Echoes Of A Not So Distant Past
by: Bluefairy (bluefairyliquid@hotmail.com)

Disclaimer: So obviously not mine it isn't even funny.  No
infringement intended.
Category: Josh/Donna, Post-Administration
Rating: TEEN (only for a few words)
Summary: 'If you don't know your family's history, then you don't know
anything. You are a leaf that doesn't know it is part of a tree' - a
look into what may be.
Author's Note: My first fic to actually be finished!  Two major big
thank yous: first to my new friend Columbia who took a chance on an
unknown and gave me the confidence to finish this, along with
fantastic feedback.

The second thank you goes to my Grasshopper, and the fact she is the
only one who understands 'the thing'.  As always, Dude, Pins,
Kenny-lines, Toby-drinking and the less-than-subtleties are for you.
I love you, get some sleep or I'm calling Stanley!

Thank you also to anyone who takes the time to read the whole thing.
Feedback appreciated to the above address.

Donna flitted around the kitchen, filling bottles with grape Kool-Aid
and cutting sandwiches into halves; cheese and cucumber for Kitty, ham
and salad for Noah, cheese and lettuce for Luke and peanut butter and
jam for AJ.  Why they couldn't just eat the same sandwiches she wasn't
sure, but still, she did this everyday.

They were running through the house themselves, on searches for gym
kits, pencil crayons, matching pairs of socks.  It was always worst at
the beginning of the year.  Things would get lax over the summer;
they'd fall out of routine.  Then it would get to September again, and
it would take till November for everything to be back to normal.

Kitty was extra apprehensive because she was eleven, it was her first
year in Junior High School, and also her first year with fixed braces.
 She was afraid everyone was going to laugh at her.  She was paranoid
that she lisped, though a conversation over the phone with her Aunt in
Washington State, who had also just got braces fixed, and who Kitty
admired greatly, calmed her to the point where Donna though she might
actually get on the bus.

Katerina Delores was the beauty of the children; with honey coloured
waves and inviting chocolate eyes that made her father want to lock
her in her room until she was thirty. She fussed with makeup (as much
as her parents would let her), and always had to know what was in
fashion.  Still, she wasn't stupid; she loved acting and singing, and
had won enough competitions that her room was a veritable cornucopia
of trophies.  She had wanted to enter pageants, but her parents had
drawn the line, citing them as exploitive and chauvinistic.

Kitty wanted to be a singer when she grew up.  She took lessons twice
a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and sang in choir on Sundays.  She
could play the piano too, lessons on Fridays, had been learning since
she was six, and she liked to dance.  She took tap and ballet on
Mondays and Wednesdays.

Noah Benjamin was the oldest of the four at thirteen.  He had grown
over the summer, and was nearly four inches taller than he had been
when he left.  He had spiky golden-brown hair, which was curly like
his father's, if allowed to grow long enough.  Still, he had eyes like
his mother's: clear and still like water.  He was happy because he was
going to be in the eighth grade this year, the top of his school.  He
also was looking forward to getting back to his football team, which
was his winter sport.  He played baseball in the spring and did track
in the summer.  He was looking forward to wrestling when he started
High School.

He ran through the kitchen and grabbed the folder, which he had left
on the table the night before, when he and his father had been going
over his math homework.  Donna wasn't sure how they got anything done,
when their conversations always seemed to dissolve into arguments
about baseball, both of them being ardent Mets fans.  Still, it got
done, and that was all anyone could ask for.

Luke was always the child that got somewhat overlooked.  He was the
third child, at ten, and was quiet compared to the rest of his
siblings.  He wasn't sporty like his elder brother, and he didn't have
great aspirations as Kitty did.  He did his work, he got good grades,
but mostly he just was happy being one of the crowd.

Luke David was the first child that seemed interested in the world
that their parents inhabited.  His love of reading stemmed into an
interest in the law, and in politics.  True, he was only young, but he
had what had been deemed from the age of one, 'an old soul'.  He took
Spanish and Latin classes after school, and helped in the library at
lunch.

He never said much, but Donna knew that if you looked into his eyes, a
mirror image of his father's, you would see a whole world of ideas
spinning around his head.

The baby of the group was little Annabella Joan, or AJ, who was the
apple of her father's eye.  In fact, she was rather the apple of
everyone's eye.  Never in trouble, all she had to do was flash her
dimples and open her sparkling cerulean eyes, no one could stay mad at
her.

She was the smartest of the bunch, just turned eight and already in
the fourth grade.  She excelled at English, enjoyed sciences and
maths, and was enthralled by history.  She played softball on
Wednesdays, did gymnastics on Fridays, and knew Sign Language
fluently.  She could recite the Presidents in order of office - though
she always missed Grover Cleveland.

AJ was not like her sister.  She didn't have time for appearances or
flights of fancy, and preferred to have her feet firmly on planet
Earth.  She loved visiting her father at work, listening to his
important speeches on television.  Her mother guessed that was where
she was now, sneaking in some CNN when she should have been getting
ready for school.

Their mother put the lids on all four lunch-boxes and went in search
of her children.  Checking her watch, she realised that the buses to
the Junior High and the Elementary School would be arriving in ten and
fifteen minutes, respectively.

"Come on guys!" she called up the stairs.  "Buses will be here soon!"

At the sound of her voice there was movement upstairs.  Noah's face
appeared on the landing.  "I can't find my knee support," he
complained.  "I need it for practice."  His backpack was slung over
one shoulder, though his feet were still bare.

His mother sighed, "Try your sock drawer," she guessed, and he grinned.

"Thanks Mom."

As he turned back towards the room his room, he almost ran straight
into the older of his younger sisters as she dashed past him.  "Whoa!
Watch it!" he yelled as she thundered down the stairs.

"Mom!  Have you seen my - " she started, but was cut of by her mother
re-entering the room.

Pointing to the hall, Donna answered, "By the door, and next time
don't leave them in the middle of the floor when you go to bed."

Kitty kissed her quickly on the cheek and grinned, grabbing her lunch
from the side.  Slipping it into her shoulder bag she added, "Thanks
Mom."

As his sister blew out of the room, Luke entered, his nose buried deep
in a book.  His shirt was buttoned crooked, as his mother knew that he
had probably been reading since he had woken up.

She held out his lunch in her right hand, but laid her left on his shoulder.

"Take five Luke.  Re-button your shirt and remember you have Spanish
after school."  She smoothed his hair with her fingers; it had a
tendency to stick out at odd angles, much like his father's.

Luke shut his book and looked down at himself.  Realising his mistake
he smiled sheepishly and set his book and his lunch on the table,
before fixing his dressing mishap.

Donna wandered down the hall and into the living room.  There,
sprawled on the floor, her chin propped on her palms, with one side of
her hair falling haphazardly in her face and the other braided and her
sneakers untied, was AJ.

She hadn't heard her mother come into the room; her eyes were fixed so
resolutely on the television.  She had the Closed Captions on; limited
hearing had been a result of being born ten weeks too early.  Her
mouth was open as she watched the Minority and Majority Whips debate
about the Public Education system.  Though the Democrats did not hold
the White House, they had a majority in the House and in the Senate.

Donna picked up the remote from the arm of the chair and clicked off
the TV.  AJ turned around, annoyed, until she realised it was her
mother and not one of her siblings that stood behind her.

"Hi Mom," she grinned, sitting up Indian style.  She looked guilty;
the argument about getting ready for school and then watching the news
being one that her and her mother had gone over again and again.  It
never seemed to stick.

Donna pointed at the clock and frowned at her daughter.  "What does
that clock say Annabella Joan?" she asked, her voice serious.

AJ looked up at the clock behind her mother on the wall.
"Eight-thirty," she told her, her voice quiet as she tied her red
sneakers.  She knew what the use of her full name meant.  She played
with the rollups of her dungarees instead of looking her mother
directly in the eye.

Donna beckoned her over and fixed the other braid in her hair with
well-practiced fingers.  "And what time does your bus come?"  She was
careful not to pull, even though it was tempting to make her point.

AJ checked the watch on her arm, even though she knew the answer
automatically.  "It comes at eight-forty.  But I'm meant to be ready
by eight-thirty. Then I can watch the news after I've finished getting
ready.  Not the other way around," she recited.

Donna took AJ by the hand and led her into the kitchen.  She heard the
door open, and sounds of "bye!" echoing down the hall, which let her
know that her two eldest had got off okay.

She sat AJ down at the kitchen table, across from Luke who had buried
his nose back in his book.  He was eating an apple with one hand,
though he kept pausing as he read parts, seemingly forgetting that he
was eating at the same time.

Donna grabbed AJ's backpack from the hook and put her lunchbox in it.

"Do you have all your books?" she asked, from where she stood by the
stairs.  Realising that AJ was watching her brother instead of paying
attention, she reached across and tapped her on the shoulder.  AJ
looked up at her mother.  "Do you have all your books?" she repeated,
and this time AJ nodded.

Donna zipped up the backpack and handed it to her daughter, along with
her red jacket.  AJ put her jacket on and set her bag on the table,
before going back to watching her brother.  She stifled a giggle every
time he paused; his eyes widened behind his glasses and his mouth hung
open.

Donna watched this interplay and sighed.  "Luke?" she called, and he
looked up from his book.  "Put it away," she requested, and albeit
grudgingly, he slipped a piece of paper in to mark his place before
putting the book in his bag.

AJ grinned smugly.  Luke never got told off, so she relished in even
his slightest chastisement.  Donna noticed this and looked at her, a
frown in place and her hands on her hips.

In a perfect imitation of her own mother, she shook her head and tried
to scold her youngest for her mocking, but with her flaxen plaits, and
her laughing, sparkling eyes and her father's dimples, it was
impossible to stay mad at her.  She simply laid her hands on her
shoulders.

"AJ, go put your ears in," she requested.

The little girl looked thoughtful for a moment, but dashed up the
stairs as soon as her mother told her, "dresser by your bed."

With the kitchen clear of AJ, Donna rounded on her youngest son, who
was supposed to be more mature and responsible than his sister.
"You'll make sure she gets on the right bus today?" she pleaded, "And
keep an eye on her?  Make sure she's okay?"

Luke didn't say anything; he simply nodded solemnly, which from Luke
was worth a thousand words of promise.  His mother sighed with relief.
No matter how old her daughter got, how grown up and independent,
Donna always thought of her as the little baby who had fought for her
first breaths.

AJ ran back down the stairs just as the bus pulled up outside.  Luke
picked up his things and herded his sister out the door, stopping only
to kiss his mother on the cheek.

AJ grinned, dimples and teeth, though she had fixed her hair to cover
her ears.  Kissing her mother and picking up her backpack, she
followed her brother to the bus, slamming the front door behind her.

Finally, Donna was alone in the house.  It was an empty house, a quiet
house.  So strange with usually four preteens abiding there, making
all manner of noise day and night.

With Noah it was rock music, good and loud.  He said that there was no
other way to really listen to it.  After many a discussion, he and his
parents had come to the agreement that it was only to be played
between eight AM and eight PM, except on special occasions, to save
their neighbour's ears - and their own.

Kitty liked to practice tap in the kitchen.  It scuffed the stressed
hardwood floors, but she insisted that she had to practice, and that
it was in their best interest, as they were the ones paying for
lessons.  The sound of tip tapping could be heard through their house
all weekend in the winter.  In the summer she practiced in the garage.

Luke was the only quiet child.  So much in fact that sometimes his
parents couldn't tell whether he was home or not.  Instead of noise
though, he was the absentminded one, always leaving things where they
didn't belong - biros and papers, his glasses.

With little Annabella Joan the noise was almost forgivable.  She would
turn the TV up so loud, not wanting to wear her hearing aids unless it
was totally necessary.  Sometimes she would talk louder too,
forgetting that others could hear her better than she could hear
herself.

These factors combined with the actuality that their father was a
Senator, and no one in the family knew what life was without debate
and banter, meant that a silent house was a very rare and precious
thing indeed.

Donna wandered aimlessly for a few minutes, picking up things that
were not where they were meant to be: a hair ribbon of Kitty's next to
the sink, Noah's baseball bat propped by the stairs instead of in the
cupboard, Luke's stack of Latin books on top of the TV - of which the
remote was nowhere to be seen - probably as a result of AJ's
interruption.

She returned to the kitchen, the centre of the house, where she was
always drawn, and began to pack her things up.  She was at school
herself, finishing the degree that she had waylaid for many, many
years.

Finding her notebook, she was searching for a working biro as the phone rang.

"Donna Moss," she said, picking up the phone.  She had never broken
the habit of answering with her own name.  It had become a running
joke between her friends and family, they claimed it was her way of
holding on to her independence.  CJ said she did it so she wouldn't
feel like she was betraying the Sisterhood.  In truth, at first she
had forgotten that her name was different, and now it was just habit.

The voice that greeted her was familiar.  "Donna?"  It was Leo, still
living in DC, splitting his time between doting on the Lyman children
and his own grandchildren and making piles of money on the Lecture
circuit.  He was still called by important Government officials,
begging for his advice, his expertise, but he usually refused, unless,
of course, it was a friend calling.

It took, however, only the next five words for Donna to know that this
was not one of Leo's social calls.  "Are you watching the News?"

His voice was thick with fear, with nerves.  Something had happened.
Donna knew she should run into the lounge and turn on the TV straight
away, but something kept her standing against the counter.

She knew she asked the question, "Leo, what's happened?" but she
didn't remember her mouth forming the words. All she heard was his
answer, ringing in her ears.

"There's been a shooting in the Senate," he started, knowing her
shouldn't be telling her over the phone when she was bound to be
alone, but not being able to stop himself once he started.  Knowing
that she had to know.  "They're not sure how the gunmen got in.
They're not sure who they are or what they want.  CNN's reporting
gunshots.  They're holding people hostage.  No one knows what's going
on," he admitted.

