well bring me a multitude of awards, but at the
end of the day, my relationship with Josh has to be worth more than
awards on the shelves.

At least that's what I've got to keep telling myself to get through
situations like these. I gave Josh my word, and I'm keeping my word.

I wouldn't feel right about passing this information on to anyone. It
would feel like I was cheating on Josh if I did that. Not that there
is anything remotely going on between us to be considered cheating
on, but I'm sure you see my point of view.

I know I'm walking away from a sure story, probable awards and
critical accolades.

God I hope loving him is worth it.



Title: Off The Record

Authors: Cathy Miller, Anne Marie Flynn, Jennifer Erland

Rating: PG for some language

Summary: An AU piece that incorporates canon

Disclaimer: They don't belong to us, but we're pretty good about
sharing them. Oh, and we don't make a dime from them because
we're all independently wealthy. We've won several internet
lotteries and now we're just waiting for the checks to arrive.

A/N: I love writing with my friends.

A/N: Happy Fourth of July, everyone! Jefferson Lives!

Donna's POV:

I am ready to scream. I've tried to get past several different
Secret Service Agents; even the ones that know me only give me a sad
look and a shake of their heads. I need to get to Josh. There has to be
a way, but I've been here for hours and I've had no luck so far.
I'm cold and scared and the man I love is fighting for his life
somewhere in this building that I can't enter. I keep searching for
someone who can help me, but besides the other members of the press, all
the faces I see are strangers. Still, I hover at the barricades waiting
and watching for my chance. Then I hear it come from one of the agents.

"Wilson, clear a path. Mrs. Lyman has arrived and she needs to get
through."

"Yes, sir." Wilson turns to the crowd. "Step to the side
please, people. We need to clear a path. Please step to the side."
The crowd magically parts for him as they will only do for someone
packing a weapon, but I stay right where I am. This is the only chance
I'll get. I spot her being escorted through the crowd by another
agent and my heart breaks again. She looks tired, distraught, and ready
to collapse. This woman has lived through the death of her young
daughter, lost her husband to cancer, and now is facing the loss of her
son under yet more tragic circumstances.

I wait until she's within a few feet of me and then I make my move.
"Mrs. Lyman? Mrs. Lyman! Sara! It's me, Donna."

Her eyes look over at me like she can't place my name or face.

"I met you when the campaign was in Connecticut, with Josh? And at
the Inauguration?" I try to jog her memory while the agent keeps
pushing her forward. I can see the moment it hits her.

"Donna? Donna Moss?"

"Yes, it's me. I'm trying desperately to get in; to be with
Josh, but I can't get through." I move closer to her and I see
the exact moment she notices the blood on my face and clothes.

"Dear God, Donna! Were you hurt too?" She exclaims.

I shake my head slowly and the tears start afresh. "I was with Josh
while we waited for the ambulance. He was asking for me." Her eyes
bug out at the visual evidence of her son's wound.

"Come with me Donna." Mrs. Lyman instructs me. "We'll go
see him together."

"You can't take her through security, Mrs. Lyman." The agent
corrects her.

"I thought you said the President said I should be offered every
consideration?" Mrs. Lyman shoots back. This woman wasn't
married to a lawyer and mother of a lawyer/politician for nothing.

"He did, Ma'am, but-"

"She's a member of the White House Press corps; certainly
she's had the appropriate background checks."

"Well, yes ma'am, but tonight there's a different threshold
and-"

"Then if I want to bring my son's fianc� into the hospital
with me for support, then that's what I'm going to do." She
announces and pulls me toward her until we're arm in arm. The Agent
has a hasty discussion with someone on his wrist unit then nods for us
to go ahead.

We walk, bold as you please, right into the hospital. After a brief
security check where I am frisked, examined, and my credentials are
verified, we get an escort into the waiting room.

The reaction of the White House staff is hilarious to watch. I mean, I
would fall on the floor laughing if I wasn't so tired and anxious.
First they see Josh's mom and they have sympathy all over their
faces as they rush to greet her, but then they see me and the room
temperature drops about 20 degrees.

"Sara!" Sam is the first to come to her and envelopes her in a
hug. "He's in surgery. I'll get a doctor to give you the
medical info."

"Thank you Sam." Sara has known Sam for years and took a moment
to hold tight to her son's best friend. "I can't believe
this is happening."

"Me either. None of us can." Sam agrees. "Here, sit down. Do
you want some water or coffee?"

"I want to see my son." Sara replies.

"I'll see what I can do about that." Sam promises but just
before he turns away, he looks over at me. "Do you need
anything?"

I shake my head wordlessly but try to smile in thanks for his
acknowledging my existence; which is more than anyone else here has
done.

"Mrs. Lyman." C.J. goes next. "They're doing everything
they can for him. He's getting the best care."

"I know." Sara replies. "How is the President?"

C.J. glances over at me before shifting her gaze back to Sara.
"I'm really not at liberty to discuss that at present."

"I don't understand." Sara looks puzzled.

"She's afraid I'll get on my batphone and report whatever
she tells you." I explain and give C.J. a dirty look.

"Donna, please, this is- You shouldn't even be here."

"Excuse me?" I stand up and I can feel my face flush in anger.
Haven't we already had this discussion?

"Only family and White House staff are supposed to be here."
C.J. states and I can see the weariness on her face.

"How can you-" I start to argue but Sara breaks in.

"C.J....Did my son ask for Donna after he'd been shot?"

"He...Yes, he did." She admits.

"Then I think Donna very much belongs here, don't you?" Sara
presses.

"It's just that-" C.J. tries again.

"Let me rephrase that." Sara's voice hardened. "As his
mother, I get to decide who should be here for Josh. Josh asked for
Donna. So you can either treat her respectfully or you can leave; and
that goes for all of you."

I see Mrs. Bartlet enter the room as Sara ends her dictum and I turn to
face her.

"Ma'am." I squeak out and Sara comes to her feet too.

"Mrs. Bartlet." Sara sighs out some of the tension from her
clash with C.J. Sam is standing right behind the First Lady with worried
eyes.

"Mrs. Lyman. You certainly got here fast." Mrs. Bartlet takes
Sara's hands in her own.

"He's the only family I have, Ma'am. How is Josh?"

"I won't lie to you; it's very serious. He's in surgery
now with the best cardiac team we have. They have him on bypass while
they repair the damage from the bullet."

"I want to see him. I need to see him." Sara tells the First
Lady emphatically.

"Of course. I'll take you to the surgical observation room. Is
there anything else you need? Something to eat or drink?"

"Just my son and Donna. I want Donna to stay with me." Sara
replies dropping the First Lady's hand and taking mine. I see the
First Lady look at me quizzically. I'm sure C.J. would love to jump
in here but she doesn't want to get slapped down by Sara again.

"Of course. Why don't you both come with me?" Dr. Bartlet
leads the way to the observation room. "I want to warn you that
it's going to look awful, Mrs. Lyman. Open heart surgery...it can
be very disturbing to watch; even when you don't know the
patient."

"I understand." Sara responds even though her voice shakes.

"I'm telling you this so you know there's no shame if seeing
the surgery is too much for you." Dr. Bartlet waits a beat to be
sure we both know what she's telling us. Then she begins to explain
the nuts and bolts of the procedure and what we can expect in the next
24 hours. "He's in hour 6 of a surgery that can take anywhere
between 12 to 14 hours. Once he's through that, he'll be moved
into the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit."

"Will I be able to be with him there?" Mrs. Lyman asks.