She sat there in silence for a moment, her brain working, struggling
to take in the information.  This wasn't supposed to happen again.

"Donna?" Leo's voice was sharp on the other end, piercing the fog that
threatened to envelop her.  "I'm going to try and find out what's
going on.  You stay there, I'll be over as soon as I can," he
promised.

She didn't say anything for a moment.  "Donna?" he asked, his voice so
much softer than it usually was, comforting her in the way only a
father could.

She sighed lightly, not crying, not understanding enough to cry.  "Leo
- " she started, but her cut her off.

"I know," he sighed too.  "I'll be over as soon as I can."

They were silent for a second, neither one hanging up the phone until
Donna whispered; "I can't lose him Leo."  Her voice did not shake.  It
was barely audible and deadly serious.

He sounded as strange and as old as she had ever remembered him
sounding in his answer.  "I know you can't.  I know."

And without words of goodbye, he hung up the phone.

*

She hadn't been there the night of the shooting.  It had been one of
the rare times that Josh had let her go home from work and not
accompany him.  She relished the fact that she was in her pyjamas at
eight at night, just because she could be.

She was watching mindless television, melodrama, everyone sleeping
with everyone else.  She was thankful that her roommate was away.  Not
that they didn't get on - Alison was always good for a laugh - but she
just enjoyed having time to herself.

She was almost asleep on the couch, a blanket up around her shoulders,
when the sound of Breaking News brought her back to wake.

We are getting reports that multiple gunshots were fired at President
Bartlet as he left a public meeting in Rosslyn, Virginia.

The reporter sat there in his suit, calm and collected in his office
as he told the nation that a bunch of politicians had been shot at.
Donna sat in worn flannel pyjamas on her couch as the reporter told
her that her best friends had been shot at.

With out thinking she moved off the couch.  She didn't even turn off
the TV, but she didn't think about that till much later.  She changed
her clothes; they didn't match she knew, but she didn't care.  Through
the door she heard continuing reports.  The President's Limo was
headed to GW.  The President had been shot.  The man she had given up
all she had ever known to work for had been shot.  What if he was
dead?  What would they do next?

She searched for shoes, for socks.  For her purse that contained her
pass.  She would need it to get into the hospital; no doubt Security
would be tight.  Josh would be furious.  Vowing revenge and asking her
to draw up a memo of retribution to whoever had the audacity to shoot
at the man that they had followed so readily.

He would need her there.  He would need her to be calm and collected.
He would be worried.  He would be scared but he would try and pretend
that he wasn't.  He would need her there to keep him calm, to keep him
from going off the deep end and finding the people himself, just so he
could kill them with his own hands.  And that would be just for trying
to.  If anything happened to The President, to any of them...

She began to move quicker, her heart racing in her chest.  She grabbed
her car keys, praying that she had enough petrol.  She didn't leave a
note for Ally, if she had seen the News she would work out what was
going on.

The drive was a blur.  City lights and maybe Policemen and speed
limits but she didn't care.  Her knuckles were white from her grip on
the steering wheel.  She might have had the radio on, she wasn't sure.
 Either she heard reports then or later, she remembered them from
somewhere.

She parked her car quickly, considering she normally hated bay
parking.  The place seemed empty, and yet it was swarming with people.
 They were members of the Public, desperate to get in.  There were
reporters.  She saw some in the crowd that she recognised.  A few gave
her sympathetic looks as she passed by on the way to the entrance.
Many of them looked shaken and shocked and she wondered why they were
not inside where doctors could treat them.

She came to the entrance and tried to go in.  She was stopped by a
strong grip on her shoulder.  You'll have to stay back behind the line
Miss; this is a secure area.  His voice was not cold, though to Donna
it sounded totally unfeeling.

She fumbled with her purse, trembling hands making it difficult to
locate her ID.  The officer was overly jumpy and her actions made him
nervous. Hands where I can see them Missy, he told her, pointing with
his pistol.

Ironic, she thought, that they're trying to catch the man that shot
the President, and they're all carrying guns.

She held her hands out straight, You don't understand.  My name's
Donna Moss, I work at the White House, I'm Josh Lyman's Assistant.
She tried to explain but the man seemed unrelenting.

She felt like she was about to cry.  Josh would need her inside.  He
would be mad if it took her long to get inside.  Once she got inside
she would tell him what had happened and he would make sure that this
Cop got a good talking to.  He would do that so he would know that she
would always be able to get to him.

It's all right Officer, I'll vouch for her.  At these words she felt
another hand on her shoulder, only this touch wasn't stern.  She
turned her face to see the young black agent that was usually on the
President's private detail.  She couldn't remember his name.  He was
tall, a few inches taller than her, and tonight he didn't look as
young as he usually did.

She thanked him again and again as he led her into the hospital and
down the corridors.  From her earlier shock she had moved on to
rambling, words tumbling out of her mouth like water over a brook.

They reached a room, and he squeezed her shoulder before telling her
that she should go and wait in there, as that was where all the others
were.

Pushing the door open, she didn't realise that she had just
interrupted a seemingly important discussion.  I'm sorry, they told me
I should come back here, I'm sorry.

She searched the room for Josh, but she could not find his head of
unruly curls.  Maybe he was looking for her?  Trying to find out what
was taking her so long to get there.  Leo wasn't there either - maybe
they were planning their strategy on what to do next.

All eyes turned to her as she walked in, except Sam.  Sam did not look
at her; he just sat with his eyes fixed on the floor.  CJ's eyes
seemed to bore into her, but that wasn't the worst thing.  The worst
look was Toby's - so searching - guilt searing in waves out to her.
She didn't want him to say whatever it was that was balancing on the
edge of his lips.

She asked about the President, and her heart leapt when she heard the
news, until she began to wonder why none of them were smiling.  They
had averted death hadn't they?  She wanted to ask them why they looked
so sombre, but something deep inside made her fear their answer.

Instead she was babbling again, words rushing out about her difficulty
getting in.  Josh would tease her for this later.  About how she had
turned into a babbling teenager at the hint of crisis.  Still, she
continued talking, about anything, and it seemed like forever because
she knew that if she kept talking then maybe Toby would stop looking
at her as if he was about to cut her heart out with a spoon.

She was holding on by a thread and it was Toby's words that cut it and
caused her to go tumbling to the floor like a disused marionette.
Donna, Josh was hit.

In that moment she was back in Elementary school.  Hit with her
mother's hand when she said 'God dammit', hit with a doll by her
sister when she refused to share.  Hit with an out of control ball by
her brother when he went against the rules and played baseball inside.

Hit with what?  Because she couldn't comprehend what they were saying
to her.  Josh would still be pissed because she'd landed him on his
ass that afternoon.  Because she'd made him go jogging with Hoynes.
He needed the fresh air; it was good for him.

But Toby's eyes were dark, and his mouth was in such a straight line
and she wondered how he looked so calm.  His words, they didn't tumble
like hers, they were measured.  But they were so, so cutting this
time.

He was shot, in the chest.  And still she didn't understand.  This was
Josh.  Josh was young; he was invincible.  If you listened to him he
was superman: faster than a speeding bullet.

She could feel the blood draining out of her face.  Maybe her hands
were shaking, she couldn't look at them right now, but they were cold.
 I don't understand, she admitted, I don't understand.  And then the
realisation: Is it serious?

He told her, he explained and his voice was so, so quiet.  Yes, it's
critical.  She wanted him to yell, she wanted him to shout and curse
because then she would know what to do, but oh, the silence was
shattering.  It rang in her ears and all she could think was that she
wished Sam would look at her.  She wished he'd lift his Goddamn eyes
from the floor and look her in the face.  She wished he'd look at her
because then she'd know the truth because Sam and Josh were like
brothers, and if he couldn't look at her then that meant that he was
hiding something, that he was hiding the truth and maybe Josh wouldn't
walk out of there.

The timbre of the voices changed and changed again as CJ and then the
grey haired man that she hadn't noticed on her entry spoke.  All the
time she just stood.  It was only when he finished speaking and she
feared that her legs were going to collapse out from under her did she
sit down.  That would have made Josh laugh, her passing out because
she was worried about him.

They were talking behind her, planning the strategy that Josh should
have been doing.  Why wasn't he here dammit?  What did he do to
deserve this?  He was a good man.  Yes, sometimes he let his mouth get
the better of him, and he could be kind of egotistical, and yes, he
teased her about her taste in men, but he was a good man.

Charlie left the room.  He was here for the President, always, that
was where his loyalties lay.  Like hers were with Josh.  In surgery.
In that cold, sterile room laid out on a table, and God, she should
have been there.  She should have never let him go alone.

CJ's hand was on her arm now, rubbing, trying to comfort her.  Though
she touched her so gently, like she was afraid she was going to break,
like she was made of glass, or fractured, broken.  Like Josh was.

Donna wanted to tell her not to touch her, to leave her alone.  She
wanted to scream, to shout, to ask more questions, but she was afraid
if she opened her mouth she would be sick.

Sam still wouldn't look at her.  She wondered once if he had sold his
soul to the devil to stay so young and beautiful, or if he was an
angel on Earth.  Though she had stopped believing in angels so many
years ago, she wished for a moment that he were.  So he could go and
save their friend that lay alone somewhere in the building.

She wasn't sure how long she sat in the chair.  Five hours, six?
People came and went as she tried to figure out how a loving God, if
such a thing existed, could do this.  She wanted to pray, but she
wasn't sure if anyone would listen.  Who would pay attention to the
frightened pleas of a non-practicing Protestant, on the behalf of a
lapsed Jew?

People came in, they came out.  Mrs Landingham arrived and sat with
her a while, clutching her hand, holding her together with borrowed
strength.  She left only for a minute, to bring Donna a cup of coffee.
 Donna stared at the polystyrene cup, at its swirling, bitter
contents.  Then she began to giggle.  She might never get a chance to
refuse Josh coffee again.  She might never get to mock him, or banter
with him, or fix his tie or walk with him down the halls.

She was laughing now, tears pouring down her face.  Why was she
laughing?  It wasn't funny.  She might never see Josh again.

Now the mirth was gone.  Instead she was crying, sobs wracking her
body.  Her eyes would be red tomorrow - she hoped she had concealer in
her purse or she would look like death.  Death, who was coming for
Josh.

She could hear voices in the background again, in her ears.  They took
the coffee cup out of her hands.  It would be salty with her tears
now; no one would want to drink that.

She was staring at her hands, at where the cup had been, until a hand
was slipped into hers.  Small, a firm grip though not with out comfort
and a definite grace.

Dr Bartlet, she chocked, trying to stand, out of habit, though her
legs didn't seem to want to let her.  Instead, they crumpled, and it
was only the Secret Service agent that appeared out of nowhere that
stopped her pitching forward to the floor.  He settled her back in the
chair, in her chair, in the prison that she had inhabited for the last
few hours.

The smile on Dr Bartlet's face was small, though it was sincere.  How
could this woman be smiling when her husband had just had surgery?
How was Dr Bartlet so much stronger then she was?

She sat down in the chair next to the younger woman, whose pale face
was now streaked with tears.  Donna?  You okay?  Though wasn't the
answer obvious?  Donna wondered for a second if she hadn't gone quite
mad.  Couldn't this all just be a dream?

Donna?  One didn't ignore the First Lady, so she nodded.  Her head
felt like a concrete block, her neck a daisy stem.  There was a
pounding behind her eyes like a bass drum.  It was quickly becoming a
marching band.

She didn't want to talk anymore.  The silence that had felt so
stifling now felt refreshing.  It felt safe.  If nobody spoke then
they couldn't say anything bad.  Hadn't her mother taught her
something like that?

Dr Bartlet seemed to understand, she sat quietly next to her, after
patting her hand.  Because here they weren't so different.  It didn't
matter that she was an assistant sitting next to the First Lady.  Here
they were just two women, scared that their men my not be coming back
to them.  They were two women, hoping and praying for more time,
promising that they would give up their own lives if only their men
would be all right.

They sat for a long time, talking only briefly, thoughts and memories
and pleas and bad dreams of terrible out comes.  Residual sobs came
like hiccups, though she was calm now, she was numb again.  Steeling
herself against what might be.

It would be a half-life with out him.  It would be incomplete.  How
would she continue if he were missing from her days?

But he would be okay.  Of course he would, he was Josh.  He was her
Josh who never let anything get him down.  He wouldn't like people
seeing him this weak; in fact he would hate it.  He always tried to
hide his failings from people, behind this big ego and sharp tongue.
She knew the truth, of course she did.  He was so much weaker then he
let on.

She had seen him cry just once, and even then he tried to hide it.
She folded shirts into a suitcase for him to return home for his
father's funeral, the night of the Illinois Primary so many years ago,
and he just stood, sorting his backpack with tears threatening his
eyes.  He tried to blink them away, to brush them with his hand, but
they had spilled down his cheeks none the less.

People said that Josh had no heart; she had heard it from interns on
the Hill.  He was ruthless, he was harsh and forceful and he would get
his teeth into things and not let go.

He loved his mother though - and where was she?  Leo had called her
hours ago - he sent email every week at least, he called her on the
phone.  Sure, sometimes he forgot that other people went to bed before
three in the morning and he would wake her up, but he meant well.

Josh had a heart - she knew it.  She had seen it at work and she had
felt it when he held her close to his body, like at Christmas when her
tears fell on the original drab boards of her now favourite book.
Josh had a heart because now it was broken.  Someone had shot Josh's
heart.

And she knew that because she could see it in front of her.  It wasn't
beating anymore.  Dr Bartlet - Abbey, she had corrected, because
titles didn't matter in a time like this - had tried to explain.
Josh's heart was on bypass.  It wasn't pumping so that the doctors
would have a chance to fix it.  She had spoken slowly, explaining
again and again, but Donna couldn't get past the idea that Josh's
heart was no longer beating.  Wasn't he then, for all intents and
purposes, dead?