"Yes, but only for short periods of time at first and only one
visitor at a time." Dr. Bartlet warns. "Here we are." She
says as she uses a key card to gain access to the observation room.
"Have a seat and I'll bring in some coffee for you both."

"Don't trouble yourself, Mrs. Bartlet." Sara tells her as
she walks directly to the glass. I follow right behind her and see one
of the most horrific sights of my life. The man I love is lying
suspiciously still below and his heart is not beating. I let out a gasp
of shock and nearly fall into the chair behind me. Sara puts both hands
on the glass and begins to cry.

"How can anyone recover from this?" she asks in a bewildered
tone. "How can anyone live through this?"

"It's very serious." Dr. Bartlet reiterates as she puts an
arm around Josh's mother. "But I don't know of anyone who is
as strong or stubborn as your son."

"I'm sorry. I didn't even ask about the President. Josh will
want to know about the President when he wakes up, won't he
Donna?"

"That will be the first thing he'll ask." I predict trying
to picture Josh awake and talking to block out the vision below us.
"Josh is devoted to the President."

"The President is already awake and will make a full recovery in
just a few days. I'll tell him you asked." The First Lady gives
Sara's shoulder another squeeze. "I'll have someone bring in
some coffee for you." She gives me one final appraising glance
before she leaves us alone in the observation room.

Sara's POV:

I can't believe what I'm seeing. Dr. Bartlet was right; it's
horrific. That's my baby down there and his heart isn't beating.
I don't want to watch, but I can't turn away either; at least
not until I hear the quiet sobs from the young woman sitting next to me.
I don't know Donna well. In fact, I've only met her a couple
times and spoken to her on the phone a few times more, but I know Joshua
and Joshua is in love with Donna. I can hear it in his voice when he
talks about her. There is an incredulousness there when he repeats a
story where she told him he was wrong or debated something with him; it
could be a big issue or a baseball stat but he delights in every moment
of it.

I knew when something changed in his life. It was right after the
convention and it was subtle at first, but his voice sounded lighter and
he was quicker to laugh than usual. He started mentioning this
troublesome reporter; not that that was unusual, reporters are
frequently the bane of my son's existence. But in this case it
wasn't so much the stories he was annoyed by as it was the reporter
herself...or so he told me. Yet he continued to meet with her for
drinks, for meals, and even an occasional movie; during a Presidential
election campaign! I thought he might be seriously ill.

When I mentioned, ever so subtly, that he seemed to be enjoying these
dates, he immediately corrected me and said he was just getting together
with a colleague who happened to be a reporter who might want to write a
book about the campaign. "That's all" he said, and he said
it twice before asking me if I understood what he was saying to me.
That's when I knew he was in love with her. And if I had had any
doubts they were completely removed on Inauguration night when I saw
them dance together. I started to think about Grandchildren that very
night. Only here we are, over a year later, and my brilliant but
ignorant son still hasn't asked this lovely woman to marry him. Now,
I look back at the operating room and wonder if it's too late.

"Donna?" I call her name and she tries to pull herself together.

"I'm sorry. I just- We were arguing earlier...about my
job....well, about my job and his job, but...it's doesn't
matter; none of that matters....why did I think it mattered just a few
hours ago?" she asks me.

"The night of the fire." I begin and see Donna startle.
"Josh told me he told you about the fire. That night, I just wanted
some alone time with my husband. Noah had just finished a big case;
I'd hardly seen him for weeks. Joanie was a sweet girl, but she
could be very...what do they call it now? High maintenance, I believe.
She demanded a lot of attention and she could be quite the drama Queen
when it suited her. Josh was...well, Josh was just being Josh and I
desperately wanted some time alone with my husband away from the
children...." I turn to face Donna and meet her red rimmed eyes.
"Joanie complained about having to watch Josh. She whined and moaned
until I nearly gave in, but in the end I decided it was more important
for Noah and me to have time alone together than to stay home with the
children."

"You didn't know. There's no way anyone could have
known." Donna tries to defend my choice and I can see the empathy
and compassion in her eyes. I smile sadly.

"Afterwards, all I could think about was: what on earth could have
been so important about having to go out that night without them?"
Sara posed the question. "You didn't know it wasn't
important before; the argument with Joshua. Now, you know better. You
both know better. Don't agonize over it, Donnatella, learn from
it."

I see her blink at my use of her full name. I'm sure it can't
sound as nice coming from my mouth as it does from my son's, but it
connects us for a moment.

Then the outside world intrudes in the form of Sam Seaborn. He's
juggling a carafe of coffee, two mugs, and a set of surgical scrubs. He
sets the items down on the end table beside me all the while studiously
avoiding the view from the window.

"Thank you Samuel, but I don't think I'm qualified to scrub
up for surgery." I quip and see his lips twitch.

"They're for Donna." He replies. "Dr. Bartlet thought
she might want to change out of her stained clothing."

"She's very thoughtful." I answer him. "Donna, honey, I
think that's a very good idea. You'll feel better once
you've changed and splashed some water on your face."

She hesitates before taking the scrubs I hand to her, but then
acquiesces and takes them into the restroom connected to the observation
area.

"Sam? Why was C.J. so upset about Donna being here?" I ask.

"It's complicated, Sara. Donna works for the Times and-"

"I know where she works. If Josh doesn't care, why does
C.J.?"

"Josh does care; he cares very much, that's why things keep
stalling between him and Donna." Sam explained. "There's
been a lot of tension between the press and the administration and C.J.
is the public face of the administration. She's been, well we've
all been very guarded around Donna because of her position."

"That's ridiculous." I declare. "No one has more
integrity than Joshua. And from what I know about Donna, her reputation
is just as Sterling as his."

"Look, I know it sounds absurd to outsiders, but we're under
constant attack at the White House and it doesn't take long before
everyone develops a kind of bunker mentality; we circle the wagons and
keep everyone else out."

"He's in love with her, you know." I tell him plainly and
see a small smile on his face.

"Yeah, I know." He admits to me before finally glancing down at
his best friend and choking up. "Do you think he knows?"

"If he doesn't he'll figure it out very, very soon." I
predict and see Sam lower his gaze to the floor.

"I hope so. I sincerely hope so, Sara." He mutters.

"It's not enough to hope tonight, Sam. You have to believe. You
have to have faith; pray and believe. Promise me." I lift his chin
until we're practically nose to nose.

"I promise." He says quietly and sincerely before I let go of
his face.

"One more thing, Sam." Since I'm on a roll here..."Be
nice to Donna."

"I'm always nice to Donna." He objects and I nod my
agreement.

"Let the others know how strongly I feel about this issue. Don't
make me choose between Donna and the White House staff when it comes to
Josh. They won't like the result." I threaten in my best
litigator voice. I haven't spent years listening to Noah and Josh
without learning a thing or two about intimidation.

"I'll pass that along." Sam promises and gets up to leave
just as Donna comes back in. "Hey, that looks better. At the very
least, it looks more comfortable. Is there anything else I can get
you?"

"No thanks, Sam." She gives him a hug and over her shoulder he
raises his eyebrows at me as if to say, "See? I'm always
nice." It makes me smile because it reminds me of Josh.

Then one of the surgical nurses appears to update us on the progress of
the surgery and my smile doesn't return for hours.

Jed's POV:

I enter the observation room as quietly as possible in case one of the
women inside has managed to fall asleep for a bit. When I get inside the
dark room I see that I needn't have bothered. Sara Lyman and Donna
Moss are awake although they look exhausted. It's hour 10 of
Josh's surgery and Abbey tells me they'll attempt to take him
off bypass soon. She informed me that going off bypass will tell the
tale, but I disagree. I think these two women will tell the tale.

Sara Lyman has lived through more tragedy than anyone should have to
face. If it's possible for one person to will another to recover,
Sara Lyman will accomplish it. Now Donna Moss is another matter.

After several scathing articles about me and my team written by the
aforementioned Moss, I took it upon myself to do a little research on D.
Moss. Which is to say I staffed it out to Leo, who I am sure, staffed it
out to Margaret. Nonetheless I came into possession of some pertinent
facts about Ms. Moss. She is the youngest in her Wisconsin family and
put herself through college; it wasn't Notre Dame but it was still a
good school. She has held a job since she turned 15 and interned for
several newspapers. This is a hard working, driven young woman. But the
funny part, at least to me, is that she's a Yankee fan.

Oh wait, you need to know something else first, Josh is a Mets fan; a
raving Mets fan. No, wait, I forgot something else you need to
know...Josh is smitten with Ms. Moss. While it's true that I may
not always be the most observant guy when it comes to personal
relationships, I noticed something on Election night.

Once we were declared the winners, Josh exchanged hugs with the staff
and then pulled out his cell phone. He retreated a bit from the group
and engaged in a private conversation. His hands were doing their usual
gesticulating and he was doing the bouncing thing he does when he's
revved about something. When he got off the phone he was beaming. I
asked if he'd been talking to his mother, but he just smiled and
said, `No, a reporter'. Josh is famous for his dislike of the
fourth estate so I assumed he was just giving me grief...until the
night of the Inauguration.

In all fairness, Abbey was the one who pointed it out to me first. She
noted that Josh must be drunk or in love because in a room full of
important politicians, he only had eyes for the woman he was dancing
with. That struck me as peculiar as well, so I took another look. The
woman was a beauty; elegant and graceful. When Josh moved her around the
dance floor closer to me, that's when I recognized who he was
dancing with: Donna Moss...the Yankee fan!

I've seen and heard bits of things since then, but for the most part
I try not to get embroiled in the love lives of my staff. I try really
hard; exceptionally hard even, except when I can use the information
against my staff for a little harmless fun. So occasionally, I'll
mention how off base a certain article or editorial by D. Moss is, and
watch Josh squirm. Then once he's firmly hooked, I bring up the
Yankees. He leaves sputtering every time.

Now, I jut hope I have the chance to see that again.

"Mrs. Lyman?" I call softly and she looks up at me. Donna Moss
turns away from the observation window she's standing next to.

"Mr. President." Donna greets me softly her rough voice a
testament to her very long night. She looks a little leery so I give her
what I hope is a reassuring smile. Sara Lyman stands up next to Donna
and nods at me.

"Please, sit down. You must be exhausted." I tell them both, but
Donna remains standing.

"Would you like me to leave, Mr. President?" she offers as I sit
next to Sara Lyman.

"Why would I want you to leave?"

"Sir, there seems to be concern from your staff-"

"Donna, correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the last thing on
your mind right now, I mean the VERY last thing, would be filing a story
about this. Am I correct?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then ignore my overzealous staff and sit with us. Abbey said
they'll be taking him off bypass shortly and I don't want to
miss the chance to see his heart beating on its own. Do you?"

"No, sir." She replied wearily and nearly fell onto the chair in
relief. I think the girl honestly thought I'd roust her out of the
room.

"How are you Mr. President?" Sara asks me.

"I'm getting some pretty good drugs right now, so my min concern
is that you're going to hate me for putting your son in the line of
fire." I reply.

"This was hardly your doing, sir. Though truth be told, I'd be
thrilled if he would leave the White House and work in a boring law
office somewhere." She pauses, "I think we all know how likely
that is. I just want to hear his voice and see his eyes, right now."

"You will. I know you will." I promise and pray that it's
the truth. "If it helps at all, the two men who shot at us were
killed by the Secret Service and the third conspirator is now in
custody."

"The only thing that would really help is to have Josh wake up."
Sara tells me.

"Then take a look down there. We're about to get one step closer
to that right now." I indicate the ongoing surgery and we can hear
the preparations being made for taking Josh off bypass through the
speaker.

"Dear God, please...." Donna's heartfelt prayer touches me
very deeply.

They turn off the bypass and it takes a few seconds but Josh's heart
begins to beat. It's a little erratic at first, and it doesn't
seem to be going as strong as it should, but it's beating and as
more minutes go by the heartbeat grows stronger and steadier.

Donna and Sara are laughing through tears and exchange an exuberant hug.

"One step at a time, Josh. One step at a time..." I tell him.
"I promised my wife I'd only stay a few minutes so I'd
better go now. If there's anything at all you need or want you have
only to ask. I have faith Josh will pull through this. He's a very
strong man; a character trait he comes by honestly, I'm sure." I
squeeze Sara's hand and head out the door.

"Thank you Mr. President." Sara replies.

"Oh, and Donna?" I call over to her.

"Yes, sir?"

"Don't mistake this t�te-�-t�te for forgiveness for
that op/ed you wrote about Imperial Presidencies. We shall be discussing
that in detail, I assure you, when the circumstances are more conducive
to a tongue lashing."

"Yes, sir." She replies with her tongue in her cheek. I like
this young woman. Yes, I like her very much. I'm just not sure I
like her at my press conferences...



Title: Off The Record (6/?)
Disclaimer: Not ours; no copyright infringement intended
Category: A/U
Time: This jumps back and forth between the shooting and flashbacks
Authors: Jennifer Erland, Cathy Miller and me
Feedback: Yes, of course, we want feedback! PLEASE hit reply!
Rating: R because I make them swear a bit

A/N: Off the record...on the QT...and very hush hush...

A/N: It will be glaringly obvious that some lines in this chapter are
not, in fact, mine.

A/N: Happy July 4th!! See you next Friday! (Well, for this story.
Hopefully I can come up with something on my other ones before that)

March 1999

~DONNA'S POV~

I'm standing here in the Mural Room with the rest of press corps. I
hate when there's stuff in this room. It's so small, and it heats up
quick. Of course, that heat could just be because Josh is on the
other side of the room. He's standing next to Sam and Toby. But the
President has just signed a bill for $700,000,000 for education. So,
you kinda have to be there for stuff like that.

The President was supposed to speak briefly. Yeah, right. In his
life, I don't think he's ever spoken briefly. That's okay though.
Because one, I really like President Bartlet. He's always so nice to
me and he's so articulate and smart. I really love getting to cover
him.

The other reason I don't really mind is because the more Josh is in
my sight in this building, the more confirmation I get that Mandy
Hampton isn't getting her bitchy hooks into him. I know she's chasing
him again. He says he's not interested in her, but if we can't be
together, sooner or later he's going to get tired of the perpetual
limbo we're in.

Sam told me before that CJ had a dentist appointment that nobody
would let her bail on. The fun thing about CJ not being here, her
spin boys have to handle us.

They can't handle us.

The President opens the floor for questions and Danny's all over
Secretary O'Leary.

"Mr. President, do you agree with Secretary O'Leary that Congressman
Wooden is a racist, and if not, do you plan on asking for her
resignation?"

God, I wish I had a camera! Josh, Sam, and Toby's faces just took on
a look of dread. I'm assuming that they thought our questions would
be about education. Nah, we can read. We can write about the bill
without asking too many questions about it. THIS is WAY better.