She stood by the window until Leo found her.  They watched in silence
for a few minutes, listening only to the beeping of the machines
inside, to the flustered orders of doctors who had been working
through the night to save the man they both deeply cared about.

Charlie thinks it's his fault.  There was obviously reason for his sentence.

Still, she gave the answer she knew he wanted to hear.  It wasn't, she
said, though she wasn't sure if in some small recess of her mind she
blamed him.  She didn't want to - what had he done?  He was a
twenty-one-year-old kid who had been shot at because he was in love.
Josh wouldn't have blamed him, but she wasn't sure if she couldn't,
just a little.

More over she blamed herself, and Leo knew this.  It was written in
the guilty way she hung her head.  They all were looking that way
tonight.  Toby thought if he had only found Josh quicker, if he hadn't
searched so long then maybe this would have been different.  CJ
wondered if she hadn't stood dumbly so long, before adding her hands
over Toby's to staunch the blood that was pouring from their friend,
then maybe things would have changed.  Sam hated himself for spending
so long finding a doctor; but there had been so many people, and so
many hurt.  But if he had been quicker, if only he had hurried.

It gnawed away at Leo, the guilt.  He had got in the car.  He had left
them without making sure everyone was okay.  They were his people
dammit, and he had left them.  A captain goes down with his ship.

So they were all familiar with guilt.  Mixed with fear it was the
stench that hung in the halls of the hospital, of the West Wing.
Wherever they were it was the smell that followed them, that wrapped
around them like fingers around a delicate stalk.

It wasn't your fault either.  He may say it, but she would never
believe it.  It was her job to be there for Josh.  One night she
wasn't and look what happened.

Still, I know.  But she didn't, she lied.  She wondered how many more
times tonight she would lie.  How many more times would they ask her
if she was okay?

So slowly back to her prison until the troops arrived.  Hours passed
until his heart could beat on its own again.  People paced the room.
Charlie and Zoey hung back, trying to blend into the walls as if they
could sense the hostility that she was trying to reign in.  She hated
herself for it.  Why couldn't she just handle the fact that it was her
fault and stop trying to shift the blame on to others?

She met Zoey in the bathroom.  She was throwing up again and again.
Nerves and tension and fear beyond belief.  How could she stay mad at
Zoey?  Who loved Josh like a brother and was so scared that she was
losing her lunch in the lady's room?  She was only nineteen; she
wasn't to blame.

Helping Zoey off the floor, Donna watched her rinse her mouth at the
sink before turning to her.  Zoey's eyes shone bright with tears.  I'm
sorry.  She almost chocked on the words; not because she didn't
believe them, but because they were so, so hard to say to this woman
who's heart was imploding and exploding every time anyone made a
sound.

Donna wondered for a moment why her cheeks were wet.  She didn't
remember crying.  And Zoey was in her arms - she hadn't remembered
holding her.  She was so small, like a little girl and Donna wanted
nothing more then to pawn her off to somebody else.  She wanted to be
selfish, to wallow in her own pain and fear, but she knew that she
couldn't.

It'll be all right.  Another lie; a promise that she couldn't keep.

When she got back to the room, Leo had gone with the President.  They
got to see Josh first; they were the most important.  She would be
last, if they were working that way.  She would be last of them all,
as who was she really?  Who was she to him except the silly little
girl that flitted about his office?  She would probably go in and he
wouldn't even know who she was.  He'd probably ask why she was there -
couldn't she find a file or something?

Leo was back.  His eyes darted to her and he cocked his head to the
door.  Sam stood up too; he wouldn't make her go alone.  Finally he
looked her in the eye.  Bastard, she thought.  Coward.  I don't need
your comfort now.  I wish I didn't need your comfort now.

She grasped his hand in hers as she walked through the door.

Josh didn't look like a real person.  He looked like a doll.  There
were machines, boxes everywhere.  She wondered what they could
possibly all be doing.

He looked so pale, so lifeless that she was almost afraid to touch
him.  She didn't want to hurt him further, to break something.  But
her hand found his cheek.  She didn't care that Sam was right behind
her; he looked as desperate as she did.

Josh's cheek was warm.  His eyelids fluttered open at her touch.  She
hadn't remembered his eyes being quite that colour.  When she had been
trying to imagine him they hadn't looked like that.  Donna? The word
was a whisper on his lips.  He sounded so weak.

Sam stepped up next to her and put his arm around her, giving her
strength, willing her on.  Why did she want to be mad at him again?

Her mouth formed words.  Yeah, it's me.  How are you feeling?  She
didn't remember saying them, or she would have asked a better
question.  He was hardly going to feel like running a marathon was he?

Eyes open, eyes closed.  A huge effort on his part to get her into focus.

Have you been crying?  So tactless, so surprised and innocent that she
laughed.  It was an odd sound, somewhat harsh in the quiet, quiet
room.

She smoothed his hair back; the surgical cap had flattened wild curls.
 He looked like such a little boy, why wasn't his mother here yet?

She sat down in the chair that she hadn't seen before.  Yes.  An
answer. Yes, I was crying.  A statement.

He looked so sad, so forlorn that she would have hugged him, except
she was scared of all the machines.  She didn't want to break
anything.  She didn't want to break him.  Why? he asked.  Is everyone
okay?

Sam laughed at this, so did she. Everyone's fine, he answered, when
she shook her head that she couldn't. Everyone but you.

A crooked smile, a spectre of his usual smirk toyed at his lips.  Me,
Donnatella?  It would have sounded cocky except his voice was so faint
and his eyelids were drooping.  She didn't speak.  She held his hand
and hoped that was answer enough.

He opened his eyes one last time.  Dude, he murmured, a smile on his
closing eyes.

Sam stepped up behind Donna.  Hey man, Sam answered.  On the high side
of thirty and they still acted like Frat boys.  They had never known
each other at college.

Josh's lips moved once again.  First, no sound, but he licked his lips
and tried again.  What's happening?

You almost died, she thought.  You're lying here with a rail road
track down the middle of your chest cause an eighteen-year-old kid and
two of his friends though it would be a good idea to shoot at you.

Of course, Sam couldn't read her mind.  I saved CJ.  There was
mocking, teasing, joking, but there was fear.  I saved CJ.  CJ needed
saving.  I didn't know how to save you.

Eyelids closed over heavy eyes. How she wished to do the same but knew
she couldn't.  What day were they even on?  She watched as his
breathing evened out.  Medicine kicking in.  Cool.  It was breath over
papery lips, a smile before succumbing to sleep.

Two people stood, still afraid to move.  Two pairs of blue eyes, one
tousled head of black hair and blonde falling from the elastic it was
trapped in.  Two hands clasped together.  Hearts beating whether with
fear or relief or for something else, though neither were sure quite
what.

They walked slowly on their return to the waiting room, holding each
other up.  It wasn't a prison anymore.  It was over.  They hadn't lost
him.  He had come back to them.

*

She paced around their house, still not really understanding how this
could happen.  She needed to know what was happening, what had
happened.

She found herself in the lounge.  Pictures of him surrounded her, and
she wished they would stop looking at her.

She threw the cushions onto the floor.  She needed the remote control.
 She needed to know what was happening.

She found it sticking out from under the armchair.  Hands shaking, she
clicked onto CNN.  Serious faces assaulted her and the words trailed
across the bottom, she could read the tragedy at the same time as
hearing it.

"And we're back with more on our breaking story.  Fifteen minutes ago
Hannah Morning our Washington correspondent reported shots being heard
in the Capital building.  We have received no more information on the
identities of the shooters, but we can go live to Hannah with the
latest from the outside - Hannah."

The frame cut to a woman with a microphone.  She looked far too young
to be a reporter, far to young to even be out of High School.  Her red
hair was whipping slightly round her face in the October air.  She was
trying for neutral, for professional detachment.  It comforted Donna
to see her fail.

"Though there was no vote scheduled for today the Capital building was
still full of members of the Senate.  At just past eight fifteen this
morning a recorded six shots were heard from the inside of the
building.  There have been no reports of injury, but reporters have
yet to hear from people inside the building.  The shooters' identities
remain a mystery, as they hold the people inside the building hostage,
but have not yet released any demands."

Josh was in the building.  He was being kept there against his will.
They didn't know if there were any injuries.  What if he had been
hurt?

Sam was in the building too.  He was the Senator for California.  How
they had laughed when they had both been elected.  World going to hell
in a hand basket, Toby had joked.

What about the others that she knew? Ginger still worked with Sam; she
had followed him to California and back again.  She would be in the
building.  She would bet anything Ainsley was there too.  She and Sam
had been going ten rounds on next Tuesday's vote for a month.  She
argued it was unconstitutional, but he said it was for the good of the
people.

Donna wondered if she didn't agree with him really, and just enjoyed
arguing with him.  They did it all the time.  Still, she was one to
talk about bringing the banter.

What if any of them were hurt?  These people were her friends.  She
didn't want to have to go to another funeral of a friend before their
time.

*

She had been told the biggest secret of her life.  He had lied.  They
had lied.  Or had they?  Had he?  She was so confused.  She wanted to
be strong; she knew that was what she was supposed to do.  She knew
that was why Toby had told her, she knew it was what he expected of
her.

They had never got to tell her the truth.  Had she known?  Because
they were at her funeral now, it was too late.

The rain seemed to have been pouring for days.  Maybe it had only been
hours, she couldn't remember.  Her throat was sore, and she knew she
looked pale.  Wearing black did that to her, and she hadn't slept in
days.  If Mrs Landingham had been here she would have been fussing
over her, asking if she was all right or if she could get her
anything.  She might have even given her a cookie because she looked
so sad.

Carol sniffled and wiped her eyes with a tissue.  Margaret sat with
her back straight, looking ahead.  God, how they would miss her.  All
of them, from the President to the mail boy, but their little group in
ways that no one else would understand.  She was their leader. Now, in
this time of crisis, whom would they follow?

The senior staff sat in front, the boys in identical black suits, like
mannequins.  Josh fidgeted; this hit too close, she knew that.  The
anniversary of the shooting had been a few days ago.  They pretended
like they didn't notice, but of course they did.

Toby scowled.  Was it the Catholic readings at the supposed
Nondenominational Service, or the memory of another funeral, when he
had stood next to this woman?  When she had cried for her lost sons,
held so close to her heart.  Was she with them now?

Donna never wanted to see this again.  She never wanted the people
that she loved to have to go through this again.  Though she knew that
she would.  MS might not have been fatal, but there would be
something.  Leo's years of abuse to his liver may catch up with him,
stress and betrayal might be too much.  She had seen it in Sam's eyes.
 The cracks that started off so far down.

Then there was Josh.  His heart was permanently as scarred as his
chest.  His mind was scarred too.  He had tried to hide it, but it had
caught up with him last Christmas.  She had watched him try and
self-destruct, and she tried to hold him together herself, but her
fear and her love for him had driven her to Leo.  Help him, she had
pleaded, I don't know what to do.

Now they were here.  How had this happened?  When had it started to go
so wrong?  Where would they go from here?

Down, was where they went.  Congressional hearings, fights between
themselves and immense mistakes.  They moved away from each other in a
time when they should have held tightly together.

Cliff.  His name was Cliff.  She had just wanted to go out with
someone who had nothing to do with any of it.  She hadn't known he was
on House Oversight.  He hadn't known, not first of all.  It had been
an innocent mistake.

As soon as she found out she had told Josh.  He had been so mad.  He
had looked so hurt; she almost couldn't look him in the face.  She
wasn't sure why she felt so guilty; it wasn't as though he had been
there for her recently.  So what if she had gone out looking for
someone else?  They weren't each other's.  They never had been.  Sure,
she had wished, she had hoped, but she had come to her senses.  They
were friends.  They couldn't be anything else.

It didn't stop her lying for him though.  She would have gone to jail
a hundred times over before letting the truth of his breakdown get
out.  She protected Josh.  She would never again leave him to protect
himself.

It'll be okay, he had told her.  The noise of the water had been so loud.

She had never meant for it to end like this.  She should have said no.
 She should never have let him come upstairs, but he was so sweet.  He
wasn't a jerk.  He was actually a nice guy and he was interested in
her.  So she said yes.  She should have said no.

If Cliff was the wedge that tore them from each other, Amy was the
wall that Josh built to separate them. Did he even know that was what
he was doing?  He barely even spoke to her for months, and there was
certainly no banter.  It felt like she had lost a limb.

She was losing him all over again.  She watched as he left her and
turned to this other woman for comfort.  What had she done to deserve
this?  Had she ever stopped being there for him?

It was over a year before Josh and Amy's relationship finally
imploded.  There was yelling and arguing, but according to Josh, it
was actually fairly amicable.  He had called Donna up and they had sat
on his stoop talking and drinking beer until the sun rose.  I'm sorry,
he had told her.

Sorry about what? she had asked.

He had concentrated on peeling the label off of his bottle.  This year.

There was no further explanation.  They both knew what he meant.  They
shared in the guilt of it.

Me too, she told him. They didn't look at each other; they were too
ashamed.  They knew they had hurt one another; they had been purposely
mean and scathing.  He had wanted to hurt her; she had hurt him first.

It was meant to only be retaliation; it was never meant to go on this long.

Did you love her?  It wasn't an inappropriate question, just one that
both of them had wondered over for so very, very long.

He drank more of his beer.  How much would it take to soften all the
blows, for them to forget this year, to go back to a better place?  To
beer and red lights.  I don't know.  His voice was soft, but honest.
I wanted to.  Is that the same thing?

Donna shrugged, kept silent.  She would rather that he loved Amy, and
wanted to spend his life with her.  If he had been truly in love then
she could understand why he had left her.  Not that he had ever been
with her.