"Let me say that I have great confidence in Deborah O'Leary. She's
done a terrific job at HUD, helping thousands of people make the very
difficult transition from joblessness and homelessness to more
fulfilling and productive lives." the President says with a friendly
smile.

What the hell was that shit? He didn't answer the question.

"I'm sorry, Mr. President. You didn't answer the question." Danny
says.

"I was hoping you didn't notice that." the President smiles a little
uncomfortably.

"I did, sir."

Josh meets my eyes and they look at me pointedly. I know what he's
doing. He's sending me a distress signal. He wants me to jump in and
divert the questioning to education. I'd help him out because I love
him, but I'm really not all that inclined to at the moment.

"Then I will tell you that I agree the Republican Party does not have
a comprehensive program for combating poverty in this country." the
President says. Okay. Now, we're getting somewhere. "That being
said," What the hell? "There are countless Republicans who are
working very hard to change their party's legacy on some of these
issues. And I hope to be working with them to do just that."

Josh actually rolls his eyes and Toby looks around. I think he just
noticed that CJ isn't around.

"I'm sure that was the answer to some question, Mr. President. It
just wasn't the answer to mine."

I can't tell if Josh is looking for a hole in the floor to swallow
them up or deciding whether or not to yell that the building's on
fire.

"Frankly, I think she went a little too far in assigning motive to
Congressman Wooden and the Republican Party." the President finally
fesses up.

"Will you be speaking to her?" I jump in. This is where Josh gives me
the `Judas' look.

"She'll be meeting with Leo McGarry." the President answers.

"Will he ask her to apologize?" I ask again.

"An apology'd be appropriate." the President replies.

"Sam!" Josh coughs in his hand, like we're not going to notice that.

"Folks, all this is going to be covered in the two o'clock briefing."
Sam says stepping forward. Yeah, I'll just bet it is. "The
President's late for lunch with the U.N. Ambassador. I'm sorry."

Josh makes a beeline for me, gently taking my elbow and leads me out
of the Mural Room.

"But for the fact that the UN Ambassador is in Portugual." I smile
sweetly at him.

"You didn't pick up on my signal." he says through clenched teeth.

"Oh, I did." I assure. "I just wasn't inclined to bail you out
today."

"You usually do."

"And everyone knows it." I reply. "So, your day just completely
changed, huh?"

"Now, thanks to you and Danny, it's going to be consumed by this." he
says.

"Just doing my job."

"A job I hate."

"You don't hate reporters. You need reporters." I shoot back.

"I hate YOU being a reporter."

"Don't start." I warn.

"Well, that's not true. I like that you're a journalist, you're good
at it. I just hate that you do it here."

"Not when you need someone to bail you out, you don't."

"Fat lot of good it did me today."

"Josh, when something is going on around here, you avoid me like the
plague." I say. "I can't even get a friendly hello smile out of you."

He tugs me into his office and closes the door, immediately pushing
CJ's adjoining door closed. Sometimes I wonder if CJ picked that
office on purpose. Just so she can keep an eye on me and Josh. "I
don't think they always trust me around here, Donna."

"You're the Deputy Chief of Staff, of course they trust you." I reply.

"No. Sometimes..." he trails off. "I don't know. When there's a lid
on and we're waiting to release stuff, they all look at me funny."

"Josh, you have never given me a tip."

"I know."

"Do you want me to tell them that?"

"No!" he says quickly. "No, that might be worse. I just wish..."

"My job is important to me, too." I say. "You're not the only one
that's always wanted to work here."

He looks down at the floor in between us before looking back up at
me. It's a smoldering gaze, too. I can feel myself getting sucked in
by him. I've never met anyone like him. I've never met anyone so
intense like he is. I think we're about to have one of our moments of
weakness. God, I hope so! It's been too long since the last time we
kissed. And I've really missed it. I've missed the heat of him as he
grabs hold of me and the way his lips are always so demanding on
mine.

If I were to get hit by a truck and die today, he would be my great
regret in life. I regret that I can't bring myself to change jobs so
I can be with him. I know we'd be really happy. But I've done that
before and I got burned. What if Josh did that to me? What if I did
all the changing and he never met me half way? I don't think I'm
strong enough for that kind of heartbreak.

Just as I think it's about to happen, CJ's door opens and Josh and I
jump apart. Very far apart. She looks at us skeptically.

Of course.

I know he's right about being afraid they don't trust him. But CJ has
to know she's in the same boat, right? She's the press secretary, and
anyone with eyes in their head can see what she and Danny feel. And
Danny actually DOES get the leaks and the leads and the exclusives.

"Yosh." she says, but it's very muffled.

"Yeah?" he asks. Oh shit. She had a dentist appointment. She can't
talk.

"Yosh?" she says again.

"What the hell happened to you?" he demands.

"I had woot canaw."

"Why are you talking like that?"

"I had woot canaw."

"Yeah, I heard you the first time. I was just amusing myself." he
smirks and I stifle a laugh, earning a smile from Josh and death
glare from CJ.

"I can suggest some othew things you can do wiff yourseff." CJ
threatens.

"Are you in pain?" he asks.

"I HAD WOOT CANAW!"

"You're going to need to stop saying that." he says. "Because you
just look and sound so ridiculous."

"Josh." I say indulgently, coming down on CJ's side for a few moments.

"I have to cancew da bweefing."

"You can't cancel the briefing." He laughs at the very thought. One
would think that after the O'Leary thing of a little while ago, he'd
be happy about this new development.

"Wook at me."

"You'll be great." he says with mock enthusiasm.

"I can't do da bweefing."

"Why not?"

"I can't even say bweefing."

"She has a point." I say.

"Fank you." CJ says to me.

"You can't cancel the briefing, CJ." Josh says again. "You've got to
wrap up O'Leary and get everyone back to the bill signing. Donna, you
didn't hear that."

"Like I couldn't figure out that's your strategy?" I reply. I just
got the Judas look again.

"Yoshua!"

"I'm sorry." Josh says turning back to CJ. "Did you just say my name?"

"You weally think I can do it?"

"Don't be insane, CJ." he finally relents. "You can't do a press
briefing looking like Bullwinkle."

"Oh, so wonce again, you'we having a wittle fun!"

"Of course."

"You'we wery funwe."

I laugh again. I can't help it. She just sounds so hysterical. That
earns me more death glare. I don't particularly care. It's not like
she was going to be doing me any favors any time soon anyway.

"I'w hawe Cawa canew da bweefing." she says.

"No, we're still doing it." he says.

"Who?" she asks.

"Me." he says.

"No way!" she yelps.

"Josh, don't be an idiot." I say immediately. Josh doing a press
briefing? Did I miss him suffer a head trauma recently? Well, we did
almost kiss again. That usually spaces him out a bit.

"C.J."

"You get howstiwe."

"I don't get hostile." he laughs.

"You do, Josh."

"I don't get randomly hostile." he defends. "I get hostile when
hostility is called for."

"Wet Sam do wit." CJ says.

"Sam went to Foggy Bottom." Josh says.

"What's he doing in Fwoggwe Bowtew?" CJ frowns.

"Nothing." Josh laughs. "I just wanted to see if I could get you to
say Foggy Bottom. Sam's working with the speechwriters."

"What about Toby?" I ask.

"Wes!" CJ agrees.

"Toby's with Leo and the President." Josh says.

"Yosh..." CJ groans.

"Hey there, cats and kittens. This is Josh Lyman coming at you with
your two o'clock briefing." he says grabbing some files and heading
out of his office.