Maybe it is.  Though she wished it wasn't.  Her heart screamed at him
not to love her.  Maybe it isn't.  So much she wished for that.  How
confused she was: love her, don't love her.  It hurts if you do but
I'll kill myself if you don't.  Why did this all have to happen?

She sipped her beer, blew over the neck to make the bottle sing.  Did
you love him?  She knew it would come about to this sooner or later.
As she had said, Josh wasn't alone in his guilt.

She wanted to lie, because he was already so disappointed in her.  No,
I didn't love him.  He was a nice guy, but I barely knew him.  She
couldn't this time.  She had to admit that he had been nothing more
than a fling.  This, their year of separation had been the result of
nothing more than a fling that Josh was never meant to find out about.

Why did all times like this have soundtrack of silence?  There must
have been cars, traffic, and other people around.  The city never
slept, but all she could remember was the silence between them.  She
wasn't sure whether it was threatening or comforting.

So what happens now?  And wasn't that just the ultimate question.
They had been through so very, very much.  Would it get better?  Would
things get worse?  Not that she really saw how that was possible.
Hadn't they reached rock bottom?

She looked at him.  He looked at his shoes, played with the laces of
his sneakers.  I'm not sure.  She spoke; he looked up, though facing
ahead.  I guess we finish our beer and I go home.  Baby steps.

He smiled, slightly.  Maybe he understood the simplicity.  Sure, he agreed.

Then he raised his eyes and they looked at each other, and for a
moment the year was erased.  For a moment they were back to laughing
and joking and being simply them.

There was nothing special about the smile.  No long poetic notions
about its clarity of expression or its perfect professions of love
long denied.  It was just a smile, just two friends reaching the
bottom of bottles of Bud.

See you in the morning?  A tease.  The sun had been up for going on a
half hour.  He was baiting her, expecting a rebuttal.

She gave it to him without hesitation.  It's six in the morning
Joshua, she teased.  It's Sunday and you have nothing on your
schedule.  He couldn't argue, she knew what he was doing day to day
far better than he did.

He grinned.  Go home. I'll see you tomorrow.  A gesture.  We'll try
and get back on track?  She knew he understood it now.

I'll call you later.  She compromised.  I give you about an hour until
you call me because you can't find something.

He laughed but he didn't deny it. You okay getting home?

She remembered him asking that before.  She couldn't think when, he
must have asked it a million times, but one stuck out in her memory.
When had that been?  I'll be fine.  She was afraid of her
neighbourhood at times, she lived where she could afford, but she had
always been okay.

So she walked to her car, blue paint chipping, peeling bumper
stickers:  'Bartlet for President', 'In democracy its your vote that
counts; in feudalism its your count that votes'.  She had cracked
herself up when she had seen that.  He had bought it for her in South
Carolina, when they had campaigned there the first time.

She got in; she drove away, waving to him as she left him on the
steps.  They were moving forward.  There was at least a half a chance
that everything would be okay.

*

The phone was ringing.  The phone was ringing off the hook and she was
almost afraid to pick it up.  Still, she knew she had to so she
grabbed the cordless and read the caller ID.  Then answered.

"Donna?" Leo once again, harried, worried.

She hated hearing him like this.  She wanted to turn it off, to throw
the phone down and not have to deal with any of this.  She wished she
wasn't the adult.  Oh God, the kids.  "Yeah?"  Whisper was all she
could manage.

"I talked some of my guys.  They have preliminary reports but nothing
definite.  Donna, they think it's an extremist fringe group."

She was quiet for a second before, "Islamic?"  Things had gotten so
much better, it had been a long time since all those crash downs but...

Leo's voice was thick with something.  Disbelief?  "Christian
fundamentalists."  She could see why he was surprised.

"What the hell Leo?" she exclaimed, and it wasn't lost on her how much
she sounded like her husband.  She wondered whether she was
channelling him.  No, because then she would know he was okay.

Leo carried on, not thrown off.  "I've been talking to Al Caldwell.
He's trying to get us some more information on who these people are.
He told me to tell you you're all in his prayers."

"Tell him to pray fast," she pleaded.  "I don't want to have to tell
my children..." she wasn't sure how to word it.

Still, he understood, he knew.  He was a father, and a grandfather to
her children and his own.  "You won't have to.  I'll be over in ten
minutes.  Call my cell if you need me."

"Thanks Leo," she said, and hung up before she could hear the dial tone.

He had to come home safely.  He just had to.

*

He always said her car was a piece of crap.  He told her she should
get a new one, but she had replied that she was a woman on a budget.

You'll regret it, he told her, when it breaks down in the middle of nowhere.

She had told him he was worrying too much.  I'm a big girl, she joked,
and I can take care of myself.

It was rainy and cold.  There was ice over the ground, though she
didn't know that, because she hadn't left the office all day.  She ran
to the car, holding her coat tight around her body, trying to ward off
the chilled winter air.

Getting into her car she turned the heating up full blast and warmed
her hands in front of the air vent.  It was freezing, freezing cold.

She drove, too fast probably, but desperate to get home.  The day had
been one in a stretch of long days.  It was two in the morning, and
she was just going home.  And people thought she had a glamorous job.

Josh had been stressed for days, and so she had by proxy.  There was a
vote in the house in two days, and four of their guys had hopped the
fence.  Josh had been meeting all day trying to persuade, cajole, even
bribe them to come back to the team.

They took gun control seriously now.

She wondered what the car next to her was doing.  The people in the
front were obviously fighting; she could see that from her position in
the lane over.  The car was swerving slightly.  She concentrated on
the road in front.  Damn ice.

The road was pretty empty, so the drive home should have been quick
and easy.  And it would have been if the car next to her hadn't
suddenly swerved into her lane.  If she hadn't slammed on her breaks,
skidding on the icy surface.  If she hadn't slid into the embankment
on the side of the road.  If she hadn't banged her head on the
steering wheel, passed out.  If the other car then hadn't swerved into
hers where it lay, crumpled, and she lay bleeding.

Josh was still in his office when his cell phone rang.  It was getting
on three in the morning and he wondered who on earth would be calling
him.  He checked his number display and smiled.  Donna, she had gotten
home and probably calling to convince him to do the same.

He opened his phone, and straight away realised that something wasn't
right.  Instead of Donna's soft, sleepy tones he was met with the
panicky hiccups of her roommate, Ally.

Josh?  She was normally confidant and extrovert.  Josh, there's been
an accident.Her voice was shaky, but a little slurred.  She had
probably been sleeping.

He didn't want to ask the question.  Ally, what's happened?  He didn't
want an answer.  He didn't want to know.

Still, she did answer: quickly, quietly.  She didn't want it to be
true either.  There's been a car accident.  She must have slid on the
ice.  She didn't know exactly what had happened; the hospital hadn't
given much detail when they called her.

He was already out the door, ignoring colleagues, cleaners, even
security until they made him stop.  Is she okay?  Where is she?  He
was frantic.

She understood and checked what she had written down in haste.  They
took her to GW.  I was going to go there now, I just, I just knew I
should call. She paused, understanding only a tiny amount of
everything that was going on in his head.  Josh?  You okay?

He raced to his car, jumped in.  He turned on the engine.  GW?  he
repeated making sure his mind hadn't imagined it in a fit of hysteria.

Yeah, she affirmed.  Can you pick me up on your way?  I wouldn't ask
usually, but I - Ally couldn't drive.  Never had learned.  She usually
had her boyfriend drive her everywhere.

Josh understood.  She was as desperate to know what was going on as he
was.  I'll be there as quick as I can, he promised.

Drive carefully.  A simple statement, a send off.  It had never seemed
ironic before.

Donna woke up dizzy and with blurred vision.  For a moment she
wondered where she was, the lights, the sounds, the room was
unfamiliar.  Everything was white, clean and empty.  She was afraid
for a moment of its starkness, of her isolation, until she felt a warm
hand slip into hers.  She tired to turn her head to see who is was,
and only then did she realise that she was wearing a neck brace.  Pain
shot through to her little toes, and she must have cried out slightly,
because the hand squeezed tighter and the person stood up to smooth
her hair from her face.  You okay?

He looked so tired, worry lines creased his forehead and she knew he
probably hadn't slept in the time he had been with her.  How long had
she been there?  Josh?  She knew it was him, it was more or a
statement then a question.  What happened?

For a moment he looked worried.  His brow scrunched up and his eyes
became murky; troubled and filled with doubt.  You were in an
accident.  You crashed your car.  The police called Ally, she's here
by the way, she went to get some tea.  He didn't give her any more
details then that.  He didn't really know many more details then that
about what had happened. She would have to fill those in herself.

She remembered slightly: the erratic red car with the screaming
occupants.  Slamming her breaks on and spinning, sliding out of
control.  What happened to the other people - the ones in the other
car?  She remembered their car sliding too.  She was sure of it.  Are
they okay?  She didn't think they had meant to cause an accident.  It
couldn't have been malicious.  They were probably tired, had been
driving most of the night and just wanted to get home.

Josh's smile was small; he shook his head, as if with disbelief.
They're both fine, he told her, cuts and bruises, nothing worse.  They
came in the same time as you.  He looked a little mad; she knew that
he would.

Donna squeezed her hand in his. It was an accident, she reminded him,
but it didn't change the look on his face.  She tried to sit up a
little, but was met with aches and shooting pain down her back and
legs.

In a moment Josh was up and panicking.  Do you need me to get someone?
 Donna, should I go find a doctor?

But she shook her head.  No, she whispered, settling back down and
waiting for the pain to subside.  No, I'm okay.  Just sore, she
admitted.  There was a dull throbbing everywhere it seemed.  Is
anything broken?

He perched on the edge of the bed, careful not to cause her anymore
pain.  Other than your car? he joked, and she groaned.

Totalled? she checked, and he nodded.  What else?  It certainly felt
like other things could be broken, but she couldn't look down well
enough to check.  She was pretty restricted by the collar about her
neck.

He was silent for a moment, looking at her, as if to remember all that
the doctors had told him.  You broke a couple ribs - that was the seat
belt.  You hit your head on the steering wheel.  You bruised your
spine but I'm not sure how you did that.  You broke your wrist too.
He looked guilty telling her, as if he was the one who had inflicted
her injuries, caused her to hurt as she did.

She closed her eyes.  Could have been worse, she noted.  Worse things
happened to people in car accidents, much worse things.  People died
in car accidents.  She was lucky.  This was her second accident and
she was still alive.  Lots of people drove more carefully then she
did, they had more reliable cars that should have kept them safe.
Lots of those people died and here she was still alive.

Donna?  Sometimes she wished people wouldn't say her name like that.
Like they expect something to be wrong.  Maybe if they didn't say it
like that then nothing could be wrong.

She opened her eyes again.  She was so tired, she knew she had been
unconscious, but it felt like she had been awake for days.  Yeah?  Her
voice sounded weak, even to her own ears.  She wished it wouldn't, she
knew it would make him worry more.

She looked at him, moving her eyes rather than her head to stop the
pain.  He was looking at her, his eyes cloudy with guilt, with sorrow
and with pain and she wanted to hug him, to make the look go away.  I
was terrified when Ally called me, he admitted.  All I could think of
were the terrible things that might have happened to you.  He paused;
trying it seemed to word what he wanted to say in the right way.  I
think I ran a couple red lights, he admitted, and there was a small
smile on his face.

She understood what he meant.  She gripped his hand tighter to convey
that, so he would know that she appreciated so much what he had done
just to be there.

She opened her mouth, voice tired and quiet.  Thank you for coming to
get me.  There was no one else she would have been happier to wake up
to, but she couldn't say that to him, not yet, not like this.

Though maybe he knew that was what she meant.  He smiled; he raised
her hand and brushed her fingers against his lips.  I would never not
come for you.  His voice was soft and huskier then usual.  I promise.

He stood up then and pressed a kiss to her lips.  It wasn't romantic,
yet it wasn't fraternal.  It was caring and loving, gentle and
compassionate.  Go to sleep Donnatella, he told her.  I'm not going
anywhere.

So she let herself sleep and when she woke up they talked about what
had happened and the past and where they were going.  They talked
about them as a 'them', about the press and their jobs.  They talked
about fearing that the other wouldn't come home at night.  About
hospitals and gunshots and blood and accidents.  About their friends,
their colleagues and what they my say if their situation was to
change.

After discussing all of that, they decided to throw the doubts aside.
They wanted to be together, and from that moment, they decided that
they would be.

*

Donna sat in the lounge, on the couch, with CNN still running in the
background.  They had moved onto the weather news.  She closed her
eyes, not crying, though her throat felt like it was mutinying from
the rest of her body.  Her mind was spinning, reeling out of control,
and for a fleeting moment she wondered if it was possible that they
were cursed.  Why did these things keep happening to them?  Weren't
they decent enough people?  Didn't they try and do as many beneficial
things in the world as they could?  They had gotten a good man elected
President, and then they had gotten him re-elected, they had passed
bills and laws that had helped people all over the country and the
world.  They had raised four children, all of whom were smart,
socially conscious and caring.  Couldn't someone cut them a little
slack?

They had gone through so much to be together.  They had been married
close to fourteen years and they were happy.  They had never stopped
loving one another, even for a second.  She loved him as much then as
she had the day they had promised they would be each other's forever.

*

They got married in September.  There had been some question as to the
weather, but the day was perfect, crisp and sunny.  There was that
wonderful autumn smell in the air, that one that excited children as
they started back to school.

It had taken them a long time to decide what kind of wedding they
wanted.  Neither one really practiced their religion, though they both
knew what their parents expected of them, nor did they want to be
totally dismissive of tradition.  In the end they decided on a small
chapel, a Justice of the Peace, and a blessing by both a Minister and
a Rabbi.  It was definitely going to be an interesting wedding.

They had to have security guards posted on the entrances and exits to
the chapel.  The premises had already been checked and swept by the
Secret Service so that the President could be there.  The guest list
was written practically in stone, anyone wishing to bring a guest or
partner had to call ahead so they could be checked and vetted.