"Josh!" I say forcefully. "This is the worst idea you've ever had!"

"Wisten to Donwa." CJ says.

"You're always telling me not to listen to Donna." Josh shoots back
and CJ, I'm happy to say, looks mortified. "Now, you're saying it's
okay? Don't you think you shouldn't be playing with people's heads
like that? Surely, you of all people know how hard it is."

He chooses now to start pleading our case? We're about to go into
what is definitely going to turn into a story for ages here, and he's
choosing now to give CJ shit about us?

"Twe vewy vewy hard not to destwoy us." she warns, choosing to ignore
his earlier remark. He winks at us and disappears into the press room.

"Well," I smile at CJ like the Cheshire Cat. "I don't want to miss
this." She gives me a pleading look. It's the same one Josh gave me
earlier in the Mural Room. I'm definitely not helping her out. It's
too bad. I like CJ. I think we'd be great friends if she got her head
out of her ass.

As soon as I'm through the door, I almost slam into Josh, who's been
stopped by Danny.

"You're not going to do this." Danny says to Josh.

"Do the briefing?" Josh innocently asks Danny.

"You're not going to do this." Danny firmly repeats.

"Danny, I talk to reporters all the time."

"You really don't want to do this." he urges. "Tell him, Donna."

"Listen, let me tell you something, mi compadre. You guys have been
coddled. I'm not your girlfriend..." he stresses this word and Danny
shoots a look at me. "I'm not your camp counselor, and I'm not your
sixth grade teacher you had a crush on. I'm a graduate of Harvard and
Yale, and I believe that my powers of debate can rise to the meet the
Socratic wonder that is the White House press corps."

"Okey-dokey." Danny sings. Josh walks to the podium and Danny looks
at me.

"Show no mercy." I say and he smiles. I must admit, I feel a little
bad. But he's not going to sing about not being fair and then talk to
us like we're two here. The almost kiss in his office is long
forgotten now as Danny and I take our seats.

"Good afternoon," he greets. "CJ's had a dental emergency, so I'll be
handling the briefing." I see my colleagues exchange glances, a few
looks come mine and Danny's way, but we just shrug. I'm not even sure
I want to write about anything that's going to happen now. I just
want a good seat for the show. I wish I thought to bring some
popcorn. "I'm going to take one question a piece." he tries to make
that sound authoritative, but really, I think it's because he's
afraid of getting confused if he takes more than one at a time.

In his defense, he dispatches with the Deborah O'Leary bit with
poise. But it's not long before the wheels predictably come off the
wagon.

"Mike." Josh says.

"When was the last time the President had a cigarette?" Mike asks.

"Mike, do you really want your one question to be that stupid?" Josh
replies.

Oh. Shit. Well, they can't say we didn't warn him.

"It's not a stupid question, Josh." I say sweetly. There's that Judas
look again. "If the President is going to continue to be so adamantly
anti-tobacco, why is it so stupid to ask if he's a smoker?"

"The President quit smoking years ago." Josh says.

"He bummed a cigarette from me on Air Force One two days ago." I say.

"Since when do you smoke?" he shoots back.

"Oh shit." Danny mumbles.

Josh immediately realizes his complete tactical error there and moves
on to Jonathan.

"So, you're not going to answer Donna's question?" Jonathan asks.

"I'll look into it." he says. Yeah, we're never going to hear about
that one again. "Danny?" Danny throws him a softball.

"Josh, your comments were that the continuing drop in unemployment
will create increased pressure on wages. In effect, driving them up.
Is the President worried that this could lead to a resurgence in
inflation?" Danny asks.

"He didn't deserve that." I mumble to Danny, who merely shrugs.

"Let me emphasize the President is pleased that unemployment has
dropped another point five percent as a result of..."

"I'm sure we all join the President in his joy, but I'm wondering if
the President has a plan to fight the resulting inflation." Danny
interrupts. That softball just hit the dirt.

"The President will do everything in his power to maintain the robust
economy that has created millions of new jobs, improved productivity
and kept a lid on inflation." Josh says. He seems very pleased with
himself. He should be. That was some nice spin he did there.

If only it was meant to be...

"But he has no plan to address inflation specifically?" I ask with my
best smile, which admittedly throws him a bit.

"Twenty-four PhD's on the counsel of economy advisors, Donna. They
have a plan to fight inflation." Okay. Maybe the smile didn't rattle
him that much.

"Is the reason you won't tell us about it because it's a secret?"
Danny smiles. I can tell, because I'm sitting right next to him, that
he's about to crack up.

"Yeah, Danny." Josh says sarcastically. "We have a secret plan to
fight inflation."

"Josh, when will the President unveil his secret plan?" I ask with
all the professional voice I can muster. Danny and I are just being
obnoxious for the cameras at this point. I mean, Josh TOTALLY
deserved this.

"There is no secret!" he says.

"You said..."

"I was talking to Danny! I was kidding!" he yelps.

"These are people's jobs we're talking about." Steve says. "You want
to give us a straight answer?"

"I honestly can't remember the question." Josh says. He's looking for
that hole to swallow him up, I think.

"Given the reduction in unemployment, does the President have a plan
to fight the ensuing inflation?" Kris asks.

"And if so, why is he keeping it a secret?" Jonathan asks.

Josh looks truly mortified and he looks over at us. Damn, he's
pissed. Well, my friend, that's what you get. Don't give me shit
about my job and then treat us like we're play dough and you can mold
us to be whatever the hell you want. I love you, Joshua, but you and
CJ can't play with us like that.

He disappears out the door and Danny and I look at each other. "Who's
going to be headless first?" Danny asks.

"You probably." I reply as my pager goes off and I look at the number
scrolling across. "I plan on avoiding him for a while."

"Oh, I think he's going to hunt you down."

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

~JOSH'S POV~

"So, you've had quite a day, huh?"

I hear her voice from my doorway, and I'm not inclined to look up.
Mostly because I know she'll look beautiful, and she's trying to be
my friend right now, after she showed her teeth and snapped at me in
the press room. And I really want her to be my friend right now.

Scratch that.

I really want her to be the woman in my life right now. I've had a
day that just won't end and is pretty much the worst it can be. And I
just want to lose myself in her, and if I do, I'll also lose my job.

If I look up at her right now...

"I'm not talking to you." I shoot back, standing behind my desk and
moving files around. "And you're not supposed to be back here right
now."

"So you're not going to tell me whether or not Toby and Sam sprung
Judge Mendoza from jail?" she asks.

I'm astounded. "How the HELL do you know that?"

"You've asked me that question before. Have you ever gotten an
answer?"

"No, Donna, I'm not going to tell you." I say tensely. That took a
certain amount of gall. After that press briefing this afternoon, she
comes back looking for a quote?

"I was asking for me." she says softly. "I'm just saying that I know
you've had a really rough day, and I know I didn't make it any
better."

"You can say that again." I say looking past her out towards the
bullpen. This is all I need right now, someone to see her back here
and jump to conclusions.

"It's one o'clock in the morning, Josh." she says softly coming
further into my office. "The bullpen is deserted and you're the only
senior staffer here now. Everyone else is gone."

"You're Judas." I say looking up at her. Dammit! I didn't want to do
that. I can see the regret on her face. She didn't want it to go that
way any more than I did. She tried and tried to get me to turn back
and I didn't. And then, I know, I made her and Danny feel like... I
don't know, but it wasn't good.