The Press were obviously interested in the story.  As much as they had
been very good about not crossing the lines when it came to privacy,
this was a big, star studded, high society DC wedding.  Not that Josh
and Donna counted themselves as high society, but the press seemed to.
 Some of the people that they knew had actually been invited to the
wedding were members of the press, and were told they were allowed to
write about it if they so wished.  Danny, who had been the first
member of the Press to break the story of Josh and Donna's
relationship and subsequent engagement, was the first member of the
Press on the list.  Donna wouldn't have disagreed, but Josh insisted,
saying that he owed him a few.  Donna didn't even ask what that was
about; with Josh it could have been anything.

Katie was also on the list, though she said that she would leave her
notebook behind, as she was a political correspondent, not a gossip
columnist.  When she had received her invitation she had found Donna
in the White House Mess and given her the biggest hug.  I wanted you
to come, Donna had explained.  There were so many times when you could
have written awful things about Josh or I, the way some of the others
did, but you never stooped that low.  You showed yourself as a true
friend to us, and we wanted you to be there to celebrate with us.

By the time that the day actually arrived, many of the people involved
seemed to be having anxious fits.  CJ was worried that the uninvited
press wouldn't behave, that someone would try and sneak in.  Sam was
panicking over his speech, and about losing the rings.  He made sure
that Toby had both a copy of the speech and held the rings until they
got to the church.  Sam definitely knew his own flaws - klutziness
being one of them.

Donna's sister Antonia was worried because the bridesmaids' dresses
were too long.  She had spent the best part of the morning tacking up
the hems.

More over, she was worried because Donna didn't seem to be worried
about any of it.  How are you not freaking out?  She knew her sister;
she knew she was prone to worry if everything wasn't exactly right.

Donna just laughed as she pulled on her stockings.  I'm marrying Josh
today, she reminded her sister, as if she could forget.  In the time
it took us to get together we both could have died, but we didn't.  We
made it to this point.  So I'm not freaking out about the flowers, or
the dresses, or about whether the ushers all remembered to wear black
socks, because all that really matters is that Josh and I are here,
and we love each other, and we're going to be together for the rest of
our lives, starting today.

She walked with her father down the aisle past a sea of streaming
faces: her mother, Josh's mother, CJ, Carol, Ginger, Bonnie and
Margaret.  Matt Skinner and Ainsley Hayes, their friends despite
political differences.  Ally had made it down from New York for the
occasion; she had moved there with her boyfriend soon after Donna and
Josh had moved in together.  Joey and Kenny had flown in from
California for the festivities.  Charlie and Zoey, Ellie and Liz.
Annie was there too, though she was grinning rather then crying.  Dr
Bartlet wept with joy from her place between her granddaughter and
Mallory, and Leo and the President even looked suspiciously teary.
Antonia was sniffling from her place behind her, and as Donna turned
to give her the flowers, she saw the tears running down her older
sister's face.

For a moment Donna was almost sad, because people who should have been
there weren't.  Josh's sister and his father hadn't lived to see the
day.  Instead Leo sat in the place of honour next to Martha Lyman;
Josh had insisted.  Mrs Landingham wasn't there either, and she would
have been so happy, Donna couldn't help but think, maybe she was there
in spirit.

This wasn't a time for crying though.  There had been too many tears
over their years together, and today was for happiness.  Her smile
went from ear to ear, it radiated and her eyes twinkled like stars: a
clich‚, but never truer or more accurate.

She said goodbye to her father, she kissed him on the cheek and held
him close for a second.  She hadn't been a child for a long, long
time, but this was her final moment as his little girl.  She would
belong to someone else from now on, and he would belong to her.  Her
father stepped away from her, and nodded towards her man.

Dimples, they were the first things she saw.  Then his eyes, and in
that moment she had never been happier.  She saw no fear there, not
even slight trepidation.  All she saw was love, rich and all
consuming.  His eyes were the silk of conkers, matte to her shimmer,
but smouldering in all their own way.  Not sexually, there was no
thought of that here, not now.  No, they smouldered with unadulterated
adoration and contentment.

His men stood behind him, brothers together in the perfect black
tuxedos.  Sam eyes twinkled with what looked suspiciously like tears.
Josh was, after all his best friend, and he was about to do the best
thing he had ever done with his life.

Sam fidgeted in his suit, looking crisp and young as though the years
she had known him had been only a dream.  He played with the rings in
his pockets, reassuring himself, checking again and again that they
were there, as though Toby would have let him forget something as
important as the rings.

Toby was trying to look ornery, but even he couldn't manage that
today.  His lips curled upwards in what was classed as a smile by the
people that knew him.

Donna knew Toby was happy for them.  The day she and Josh had
announced their engagement he had drawn her into his office.  You're
really going to marry him? he asked, and Donna nodded.  She didn't say
anything because she wasn't exactly sure where he was going with this.

Then Toby did something she had never seen him do to anyone, except
maybe CJ and Ginger.  He stood up and he hugged her.  She stood stock
still for a moment, too shocked to move, but then she wrapped her arms
around him.  I'm proud of you, he told her.  A lesser person wouldn't
have stuck around this long.

She took a step back from him, as he did from her.  I had to, she
said, shaking her head and smiling.  We do crazy things for love.

He looked at her and he nodded.  He understood.  She knew he did.  She
had seen it in his eyes when he looked at certain people.  Moving
around to sit back behind his desk, to put professional distance
between them, he added He ever does anything to hurt you, whatever it
is, you come to me.  The man will fear for the safety of his femurs.

Donna stood watching him for a few seconds, a smile on her face and
her eyes all teary.  Thank you was all she could manage before he
waved her out.

Now leave me alone.

And now he tried not to look happy as they made their life long
commitment to each other.  No longer the White House eunuchs, at least
one of them was breaking free.  And he thanked God that it was Josh,
and that he had at last come to his senses and learned to value that
which had always been right under his nose.

That day the marriage of Joshua Lyman and Donnatella Moss was thrice
blessed, celebrated by all and cheered over hundreds of glasses of
champagne.  They swore their lives to one another, forever and always.

Till death parts us.

*

Leo let himself in with the key he kept to their house in case of
emergencies.  He wandered through, careful not to trip over the
scattered shoes in the hall, and made his way to the lounge.  He could
hear the hum of the TV before he walked through the door.  She was
sitting quietly on the couch, the remote in trembling hands.  She was
deathly pale, and what troubled him the most was that this was not the
first time he had seen her this way.  If only it was.

"Donna?" he spoke softly, but he still made her jump a little.

She turned her head to face him, and he could make out tears pooling
at the edges of her eyes.  She didn't stand; she didn't smile and
offer him a hug and cups of coffee as she usually did when he visited.
 Instead she just stared at him from where she sat, with tears now
dripping off her eyelashes.  "Leo," she wept, her voice desperate and
sounding so, so young.  Almost like one of her daughters instead of a
grown woman.

Leo sighed and moved to sit down next to her.  "Ah, Donna," he
murmured as he wrapped her in his arms.  Over the years that had
passed Donna had become as much a daughter to him as Josh was a son.
He wanted to tell her that it was going to be all right.  He wanted to
be able to promise her that, but he didn't know that, and she knew he
didn't.  They had all been political players long enough to spot an
empty promise when one came their way.

Donna pulled out of his arms eventually, swiping at her eyes with the
back of her hand.  "I'm sorry," she told him, "I didn't mean to, I
just..."  She couldn't finish her sentence; she just shook her head in
surrender of the situation.  She waved her hand at the television,
indicating what she had been watching.  "They're not saying anything,"
she told him.  "Why was it whenever we did something wrong it was on
CNN within the hour, but when it's something important we can't find
anything out?"

She was trying to be funny, but the humour was lost because tears were
tracking down her cheeks.  She wiped at them angrily.  She didn't want
to cry, that wouldn't achieve anything.

Leo was about to answer her; to talk about what he knew when the phone
rang again.  She was surprised for a moment, but when she picked up
the phone and looked at the caller ID, she almost smiled.  She
answered the phone.

"Tell me you know what's going on," a breathless CJ pleaded.

Donna checked her watch.  "You just turned on the news?" she asked.
It would be about five on the West Coast, she was surprised CJ was up
already.

CJ's voice softened.  "I got a call from Joey Lucas and Kenny.  She's
been doing some work for Wheeler; she was at the airport.  She was
going to call, but she thought you wouldn't answer a number you didn't
recognise.  After she called we turned on CNN.  Donna, what's going
on?"  She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts.  "Josh and Sam
are there aren't they?" Her voice was soft, as though she didn't want
to know the answer, not really.  Like she couldn't bear if it was bad
news.

Donna couldn't help but think back to the other times when she had
heard CJ sound so nervous.  It didn't happen very often she was
pleased to say.  It was so awful to hear CJ like that.  She was the
brave one, she was the one Donna was supposed to be like when she grew
up.

More then anything Donna wished she were here right now, she wished
they could be together.  CJ was one of Josh's best friends in such a
different way to other people.  They didn't see each other enough
anymore, now that CJ was living in California again.  "I wish you were
here," Donna blurted out, before she had even thought about what she
was saying.

CJ's voice was quiet, softly flattered.  "Are you alone?" she asked.
"I can be on the next plane," she promised.

Donna shook her head, even though logically she knew that CJ could not
see her.  "Leo's here," she told her.  "I'm not on my own.  You stay
in California, I promise I'll call when I know anything."

There was a silence between them, not really knowing what to say to
one another.  CJ wanted to offer hope, but she knew it wasn't truly
founded and wouldn't be a great comfort.  "When he gets home tell him
I'm going to kick his ass for putting us through this again.  Sam too.
 You tell them that okay?"

Donna recognised false cheeriness, but played along none the less.  It
was better then sobbing down the phone.  "I will, I promise."  She
thought.  She knew there was an unwritten protocol for things like
this.  "Can you tell Toby what's going on?  And call Joey back -
she'll be worried, especially if she's not getting any news why she's
travelling.  I'll try calling Martha, she'll be frantic."  She was
almost tripping over her words again, until CJ stopped her.

"Donna?  Are you going to be okay?" her voice was so gentle, so
worried for her friend, for what must be her heart on the verge of
breaking, after it had been patched back together so many times in the
years that they had known one another.

Donna felt Leo's hand be placed on her shoulder.  She realised he had
probably been able to hear the whole conversation, her side and CJ's;
the room was so quiet.  "I have to be CJ, I have four children to take
care of.  I have to be."

CJ seemed to understand.  She loved Donna and Josh's children with the
same fierce, protective love that she felt for all her ex colleagues.
They were like family to her, and there was nothing she held closer to
her heart.

"So explain to me how this happened,"

*

So explain to me how this happened.  CJ was trying to be angry, her
arms folded across her chest as she looked at the two grinning idiots
that stood sheepishly in her office.

Josh raised his eyebrow and smirked, but she simply threw him a glare.
 I don't mean that, she clarified; I thought you guys had a plan.  I
thought you were waiting until we were out of the White House.

Donna smiled and sat down in the chair on the other side of her desk.
Josh's hands rested comfortably on her shoulders, and Donna
unconsciously leaned into his touch.  We thought so too.  Someone
seemed to have other ideas, she grinned.

CJ lay her head down on the table.  Honestly you two, it's ten more
months - you couldn't wait that long?  Still, when she looked up,
there was a smile on her face.  You're happy about this I take it?

The stupid grins on their faces told her that they were, but Josh
still resolutely answered, Yeah, we're happy about this.

Later on, Donna confided in her that they had both been a little
shocked when they had found out, but they had come around to the idea
pretty quickly.  It wasn't as though they hadn't wanted kids; they
just weren't sure about whether just then was the perfect time.  I
freaked out, Donna admitted to her friend honestly.  I thought that he
would flip, but he took it better then I did.

The News travelled fast around the West Wing, as news always did, and
soon everyone Josh or Donna walked by in the corridor was
congratulating them.  They told Sam, because he would have been upset
if he had simply found out.  He hugged Josh excitedly and smiled
inanely as he kissed Donna on the cheek and held her tight.  I'm
really happy for you, he said, and they knew that he really was.

They told Toby because they had told Sam, and he acted as if he didn't
care, but when they all went out to the bar later he watched them,
cigar on his lips and a smile on his face as the couple danced and
bickered when Donna tried to steal a sip of Josh's beer, and he
asserted that it 'wasn't good for the baby'.  Josh and Donna hadn't
seen Toby watching, but CJ had told them about it later, and they
laughed that he was getting soft and sentimental in his old age.

Josh requested an audience with the President and Leo the next day to
tell them officially, even though they had already heard it down the
grapevine.  The President slapped him on the back, smiled, and
laughed.  He warned that any and all girls that may come along would
have him wrapped round their little fingers by the first smile.  He
offered him a drink, as men did, but Josh declined.  The President
made Josh promise to congratulate Donna, and then sent both other men
out of his office.

Before he could leave, Leo pulled Josh into his own office, past
Margaret's empty desk; the assistant's had taken Donna out to lunch
for a mini impromptu celebration.

Leo sat behind his desk, and Josh danced nervously in front of it.
Leo put on his glasses, and for a moment Josh was worried that he was
going to be reprimanded.  I thought the two of you had talked about
this?  His voice was carefully neutral.  I thought you were going to
wait until after January?

Josh stared at his shoes.  We were.  We had planned to.  Things
just...didn't exactly go as we had intended.

He heard the older man sigh, but did not look up.  Damn Lyman genes.
The kid's going to take after you.  Josh was surprised by the words,
and even more surprised to find that when he looked up, Leo was
grinning.

Josh grinned back.  He really was happy about it.  The kid should be
born way before the midterms.  We won't disrupt anything, I'm sure
Donna will stay and work as long as humanly possible.

At this Leo shook his head.  Well you don't let her.  You make her go
home when she needs to Josh, she can't be working eighteen-hour days
anymore.

Josh nodded, his eyes wide open, causing him to look like he was ten
years old again.  I know.  I'll be good Leo.  I'll make sure she goes
home, I'll let her rest, I'll try not to yell.  I promise.

Leo looked over his glasses at the younger man.  He remembered the
first week after finding out he was going to be a father.  Josh was
probably scared out of his mind.  I know you'll try.  I just warn you,
she'll get pissed, she'll yell at you.  She'll accuse you of being
over bearing and of coddling her.  But I tell you now, whatever she
says, she only means half of it, and she loves you anyway.

He looked at Josh, whose eyes were still as round as pennies.
Understand? he checked, and Josh nodded.

Good.  He looked down at the papers in front of him.  Now get out of my office.

*

"How is it the Christian fundamentalists?  What issues do they have
with the United States Senate that has caused them to go to such
extreme lengths?"  CJ's voice was strained.  She couldn't believe what
Leo had told her when Donna handed over the phone for him to explain.
She sat with her eyes glued to CNN, though she listened to every word
of the conversation.

Leo rubbed his temples with the fingers on his free hand.  "I'm not
sure CJ.  Al Caldwell thinks it might have something to do with the
President's invitation to the Chinese delegation."

"China?  What the hell does that have to do with the Senate?"  She was
angry and she was scared.  "And what the hell does that have to do
with the Christian fundamentalists?"

Leo closed his eyes.  "You've heard it before CJ, we all have - "

"China persecutes Christians," she chimed in.  "Yeah, I've heard it,
but that was a long time ago Leo, China's really cleared up its human
rights violations."

He sighed, frustrated.  "Apparently not enough.  I think it's bull CJ,
I don't think that's what it's about at all, but I'm not in the
position now to be dealing with these people."

"Leo - "  That wasn't the answer that she wanted to hear.

"You know I would if I could CJ, you know that."  His voice was sharp
and heated.  He felt Donna slip her hand into his, and he calmed
again.

CJ's voice on the other end was quiet.  "Yeah.  I know you would.  I'm
sorry."  They were all caught up in their own worries and fears about
what was happening.

Tactfully, CJ cleared her voice; on the path they were treading the
ice was too thin.  "Do they know which group it is?" she asked,
knowing this was the type of thing Leo would either know, or be able
to find out.

He looked at Donna out of the corner of his eye.  She was studying
intently her wedding ring, and the way that the light in the room
bounced off of it.

"The Lambs of God," he stated simply, and was suddenly met with "What
the Hell?" in stereo from both CJ and Donna.

"Are you kidding me?" Donna sounded the most together she had all day.

"I thought they stopped...disbanded...something - I thought they were over
years ago?"  CJ's voice was just as unbelieving.

Leo wished he could explain to them, he wished he had the answers.
"So did we."  But he did not.  "They want something," he admitted,
"but no one's quite sure what that is yet."

"Hold on a sec."  CJ covered her end of the phone and could be heard
in muffled tones talking to someone else in the room.  The voice
sounded familiar.  "You guys, I have to go.  Joey's calling on my cell
and I should fill her in on what's going on."  And with that, she hung
up.

Leo placed the phone down on the table and turned to face Donna, who
was once again staring at the television screen.  The moving pictures
caused light to ripple across her face.  With out turning to him, she
whispered, "This is all just a game to them isn't it?"

*

From the day he was born, Noah Benjamin Lyman was the darling of the
White House.  A perfect specimen of a child, he was born bang on seven
pounds and had been lucky enough to inherit his mother's eyes and his
father's dimples.  He was, in the truest sense of the word, adorable.

As both mother and baby were fit and well, they were allowed home
three days after little Noah was born.  Exhausted, Donna fell asleep
almost as soon as they got home, which left Josh alone with his son.

He was still in state of awe over the fact that he and Donna had
created this little but complete person.  He couldn't help but count
and count again Noah's ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes.  It seemed
almost like a miracle to him.

Noah was just drifting off to sleep when the phone rang.  Panicked
that it would wake his snoozing son, Josh lunged for it with his free
hand.  Josh Lyman?  His voice was hushed and he hoped that the person
on the other end wasn't hard of hearing.

There was a slight chuckle on the other end of the phone, a folksy
laugh that Josh straight away recognised.  Who's sleeping - wife or
child? the President's fatherly yet mocking voice asked.

Josh kept his voice low, but calmed a little as Noah snuggled in to
the crook of his arm.  Both actually.  What can I do for you Mr
President?  Josh was still technically on paternity leave, though he
knew that he would be called on in an emergency.  The President didn't
sound stressed though.

Nothing to worry about Josh, the President reassured.  I was just
wondering if you could bring that young son of yours in to meet me.  I
wanted to come to the hospital, but the damn Secret Service said it
wasn't secure enough.  Leo showed me his photo, but well, I rather
like to meet him myself if it's possible.

Josh was surprised for a moment. The Leader of the Free World was
calling to request a personal audience with his four-day-old son?

Then he came to his senses.  This man wasn't just the President; he
was a man too.  He had always said that his Senior Staff were like
children to him, and he and Josh were especially close after the
shooting and that Christmas.  Why wouldn't he want to meet the newest
edition to their large, unusual family?

Josh held the phone with his chin and used his hand to scribble a note
to Donna - 'Noah's been summoned to the Oval. I'm on my cell if you
need me. Have a nice sleep. Josh'.  Sure I can bring him in Mr
President.  He signed the note with a flourish, and left in on the
coffee table where she would definitely see it.  We'll be there in
about a half and hour.

After finishing the phone call and settling Noah in his carry car
seat, Josh set about packing the bag full of everything they might
possibly need.  Leaving the house took three times as long as it would
usually have.

The arrived in the West Wing and tried to covertly make it to the Oval
Office with out interrupting other people's work.  He knew that he had
failed when he heard Ginger's squeak of excitement, and found himself
surrounded by most of the support staff.  After much cooing and
exclamations of 'he's just so cute!'  Josh finally made it into the
office adjoining the Oval.

Charlie was sitting at his desk, and chuckled when Josh entered.  How
much stuff do you need man? he laughed, and Josh laughed with him.

You have no idea.

Charlie snuck a look at the baby, though he tried to be sneaky as he
did it.  Turning back to his computer he told Josh, You're going to
have to take some pictures of him.  Charlie continued to look at his
computer screen as he spoke.  Zoey's so jealous that she can't be here
to see him, she wants you to email her some pictures so she doesn't
feel left out.

Zoey had been in England for the summer, and wasn't due back for
another couple of weeks.  She had phoned Josh and Donna at the
hospital as soon as Charlie had called her to convey her
congratulations.

Josh was just about to respond that he would when the door to the Oval
Office swung open.  The President exited, followed by Admiral
Fitzwallace, Nancy McNally and a few other men in uniform.  The
uniformed men left quickly, but Fitz and Nancy stopped to steal a look
at the baby, and to express their congratulations before Josh and Noah
were whisked into the Oval.

Noah had woken up as Josh spoke to Charlie, but being the agreeable
child that he was, kept quiet until they were in the Oval, then only
snuffling to be fed.  Sitting down on one of the room's stripy sofas,
Josh pulled a bottle out of his backpack and swiped the teat across
Noah's lip until he clamped his mouth on to it and began to suck.

When Josh looked up, he realised that the President was watching him,
with a dopey look on his face.  For a long time we all thought you
were going to throw this away Josh.  His voice relayed a memory,
sounded almost wistful.  Sometimes I just wanted to issue a
Presidential order for someone to smack some sense into you.

Josh understood what the President was referring too.  He wasn't the
first person to have this conversation with him.  After a few too many
beers both CJ and Sam had congratulated him on managing to pull his
head out of his ass and see what was right in front of him.  Toby had
conveyed his agreement with their statements.  Josh imagined that Leo
would have too, if he weren't so...Leo.  Yes Sir, because he wasn't sure
how else to answer in concurrence.

Noah was beginning to lose interest in the bottle; he moved his mouth
away from it and waved his hands.  Josh, with his free hand, capped it
and dropped it back into the bag.

The President looked at him sheepishly for a second.  Do you mind if
I?  He trailed off, but held his hands out for the baby.

Josh almost laughed out loud at the look on the President's face.  As
if he would say no!  Knock yourself out, he said, handing over the
squirming bundle of child.

The President held him as a man who had been the father to three
children.  Hi Noah, he spoke to the baby.  I'm The President, but you
can call me Grandpa Jed.  He looked at Josh to check that he wasn't
being presumptuous, but Josh just grinned.  The President carried Noah
over and sat behind the large wooden desk, and pointed at the pictures
that sat on there.  See that? he told the four-day-old child.  That's
Abbey, and she's going to be jealous that I got to hold you before she
did.  He pointed to another picture.  Those are my girls, he explained
in a hushed voice.  Elizabeth, Eleanor and Zoey.  Now, you're an only
child for the time being, he said, letting the possibility of the
future hang in the air.  But if you ever have brothers and sisters,
you be nice to them, because you're going to be the biggest and you
have to set an example.

The President looked down at the small, squirming child to find that
he was staring back with his large, crystal blue eyes.  This made the
President smile.  My first grandson, he chuckled, and then looked over
at Josh, who was watching with wrapt attention.

And I hope not the last.

That was their first meeting, and from that a bond existed between
Noah and the President that did not exist with the other children.
Maybe because he was the only Lyman child born when the President was
still in office, though then only for a few months.  No, they didn't
know the reason, but of all the Lyman brood, Noah most belonged to
Jed.

If Noah was asked about his most memorable time spent with Josiah
Bartlet, out of thirteen years of memories, Donna knew what he would
speak about.  When Noah was eight years old, Jed had taught him how to
play chess.

There was a mass reunion going on at the farm in Manchester.  How it
housed CJ, Toby, Sam, Ainsley, Leo, Josh, Donna, their four children,
as well as all the Bartlets (Charlie included), Donna would never
understand.

It was the middle of the summer.  The adults were enjoying each
other's company; they went far too long in seeing each other for any
of them to be truly happy.  They were talking about old times, old
jokes, enemies and friends.  Tiny two-year-old Annabella Joan was
happily toddling around the garden where they all sat.  Luke, who was
four and a half, was watching all the adults intently, a frown on his
face, as if he was following their conversation with the greatest of
interest.  Kitty, already the sweetheart at five years old, was
regaling Abbey and Zoey with tales of her adventures in kindergarten
as she coloured in the book that her parents had bought to keep her
occupied.

Noah was bored.  He was seven and didn't want to spend all day
listening to boring grown up conversations.  He wanted to have fun -
it was a really nice day.  He wanted to play something.  Noah?  You
lost?  He recognised the voice, and as it spoke it snapped him out of
his reverie, and he realised he had wandered into the house.

Jed walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.  Noah looked
up at him with the large oceanic eyes that he shared with his mother
and his baby sister.  No, just wasn't really paying attention to where
I was going.  I He paused for a moment, but couldn't help being
honest.  Grandpa Jed, it's boring outside! he complained.

This gained him an impish smile from the man that had just passed
sixty.  You want to come play with me?  Jed's voice was mischievous,
which sparked interest in the young boy.

Jed put his other hand on Noah's shoulders, and led him into the
library.  Sitting on the wooden table was a gleaming chess set,
already set up, waiting for someone to play.  You know how to play
chess Noah?  This was met with a shake of the head.  Jed feigned
shock.  Seven years old and you don't know how to play chess?

He sat down at the table and indicated the seat opposite him.  I guess
I'll just have to teach you then.  He picked up two of the pieces and
held them behind his back.  Then he held two clenched fists out to
Noah.  Noah tapped the right one, and Jed opened it, and settled there
was the white queen.  Good choice.

Noah grinned; he looked up so expectantly, so excitedly that Jed felt
excited for him.  He pointed at the different pieces and told Noah
what each of them could do.  Noah took it all in and only asked him to
repeat it a couple times.  Then they began to play.  A couple times
Jed had to correct Noah for moving his rook diagonally, or for moving
his king more than one place at a time, but after about an hour, Noah
was playing with increasing proficiency.

They played five games before: Checkmate, Noah's voice was clear,
confident and bursting with pride as he got the former President's
king in its final check.  Jed was bursting with pride himself, Noah
was the youngest person he had taught to play chess; his girls hadn't
been interested until they were in their teens.

Jed held his hand out to Noah, who grasped it and shook it after a
moment of shock.  Good game, Jed smiled, and Noah smiled back at him.

Can we play again? he asked, and Jed was about to agree when he looked
at the clock that ticked on the wall.

We better go outside and find the rest of the party, he admitted, or
your Mom and Abbey are going to come looking for us.

Jed followed Noah out with his hands on his shoulders.  Noah tipped
his head back and looked up at his honorary grandfather.  Grandpa Jed?
 We'll play again sometime right?

Jed smiled, and leaned down to kiss the young boy on the top of the
hair.  Of course we'll play again, he promised as they continued to
walk outside.

Any time you like.

*

Donna wished her children were young enough to just brush over the
truth now.  But she knew that they weren't.  They were she and Josh's
children; of course they were going to be smarter than average
children their age.

Leo was in the kitchen on his cell phone, yelling at someone who would
not help him.  He had been talking to Al Caldwell again, who had given
him some people to call.  Leo was working his way through the list he
had been given, and had removed himself to the kitchen so Donna would
not have to hear him in his harshest political manoeuvring.

She was pacing the living room for what must have been the fiftieth
time in the last twenty minutes when the phone rang again.  She
thought it might be CJ again, but the digital display taught her
differently.  This was to be the most difficult conversation of the
day so far.

"Mom?" It was Kitty's voice, shaky and tearful.  Donna could hear Noah
in the background, his voice sounding as though he was trying to be
calm and comforting to his younger sister.