"You started it, Joshua." she says. I love the way my full name rolls
off her tongue like that. Any time anyone else says it, I feel like
I'm being chastised for something, but it falls from her mouth like a
caress.

"How long are we going to do this for?" I ask her quietly. "How long
are we going to play this game? We hurt each other professionally and
then comfort each other personally? It's insane, Donna."

"It's all we have, Josh." she says. Her eyes are shiny now. This
conversation is going to be a little painful I think.

"That's not good enough for me anymore." I say. And it's not. Earlier
today, I got a taste for what it's like to truly be on opposite sides
and I didn't like it.

"Well, if neither one of us are willing to give up our jobs, then
we're at an impasse, aren't we?" she asks and the tears escape her
eyes.

"Since when do you smoke?" I ask again temporarily derailing that
particular conversation.

"Sometimes I do when I'm stressed out." she says. "I hadn't in years,
and I haven't since. It was just chance, really."

"What were you so stressed out about two weeks ago?"

"You took Mandy to the state dinner." she whispers.

Well, nothing like sticking a knife right through my heart there.

"She's not the one that I wanted to take." I whisper, looking back
down at my desk.

"She's just the one you chose." Donna says, and her voice catches at
the end there. I snap my head back up.

"No." I say adamantly and I walk out from behind my desk. "I don't
choose her."

"But as long as you're senior staff and I'm a White House reporter,
you could never really choose me, right?" she cries.

"I just don't know how yet." I say. And God help me, I wrap my arms
around her. She clings to me and cries into my shoulder. I hold her
as tightly as I possibly can and shut my eyes tight.

I kiss her forehead softly and as I move my head, she moves hers. Her
lips are right there. She's right there and I'm too weak to deny it.
I close the fraction of an inch between us and kiss her anyway.

She explodes into me and I think this is the first thing that's gone
right all freaking day. She slides her hands up to the back of my
neck and my fingers are gently touching her face. It's a hungry kiss,
and it's a demanding kiss. Somewhere in my mind, I'm reminded that
we're still in the White House, early morning hours or not, and I
turn us twice to close my door, locking it for good measure. Some
modicum of oxygen is still getting through to my brain because I can
remember that CJ has a couch in her office. So, still kissing her and
breaking away just briefly to make sure we don't trip over anything,
I lead her over to CJ's empty office.

She drops down on the couch, lying back as I push CJ's door shut and
lock that, too. Then, before I can change my mind, I slide onto the
couch above her. She takes my face in her hands and brings my lips
back to hers. My hand runs up her side and she moans and drops her
head back, inviting me to her neck. Her deliciously long neck.

Don't get all hot and bothered over there, I'll be damned if I'm
having sex in the White House.

Not that I don't want to right now.

I will also be damned if I turn the woman of my dreams here into a
cheap one night stand in a dark office at work. That's not what she
is to me. If we're going to be together, I want to make love to her
like she deserves, with candles and music and whispered words of love.

Not with CJ's freaky fish staring at us.

But this is fair game, I'm saying. I break away from the kiss for a
moment for air and catch her eye.

"Donna?" I ask, giving her the chance to stop this. I mean, we're
only hurting ourselves at the moment, but it feels so right.

"Don't stop just yet, Josh." she whispers. "Please."

It's the `please' that gets me. The way her mouth and eyes plead for
me to have this moment with her.

"You're just sucking me in further and further." I say softly,
running my thumb across her lips. "Will you burn me later, Donna? If
I give up everything I ever wanted professionally for what I want
most in the world..."

"Sshh..." she says, pressing a finger to my lips. "Don't, Josh.
Tonight let's just do this."

I can hardly refuse that.

TBC



Title: Off The Record (7/?)

Disclaimer: Totally not ours! No copyright infringement intended.

Timeline: Bartlet for America I campaign, Bartlet Administration
through Noel episode.

Authors: Jennifer Erland, Cathy Miller and Anne Marie Flynn (in that
order). This chapter is mine- Jennifer

Rating: This particular chapter is PG-13

Feedback: We LOVE it, appreciate it and share it with each other.

A/N 1: As always, un-beta'd. The chapters will alternate between
Present Time and Flashback. This chapter is Present Time.

A/N 2: May I suggest some tissues? Oh and I'm quite certain you'll
recognize the lines that aren't mine...

Donna POV

The hum and beeping of the machines is going to drive me completely
insane.

"Joshua you have to wake up."

Yeah he's the strong silent type right now. I've not gotten a
response to that statement any of the times I've made it.

I lean forward and hold Josh's hand between my two and gently press
my lips to his knuckles. I'm terrified to touch him. I'm terrified to
disturb any of the wires and tubes that are stretching from places on
his body I can't even imagine to the machines that are, for all
intents and purposes, keeping him alive.

It is in these moments that I wonder why we fought at the Newseum.
Everything seems so trivial. I'm told hindsight is twenty-twenty but
I don't think I ever truly believed it until now. I look at his
hands, well only the one I'm holding in my own and see the wear on
them. Maybe not so much from physical labor, but hours of typing and
writing, I envision a divot in his hand from his innumerable minutes
holding the phone. I imagine a spot that's a bit warn from where he'd
bang his hand on a desk or table while making some important point.
Gently I stroke his hand, trailing my fingers ever so softly from his
wrist to his elbow.

Huh...

That's new...

He's actually getting chill bumps when I do that. I wonder if he's
going to come back to us. Oh please Joshua come back to us. I
silently pray to Saint Jude and wonder if that is the right Saint.
Unfortunately my religious background isn't that strong and what
little there is, I can't recall.

But Saint Jude's prayer, said for desperate cases seems fitting. I'm
desperate for Josh to wake up and look at me with those soulful brown
eyes that say so much even when his words can't. I begin again in a
whisper,

"St. Jude, glorious apostle, faithful servant and friend of Jesus,
the name of the traitor has caused you to be forgotten by many, but
the true Church invokes you universally as the Patron of things
despaired of. Pray for me, who is so miserable; pray for me, that I
may finally receive the consolations and the succor of Heaven in all
my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly that
Joshua will wake up, and that I may bless God with the Elect
Throughout Eternity."

I heard the door open halfway through and imagine it's just a nurse
coming in. I feel a hand resting on my shoulder so I turn to see who
needs me. Immediately I stand, still holding Josh's hand in one of
mine before I say,

"Mr. President? I'm sorry sir. I didn't realize when the door opened..."

"It's alright Donna. I didn't want to interrupt your prayer. Are you
a religious woman?"

"Not so much Sir. But it seemed appropriate."

I'm barely able to control my voice never mind the tears threatening
to roll down my face. Unbelievably the President takes my free hand
and speaks softly,

"Definitely appropriate. I had planned on being a priest you know.
Then I met Abby and blew that to hell didn't I?"

I smile and reply,

"She's a wonderful woman Mr. President."

He nods at me and then continues,

"Saint Jude?"

"It feels like a desperate case sir."

"Joshua is going to be fine, but I think we're all a bit desperate
for him to awaken, am I correct?"

I can only nod. I am stunned when he asks,

"May I pray with you Donnatella?"

Again I nod and offer,

"Of course sir."

"From the beginning Donna."

Softly our voices join together,

"St. Jude, glorious apostle, faithful servant and friend of Jesus,
the name of the traitor has caused you to be forgotten by many, but
the true Church invokes you universally as the Patron of things
despaired of. Pray for me, who is so miserable; pray for me, that I
may finally receive the consolations and the succor of Heaven in all
my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly that
Joshua will return to us, and that I may bless God with the Elect
Throughout Eternity."

I stop, not remembering the rest of the prayer. In a clear voice,
President Bartlet continues,

"May the Sacred Heart of Jesus be Adored, Glorified, Loved &
Preserved throughout the world, now & forever. Sacred Heart of
Jesus, please pray for me. Saint Jude, Worker of Miracles, please
pray for me. Saint Jude, Helper of the Hopeless, please pray for
me. Amen."

"O most holy apostle, St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus,
people honor and invoke you universally, as the patron of hopeless
cases, of things almost despaired of. Pray for me, for I am so
helpless and alone. Please help to bring me visible and speedy
assistance. Come to my assistance in this great need that I may
receive the consolation and help of heaven in all my necessities,
tribulations, and sufferings, particularly Joshua to be healed and
returned to those who love him and that I may praise God with you
always."

"I promise, O blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great
favor, to always honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to
gratefully encourage devotion to you by publishing this request.
Amen."

"Holy Saint Jude, Apostle and Martyr, Great in virtue and rich in
miracles, Near kinsman of Jesus Christ, Faithful intercessor of all
Who invoke your special patronage in time of need. To you I have
recourse from the depths of my heart And humbly beg to whom God has
given such great power To come to my assistance. Help me in my
present and urgent petition, In return I promise to make your name
known And cause you to be invoked. Saint Jude pray for me and all
those who invoke your aid. Amen."

I am now quietly and uncontrollably crying. Quite paternally, the
President turns me to face him and with a gentle touch, brings my
head to his shoulder, stroking my hair and letting me cry on his
shoulder.

After a moment I realize this is the President and Josh would kill me
for losing it. I stand up and gather my composure. As I'm doing so, I
hear the President say,

"I hate that my title causes me to be unable to comfort those in
times of need. How is it that because I have this title of President,
you feel you can't cry on my shoulder?"

"Because Josh would be so disappointed in me sir. He'd rise up and
lecture me for the lack of protocol, lack of respect and lack of
composure that befits your position."

With a wry smile the President says,

"Well then Joshua can damn well rise up and attempt to scold you and
I'll have my agents rightfully put him in his place."

He leans past me and focuses on Josh and repeats his words,

"Do you hear me Joshua Lyman; you can damn well open your eyes and
rise up. Enough of this Josh, let's go. What's next?"

The only response is the beep and hum of the machines on the far side
of the bed. With a despondent look the President leans back and pats
my forearm. It is in that moment I realize how much this has affected
him.

"I should get back to my room before Abby sends the entire 82nd
Airborne to look for me. You are all in our prayers Donna. Take care
of yourself please. And remember, the streets of heaven are too
crowded with angels. He'll come back, he just needs a rest."

"Thank you sir."

I watch as the door slowly closes behind the Leader of the Free
World. I turn my attention back to Josh and gently stroke his hair
back, while holding his hand with my free hand. I lean over and press
a kiss into his hairline as I feel the tears start again.

I swear I've cried enough to water the Sahara.

<><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

Did I fall off of Sam's boat? Why is it so dark and murky? God it
hurts to breath. I can't even move. Everything hurts and feels so
heavy.

What is that noise?

Crying. Who is crying?

It's too dark here. Oh wait, I know that voice. Let me listen,

"Joshua, please, please wake up. I need you to come back to us. Now
would be a really good time to wake up."

Donna.

Donna's crying. Why is Donna crying? Donna shouldn't be crying.

Why is Donna asking me to wake up? I fell into the water. I just
don't remember being on Sam's boat.

I move my fingers, they don't seem to be that heavy, maybe someone
will see me and pull me from this water...

<><><><><><><><>

Donna POV

His fingers are moving! Josh's fingers are moving!

Oh God please let this mean he's waking up!

I'm going to talk to him. Gently I hold his hand, and lean my head
near his,

"Joshua, that's it, come on. Come back to us. It's time to wake up."

Slowly I see his fingers and then his whole hand move in mine. Oh
please let this be happening and I'm not dreaming.

"Right Josh, that's right. Open your eyes, squeeze my hand,
something, please Josh."

The tears streaming down my face do not in anyway preclude me from
coaxing this man who I love with such complete abandon back into
consciousness.

After a few more times of begging, Josh's eye lids flutter a bit and
suddenly, I am staring into the most beautiful brown eyes I've ever
seen.

"Welcome back Josh. I've missed you."

He looks at me confused.

<><><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

"Donna?"

What the hell? My throat hurts like someone poured acid down it. I
hold on to Donna's hand as tightly as I can, but it feels very weak
to me. I try whispering,

"Donna, when did I fall into the water?"

She looks at me confused. Then asks,

"Water? Josh you don't remember do you?"

I slowly nod my head and feel something pulling in my neck.

"Tell me"

<><><><><><><><><>

Donna POV

How the hell am I supposed to tell him he was shot and almost killed?

"There was a shooting as we all left the Newseum the other night. Do
you remember?"

His gaze is vacant and blank so I continue,

"As everyone was leaving some white supremacists starting shooting at
Charlie. They ended up missing and shooting you among others."

There is a look of sudden panic on his face.

"You?"

"I'm fine Josh."

The panic subsides a bit then ramps up,

"Presssiddd.."

"The President is fine. He was shot but it was minor. You were the
worst injured."

"Good."

"GOOD!?!!! It's not good Joshua. God you could have died, you could
have been taken from me forever."

I collapse into the chair I've spent entirely too many hours in and
cradle my head in our joined hands as I cry loudly and without
hesitation.

I feel Josh squeezing my hand lightly and look up at him by raising
my face ever so slightly. With his index finger he strokes my cheek.

"Sorry. So sorry."

His speech tells me he's operating on half time in his brain.

"Don't be sorry Josh, just rest and get better. I'll be here."

He furrows his brow and tries to continue in a whisper,

"Risks, working for POTUS Donna. Know risks. Hope don't happen. Know
risks."

"I get it Josh, you knew the risks involved with working for the
President and I know this is something you wouldn't give up for
anything in the world. But dammit Josh, your mother had to be called
and told her only surviving child was shot and in critical condition.
Then she gets here and she has to get me access in here. I watched
you get shot at the Newseum and had a security agent tell me that my
badge didn't allow me to be near you while the paramedics were coming
to help you. I didn't know if you were going to live or die and I
couldn't get near you."

<><><><><><><><>

Josh POV

Everything is fuzzy. I feel like I'm floating and yet weighted down
at the same time. I can't wrap my arms around Donna and get her to
calm down and when I speak, what I think doesn't come out right.

"sshhhh"

I think that came out right. How hard is one sound?

Well obviously since I've been shot it's hard but I think Donna gets
it.

I see her wipe her face a bit and smile a half smile.

<><><><><><><><><>

Donna POV

"The President was just here Josh, he prayed with me."

"I'm Jewish."

"Yes Josh you're Jewish but praying kind of crosses the lines when
someone is in your condition."

"Who'd you pray to?"

"Saint Jude, patron Saint of desperate cases."

Josh attempts a smirk. He doesn't succeed, but even his attempt makes
me feel so much lighter.

"Desperate cases?"

"Well it was Saint Jude or Fishhooks McCarthy."

I watch as Josh looks at me, completely confused.

"Real person or Donna person?"

"Real person. Fishhooks McCarthy was a corrupt politician on the
Lower East Side of Manhattan in the 1920's. Every morning he stopped
at St. James Church and said the same prayer, `O Lord give me health
and strength. We'll steal the rest.'"