Donna almost didn't want to reply. She didn't want to have to be the
grown up.  "Kitty, sweetie, you okay?"  She tried to keep her voice as
calm as possible, she had to be the one to ground and soothe her
children.

Kitty hiccupped.  "Mom, what's going on?  I just saw - News Report.
Mom?  Is Daddy-?"  Her sentences were detached and she her words
jumpy.  Donna hated hearing her little girl like that.  This was not
Kitty being melodramatic.  She was not acting at all; these emotions
were real.

Donna felt her resolve start to crumble.  She clenched her fist at her
side and held the phone so tight that she thought her fingers must
have been white.  "Katerina Delores Lyman you listen to me.
Everything's going to be all right."  Her voice sounded so certain,
that at that moment, she almost believed it.

*

Kitty was nothing if she wasn't punctual.  Expected just before
Christmas, that was when she arrived, on the cold icy day 17th of
December, a day which had Donna warning Josh to watch for ice as he
drove her to the hospital.

They had left Noah with Josh's mother at their house in Hartford.
Martha Lyman had been staying with them in Connecticut the last few
weeks before Kitty was born to help look after just turned
two-year-old Noah, as he was a handful and Donna hadn't been feeling
so good.

Noah wasn't convinced that he wanted a younger sibling; his lack of
ability to form complete sentences did not hinder his ability to get
this message across.  He liked having his Mommy and Daddy to himself;
he liked it a lot, and didn't want some baby crowding his space.

Still, when Josh phoned his mother some time after leaving the house
to announce, It's a girl.  Katerina Delores weighs in at 6 pounds 3
ounces.  Donna's doing fine, Noah had to admit to his curiosity about
the new addition.

He was allowed to see Kitty the day after she was born.  He relished
seeing his mother, who he had missed, and who had missed him.  She
smothered him with hugs and kisses as though she had not seen him in
months, but it was as his father entered with a squalling bundle of
pink blanket that his curiosity was peaked.

This is your new sister, his father told him.  She's called Katerina.

Noah looked upon the pink-faced baby with the head full of golden
curls and tried to repeat the name, but frustrated himself after a few
failed attempts.  His jutting lip and frown did not go unnoticed by
his mother.

How about Kitty? she suggested, and when Noah tried it, he found his
mouth could form the word with no problem.

He looked into the blanket at his sister, who was making a great deal
of noise.  He put his finger to his lips.  Ssshhhh, he instructed, and
like magic, she did.

Donna and Josh looked at each other and grinned.  She knows who her
big brother is, Josh joked, and Donna wrapped her arms around the
small boy.

You just make sure you look after her.

*

Kitty's breath was raspy, it sounded like she was choking, but Donna
was reassured by Noah's voice murmuring in the background.  "But Mom,
they said - they said there were guns..."  Kitty had, as all her
siblings, been told about the shooting in Rosslyn as soon as they were
old enough to understand.  It had affected them all in different ways.
 For Kitty, it had resulted in a total fear of her own safety when it
came to guns.

Donna understood this.  She had been the one that had soothed Kitty
back to sleep after nightmares of gunshots; nightmares that Donna
thought would stop with her husband.  Of all the things Kitty could
have inherited, Donna was most worried that Kitty's future would turn
out in a similar way to Josh's past.  "Kitty.  I won't lie - there
were gunshots.  We're not sure what's happening yet..." she tried to
carry on, but Kitty had once again dissolved in tears.  She was
obviously talking to Noah; Donna could only make out a few words
through her sobs.

Before Donna could panic, Noah took the phone from his sister's hand.

"Mom?"  His voice was calmer, though he still sounded more shaken then
normal.  He was searching for answers as desperately as his sister
was.

"Mom, what's going on?  Kitty came and found me, she was in tears, I
don't know what's going on.  Mom, she said something about Dad, about
guns."  There was fear in him too, from seeing the scars on his
father's chest. They carried that burden as a family.  It had taught
them to relish their time together.

Noah, at thirteen, was trying to be a man.  If anything had happened
to Josh he would be that man of the house.  He was having a hard time
holding his sister together; he couldn't be expected to hold together
a whole family.

"Noah, I won't lie to you."  She wouldn't, she promised herself.
"There's been a shooting at the Senate.  Your Dad and Uncle Sam are
there.  I don't know if anything's happened to them."

Noah was silent for a moment.  He seemed to be processing the
information.  "So what do we do next?"  His planning and strategising
was something he had inherited from both his parents.  "Where do we go
from here?"

Donna sighed, finally, a simple question that she could answer.
"Leo's calling some people, he's trying to find out a little more
about the situation.  Other then that we wait."  It was
straightforward.  It was simple.

There was a silence in which Noah seemed to be relaying the message to
his sister.  Then Donna had Kitty back on the phone.

"Why would people want to do this to us Mom?" she asked still tearful,
and it was the same question that Donna had been asking herself since
this had all started.  "What did Daddy and Uncle Sam do to them?"

Donna could feel anger creeping in, pushing away the sadness and
anguish that she had been feeling the rest of the morning.  She wasn't
angry with her child, not that.  She was angry that someone had put
her in the position where she had to have this conversation with her
child.  "Daddy and Uncle Sam didn't do anything.  These people are
just hateful Kitty, and we got caught up in it."

Kitty seemed to ponder this; her sniffles seemed to subside momentarily.

"I want to come home Mommy," she said, and Donna could not refuse her.

Donna closed her eyes.  "You and Noah come home then.  We'll discuss
this more when you get here."

She was about to hang up the phone when she heard Kitty in a small
voice ask, "We're still the good guys, aren't we Mom?"

At this, Donna smiled her first real smile in what seemed like days.
For Kitty the whole situation was so simple, and right then, the
answer to her question was too.  "We're still the good guys Kitty."

*

It seemed, as Noah belonged to Jed, that Kitty would belong to Abbey.
It had never been planned that way; it had simply happened.

Whenever the Lyman's made it up to the Manchester Farm, Jed and Abbey
always took control of the children.  It had been so long since they
were around little kids; Annie was an only child, and quite grown up
now at nearly 25, and neither Zoey or Ellie had gotten to the point in
their lives of settling down and having children yet.

So Jed and Abbey doted on Noah, Kitty, and the newest addition to the
Lyman troop, little Luke, who was as quiet and shy as Kitty was
extrovert and sociable.  True, he was only two years old, but it was
obvious already that he was going to be of subdued character.  No one
knew who he had inherited that particular trait from, they joked that
he must have been switched at birth, and maybe they would have
believed that if he hadn't had Josh's eyes, and his hair, and been a
spitting image of Josh's father, his brother's namesake.

The Lyman family visited the Manchester Farm for Luke's second
birthday.  It was very cold still, though luckily dry, and the kids
could run around outside, as long as they were bundled up.  Noah, who
had turned five in the September before, was happy scaring the ducks
from their pond.  Josh wandered around outside watching him, and at
the same time catching up with Sam, who had made a surprise visit to
join them that weekend.

Donna was inside, in the study, having a lengthy discussion with Jed
about what Noah had learned in kindergarten, and what he should know
to go into the first grade the next autumn.  Noah should have had to
wait to go to the first grade another year, but Josh and Donna had
insisted that he was too bright to stay in nursery, and so had put him
in kindergarten a year early the autumn before.  She was telling Jed
that Noah could spell his whole name, while Luke studied them silently
and played with the board book that Donna had given him.

Kitty found herself in the lounge with Abbey.  Abbey turned the fire
on and gathered the little girl in her arms.  Kitty giggled and
wriggled as Abbey tickled her.  Gamma Abbey!  No!  She was laughing
though, her little blonde halo of curls bouncing around her head and
her chocolate eyes shimmering with mirth.

Abbey stopped and they sat together on the couch surrounded by comfy
cushions as they watched the flames flicker and the light dance across
the walls.  Kitty leaned her head on her honorary grandmother's
shoulder.  Kitty loved Abbey better then her other two grandmothers.
She knew she shouldn't, she should love them all the same, but she
didn't see her other grandmothers as much, and they weren't as fun.
Abbey had a farm, she had animals and a pond, and she always let them
have cookies and run around.

Abbey turned to Kitty, a warm smile on her face.  Do you like coming
to visit us here Kitty? she asked, and Kitty nodded emphatically.

I like it best, she said, conveying love and affection in her
three-year-old speech, coupled with a big kiss on the cheek.  It's fun
to come visit.

Abbey smiled, though she looked over Kitty's head to the door outside.
 Kitty, do you love your brothers?  Kitty nodded, though she was
confused.

She opened her mouth to explain.  God says we should love our brothers
and our mommies and our daddies. She smiled at her recitation.

Abbey grinned too.  Grandpa Jed would be glad to hear you say that.

Jed and Abbey had always been concerned that the children weren't
being brought up in any faith, but Donna and Josh always countered
that they told their children what they needed to know.  Only now did
Abbey understand what they meant when they said that.

Abbey then remembered why she was here, why she was having this talk
with the little girl, what she had been roped into by a sheepish
looking Josh and Donna.  Abbey looped her arms around the little girl.
 Kitty, I know you love Noah and Luke, but how would you feel if you
had a new brother, or a sister as well as your brothers?

Kitty looked at her strangely for a moment.  Her little brow was
furrowed and Abbey wasn't sure whether she looked angry or deep in
thought.  I think I'd rather have a kitten, Kitty admitted, which made
Abbey laugh.

Well, she had tried the diplomatic route; it was time for brutal
honesty.  Kitty, you're going to have a new brother or sister in the
summer.

Kitty's face was still contorted.  She twirled a piece of hair around
her finger.  Okay.  Her voice was quiet as she hopped down off the
sofa.

Okay?  Abbey was surprised that she was taking it so well; she
remembered what Elizabeth and Ellie had been like when they found out
about Zoey.

Kitty continued through the house.  Abbey caught up with her and took
her by the hand.  Sure, Kitty told her, looking up, her eyes
glittering orbs.  But can I still have a kitten?

Abbey's laughter could be heard all the way down the hall.  If this
was what Josh and Donna created in their children, then Abbey hoped
that they didn't stop with the fourth.

*

"We'll be home as quickly as we can."  Noah had taken the phone back
from his sister.  His voice was quiet and sombre.  "We love you Mom."

She hung up the phone and walked into the kitchen.  Leo was still in
there, though he had finished his conversation, and was sitting with
his head in his hands.  "Not going well?" she asked, casually, even
though that was the last thing the situation called for.

Leo looked up at her.  "I have no idea.  No one seems to have a clue,
I mean, I've tried calling in favours from reputable sources, but no
one seems to have a clue."

Donna sat down in the chair opposite him after getting them both a
Sprite from the refrigerator.  "Have you tried calling Danny?" she
asked, naming their old friend and sometimes adversary.  He wouldn't
deny them knowledge if he had it, not when it was to do with Josh.  He
wasn't that type of reporter.

Leo smiled his crooked smile.  "He was my third call after Al and
Mallory.  He's in the same position as we are; he's been calling
people all morning and getting nothing.  He promised to call if he
found anything out, but it seems we're being met with a communications
barrier."

Donna listened and nodded to show her understanding.  Taking a sip of
her soda, she asked him, "Is Mallory okay?"  She hadn't seen Mallory
for a while, a shame as she and Josh were like brother and sister
growing up and they lived in the same city.  Still, they were both
busy with families now.  Mallory had two children of her own, Harry
and Sammie, and was still teaching.

Leo shrugged his shoulders, looking forlorn.  "She's been watching the
news too.  She's worried sick, I mean, with Josh there, and her and
Sam are still friends, and she knows a lot of the other people working
there.  She wants me to keep her in the loop."

It seemed that more and more people were becoming worried, and Donna
was almost pleased that she wasn't alone in her desperation, though
she did feel as though no one else quite knew what she was going
through, that her specific pain was her own and could not be shared by
anyone.

They had silently agreed that Leo would handle their friends and
family being informed whatever happened, when the phone rang again.
Donna couldn't remember a morning when they had gotten this many
calls, even with Josh having the high power job that he had.  Even
when they had still been in the White House.

Donna looked at the phone for a minute.  She didn't want to pick up,
she wasn't sure she could.  Instead, Leo picked it up.  As soon as the
person on the other end spoke, he looked at Donna and nodded.  He told
the person to hang on, and held out the phone to her.

"It's Luke," he explained, and his voice was so, so quiet.  He
couldn't imagine how she coping with this day, how she was coping with
having these conversations with her ten and eleven and thirteen year
olds.

Still, she did it.  She held the phone to her ear and rested her head
in her palm.  "Luke?  You've seen the News?"

His voice was small on the other end.  "I got a news report on my
email.  I checked it in the library at lunch.  Mom?  Are you okay?"

It was typical that it would be Luke that asked about how she was.
She didn't want to cry, she hadn't meant to, she had wanted to be
strong, but as she answered him more tears ran down her cheeks.  They
were tears of frustration, of anger and of over whelming fear.

Still, she lied in her answer.  He was only ten.  "I'm okay Luke.
Leo's here with me and Noah and Kitty are on their way home.  Leo and
I have been calling some people to find out what's happening."

Luke was quiet for a long time before he spoke again.  "I bet Kitty's
pretty scared," he guessed, "CNN.com said there had been gunshots."

Donna was not surprised by how intuitive he was.  "Yeah, she's scared,
but she's with your brother."  She stopped her talking and suddenly
was met with a thought.  "Is AJ with you?"

"No."  Luke's answer was simple, but he expanded.  "She's still in the
library checking the other news sights.  She said there was no point
her coming with me to call."  They all knew that AJ hated using the
phone.          "I'm going to go find her when we're done, fill her
in."

Donna was astounded by just how calm he sounded, she wasn't sure how
he did it.  "Is she okay?  Are you?"  She asked because she was their
mother, and she knew that the calm was mostly an act, even from their
stoic Luke.

She could tell, because he hesitated before answering.  "We're
alright.  AJ's pretty shaken.  She's doing that thing where she has to
do something or she'll go crazy.  She can't sit still."  There was a
little teasing tone in his voice, lightly mocking his sister, in good
humour.

He had always been the one that could tell how his siblings were
feeling, just by the way that they smiled or stood, or from what they
were wearing or what they chose to do with themselves.  He watched,
just everything, he knew and understood what seemed like far too much
for a boy his age.

Donna knew he could read her like a book.  "Everything's going to be
okay," she said, but she was much less sure saying it to him then she
had been to Kitty.  There was something about him; that he would know
that she wasn't sure, he would know that it might not be okay.

"I'll bring her home," he said, and Donna was eternally grateful for
his understanding.  She needed her family with her; she needed them to
be together, what ever was about to happen.

Donna sighed, slight relief, the most she would receive for a while.
"I love you, both of you.  You tell AJ that okay?"  It was all she
could say, but the message was there, hidden and infolded, and
received loud and clear.

Luke's voice held a smile.  "We'll be home soon."  His promise was so
steadfast she couldn't help but trust in him, even though he was only
ten.

They finished their conversation and Luke went to find his sister.

His mother sat in the kitchen, barely pacified, but glad that she was
about to have her children all back under her watchful eye.  With Josh
out of her ability to keep safe right now, she was glad to at least
have the kids returning to where she could know that they were all out
of harm's way, because they meant more to her then anything else in
the world.  From before their first breaths she and Josh had loved
them with all their hearts.

Josh had to come home.  He just had to.  He had to see his children
graduate.  He had been goading them all since they went to
kindergarten that they would all be Ivy Leaguers, it wasn't possible
for her to imagine a future where he might not see that.

*

Luke had been silent for a year.  His first birthday was spent with
his family all trying to coax him to speak.  Sure, he had made sounds,
but he hadn't yet mastered true words or labels.

Bouncing Luke on his lap, wearing a faded pair of jeans and a worn
sweatshirt from his college days, Josh pointed at Luke's brother and
sister, who were sat on the floor colouring, swapping crayons and
occasionally bickering.  See Luke?  That's Noah, No-ah.  Can you say
that?  Or that's Kitty?  Kit-tee, see?

Josh had been doing this all week, carrying Luke around and naming
things around the house, hoping that Luke would get the idea as they
went along.  Still, it all seemed in vain.  Luke just looked at his
father with his large soulful eyes and frowned, as if questioning why
his father was telling him the names of his brother and sister.  He
had lived with them for a whole year hadn't he?

Donna watched this from the kitchen while she made their lunch.  She
couldn't help but laugh, Josh was trying so hard, and getting so
frustrated.  Kitty and Noah had both said their first words before
their first birthdays, and Josh was worried that Luke might be slower
then the other children.

Both Donna and Leo had told him that Luke was probably just shy, or
quiet, and that there was nothing wrong with him not speaking, and
that Josh needed to calm down.  Donna had kissed him on the nose and
called him an overprotective parent, but he had brushed her off and
pretended to pout until they had both ended up laughing at each other.

As Donna ended the room, Josh pointed at her.  See Luke, that's Mommy.
 Mom-me.  He gave her a big grin to show that he hadn't given up on
his son yet, and she shook her head at him and laughed.

Instead of responding, she tapped her two other children on the heads.
 Lunch time guys, up at the table. She grabbed two-year-old Kitty and
swung her into the air, and four year old Noah ran behind.  No running
in the house Noah!  Donna commanded as she settled the middle child
into her booster seat.  Kitty straight away grabbed at the olives on
her plate and began munching away happily.

Noah sat in his chair and started ripping his sandwich into strips, as
he always did.  It was an odd habit, but it didn't hurt anything, so
Donna and Josh let him eat how he wanted to eat.  He stacked them up,
and ate his carrot sticks first before starting on his sandwich.

Josh ate with Luke on his lap.  Donna offered to take him so that her
husband could eat, but he had waved her off with a smile and an order
to Sit down and eat woman.

Donna helped Kitty with her sandwich; simple meals being something
that she remembered from a distant past, having three children under
five.  Not that she was unhappy; she couldn't have been that if she
had tried.  She had three happy and healthy children, and a husband
who she loved with all her heart as well as wonderful friends and a
bright looking future.

Josh and Donna smiled at each other from across the table, revelling
in that which they had created.  Luke looked up at his father and then
at his mother, and he smiled too.  Donna noticed this, and she
laughed.

You were worried he was going to be slow?  Josh, he knows exactly
what's going on, all of it!  He's just not ready to talk about it yet.

They laughed together, leaving their other two children unaware and
playing with their wholemeal bread, and in that moment, both knew
Donna's statement to be true.  For the next few weeks they paid
attention to Luke and realised how much he seemed to take in of his
surroundings.  When Jed and Abbey and the ex Senior Staffers visited
for the weekend, Jed declared that the child had an old soul, and that
he was probably smarter that all of them in the room put together.
Toby argued that that probably wasn't hard, but, after everyone had
finished chuckling at his or her self-deprecation, he revealed his
agreement.

He's going to be something special, he said to Donna later as she
helped him get his coat, and you know it pains me to say it about any
of Josh's offspring, but they all are.  You two have managed to create
three wonderful children Donna.  He said it with such sincerity, and
with such open hearted honesty, and with a look on his face that let
her know that it was almost paining him to say such nice things, that
she knew they had to be true.

Tears welled in her eyes almost instantly.  Thank you, she managed,
kissing him on the cheek.

He brushed her off and tried hard not to look at her.  You know, if
you ever tell anyone I said that, I'll deny it, he joked.

Still, she smiled, I know, I won't tell anyone.  They had kept secrets
before, between the two of them. They were friends; it was how they
communicated.  He had seen her weakened and breaking down, and she had
seen him humbled and lost and so deeply in love that he couldn't see.
She had kept his secrets before, and would continue to keep them.

He had left that night.  They had all left, leaving Josh and Donna to
put the three children to bed.  Kitty had been sound asleep before her
head ever hit the pillow and Noah was not far behind her.  It was Luke
that sat in his crib and watched as his parents wandered around his
room, putting all his things away.  His large brown eyes were open and
searching, and it seemed as though he would never sleep.

It was three in the morning when Josh was woken by sound over the baby
monitor.  It took him a few minutes to realise what he was hearing.
Luke up!  Luke up!

For a moment Josh thought that Kitty had snuck into her brother's
room, but when he got up and crept across the hall, trying not to wake
Donna, he only found Luke sitting in his cot, staring at the door.  At
first Josh was confused, but all mystification evaporated when Luke
held his arms in the air and repeated his mantra: Luke up!

Josh couldn't help but laugh as he picked up his youngest son.  Making
his way downstairs he considered things for a moment, and after
sitting in the arm chair and turning C-SPAN on low he spoke to his
son.

He pointed to the television, which showed a picture of the Capital
building, and then the White House.  See that Luke? Josh asked.
That's your future.

*

Donna was standing in front of the mantle place, and wondered when she
had become such a clich‚.  She ran her fingers over the pictures that
sat there.  There was her and Josh on their wedding day, smiling and
wrapped up in each other's arms.  There was Kitty at her first dance
recital in a lavender leotard and wearing a top hat and tap shoes.
There was Noah with in his baseball uniform, standing next to Josh who
was grinning like a Cheshire cat.  It had been taken when Noah was
eight after he had hit his first homerun.  There was a picture of Luke
sitting at the computer with his little sister on his lap, and AJ was
moving her hands in some forgotten conversation.

She stopped to study the picture of all six of them that had been
taken on AJ's birthday that year.  They had gone up to the Manchester
farm, as it had coincided with a visit from Sam, Toby and CJ.

The six of them were sitting on the porch swing, Josh and Donna in the
middle, Noah on Donna's left and Kitty sitting on the floor by his
feet.  Luke was on his father's right, and AJ was sitting on her
father's lap.  They were all grinning stupidly, the sun on their faces
and looking happy and relaxed.

Would they ever get back to that place?  Would they be able to look
that happy again?  Donna wondered if she would ever smile again, she
didn't feel like she may.

She heard the phone go off in the background.  She couldn't bear to
talk to another person - she simply couldn't bare it.  She felt Leo
come into the room and listened to him talking.  It only took a few
seconds for her to realise that he was talking to Toby.  Who sounded
angry.

"Toby, stop.  I know what you're saying, Toby, I know.  I've tried.
Toby?" he trailed off, seemingly realising that letting the man rant
would be easier then trying to stop him.

Instead, Leo set the phone onto speakerphone, before sitting down
wearily in a chair, dragging a hand over his haggard face.  Toby's
voice blared out over the phone.

"Honestly Leo, I can't believe this shit."  His voice was strained a
little, and because Donna and Leo knew him well, they knew that he was
feeling desperate and powerless, and not coping well with it.

Donna continued to look at the pictures and listened to the
conversation in the background.  It made her comfortable to know that
Toby was feeling as angry and scared and outraged as she was.

"Is Donna there?" his voice was quiet now, and the worry was back, the
anger had dissipated.

Leo's eyes were on her, she could feel them even though she was not
looking at him.  "Yeah, she's here.  She's okay."  He answered the
question that Toby had not asked, though wanted the answer to.

Toby sounded exhausted.  "I don't understand this Leo.  I don't
understand how this could have happened.  We have to fix this Leo."

"We're trying," he sighed, though he knew that he had no control over
what was going on.  He hated himself for his lack of control.

Both men were silent for a second.  Donna heard their breathing in and
out, in and out.  A rhythm that she just wished would stop.

Toby was the first one to speak.  "We have to get them out Leo.  Josh
and Sam, they've got too much to live for."  Toby did not know that he
was on speakerphone; Donna had been totally silent.

Leo nodded his head; Donna had turned enough to see him out of the
corner of eye.  "I know Toby, you think I don't know?"

"I'm going to kill them, the people that did this.  I swear to God Leo
if anything happens...."  He didn't have to explain what he meant by
that.  They all knew what he meant because they were all thinking the
same thing.  "You know, tonight, Sam was going to..."

"I know."  There were no secrets between them.  They were family.

"He's waited so damn long, I almost thought he was doing a Josh."
Here Toby inserted a bitter laugh.  It made Donna almost flinch.  "It
isn't meant to happen this way Leo, it just isn't."  Sam and Josh were
the youngest of all of them.  They were meant to live the longest,
years longer then anyone else.  They had so much to live for.  If
anything happened...

"I'm going to kill them Leo, the people who did this, who put us all
through this again, if anything has happened, I'm going to kill them
with my bare hands."

Leo chuckled at this, softly, darkly.  "Vengeance isn't Jewish Toby,"
he reminded, a slathering of mocking in his tone.

Toby did not share in his joke.

"But sometimes a man's got to do what a man's got to do to protect the
people he cares about Leo.  Everything else is just crap."

*

Donna was shocked beyond belief when she was called to go and pick
Luke up from school, because he had apparently been fighting. She
couldn't believe that Luke, who was usually composed and always
passive, could have been involved in a fight.

She walked into the headmaster's office and became even more upset
because Luke was sitting with a tissue clutched to his nose and a
split lip.  And he looked furious.

The headmaster began speaking to Donna.  Mrs Lyman, I'm sorry we had
to call you in this afternoon.  He certainly didn't look sorry.

Donna sat down next to Luke, but he would not look her in the eye.  He
was staring at his trainers, holding his glasses in his hand.  They
looked a little twisted, and he was squinting a little without them.

I understand, Donna answered still looking at her son.  Could you
explain to me what happened please?  She was trying to remain civil,
but she felt as though she was failing rapidly.  She had never been
called into the headmaster's office for Luke before, neither for
Kitty.  She had once when Noah was failing math, and when AJ started
school and they were worried about how she would fit in with her
'disability'.  They had informed the teacher that she could get on
quite fine, thank you very much.  But she had never expected to be
called in for Luke; he wasn't like that.

Luke was involved in a fight at recess with another boy in his grade.
Jared Parsons.  His parents picked him up earlier.  They've taken him
to the hospital; they suspect he might have a broken nose.

Donna was shocked that Luke would even be able to break someone's
nose.  When she looked at him he was staring at his hands and flexing
his fingers.

Luke, what happened? she asked, but he didn't answer her.  He simply
shrugged, still staring at the floor.  Luke?

She realised trying to talk to him now would have been in vain.  She
simply smiled at the headmaster.  Thank you Mr Montgomery.  I'd like
to take Luke home now, and discuss this with him and his father.  Is
it all right if we contact you with in the next few days?

Mr Montgomery nodded, his bald head glinting in the sun.  How Donna
wished that she could like him, but she couldn't.  She found that he
was obnoxious and he didn't like children very much.

Donna grabbed Luke by the sleeve and led him out to the car.  She was
severely angry with him, but was also worried because his actions were
so out character.

He was silent all the way home and when got home he went straight to
his room and shut the door.  He stayed there all afternoon and into
the evening, after the other kids came home and was still there when
Josh returned from the Hill.

Donna grabbed her husband and sat him down at the kitchen table.
There's something going on with Luke, she told him.  I had to go pick
him up from school today; he broke another boy's nose.

Josh did a double take when she said that.  Luke?  He was incredulous.
 You don't mean Noah?

She shook her head.  Can you talk to him?  She leaned in until her
forehead was touching his.  I don't know what to do.  This isn't like
him.

Josh nodded, kissing her on the tip of the nose.  I'll talk to him
now.  We'll talk about this later.  He stood up and headed up the
stairs.  I love you, he said, looking back down at her.

I love you too.

Josh reached the top of the stairs and knocked on Luke's door.  Luke?
Josh pushed the door open.  He found Luke sitting on the bed, a book
in hand and his glasses on his face.  They were somewhat crooked.

Luke, buddy, what's going on?