"Health and strength?"

"Health and strength, I prayed for you to wake up, come back to us
and to be healthy and strong again."

Josh watches me for a few long moments. I see in his eyes, all the
things he wishes he could say, but can't for any number of reasons.
His voice, his pain, his fading consciousness are just the tip of the
iceberg, never mind that we're still trying to figure `us' out. His
expression changes and I see his determination reappear. How I have
missed his look of determination at all costs.

"We'll steal the rest?" He asks in a gravely, exhausted whisper as he
twines his fingers with mine. I know he's seeking confirmation that
we'll get through this together. With a nod of my head, my hand
gripping his and the ever present tears in my eyes I assure him,

"You bet your ass we will..."

TBC



Title: Off The Record (chapter 8)

Authors: Cathy, Anne Marie, Jennifer

Rating: PG for a little language. You know how Josh can get.

Summary: chapter 8 of our AU round robin fic where Donna is a reporter
covering the White House.

A/N: Survived the tornado warning yesterday with only some patio
furniture flying around. So...we're all fine here now, thank you. How
are you? (Han Solo - Star Wars; A New Hope)

**Flashback**

She picks up the phone on the first ring, making me think she'd been
waiting for my call. At least that's how I choose to interpret it.
I'd promised to call after the President's speech and true to my
word, her phone rings within minutes of its conclusion.

"Donna Moss."

"Josh Lyman."

"Quite a rousing speech the President gave there, Joshua. But tell
me; was it your idea to pair it with the song, `Happy Days are Here
Again'?" I tease.

"I like to think my input is reserved for more important
matters....Look, I was hoping we'd be able to get a drink after this,
but I'm going to need a raincheck."

"Yeah, I figured." Donna replies.

"See, we're having a problem with- What? Just how did you figure
that?"

"You're going to be WAY too busy tracking down the 5 votes you lost
on 802 to stop and have a drink with me."

"What are you talking about?" I shout into the phone.

"If you don't even KNOW that you've lost 5 votes yet, it's going to
take even longer than I previously anticipated." Donna answers.

"I know we lost 5 votes. How do YOU know we lost 5 votes? I just got
the call." I demand.

"Josh, you know better than to ask me to reveal a source." She
admonishes me.

"This isn't about the information." I argue. "I already have the
information. This is about how you got this information before I did."

"Can't help you there." Donna replies.

"Donna, the whip's office just called Leo, like 4 minutes ago."

"Yeah, the whip's office doesn't seem to be run with the same
efficiency it did when you were in charge of it." She agrees.

In the middle of my huff of indignation my fan club calls out, "We
love you Josh", to which C.J. replies, "It helps not to know him." I
wave and say, "Thanks".

"You really shouldn't be encouraging those young, misguided girls,
Joshua." I hear from my earpiece. That makes me stop in my tracks.
Donna's here? I turn in a slow circle searching the crowd like I'm a
Secret Service agent. Finally I spot her and she waves while blinding
me with her smile. So close, and yet so far away.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" I accuse.

"It was a last minute thing and I knew you were working." She
explains.

"I...I've got to go." I say feebly while I get in the car with Toby.

"I know. Good luck...you might check in with an old college friend."
She suggests.

"What?"

"Good night, Josh." She ends our conversation without another word.

"Josh, we think we have two names." Toby tells me. "O'Bannon and
Wick."

"Wick? Chris Wick?" I repeat in disbelief. "No way, someone's got it
wrong. I got him his seat! We went to school to-" I stop midsentence.
What did Donna just say? Check in with an old college friend?

I open my phone again and hit send.

"I'm working." She answers. We have this deal that if either of us is
busy we can just tell the other person we're working and hang up
right away; no harm, no foul.

"Wait, wait, wait!" I shout hurriedly and Toby gives me a strange
look. "I need to ask you a question."

"Make it quick." She replies and I can tell she's distracted
already.

"About..." Toby is watching me very carefully and I try to turn away
for a little privacy, for all the good it does me. "About the thing
we were discussing earlier?"

"The drinks?" she asks me all puzzled. She must be really focused on
what she's going to be writing.

"NO! No, not the drinks, the other. thing." I hint strongly.

"Oh, the 802 thing."

"Yes! Yes, that thing. I need some additional information from you on
that about who else I might...want to talk to besides an old college
friend?" Please, Donna, please help me with this one.

"Ummmm...no."

"What?" I ask in shock. "Let me make it very clear that I'm not
asking you where YOU GOT the information, I simply need the
additional information I am sure you have already got in that
brilliant head of yours." A little flattery couldn't hurt.

""Huh?" Donna is clearly not paying any attention to me at all.

"The names! I need the names and I only have 2...I think." I whisper
harshly.

"I can't help you with that and I'm very busy writing about it so I
have to go."

"You can't- seriously?!" I shout and Toby moves farther away from me
in the car now.

"Do you have any idea how carefully my work is scrutinized over here,
Joshua?" She's speaking in this harsh whisper now. "I can't give you
what I have and then have it appear in my story or worse yet have the
story changed because of what I- I have to go." She hangs up. Shit.

"I sincerely hope...that whoever just hung up on you isn't somebody
whose vote we're going to need in the next, say, 72 hours." Toby
mutters.

"No. This vote we don't need until November." I reply shaking
my head. What possible harm could come from giving me 3 names?

We go back to the White House and strategize with the senior staff
and Leo. We come up with 4 names but we're completely stumped on the
fifth...until the next day when we read it under Donna's byline. For
the rest of the day, the operations staff gives me a wide berth.

"Did you get Katzenmoyer back?" Sam asks as he comes into my office
and sits down.

"Yeah." I roll my eyes over the encounter. "Katzenmoyer was all but
begging to vote for 802 by the time I was done with him."

"Yeah, but I heard you had to promise him a band gazebo." Donna says
from the doorway.

Silence. "I'll just go back to my office now." Sam offers and quickly
removes himself from the field of battle.

"I was wondering if I could have a raincheck on the drink you
promised me last night." She says like nothing has happened between
us.

"Oh, you were? That's what you were wondering?" I get up and walk
around her to shut my door.

"Yes, that's what I was wondering." Donna repeats smiling at me.

"Well, I was wondering about some names yesterday." I fire the
opening shot.

"Are you pissed at me?" she asks and I roll my eyes again. "You're
pissed at ME? Because I wouldn't share information I got from a
confidential source?"

"It was just a few names, Donna. Three freakin names!"

"Oh, and I suppose if I needed the three freakin names from you for
my story, you would have just given them to me?" She shoots back.

"That's different."

"How?" She asks.

"It just is!" I screech.

"That's it. I DEMAND to see proof of this 760 verbal score you're
always bragging about." She sits heavily in the chair.

"Because...because if I gave you names that showed up in the paper
nobody around here would trust me!" I took me awhile but I got it.

"And if I leak things to you, nobody at my paper will trust ME!"
Shit. She got it too. And she was faster than me.

"So, I'm guessing this means no drinks?" she asks sadly.

"We still need to get votes back on 802." I give her a lame excuse.

"Come on. Let's go have a drink and forget about work for awhile. You
already got Katzenmoyer and Wick. For the rest you're going to need
Leo or the Vice President..."

"Damn it! How do you know that?" I might be blowing up a bit here,
but it's so frustrating. "Besides, the only way we could go out and
have drinks would be to go out of the district so no one sees us. If
people see us together and they think we're involved..."

"Yeah, no drinks. " She gets up and walks to my door without answering
my question.

"That